J. - Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc.

J. - Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International, Inc.

A
P&hdftn d Seveffi@AdantE*
Gay Men and Ledriars
ad fteL Ebrds
kbruary 1988 Vdrme
12, Number 2
Congranrlations to these Kinship couples. This issue is
dedicated to you since we are movedbothbyyourlove and
by your tenacity. We wish you all well formany years to
come
-J.
Vicki Shelton & Emy Lou Johnson,
? Jesse Martin & Don Bishop, April
1, 1984, almost 4 years ? Karen Abate & Carol SoIoCortright &
Dennis Deming, May 18,
1980, almost 8 years
Jones
&
? E.
Janice Young,
tvlay 26, 1986, almost 2
yeanl
& Jane Cable, July18,
suit against Kinship
JanuarJr
10, 1968, 20 years
monr lvlay 11, 1986, almost 2 years ? Corky
SDA church files
? Gwenda Green
1987, 7 months? Bernie Ochoa
As the Cowuaionwas going to
press, we have learned tkt the
General Confe,r,ence of Sventhday Adventiss has brouglt suit
against SDA Kinship, dleging
that the use of Seventhday
Adventist in Kinship's ofricial
nerrre (Seventh-day Adventist
Kinship International,Inc.) is an
infraction under trademark and
other laws.
The suit is being brought in
fed€ral district court in the
central district of California.
Morc details in future issues of
theConruction.
& BiIl Downing, July 29,1976,10 years? Marge Doyle
& Dee Gerken, October 17 I
Paul Wilcox
Peterson, October 20, 1983, 4 years
Marsha J. Langford, October
"
& Rob
Lin Ennis &
n ,1985,2
years? Jon-
athan & David, November L8, 1960, 27 yeadl Etizabeth & Marianne, Decembe r7, 1983,4 years? ?
????"?"???????""???"???"
@
1S8, Kirship lntemational
t ??
Weddlngs and
sup0ort$tems
2
Tylng the htot
illom ldeas
"Don't Hold Back"
Aslan-Paclflc lestlans and
[ays
10
lleus notes
Looldng lor $e stlver
llnlng
11
KinshipConrrcclion, February1988
1
The monthly publication ol
SDA Kinship lnternational, lrr.
Box 3840, Los Angeles CA 90078
(213) 876-2076, (408) 866,015e TDD
Editorial Board
Lin Ennis Editol
Giammozi Layout Edilor
Larry Hallock Associat6 Edito.
Elilabeth Heart Associalo Editor
John Heelan Associato Edilor
Mike Md,rthur Associato Editor
l,4iolrael Mclau0hlln Associals Editor
Roberl Foerch Dlstrlbutlon Managar
Kent
Conkibutors
Marie Crofoot Conlributirg Editor
GwendaGreen Contributlng Edilot
Jobe Contributing Editor
Ph.D. Contributing Edilor
Jesse L. Marlln Contribding Editor
Ren Reynolds Cortributing Editol
N4ark Honaker Koying Assistanl
Hal
Ron Lawson,
Kinship Board Msmbgrs
Robert F,
Bouchard Prosid8nt
Marge Doyle Vice President
Pamela
Roborls Secrotary
Errol L. Chamness
Trcasursr
Lin Ennis Connaailbr Editor
Gray Public Rolatlons DirEctol
Vacant Church Liaison
David
Ren
Reynolds
Worrn's Coodinatol
Soilicss Direclol
Crofml Member at Large
obed Vasquez Mombsr al Laes
Jym Sluart lnl0rmalion
Marie
Marsha
J. Lanolord Mombs. at Largs
GwendaGreen Member atLarye
Regi0ml Directors Listed on page 12
SDA Kinship lnlernational, lnc. is a worldwide support group for
Sevenlh-day Advenlisl (former or
Hrrent) oay rnen and lesbians
and their lriends. Kinship also provides educalional malerials
and speakers lor lndividuals and groups deslring 0realer
understanding ol honnsexuallty and related issues and monthly
publishes the SDAKinship Connedion,an losplrational and
informalional joumal for our members and lriends. The
subscription rate ls $24 per year US, $22 lor members, $15 l0r
addllional subscriptions. lnlernallonal postaoe (oulside US,
Canada, Mexico) is $10 extra.
Letlen, arlicles, pictures, arl and other materials are
soliclled from 0ur readership. lnclxda yo[t namo as you
il publiEhod. Copy deadllne is the first ol the mnth
prior to publlcation. Copy will be edited f$ spa$, clarity and
want
inclusive language. Materials cannol be returned withoul prior
arranoement. Address all submissions lo the editor, Lin Ennis,
6716 Clybourn Ave. Sulte l38, Nodh Holllyvmd, CA.91606
Phone (818) 762-2396.
