project - Assemblies of God Theological Seminary

Transcripción

ASSEMBLIES OF GOD THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY
PASTORS' KIDS IN LATIN AMERICA: AN INVESTIGATION INTO THE
ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES
OF THE PK EXPERIENCE
A PROJECT SUBMITTED TO THE
DOCTOR OF MINISTRY PROJECT COMMITTEE
IN CANDIDACY FOR THE DEGREE OF
DOCTOR OF MINISTRY
DOCTOR OF MINISTRY DEPARTMENT
BY
JON MARK DAHLAGER
SAN JOSE, COSTA RICA
JANUARY 2012
Copyright © 2012 by Jon Mark Dahlager
All rights reserved
CONTENTS
ABSTRACT .................................................................................................................
xi
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ...........................................................................................
xii
LIST OF TABLES .......................................................................................................
xv
Chapter
1. INTRODUCTION .............................................................................................
Context of the Project
The Problem and Opportunity
The PK Problem
The PK Ministry Opportunity
The Purpose
Definition of Key Terms
Description of Proposed Project
Scope of the Project
Phases of the Project
Research Phase
Biblical-theological foundations
General literature review
Planning Phase
Pilot project
Scheduling PK retreats
iv
1
Writing the survey
Implementation Phase
Evaluation Phase
Writing Phase
Conclusion
2. BIBLICAL-THEOLOGICAL LITERATURE REVIEW .................................
Introduction
Two Theological Lenses for the Transmission of Faith
Theological Foundation: The Grace of God
Hebrew !nn: Compassionate Grace
Hebrew !ese": Covenant Grace
Greek cháris: Incarnational, Redemptive Grace
The Sting of Ungrace
Anthropological Foundation: The Image of God
Created to Resemble God
Created to Represent God
Created for Relationship with God and Others
Created to be Conformed to the Image of Christ
Principles of Transmission of Faith in the People of God
The Identity of the People of God
Abraham and the Chosen People
Sinai and the Holy Nation
The New Testament People of God
v
16
Key Challenges in the Transmission of Faith
Create Settings for Meaningful Worship
Teach the Content of Scripture
Set Examples Worthy of Imitation
Begin in the Family
Case Studies in the Transmission of Faith
The Sons of Eli: Cynicism that Leads to Corruption
Family and Cultural Context
The Sin of Hophni and Phineas
The Corruption Equation
Timothy: Nurturing Sincere Faith
Family and Relational Context
The Sincere Faith of Timothy
The “Man of God” Equation
Responsibilities of the Receivers of Faith
Conclusion
3. GENERAL LITERATURE REVIEW ..............................................................
Introduction
Background
PK Reality: Good and Bad Coexist
Identifying Common PK Distinctives
Relevant Literature Categories
Distinctive #1: Growing Up with Preacher-Parents
vi
61
Advantage #1: The Blessing of Spiritual Heritage
Exemplary Parents
Spiritual Formation
The Ministry Family Blessing
Disadvantage#1: The Professional Church Family Syndrome
The Challenge of Boundaries
Church Dominates the Family Schedule
The Problem of Time
The Issue of Moving
Distinctive #2: Living in the Spotlight
Advantage #2: Special Recognition
The Perks of Celebrity
Local Support Network
Advantage #2: The Fishbowl Syndrome
Lack of Privacy
The Pain of Criticism
Distinctive #3: Elite Membership in the Church World
Advantage #3: The Privileges of Membership
Rich Circle of Relationships
The Best of the Church World
Disadvantage #3: The “Little Pastor” Syndrome
Expectations of Perfection
The Stereotype Trap
vii
Distinctive #4: Handling Insider Information
Advantage #4: Special Access to Information
In the Information Loop
Watching Leaders up Close
Disadvantage #4: Too Much Information
The Pain of Isolation
Wearing the “Happy Face” Mask
Distinctive#5: The Fast Track to Ministry Leadership
Advantage #5: Early Leadership Opportunities
Developing Leadership Gifts
Taking the Baton
Disadvantage #5: Premature Leadership
Identity and Vocational Ministry
The “Sons of Eli” Syndrome
Conclusion
4. DESCRIPTION OF FIELD PROJECT ........................................................... 103
Introduction
Survey Sample
Survey Questionnaire
Execution of the Project
Results of the Project
Demographics
Subjective Advantages and Disadvantages
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Objective Question Responses
Comparing the Data to the “5 Distinctives” Theory
PK Distinctive #1: Growing Up with Preacher Parents
PK Distinctive #2: Life in the Spotlight
PK Distinctive #3: Elite Membership in the Church World
PK Distinctive #4: Insider Information
PK Distinctive #5: Fast Track to Ministry Leadership
Summary of Findings
PKs Grow Up with Preacher-Parents
PKs Live in the Local Church Spotlight
PKs are Connected to the Best of the Church World
PKs Have Access to Inside Information
PKs are on the Fast Track to Ministry Leadership
Conclusion
5. PROJECT SUMMARY ................................................................................... 135
Evaluation of the Project
Keys to Project Effectiveness
Keys to Project Improvement
Implications of the Project
Contribution to Ministry
Recommendations for Denominational Leaders
Recommendations for Future Study
Conclusion
ix
Appendix
A.