The appsarance of names or photographs of Wrsons or
or0anlzalions should not be construed as any indicali0n 0l the
alfectional 0r sexual orienlalion ot the person named or shovn.
opinions expressed herein are nol necessarily lhose 0l SDA
Kinship lnternalional, lnc nor of the Srl4 /(irship Connecti\n
stall.
Suhcriplion requests and address changes should be
CA 90078. our
senl l0 SDA Kinship, 80x 3840, Los Anoeles
mailing list is confidenlial among of{icers and stafl and is not
sold, Ienled, or exchanged lor any purpose.
2
Kinship Connection, February 19BB
Right of passage
By Marsha J. Langford
and Lin Ennis
gleaming pride that the waitress, otr
waitress was her granddaughter. I did
not tell her that Lin and I were brides
had to skip my friend
that day.
Melinda's wedding
because, without
realizing it, I was
preparing for my own.
Later that evening, in Lin's apartI made communion, and quietly,
solemnly, we exchanged vows of
commitment.
More than two years have passed,
and Melinda and John and Marsha and
Lin are still couples, so what does it
matter if our couplings were marked by
an elaborate celebration done by priests
in brocade vestments, followed by a
feast and a wild celebration, or by the
gift of a single rose, a lingering glance
across a coffee shop table and a private
exchange of communion vows late at
night?
A public ceremony is just the
beginning of making a statement that
our relationship needs as much support
as Melinda and John's and is just as
valuable as Melinda and John's. In
terms of the essence of our relationship,
the only difference is that John is a
man. We should rise up in rage that our
love that is equal to thein should be so
discounted by our society.
That John and Melinda's marriage
has survived may very well be due to
the myriad of supports available from
absolutely every area of their lives:
church, family, work, the IRS, govemment in general, friends, people at the
bank, doctors, etc. Every priest at St.
Charles Borromeo Church is trained to
respond immediately to the least
difficulty in Melinda's and John's
relationship.
As I was helping my housemate move
out, I passed by St. Charles Borromeo
Church just as the service was ending
and caught a glimpse of my old friend
standing on the steps. She looked
exquisite in her white lace gown (really
Melinda!), her new husband, John,
standing by her side looking regal in a
grey morning coat. They were surrounded by a ttrrong of people, many of
whom were our mutual friends. Later,
there would be dancing, a sit down
dinner for 200 and the giving of gifa.
At home, I tended to the ravages of
my housemate's move-sweeping,
mopping, etc.,-packed a suitcase and
caught a few hours' fitful sleep. At 6:00
a.m. my sister Kelly arrived, a little
rumpled, to drive me to thc Los
Angeles airport.
Lin met me at, the Chicago airport
and presented me with a single red
rose. Our kiss and embrace at the
airport was, of course, abbreviated
because two women or two men do not
exchange lingering kisses in public
regardless of the occasion. I imagined
that the kiss we shared in public
differed radically from the kiss that
Melinda and John shared in church, in
front of God and everyone the day
before.
So here we were, brides. Secret
brides. Somewhere on the way from
Chicago to South Bend, we stopped at
Denny's for our "wedding fs351"-6
turkey melt, a cheese sandwich and two
orders of fries. There must have been at
least one hundred people there, but
none of them were mutual friends of
Melinda's and mine, and nobody
danced. Instead, the eldeily woman
sitting at the next table mld me with
ment,
-
MJL
We hold our relationships together
without the benefit of institutionalization by church and state, the financial
boost of shower and wedding gifs,
hundreds of congratulations and
inquiries into our welfare, automatic
economic and legal mutuality, tax
Please turn to the next page
C ontinued from previous page
deductions, mutual children and
pressure from church leadership and
careers to preserve it.
I ttrink that makes us special. We
work through our differences when
people in the wings are praying for the
passing of this "phase" we are in.
Perhaps heterosexual couples can learn
something from us.
For one thing, Kinship couples seem
to tolerate differences in each other
better than Adventist heterosexual
couples do. One example: mixed
marriages. In many Kinship couples
just about everything is mixed except
gender: race, religion, professional
status, etc. We don't come to life with a
preconceived notion of one truth or
reality being better than another. Once
we accept the affectional difference
that touches us in our most intimate
pars, differences in othen seem
remarkably superficial. If Adventists
ruly believe ttrere will be Episcopali
ans and Methodists and Jews and nonreligious people in heaven, why not
their Episcopalian or Jewish or nonreligious spouses?
Sure there is sometling to be said for
picking a partner who possesses basic
compatibility with you, but realize that
compatibility cannot be conrolled by
external rules any more than righteousness is generated by rules. In Kinship,
differences are not just tolerated, they
are leamed about and respected and
celebrated.
Another thing, we don'trole play as
much as most heterosexual couples.
When two women are together they are
still nvo worhen; both are feminine
however androgynous. Two men are
still men, regardless of how they may
tease each other. So lawn and laundry
are likely to be divided up by taste and
ability, not by gender. I was honified
after having been married in *re state of
Tennessee to discover it was my "duty"
to cook for my husband. Read the fine
print. However, progressive couples are
redrawing marriage contracts, and
happily, gay and lesbian couples are
helping to lead the way.
-LE
There is still much to do for our own
couples. Chiefly, we, the gay and
lesbian community, should make *rr.
full-fledged support of gay and lestiian
relationships-not just ceremonies of
union-a top priority.
-MJL
Three Kinship couples on a
recent trip lo Muico:
Mike and John (1&6)
Bill and Betnie (2&4)
Hal and Richard (3&5)
KinshipConnection, February'1988 3
Tyingtheknot
By Mlke McLaughlln
ngagement, honeymoon,
marriage, weddingdng,
silver anniversary, divorce
all terms familiar to us
and yet foreign to orn
relationships. How do gay
and lesbian couples survive in a
heterosexist society that excludes them
from every supportive cststruct?
We have asked four couples, from
various backgrounds and locales, to
provide us with insight into their
special lives. Here they are:
Vicki and Emy l-ou, ages 44 arld 42
respectively, met 2l years ago at Union
College in Lincoln, Nebraska. They
have been in a committed relationship
for 20 years and now live in Denver,
Colmado. Vicki works in the computer
industry while Emy Lou manages a
local finarrcial instinrtion.
David and Jonathan are 46-year-old,
teachers, and live in New York City.
Last November they began their 28th
year together in a commiced relationship.
Marge is 30 years old and worls as
direcOr of nursing utilization management at nvo local hospitals in Southern
Califunia Dee is a nursing supervisor
for a hospital basedMatemal Child
Health Unit, and is 4O years old. They
-
Four Kinship
couples share
EE'
J=.
their secrets for
building a
relationship that
can last a ltfetime.
have been living ogether for mce than
two years. Dee mainains two separate
homes: her home with lvlarge and one
for her four teenage children where she
and her ex-husband altemate staying.
In lvlay of 1980, Dennis and Corky
met each other at a drinking fountain in
the middle of a local Portlandpark.
Corky is 39 and a landscape designer.
Dennis is 35 and an orthodontist. They
have lived logether for the past frve
years.
Conrtruud on next Page
4
Kinship Connection, February 1988
C o nti nued
from pr evious
pa ge
Planning for financial security as a
gay or lesbian couple can be difficult at
best. How have you dealt with wills,
pov'ers of attorney, checking and
saving accounts, investments and the
le gal o bstacle s that fac e non-traditional marriages?
Emy Lou and Vicki: "We maintain
two separate checking and saving
accounts, but we are signed up on each
other's accounts. We maintain them
separately to provide for some independence. Our home is owned jointly by
the nvo of us. One of us makes the
house payment for six montls and then
the otler one does for six months. For a
while we each wrote a check for half the
amount each month, but the bank found
tlte practice confusing."
"Emy Lou and I have met with an
attrorney and had the necessary paperwork drawn up to provide for power of
attorney in the event of a medical
emergency. We also had wills prepared
so that neither one of us would have [o
worry about, losing our home or savings
if our families decided to get nasty when
one of us is gone. Our financial matters
are blended togettrer as closely as they
can be, and still be manageable."
David and Jonathan: "We have
always had joint checking and saving
accounts. When we stafied out, we
didn't have much money and no assets
to speak of, so it was very easy for us to
mix our finances. Just the idea of
putting your money together builds
trust. We use power of atrorney in
business dealings, and are planning to
arrange for its use in medical emergencies as well. We are each named as the
beneficiary in each other's will."
"We wouldn't recommend the joining
of all assets in every situation. Everyone
must decide for themselves what will
work best in their situation. If you have
assets, it might be beser to allow the
relationship to mature for a few years
before tying everything together."
Marge and Dee: "We maintain
separate finances in order to distance
Marge from any legal ramifications
should there be a problem associated
with my financial obligations to my exhusband and children. I pay $735 a
month in child support. I like having
control over the money I earn."
"It is just much simpler to have
finances separate. Our home is in my
"It
has been very
helpful in our
relationship to have
similar religious
beliefs. But, that doesn't
mean it is necessary for
all couples to belong to
the same organized
church."