2007 WORKSHOP FOR MINISTERS’ KIDS............................................. 148
B. 2008 HIMAD PK RETREAT EVALUATION ............................................... 152
C. 2008 PILOT PROJECT RESULTS: PK PRIVILEGES
AND SYNDROMES ....................................................................................... 154
D. PASTOR’S KID SURVEY.............................................................................. 156
E. SUBJECTIVE ADVANTAGE AND DISADVANTAGE CLUSTERS ......... 162
F. OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS ORGANIZED BY FIVE DISTINCTIVES ........ 165
G. OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS SORTED BY QUESTION NUMBER ............... 169
H. OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS SORTED BY “YES” PERCENTAGE ............... 172
I. OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS SORTED BY “NO” RESPONSE....................... 175
J. PK SESSION FOR PASTOR-PARENTS ....................................................... 178
K. POWERPOINT PRESENTATION ................................................................. 183
L. RECOMMENDATIONS FOR PASTORS, PK LEADERS, AND PKS ........ 187
M. FACTOR PROFILES FOR SURVEY PARTICIPANTS ............................... 191
N. OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS FULL RESULTS ................................................ 199
SOURCES CONSULTED ........................................................................................... 203
x
ABSTRACT
National church leaders across Latin America are endeavoring to establish
ministries to pastors’ kids (PKs), some of the most visible and vulnerable young people
in the church, but ministry efforts have been hampered by a dearth of resources and
trained personnel.
This investigative study of PKs in Latin America offers a conceptual foundation
for leaders wanting to minister to PKs. It surveys 607 adolescent PKs at retreats in Costa
Rica, Cuba, Panama, Argentina, and El Salvador. Each PK subjectively named
advantages and disadvantages of PK life and responded to objective statements.
The data suggests five distinctive clusters of advantages and corresponding
disadvantages that define the PK experience. (1) PKs grow up with preacher-parents and
receive a rich spiritual heritage, but the church often dominates family life. (2) PKs live
in the church spotlight, enjoying special recognition but feeling on display in the pastoral
fishbowl. (3) PKs have access to the best of the Church world, but people expect them to
be perfect “little pastors.” (4) PKs are privy to insider information about the ministry and
the church, but too much information breeds cynicism and isolation. (5) PKs are on the
fast track to leadership, but premature ministry may bring disillusionment or ethical
failure.
Those who minister to pastors’ kids can help PKs maximize their advantages and
build relational PK ministry structures to counteract the disadvantages. Further research
among PKs in other cultural groups may uncover variables not present in this study.
xi
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I would first like to thank the hundreds of pastors’ kids in Costa Rica, Cuba,
Panama, Argentina, and El Salvador who shared their lives so those of us who care about
them can better serve these amazing young people. The ministry leaders in each of these
countries opened doors to which few people have access. Thanks to Moisés Rodríguez in
Cuba, Javo Romero in Argentina, Rogelio Batista in Panama, and Roberto Arce in El
Salvador for their help and love for PKs. Years down the road, we will see how PK
ministry has helped raise up the next generation of God’s servants in Latin America, and
our vision and efforts will be multiplied.
Thanks to the Costa Rican HIMAD (PK Ministry) team, our dear friends who
spent countless hours planning, praying, collecting information, and helping me make
sense of the real issues Latin American PKs face. Jonathan Salas and Pablo Vargas were
my assistants, friends, and companions throughout this process. Thanks to Joanna
Finkenbinder, steadfast missionary associate, for the weeks she invested helping me
codify the data and enter it into the database. Thanks to Costa Rican Assemblies of God
national superintendent, Ricardo Castillo, and the national leadership team, who allowed
me to tag along with them and share the reality of PK life with godly pastors and their
spouses across the country. The initial vision for PK ministry in Costa Rica was born in
the heart of former superintendent Bolivar Ávalos, who sent out the Macedonian
invitation that God used to bring us to Costa Rica.
xii
The Doctor of Ministry team at AGTS encouraged and prodded this project into
reality. Special thanks to my project advisor, Dr. Johan Mostert, for his tireless
enthusiasm for this project since we first discussed it on my porch in Costa Rica three
years ago. Dr. Jim Hernando, my theological advisor, injected priceless insight into the
biblical issues underpinning PK ministry. Dr. Lois Olena offered a hand at every turn in
the road, seeing the road to the finish line when I could not. Susan Meamber’s worldclass editorial skills improved the quality of this project immeasurably. Dr. Jeff Fulks at
Evangel University provided much needed technical expertise in analyzing the survey
data.
Thanks to those who provided the logistical support to make this project a reality.
The faith-filled Latin America team at Assemblies of God World Missions, especially
Richard Nicholson, Paul Weis, and Jay Dickerson, encouraged me from the beginning of
this adventure. My mother-in-law, Lynette Marks, and my aunt, Sue Hadden, provided
room and board during the final critical writing push. Our team of supporting churches
provided the prayer and financial foundation on which our missionary ministry has stood
for twelve years.
My parents, Ken and Marcie Dahlager, provided housing, food, and love during
many study visits to Springfield, and they read through multiple drafts of the chapters as I
wrote them. Dad, you have lived out the power of continuing study while loving people
in the daily rhythm of ministry, and I value your example more than I can say. Mom,
your love has been a rock-solid support. This project and doctoral journey would not
have been possible without you.
xiii
Lastly, thanks to my dear wife, Jennifer, and my three fantastic children:
Jonathan, Joshua, and Julia, for standing by me throughout the years of this doctoral
program. You endured fatherless weeks, celebrated my small accomplishments, and
encouraged me in countless ways. Jennifer, you have been my biggest fan, constant
companion, and forever-friend, just as we promised each other seventeen years ago. I
love you all more than I can ever say.
To God be all the glory, for with Him nothing is impossible (Luke 1:37).
xiv
LIST OF TABLES
Table
Page
1.
Countries and Dates of PK Retreats and Number of PKs Surveyed ........... 109
2.
Age Ranges of Responders.......................................................................... 110
3.
City Size ...................................................................................................... 110
4.
Church Size ................................................................................................. 111
5.
Subjective Answer Advantage Chart .......................................................... 113
6.
Subjective Answer Disadvantage Chart ...................................................... 114
7.
Advantage Clusters...................................................................................... 115
8.
Disadvantage Clusters ................................................................................. 116
9.
Top Ten “Yes” Questions............................................................................ 117
10. Advantage #1 Objective Responses ............................................................ 118
11. Spiritual Heritage Subjective Responses ..................................................... 119
12. Disadvantage #1 Objective Responses ........................................................ 119
13. Disadvantage #1 Subjective Responses ...................................................... 120
14. Advantage #2 Objective Responses ............................................................ 122
15. Advantage #2 Subjective Responses ........................................................... 122
16. Disadvantage #2 Objective Responses—Fishbowl Syndrome ................... 123
17. Disadvantage #2 Subjective Responses—Fishbowl Syndrome .................. 123
18. Advantage #3 Objective Responses—Access to Church World ................. 124
19. Advantage #3 Subjective Responses—Access to Church World................ 124
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20. Disadvantage #3 Objective Responses—Little Pastor Syndrome ............... 125
21. Disadvantage #3 Subjective Responses—Little Pastor Syndrome ............. 125
22. Advantage #4 Objective Responses—Special Information ........................ 126
23. Advantage #4 Subjective Responses—Special Information ....................... 126
24. Disadvantage #4 Objective Responses—Too Much Information ............... 127
25. Disadvantage #4 Subjective Responses—Too Much Information.............. 128
26. Advantage #5 Objective Responses—Open Doors for Ministry ................ 129
27. Advantage #5 Subjective Responses—Open Doors for Ministry ............... 129
28. Disadvantage #5 Objective Responses—Premature Leadership ................. 130
29. Disadvantage #5 Subjective Responses—Premature Leadership ............... 130
30. Recommendations for Pastor-Parents ......................................................... 187
31. Recommendations for PK Ministry Leaders ............................................... 189
32. Recommendations for Pastors’ Kids ........................................................... 190
xvi
CHAPTER 1
INTRODUCTION
This project is an investigative study of ministry to Pastors’ Kids (PKs) in Latin
America, aiming to provide a solid theological and conceptual foundation for people
wanting to minister to this important segment of the church. Its theological base provides
biblical principles for transmitting faith to the next generation of God’s people. The
literature review and survey of 607 PKs at retreats across Latin America identify a set of
advantages and disadvantages commonly shared by pastors’ kids, allowing PK ministry
leaders to base their efforts on an accurate profile of their intended audience.
Context of the Project
This project grows out of my own experience as a participant in and leader of
strategic ministry for ministers’ kids. I have personally lived through both the privileges
and challenges of life in a ministry leadership family. As I was growing up in a
missionary family in Costa Rica, my family’s life was shaped by multiple church services
per week and the high expectations that come with ministry participation. My sisters and
I valued our close-knit family life and our ministry opportunities together, but we often
felt that our faith and my parents’ leadership role created distance between others and us.
We felt sure that thousands of people were watching to see if our behavior matched what
my father preached. At one formative period of my young adulthood, I had to fight off
1
2
bitterness as I watched my parents suffer unfair treatment at the hands of Christian
leaders who did not understand the consequences of their actions.
Throughout my formative years, the Assemblies of God World Missions’
International Society of Missionary Kids (ISMK) ministry kept in touch with me in Costa
Rica and later as I returned to the United States for college. ISMK leaders affirmed the
validity of my role in the missionary calling, kept me updated on American culture, and
periodically provided retreats so I could get together with other MKs who shared similar
experiences. My missionary kid friends and I enjoyed the unique opportunity to feel
normal when we were together and we spurred one another on to serve the Lord. After I
graduated from college and began my own journey of vocational ministry, I stayed
connected with ISMK, helping to lead and preach at events in several countries and
assembling my own ideas of the pressures faced by children in ministry families.