-
Emry
Lou andVicki
name, but we have a verbal agreement
that Dee has equity built into it. The
monthly payments, upkeep and any
new furniture purchases are split almost
50-50. Wittr Dee's tremendous outlay
for child support, it is not feasible for
her to bear exactly 50 percent of the
expenses."
"We are now in the process of having
wills and durable power of attorney
forms drawn up. Each of our insurance
policies names the other as beneficiary.
Dee's also makes provisions for her
children. Any further investrnents will
be bought in joint tenancy with each
other."
Dennis and Corky: "For checking
and saving accounts, we have his,
mine, and ours. We use ours to make
the house payment since the house is
jointly owned. We also own several
other pieces ofproperty, all held
jointly. But it
is
just easier to keep our
other finances separated. We do not
have wills at this time; however, we are
planning to obtain them in the near
future. We have not even discussed the
issue of power of attorney for medical
or business purposes."
How did your relationship evolve into
a long-term commitment and is
monogamy important?
Yicki and Emy Lou: "After
knowing each other as friends for a
year we became roommates in college.
Our relationship started out as an
emotional one and later developed into
a deeper and more caring one that
included physical intimacy. The
commitment to one another occurred at
about the same time we became active
sexually. It tmk us a long time !o reach
that level in our relationship. It was not
easy for us to resolve the issue of
lesbian Christians. Once we did though,
it has been heaven on earth."
"Monogamy is important to the wellbeing of ourrelationship. We would
feel insecure and jealous if infidelity
occurred."
Corky and Ilennis: "From the day
we met we dated each other exclusively
and decided almost immediately that
this relationship was the right one. We
kept separale apartments for two years
before we bought our curent home
together. Dennis would spend the
weekends at my place and I would
spend week nights at his place. We
Continued on page six
KinshipConnection, Februaryl9BB 5
Tying the knot
Contirucdfrompagefive
took our time in getting to know each
other's faults and learning to love each
other."
"We have had discussions on the
issue of monogamy.While it is very
important to us, it is not an absolute.
We are monogamous by choice, not
because we have to be for the survival
of our relationship. It is important not
to make unbreakable rules."
Dee and Marge: "Ours seemed to be
a natural match. We are evenly
marched on emotional, spiritual and
intellectual levels. Our feelings for one
another progressed rapidly into a
committed relationship. We were
committed to one anotler on an
emotional level prior to any sexual
relations."
"Monogamy is important. However,
we are human and it is held as an ideal.
But if one of us is unfaithful, there is
great potential for harm, though it is not
grounds for immediate divorce."
Jonathan and David: "Our relationship developed naturally in spite of
difficulties. We lnew in our hearts
within one week of meeting each other
through a mutual friend that this was
the right relationship. We were apart
Monday through Friday for the first
three years of our relationship. David
drove over five hours one way every
weekend from the university he was
attending to Atlantic Union College,
just so we could spend time together.
We maintained separate residences for
the first ten years. We saw each other
every day though and have been living
under the same roof since 1970."
"At times we have sensed that
individuals wanted to come between us.
They soon realized that our desire to
remain in our current committed
relationship was of prime im1rcrtance."
"Monogamy is important. Over the
course of our relationship we have had
several friends whose love for us and
6
Kinship Connection, February1988
ours for them developed into shared
intimacies. These were not forays into
adultery for sexual gratification. What
we shared with those people was a deep
sense of caring and love. We remain
friends with them to this day, even now
that they have gone on to relationships
of their own."
Our relationship has survived because
we turned ourbacks on the church's
teachings cmceming homosexuality.
Our parents on both sides were
excellent role models as loving
Christian couples. They were a very
positive influence on our lives. They
are supportive of our relationship even
though the issue of homosexuality has
never been discussed direcfly."
"We wouldn't
recommend the joining
of all assets in every
situation. Everyone
must decide for
themselves what will
work best in their
situation.If you have
assets, it might be
better to allow the
relationship to mnture
for afew years before
tying everything
together."
-
David and Jonathan
What Apes of support slstems arc
available to lesbian and gay couples
within your local community, church
andfarnily?
"Love is love. Whether itbe directed
towards a man or a woman, the
emotions you express and the feelings
you have are the same. The gender does
not ma0er."
Yicki and Emy Lou: "The church as
an organized strucnre offers no
support However, there are members
ofour local church, both sraight and
gay, thu are very supportive. Most of
our outside activities are planned with
straight couples."
'Emy Lou's parents are still living
and do notknow the depth ofour
relationship. However, she does have
one sister that refers to me as her sisterin-law. My parents are both deceased,
and my bnothers and sisters do not
know we are lesbians."