After several years of pastoral service in the United States, my wife, Jennifer, and
I began to feel it was the Lord’s timing to pursue our calling into foreign missions and we
felt drawn to Costa Rica. Seeking confirmation of God’s leading and wanting to respect
the national church, I wrote a missionary leader to ask what projects the national church
in Costa Rica needed missionary help to accomplish. The answer was immediate:
For the last year, the Costa Rican Assemblies of God has been requesting that the
next missionary “be a missionary kid who speaks Spanish, is married, has
experience working with ministers’ kids, and who would be willing to come and
work with our pastors’ kids, because we are losing a whole generation of them.
Someone needs to go after these lost sheep of the church.”1
1
Bolivar Avalos, email message to author, June 25, 1998.
3
God used their specific prayer request—which matched my profile precisely—to confirm
His leading; in 2000, Jennifer and I arrived in Costa Rica, connecting quickly with the
fledgling national PK ministry.
The Assemblies of God national leadership named the new Costa Rican ministry
for pastors’ kids Hijos de Ministros Asambleas de Dios (HIMAD), translated as
“Assemblies of God Ministers’ Kids.” The ministry held its first national PK retreat in
2001 with eighty-three participants, and followed it up with monthly Bible studies,
leadership training meetings, and periodic events around the country. Smiling pastors
soon began to tell me stories of restored relationships between themselves and their
children. PKs not only found God’s grace and healing at the events, but they soon began
to report that God had challenged them to actively participate in some kind of ministry.
The friendships between the PKs became a huge source of strength and encouragement,
and testimonies by PKs motivated others to set aside their excuses for not serving the
Lord, such as poverty, criticism, or fear of failure. By the third year of the ministry, the
leadership team decided that HIMAD’s initial evangelistic and therapeutic functions—
helping PKs make spiritual commitments and find emotional healing—did not go far
enough. HIMAD’s mission should be nothing short of raising up the next generation of
God’s servants. The PKs began to serve together in evangelistic outreaches, youth
retreats, home missions trips, and ministry to other groups of PKs.
By 2008, HIMAD and its leadership team had established close personal and
working relationships with PK ministries in El Salvador, Panama, Argentina, and
Mexico. That year, I received an invitation from the Cuban Assemblies of God to take a
team of HIMAD leaders to help the church on that island nation establish a PK ministry.
4
The entire Costa Rican national church took the Cuba project on as a special mission,
sending twelve of HIMAD’s brightest leaders to share the blessings they had received.
Between July 2008 and August 2009, HIMAD’s international influence exploded as
different leaders were invited to preach and participate in PK events all over Latin
America. PKs began to develop a variety of ministries within Costa Rica as well, planting
churches, leading growing youth ministries, and launching programming on television
and radio. The “next generation of God’s servants” was taking its place among the people
of God.
As HIMAD’s influence grew, my wife and I were invited to teach seminars for
pastoral families on the issues their children face. We also conducted training sessions in
other countries that wanted to develop ministries to PKs. At every seminar, participants
asked about written information that could help them understand PKs better and develop
effective ministry to them. This investigative study emerged out of the context of a
growing interest in PK ministry across Latin America and the needs I discovered on the
journey.
The Problem and Opportunity
The problem of PK attrition from the church, the growing opportunity to invest in
them, and the lack of resources to develop effective ministry define the starting point of
this project. PKs enjoy many unique advantages, but also struggle with a set of painful
challenges that can drive them away from God and the church. Pastors and others who
care about PKs often see these young people struggling, but cannot put their finger on PK
needs or determine how to best help them.
5
The PK Problem
Pastors’ kids grow up with preacher parents in families influenced to an unusual
degree by the members of the local church community, who are also collectively their
parents’ employers. Ministry families live in a fishbowl; PKs may feel that church people
watch their every move, unfairly criticize them, and expect them to be perfect. When
perfection proves impossible and criticism mounts, some PKs may choose open rebellion,
which drains energy from the pastoral family and produces confusion among church
members. Pastoral families are often expected to model Christian family life for the
church and community, and the apparent failure of Christianity in the pastors’ family can
prove deeply troubling to the whole church.
Ministers and their spouses are often unaware of their own behaviors that expose
the children to unnecessary or aggravated criticism by church members. When pastors
feel they must be on call twenty-four hours a day to church members, their children may
feel neglected, lamenting the irony that their parents are available to everyone but them.
PK children and adolescents may not fully understand the issues at play in their lives, but
chafe under the double standards and unrealistic expectations imposed on them. Too
much information about church members, whether heard from careless lips at home or at
church, can produce anger or cynicism in the pastor’s child. Older PKs often struggle
with mixed feelings about God, Christianity, their family, the church, and themselves,
and they may have trouble sorting out the issues to find healing from damage done by the
church.
6
The PK Ministry Opportunity
Because PKs, by definition, live in the home of Christian leaders, their struggles,
such as the open rebellion of the child of a prominent pastor, may sound an alarm that
PKs need attention. National church leaders and youth directors often want to establish
ministry programs for PKs, but find few models to serve as patterns for this ministry. PKs
need specialized ministry by people who will love them and demonstrate God’s grace.
The HIMAD team from Costa Rica and the international network of PK ministries
attempt to help with ministry efforts whenever possible, but few resources exist to train
others to work with PKs.
This project responds to the dearth of materials to guide leaders who want to
minister to PKs. It provides accurate descriptions of both PK advantages and
disadvantages, with a view to help pastors and their spouses identify ministry family
issues that affect their children, inform leaders who would disciple these young people
individually or in small groups, and motivate the formation of national and regional
ministries for PKs.
The Purpose
This project will conduct an investigative study of pastors’ kids in Latin America,
providing a documented description of the advantages as well as disadvantages of PK
life. It will analyze data from a large international survey of PKs and will explore
relevant theological themes, ministry family issues, and ministry strategies. The resulting
x-ray of PK reality will be applicable to ministry families who want to help their children
thrive while living in the ministry fishbowl. The findings will also be applicable as a
7
resource to individuals who want to minister to PKs—outlining discipleship needs and
suggesting steps to develop formal and informal ministry structures.
Definition of Key Terms
PK. Throughout this project the phrase “pastor’s kid” or PK will be used as the
generic term for the children of all vocational ministers, including preachers whose
primary ministry does not focus on local church leadership. The phrases “preachers’
kids,” “minister’s children,” and “clergy children” may be used interchangeably with no
intention to differentiate between them. The abbreviation MK, used in some contexts for
“minister’s kid,” will not be used in this study because of its strong association with
“Missionary Kid.” Even though missionary kids, like me, may share many of the same
church experiences as PKs, cross-cultural issues tend to dominate the MK experience,
making that group a somewhat separate field of study.
National Church. The phrase “national church” will be used to refer to the
national denominational structure that coordinates ministry in each country. Since the
Costa Rican HIMAD ministry and the survey in this project take place in the context of
the Assemblies of God, the term will normally refer to Assemblies of God national
leadership in a given country.
Legalism. Legalism refers to cultural standards of social behavior that become
church norms, which PKs often perceive as arbitrary rules of a church community. When
PKs feel they are being criticized, held to unfair expectations, and expected to be perfect,
they may refer to the whole mean spirit of church people as “legalism.” The antidote to
legalism in the PK’s life is the grace of God poured out in love.
8
PK Social Ecology. The phrase “PK social ecology” refers to the messy social
world of the pastor’s kid, in which the PK’s quality of life depends on the complex
interaction of three elements: the PK, the ministry parents, and the church community.
The church community exercises an extraordinary influence on the pastor’s family, and
defining and defending boundaries between the family and church becomes a key
function of parents in ministry.
Triangulation. In the absence of clear boundaries between the church, the family,
and the PK, triangulation may occur, in which an unresolved conflict between two
parties, such as the pastor and a deacon, may express itself in an attack against the third—
such as the PK.2
Description of Proposed Project
This project will use theological tools, review published literature, and execute a
large international statistical PK study to assemble a profile of Latin American
Pentecostal pastor’s kids, with a view to help individuals who want to minister to PKs.
Scope of the Project
This project will study the experience of adolescent pastors’ kids in Latin
America, outlining in detail the perceived advantages and disadvantages of PKs. The
survey will include information gathered from young people at six different PK events in
five countries.
The project will not attempt to establish “cause and effect” relationships between
a pastoral family’s behavior at home and a PK’s later psychological issues or religious
2
Cameron Lee, PK: Helping Pastors’ Kids Through Their Identity Crisis (Grand Rapids, MI:
Zondervan, 1992), 16.
9
commitment. The survey will not try to spotlight what makes a PK “turn out right,” nor
does it blame all PK maladies on the parents, although it will identify pastoral practices
that may help or endanger their children. None of the information in this study is
presented with the intention of aggravating PK bitterness or anger against the church.
This project aims to provide a clear-eyed, documented profile of how adolescent Latin
American PKs perceive their own lives.
This study grows out of the needs of practical PK ministry. The published
literature about Pastors’ Kids tends to study adult PKs, looking for either psychological
distress that requires clinical counseling or pastoral family practices that guarantee the
children will grow up well-adjusted and involved in church.3 Neither of these approaches
helps at a PK retreat. The preacher looking at 300 young faces at a PK retreat cannot
blame their boundary-challenged parents or mean-spirited church people for their
problems. PK ministry leaders need to understand what the teenage PKs believe about
their present situation, as it is, and help them find God’s grace and purposes to press
forward and serve the Lord.
Most available PK studies focus on the negative aspects of PK life, but this survey
aims to show that PKs often believe that they are more blessed than most other young
people. It demonstrates that PK advantages and disadvantages come together as opposite
sides of the same coins, and that, in fact, the PK experience may be explained in terms of
five “PK Distinctives:” (1) growing up with preacher parents, (2) living in the church
spotlight, (3) enjoying elite membership in the church world, (4) handling insider
information, and (5) developing on the fast track to vocational ministry. When PKs
3
See introduction to chapter 3.
10
understand that both the good and the bad are part of God’s plan in their lives, they are
ready to listen to God’s call and take their place as the next generation of God’s servants.