Marge and Dee: "Our support
comes from within ourrelationship.
Besides the fellowship provided by
Kinship, we have a few straight friends
that are supportive. lvlarge's parents
and brothers and sister love me and are
very accepting."
Dennis and Corky: "There are no
organized support systems for couples
in the Portland area- We have a small
circle of couples that provides peer
supporl We do not discuss our life with
Dennis's parents. Corky's parents
know and are supportive of our
relationship. The only religious
organization that is supportive of us is
Kinship. The local church is unaware
of our situation."
David and Jonathan: "We receive
no support from the church, nor have
we felt the need for church support.
Conrtnued on next page
How has organized religion affecuil
your relationship? Are similar
religious beliefs a prerequkite b
building a heahhy and successful
relatianship?
"We have had
discussions on the issue
of monogamy. While it
B very tmportant to us,
it is not an absolute.
We are monogam.ous by
choice, not because we
have to be for the
survival of our
relationship.It is
important not to make
unbrealcable rules."
beliefs. But, that doesn't mean it is
necessary for all couples to belong to
the same organized church."
Marge and Dee: "Ours is one of
those unequally yoked togettrer
marriages that we were always warned
about. Dee is Catholic and I am SDA.
Organized religion has had little or no
effect on our relationship. If we were to
take organized religion seriously it
would probably do our relationship
harm. However, a personal relationship
with God is essential in my life."
"Similar religious beliefs are not
necessarily a prerequisite to a good
relationship. It is more imporant that
you both have a reasonable self concept
and a world view that is more positive
than negative."
Dennis and Corky: "Our reladonship started without religion and
religion has not played an important
role in our relationship."
Dennis describes himself as a free
spirit Adventist, attending church
occasionally. Corky, a self proclaimed
agnostic raised with a smattering of
Methodist teachings says, "I struggle
with a lot of $e teachings of all
-
Corlq and Dennis
Emy Lou and Yicki: "It has effected
lol Both of us are very active in
us a
our local church and were raised as
Adventists. If we had not attended an
Adventist college, we would have
never mel But, the guilty feelings
brought on by the Adventist teachings
made it difficult for us to make a
commitment to one another. We
consider ourselves progressive Adventists and grow weary of the legalistic
teachings of the chuch hierarchy."
"It has been very helpful in our
relationship to have similar religious
churches. We tend to avoid strrong
discussions conceming retgion.
Religion is a very penonal experience
and differences ofopinion can lead o
rather heated arguments."
"You don't have to have similar
religious beliefs. The most imporrant
thing is the closer you come to the
same ideals the stronger the relationgrowing closer as
ship will become
time passes."
-
David and Jonathan: "We consider
ourselves to be religious. God is an
important part of our lives. We give
thanks daily for what we are and what
we have. In most of the long-term
relationships we are familiar with, the
individuals do not come from tle same
church. Basic moral principles are more
crucial than the organized church one
comes from."
What is the one hiddenfaetor that has
made your union a success?
Emy Lou and Vicki: "Communication and a willingness to work to
resolve problems that arise. It has to be
a give and take situation. We are in this
thing for the duration and I'm not about
to bail ouL"
"Our commitrnent to one another is
the most imporant thing in life."
"What else is there?"
Jonathan and David : "Development of trust is a top priority. Without
trust you feel insecure and your love
for one another will not blossom. There
are givers and takers in this world. The
"We believe that our
love is genuine and all
important and doesn't
need proving all the
time.We maintain a
vision of having our
relationship last until
we are old and in
matching rocking
chairs."
-
Dee and Marge
givers win by always being concemed
for one another. It is not enough for
each person to give 50-50. You have to
give 100 percent. We have never used
Contirurcd on page eight
KinshipConnection, Februaryl9BB 7
Tying the knot
from page seven
affection as a tool or weapon against
each other. Another secret of ours is to
never go to sleep mad at each other.
Once we get into bed and take each
other in our arms, our love for one
another motivates us to work through
the problem no matter how big it is."
Corky and Dennis: "We both like
lhe same things. But, more than that,
we know when to stop before we go too
far in discussing a touchy topic. We are
both stubborn. Each of us means too
much to the other to force an issue. We
know when !o shut up."
Dee and Marge: "A basic respe.ct for
one another and the ability to see that
the other person is doing the best they
can. You have to believe that you are
loved by the other even in the face of
conflicts and disagreements. We
believe that our love is genuine and all
important and doesn't need proving all
the time. We maintain a vision of
having our relationship last until we are
old and in matching rocking chairs."
Continued
MOt..:iilffi:,,,ilil::,
shjifigit0g[thoil
ey:tih:Ennis
oi,iyou..andi'your fEgtnei.,.,...,.
have the same quarrels
,
voii
reoeatedlv?