Phases of the Project
Research Phase
The first stage of this project involves research, establishing the biblicaltheological foundations for transmitting faith to the next generation. The second part of
the research phase reviews the current PK literature to identify relevant issues that affect
PK ministry.
Biblical-theological foundations
The biblical-theological literature review will seek to lay a scriptural foundation
for ministry to Pastors’ Kids (PKs) in Latin America by studying the transmission of faith
from one generation to the next. In the first section, it will discuss two key theological
lenses that lay the foundation for this ministry: the grace of God and the image of God.
The grace of God serves to remove the sting of the criticism and legalism that PKs suffer
in the church and understanding that every PK is created in the image of God helps PK
leaders see through their adolescent phases and believe in God’s purposes for their lives.
The second part will review some key biblical principles for the intergenerational
transmission of faith, including the identity of the people of God, methods and problems
in the transmission of faith, and the responsibilities of families in faith development. The
third part contains two biblical case studies of faith transitions, one positive and one
negative, through the stories of the sons of Eli and of Timothy.
11
General literature review
The second part of the research phase will study the slim body of available PK
literature to assemble a collection of PK advantages and challenges. The PK-specific
literature will be supplemented by general literature related to parenting, youth ministry,
adolescent development, Latin American family life, and leadership issues that affect the
family and children of ministers.
Taken as a whole, the literature supports the thesis that the advantages and
disadvantages in the lives of adolescent pastors’ kids’ cluster around five key distinctives:
(1) PKs grow up with preacher-parents, which means PKs enjoy a rich spiritual heritage,
but the church can come to dominate the family’s time and energy; (2) PKs live in the
local church spotlight, which may bring a few perks of special recognition, but also
includes incessant observation and constant criticism; (3) PKs’ family connections give
them access to the best of the church world, which offers a vast social network of
relationships and activities, but also brings demanding expectations to behave like perfect
“little pastors;” (4) PKs have access to insider information, allowing them to watch their
parents up close as they lead and resolve conflict, but insider information can turn into
too much information and familiarity with the dark side of the church, producing
cynicism and isolation; (5) PKs have access to the fast track to ministry leadership, often
enjoying early opportunities to lead, but they may crash emotionally or ethically when
they face the pressure of premature ministry.
Planning Phase
The planning phase of the project will include three stages: (1) executing a pilot
project over several events in Costa Rica to form a preliminary conceptual framework of
12
PK experience, (2) scheduling PK retreats in several countries in which to minister and
collect data, and (3) writing the survey. This phase will take place from January to June
2008.
Pilot project
This phase will include several PK events as a pilot project to build a
philosophical framework for the large PK survey, including a thorough analysis of the
camp evaluations filled out at the 2008 Costa Rican PK retreat, several PK team
meetings, teaching a series of PK seminars at a youth retreat, and finally assembling a
coherent model of the PK experience.
On the last day of the annual Costa Rican PK retreat (January 5, 2008), over 200
PKs will fill out an evaluation and I summarize their answers. I will meet with the
HIMAD leadership team shortly after the annual PK retreat and go through the camp
evaluations in detail, harvesting responses that would help identify PK advantages and
disadvantages. The campers’ answers to the question, “What does HIMAD mean in your
life?” should provide insights into the ministry’s long-term effectiveness, as many of the
PKs have been involved in the ministry for five or more years. The camp evaluation
should lead to the understanding that PKs place a high value on the opportunity to receive
excellent ministry, to share their personal feelings in cabin groups, to make friends, to
minister together, and to be treated with respect and kindness by the staff.4
A first attempt to teach the accumulated material about PK advantages and
disadvantages will take place from January 17-19, 2008, when I will lead several sessions
of a PK workshop at a national youth leadership event at the Oasis de Esperanza church
4
See Appendix B, “2008 HIMAD PK Retreat Evaluation.”
13
in San Jose, Costa Rica. Further feedback from the participants will add advantages and
disadvantages to the list, and the response should reinforce the importance of the
material.
In May 2008, in preparation for a HIMAD missions trip to help start the PK
ministry in Cuba, I will draw up a chart that delineates five PK advantages and their
corresponding “syndromes.”5 This will serve as the initial theoretical framework for this
survey.
Scheduling PK retreats
The HIMAD team was invited to minister and participate at PK retreats in several
different countries in Latin America. During this phase, the first PK retreat in Cuba was
scheduled for July 2008, and soon thereafter trips to participate in retreats in Panama, El
Salvador, Argentina, and Costa Rica will be scheduled.
Writing the survey
In July of 2008, I will compile a survey to collect the best information possible
from Cuba and several retreats that would occur in the following months. After the initial
demographic data blanks, the survey will offer space for PKs to “name three advantages
of being a PK” and “name three disadvantages of being a PK.” Another section will
present responders with seventy-seven objective statements with which they could agree
or disagree on a Likert scale. This survey will analyze the adolescent PK’s perception of
his or her life reality.
5
See Appendix C, “2008 Pilot Project Results: PK Privileges and Syndromes.”
14
Implementation Phase
The implementation of this project will consist of participating in several PK
retreats around Latin America, conducting ministry to PKs, training leadership teams for
ongoing ministry with ministers’ kids, and conducting the survey with the adolescent
participants. The leadership training will emphasize the advantages and disadvantages of
PKs, using the “PK Pastor Session” presentation.6 This phase will take place from July
2008 to August 2009.
After the data is collected from the retreats, all of the survey information will be
codified, tabulated onto a spreadsheet, and analyzed. This will take place from August
2008 to September 2009.
Evaluation Phase
The evaluation phase of this project will include detailed analysis of the survey
data with professional statistical help, seeking to determine which PK advantages and
disadvantages surface and determining how they correlate with HIMAD’s conceptual
model. Survey conclusions will be integrated into the PK ministry paradigm, making
adjustments as necessary. This analysis will take place between October 2009 and March
2010.
Writing Phase
The writing phase of this project will take place while I am back in the United
States on my year of itineration and study leave from June 2010 to November 2011.
During this phase I will bring together the biblical-theological foundations (chapter 2),
6
Appendix K, “PowerPoint Presentation.”
15
the general literature review (chapter 3), the survey data to establish a statistical and
theoretical case for both the advantages and disadvantages of the PK experience (chapter
4), and an evaluation of the overall project (chapter 5). This confluence of sources should
provide a solid foundation on which to build meaningful and enduring ministry to
pastors’ kids.
Conclusion
The children of ministers are a critically important segment of the next generation
of the people of God who enjoy special advantages and are faced with unique challenges.
The outside intervention of an effective PK ministry may provide the ministry times and
support network that can tip a PK’s direction away from rebellion and toward successful
assimilation into the church and society. Such a PK ministry may be greatly aided by
effective theological foundations and a solid understanding of the reality that constitutes
the PK experience. Wise PK leaders—and parents of PKs as well—will benefit from
serious reflection on both the advantages and disadvantages that PKs face, helping them
build on the benefits and overcome the frustrating challenges. This project aims to
provide serious reflection and contribute to a future of more successful PK ministry,
healthier pastoral families, and a new generation who fan into flame the gift of God that
is in them, taking their place in the new generation of the people of God.
CHAPTER 2
BIBLICAL-THEOLOGICAL LITERATURE REVIEW
Introduction
Young people in every generation must wrestle with the faith handed down from
their forefathers, grappling with the written words, presence, and mission of God until
their own story joins the stream of His story. Likewise, people of God in each maturing
generation reach out to the younger generation, striving to transmit a living faith to those
who come behind them. The beauty and importance of the intergenerational chain of
grace leap from the pen of the psalmist who says, “I will sing of the steadfast love of the
LORD forever; with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness to all generations”
(Ps. 89:1).1
Like high-speed baton passes between relay sprinters, generational transitions of
faith present many challenges and require intentional effort from both the transmitters
and receivers. Biblical history reveals few smooth generational transfers of faith. The
tragic words of Judges 2:10 suggest a pattern repeated throughout the biblical narrative:
“
And all that generation also were gathered to their fathers. And there arose another
generation after them who did not know the LORD or the work that he had done for
Israel.” This text refers to the first generation of Israelites born in the Promised Land, a
group whose fathers had rushed over the crumbled walls of Jericho and whose
1
All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are from The Holy Bible: English Standard
Version (Wheaton, IL: Standard Bible Society, 2001).
16
17
grandparents had crossed the Red Sea. Surely this godless generation’s ancestors had not
neglected to pass their faith stories and religious traditions on to their children. No, the
problem of the Judges 2 generation was not a lack of information about God, but a lack of
personal knowledge of the presence and the covenant love of God.
Similarly, the children of ministers in Latin America do not typically struggle
spiritually because they lack knowledge about God—many have been immersed in
Christian church life since infancy—but because they have not understood and
experienced the love and grace of God for themselves. Their intimate knowledge with the
inner workings of the church produces cynicism and disappointment, and some lose the
fear of the Lord. On the other hand, the church has often failed to create a culture of
intentional relationship between the generations whereby the young can hear the personal
stories of God’s intervention and learn the Christian life not only by classroom teaching,
but also by personal participation and mentoring.
This biblical-theological literature review seeks to lay a scriptural foundation for
ministry to Pastors’ Kids (PKs) in Latin America. The first part defines two key
theological lenses that lay the foundation for this ministry: the grace of God and the
image of God. The second part summarizes some key biblical principles for the
intergenerational transmission of faith, including the identity of the people of God,
methods and problems in the transmission of faith, and the responsibilities of families in
faith development. The third part contains two biblical case studies of faith transitions,
one positive and one negative, through the stories of the sons of Eli and of Timothy.
18
Two Theological Lenses for the Transmission of Faith
How Christians view God and other people defines who they are and how they
relate to the world. Just as dirty eyeglasses cause distortion and misapprehension, faulty
thinking about these theological foundations results in misguided ministry efforts. This
first section explores two key biblical lenses affecting ministry to PKs: ministry practice
built on the grace of God and biblical anthropology based on the image of God.
Theological Foundation: The Grace of God
The phrase “grace of God” refers to all aspects of the love and favor of God
poured out on people because of the redemptive work of Christ. Grace proclaimed and
lived out in the church is meant to bring forgiveness of sin, breathe life into the spirit,
birth ministry gifts, and pour unmerited and extravagant favor on God’s children.