Do
l:
. !
- 1|t.--
,,.,.
wonder whether other,
couples figh1 oi how they
stai togedler,Oi *6ur,,*Ur
do,,fOi
a,....,
good time? Do ybU occasionally
benefit from reminders to be loving
or put sparkle in[o your lover's
eycs? Would you spgnd $40 bn
theiapy to keep four,ielatiqlrship
succcssful? Then you might benetit
from Parlners: , i
Partners is America's only newiIetter written specificalii for gay
and lesbian couples; The sample
issnei.,,*e,ieceived (available foi $3
each) contained fascinating articles
,on conflict,fe3o-lution, male,,,:,,,,,,,,,,::,r :r,
coupling, lesbian Cuiiodt fi gtru,
:::::,:::::
Do you have any Jinal words of
wisdom to guide those of us just
starting down the road of maital
bliss?
gayfl esbian
Par:nqq, suryiving'
lwo career relahonshlps! lntlmacy
and stories on couples togettrer
more Lhan En rears (a current
series).
fol
,:
'
The brganization aso sent us a
four page Couples rasource list and
a complimen t on the C o nne c: tio n.
Their eight page monthly is
mailed first class in a peek-proof
envelope. Subsiriptions are $36/
year, or US$59 for overseas.
Resource list availabje for SASE.
Partners, Box 9685, Seutle, WA
98 109,
(206t 329-9140,.
t
Corky and Dennis
I
Kinship Connection, February 1988
Jonathan and David: "There can be
no secrets. Not even little ones. Walls
will build up between you and communication will start to suffer. Work at not
trying to find a ready made perfect fit.
Find someone with whom there is a
starting point and build from there.
Grow together."
Vicki and Emy Lou: "Become
friends flrst then let your friendship
blossom into a long-term relationship."
Dee and Marge: "Remind yourself
to look for the good in your parrrer. If
you focus on the bad it will destroy the
relationship. Accept your mate as being
basically good, wonderful and beautiful. Allow your partner to be human.
Quirks may bother you, but tlose are
not the totality of their being."
Corky and Dennis: "Don't be too
quick to judge. lparn to really know
each other. Give each other a chance to
be who you are individually. Allow
yourselves to grow and maintain
personal identities. Think about ttre two
of you as a unit; don't be selfish. Think
before you act. Compromise. Talk to
one another. Work problems through.
Don't allow them to become bones of
contention." ?
"Don't Hold Back"
By Jane Cable
f you've never owned a Holly Near album (or
even if you own all 13 like I do!), you must buy
Holly's latest-*Don't Hold Back"! This is an
album which is a whole new direction for Holly.
She's gone much more into the "main-stream
sound" with the added fullness of synthesizers and a fantastic
backup group which includes Bonny Raitt, Linda Tillery, Kenny
Ioggins and producer Steve Wood, who has been keyboardist
with the Beach Boys, Pointer Sisters and Santana.
The opening cut on the album is "How Bold" which pounds
with the driving energy and aggressive pace of a lover's comeon. The second song is a wonderfully melodic ballad which asks
the familiar question, "How can anyone know if love is forever?"
The title song, "Don't Hold Back" bounces us through lines like
"This time won't you change your ways and knock on my doo
for days and days-Don't hold back, don't hold back on me.'
And Holly's lyrics to "How Was I To Know" trea.t us to beauti-
ful images:
"How was I to kttow youwould call
me a waterfall
And give me words likc rubies
After
all,I
am a poet's
fuuglter
tn surprise."
And.words come to me (N
Holly Near's music and I met in outback Australia where I
taught for six years. A friend in America sent me a record, and
hearing music for womyn and about womyn for the first time
was like a literal oasis in the &sert! I was hooked!
Her records and I have had a very special relationship ttrat has
taken us through her eras in a "folksy sound," the peace movement, going inlo jazz and funky styles, and most recently into the
politics of South America
I still remember seeing Holly in the 1982 film about tte
"Weavers" and her wonderful story about Ronnie Gilbert "who
just stood there, threw back her head and sang with a power I'd
never heard from a woman. So, I went home, threw back my
head--+nd sang!"
In Holly's new alburn, she does indeed throw back her head,
and she sings with power, maturity, pastel tones, and finesse.
Holly has blended and contrasted all of her talens. The backups
are tight and energetic, and the production is superb. This is a
brilliant album! From dynamic vocals through the most poignant
and sensitive lyrics, Holly has explored the professionalism and
the experience that has made her the leader in womyn's music.
"Don'[ Hold Back" is available wherever womyn's music is
sold, or from Redwood Records, 476W MacArthur Blvd,
Oakland CA 94609, 4151428-9l9l.a
Iaae Cable, a pseufunyn ,is tlu director of music for a city in
Austalia.
llolly llear
Kinship Connection, February
1988
I
Asian-Pacific lesbians and gays
Failure to perpetuate the
.family line brings about a
lo s s of face for the family.
By Lin Ennis
n what, ways are AsianPacific lesbians and gays
different from Caucasian
lesbians and gays? In ten
words or less, in their
self-concept, and in their responsibility
to posterity.
Pictured together
COSTA MESA, CA
According to
The News a suit has been filed against
the Worthington Reunion Photographers alleging that the business's
refusal to publish a photograph of a gay
couple in a high school memory book
is a violation of the Unruh Civil Rights
Act which prohibits discrimination by
-
business establishments on the basis of
sex and sexual orientation.
The plantiff in the case, David Engel,
graduated lrl,1977 from University High
School in Irvine. He and his life partner
Eric Underwood, both of whom appear
in the Broadway musical, "[a Cage
Aux Folles," attended Engle's reunion
on August 15.
At the reunion, each class members
was photographed with their spouse.
The photographer refused to photograph the two men together, since no
pictures of two people of the same sex
would be printed in the book.
Engle claims that he then called the
owner, Don Worthington, and was told
that Worthington did not approve of
their lifestyle and his publication, the
10
Kinship Connection, February1988
Outside of their native countries,
Asian-Pacific peoples are culturally
isolated minorities. Being also gay or
lesbian produces a double isolation.
Sometimes their self-concept is
lowered into self-hared which causes
ttrem to dislike each other (a mirror
image of themselves), thus deepening
tleir quarantine.
Then, there is no greater insult to
their families than not producing
offspring. If they do not perpetuate the
family line, they lose face not only for
themselves, but also for their families
in their communities. The pressure to
memory book, would reflect his
feelings.
Civil rights lawyer, Gloria Allred,
filed a suit on behalf of Engle. At a
press conference she said, "A high
school reunion is a special event ... It
is important to members of the class
that their memory book reflect all
members of the class, and *rose who
are special to them, and not arbitrarily
exclude a graduate. The denial of
services . . . on an arbitrary basis . .. is
an insult to human dignity." ?
Lutherans release study
ATLANTA
The Lutheran Church in
America released a landmark study on
homosexuality as it relates to the
church. The study says that gay and
lesbian activity should no longer be
singled out as "sinful behavior"
because of evidence suggesting that
sexual orientation is not the result of
-
choice.
*To
talk about sin when there is no
choice [is] rivial," said John Ballew of
Atlanta, President of Lutherans
Concerned, North America. ?
have children, amazingly, is not as
grcat on women, but is relieved only by
being replaced by a greater sexist
pressure. The proverb is, "Having a
daughter is a losing proposition," for
she must be given away to belong to
some other man's family.
Asians have feelings, too. But they
may express them more subtly ttran
Caucasians do. Indirect communication
is normal in their families. They may
come out to their families quite
differently from Caucasians, yet in
ways that are understood by and
appropriate to their cultures.
?
"Gay as a goose"
OMNI
magazine
The April issue
quotes Konrad Lorenx, a Nobel Prize
laureate: "A normal homosexuality
exists in many birds and fish. If you put
two pigeons togther, they invariably
pair. They build a nest; they copulate.
Only when no eggs are laid, you realize
both are females. In geese you have the
unexplained phenomenon of male pair
formation. Two ganden may form a
friendship and live exactly like a pair,
except for copulation .. . pair formation
ceremonies keep the two logther, and
they may be faithful to each other for
ten years. This is a sort of homosexuality... so if you ask whether homosexuality occurs in animals, the answer is
yes, in a thousand different ways." ?
-
SDA camp
PORTLAND, OR
-
PFLAG represen-
tatives whose son had died of AIDSrelated complications spoke on AIDS
to 500 Adventists at the Gladsone
campmeeting. ?
Region 7
Finding the silver lining
-
By Brian Costa
ain.
Itgetsalotofbad
press in the Pacific Northwest. The facts are
accurate at least in the
coastal region (a highlydisputed area) under a Pacific storm
pattern (a highly-disputed phenomenon) during the rainy season (a highlydisputed time of year).
Whatever the personal
view of each Region
Seven-member
A
regarding the rain
in the area, all
would probably agree
-
with the adase:
behindeveri u )
The Region seuen group met at Scot's
house lor a pancake breaklast. Pictured left
to right: Sleve, Myron, George, Tony,
Gorky, Dennis, Scot, Brian and Chad
(Scot's son).
cloud is a silver lining. And in the
higher elevations around Portland and
Seattle, this silver takes the form of
snow which falls in generous amounts
on the western slopes of the Cascades.
In honor of "looking on the bright
side," about a dozen Region seven
members headed up to Mount Hood on
January 16 for an afternoon frolic in the
silver (ok, white) stuff.
Sriking a compromise to make the
outing attractive to as many as possible,
we agreed on inner tubing as a
"middle-of-the-slope" activity. When
we arrived at Ski Bunny on Mount
Hood, it was a pleasant 29 degrees.
In the intermittent sunshine and snow
flurries, it was fun searching for the
most thrilling slide to the bottom of the
hill. Everyone agreed that our liast run
was the best, when we all slide down
togther in a human "Eain"
backwards!
-
Before setting out for the slopes, a
dozen people gathered at Scot's house
for notrishment and a work session.
The nourishment came from a pancake
breakfast. The work involved addressing envelops for a mailing project
undertaken by Region Seven.
Members began discussing the
project a few months ago with the
getaway this month on the Oregon
cozlst, an evening of table games next
month, and a social event in Seattle
national organization as a way of
introducing the students and faculty at
Walla Walla College to Kinship as a
support system for gay and lesbians.
This is similar to a project coordinated
in Region Four a few years ago for
Andrews University.
The project will be completed this
month. Inquires resulting from the
mailing are being handled through the
Los Angeles mailing address.
This energetic mailing project is
one ofmany recent Region Seven
activities. The last monttrly meeting in
1987 was held in Vancouver, Washington, and attended by 13 people,
two of whom were new residents in
the Portland area
At that meeting, Region Seven
made plans for activities to take place
during the frst quarter of 1988. In
addition to thc frolic in the snow, we
have scheduled a weekend winter
during the month of April.
We also plan to have a guest speaker
join us for a special weekend this fall at
the Menucha retreat, just east of
Portland. Since this is the site reserved
for Kampmeeting '89, we're hoping it
proves to be sort of a sneak preview of
that evenl
A new regional image was created
last yem in the form of Region Seven
stationery. The format includes original
art donated to Kinship by one of the
leading graphic designers in Portland.
The materials are used primarily for thc
monthly newsletter sent to members in
our.'egion. However, everyone will be
able to get a look at the new design as
Kampmeeting '89 draws closer and we
invite members from all over the globe
to join us for that special week. In the
meantime, remember that when you
hear about the rain in the Northwest, it
only holds true for certain places at
specifrc times during some parts of the
year.?
Kinship Connection, February
1988
11
lfinship on Aduentist campuses?
It may notbe long before Kinship
has
active chapters on ev€ry Adventist
College campus.
Although the administration may
want to prevent the meeting of openly
gay and lesbian surdents, (or even their
admitance) that may not be possible.
Georgetown University, a Catholic
instihrtion, has been ordeled by the
Court of Appeals in Washingon D.C.
to grant "university recognitior" to the
gay and lesbian people ofthe university
(not only stu&nts). The court stated
that the college had theright to
disagree with the group, but not
discriminate against them. ?
to
Ouest
I
Il
Ihe Region reuen bunnies pose.
Lefr to
dght, Scol, Brian, lhe masked man, tymn,
and Stsre.
Denmart to grant
spousal rights
lull
According to an article in theJanuary
Colin Cook recently announced the
inception of Quest II. Colin and his
wife, Sharon, run the changeprogram
which focuses on writing from their
home. Cook anticipates the release of a
"landmark two-part afiicle" in a major
publication this spring and is working
on "a major book on homosexual
healing." Meanwhile, he is counseling
and preparing seminars. ?
11 issue
of Tine
na;garine,
Denmat
may suln become ttrc first country O
provide full spousal rights io gay and
lesbian couples who choose to designate themselves as "par1ners."
The law, currently under rcview in
tlnt country's parliment, has the
majority needed to pass. Tlr law could
go into effect as early as the first of
July.?
CHesAtr.r
Raglon 1
(215) 4sS1860
Clwlestutur (Acling) Fegion 2
4s$160
(215)
Tom
Kogim
Rogion 3
(s1) 754{160
LeeSbnlod Rqion
I
(313)33ffi44
Ttlte
Price
Begion 5
013)622{fts
tlres
Peny
Begion 5
(4tr)34444P.6
Scd
Rckdley
Begion 7
(503) 66e2386
Cindy Belleau Begion E
(408) 86m15S
thug
Bom
Region
t
(ffq5e1493
JsemyYoung Ragionl0
(416)
12
Kinship Connection, February 1988
53&s&6