Many pastors’ kids do not struggle spiritually because of a lack of knowledge, but
from a deficiency of grace. They are immersed in a religious culture where condemnation
distorts the image of God, criticism sours relationships, impossible expectations heap
guilt on innocent victims, excessive insider information breeds cynicism, and rejection by
peers wilts the tender soul. Strict enforcement of rules of external conduct produces
legalism that replaces spiritual joy with hypocrisy and perfectionism.
Pastors’ kids often arrive at PK events for the first time with heavily-defended
hearts, cringing lest they face yet another attack of guilt and condemnation. Finding the
grace of God through the minefield of the local church constitutes one of the greatest
discipleship challenges for pastors’ kids in Latin America. The goal of PK ministry is to
develop settings and relationships through which young people can understand and
19
personally experience the transforming grace of God lavished on them through Jesus
Christ (Eph. 1:6-8).
People who intend to pour out the grace of God onto pastors’ kids must
understand the nature of God’s grace. Grace may be defined as “God’s unmerited favor
toward humanity and especially his people, realized through the covenant and fulfilled
through Jesus Christ.”2 This definition captures the sense of the three primary biblical
words for grace, the Hebrew !nn and !ese" and the Greek cháris, which each shed their
own light on the grace of God as applied to ministry. This section defines and explains
three biblical characteristics of grace and unpacks the implications of its opposite,
ungrace.
Hebrew !nn: Compassionate Grace
The Hebrew root !nn is the first biblical word for “grace” and depicts a person of
superior rank or possessions turning graciously to help another person in need.3 The verb
form, !#nan, is used in social as well as theological contexts, often with the sense of
showing kindness to the poor and needy, as in the psalmist’s frequent plea directed to the
Lord, “be gracious to me” (Ps. 25:16; 31:9; 51:1). The verb focuses on the one who gives
grace, shows compassion, or displays mercy.
The noun form, !$n, often translated as “favor,” “grace,” or “charm,” occurs most
frequently in secular and non-theological usage and usually focuses on the recipient of
the gracious action. It often appears in the idiom “to find favor in [someone’s] eyes”
2
Allen C. Myers, The Eerdmans Bible Dictionary, electronic ed. (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans,
1987), s.v. “Grace,”
3
Gerhard Kittel, Gerhard Friedrich, and Geoffrey W. Bromiley, eds. Theological Dictionary of the
New Testament, electronic ed. (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1995) , s.v. “cháris.”
20
(Gen. 33:8; Jer. 31:20). It appears fourteen times in the Proverbs, often with an aesthetic
sense of charm or beauty (Prov. 31:30). The adjective form, !annûn, “gracious,” is often
paired with ra!ûm, “compassionate,” to describe the character of God, emphasizing both
His grace and righteousness in judging evil (Exod. 34:6 and later repetitions).4
The compassionate grace contained in the word !nn is the typical starting point
for Christian ministries, including ministry to pastors’ kids: someone with the means to
help perceives a need or receives a request for help, then reaches out in compassion to a
group of young people with a unique set of challenges. This kind of grace does not
necessarily flow from ongoing relationship or profound identification between the
parties.
Hebrew !ese": Covenant Grace
The second important Hebrew word for “grace,” !ese", expresses spontaneous
goodness or grace in the context of ongoing redemptive relationship, especially the
covenant faithfulness and steadfast lovingkindness that God shows toward His chosen
people and that people can show toward one another and back to God.5 The English
Standard Version (ESV) consistently translates !ese" “steadfast love,” as in “the steadfast
love (!ese") of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end” (Lam. 3:22), or
“I will sing of the steadfast love (!ese") of the LORD, forever” (Ps. 89:1). The Lord
describes His own character in terms of !ese", as illustrated in Exodus 34:6-7: “The
LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious (!nn), slow to anger, and abounding in
4
Robert L. Harris, Gleason L. Archer, and Bruce K. Waltke, Theological Wordbook of the Old
Testament, electronic ed. (Chicago, IL: Moody Press, 1999) , s.v. “!#na.”
5
D. R. W Wood and I. Howard Marshall, New Bible Dictionary, 3rd ed., s.v. “Grace, Favour”
(Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1996).
21
steadfast love (!ese") and faithfulness.” This kind of grace presupposes a covenant
relationship with His people and carries a promise of faithfulness to all generations of
those who love him and keep His commandments, while also maintaining the Lord’s
righteousness (Exod. 20:6; Deut. 5:10). The link between God’s covenants and !ese"
becomes explicit in other passages such as Deuteronomy 7:12, which says, “The LORD
your God will keep with you the covenant and the steadfast love that he swore to your
fathers” (cf. Jer. 31:3).
The Psalms celebrate the steadfast covenant love of God, invoking it when they
ask the Lord to forgive (Ps. 25:7), to redeem (44:26), to save (109:26), to give life
(119:88), and to hear (119:149). The word appears 127 times in the Psalms; it takes on a
liturgical form in the refrain, “For his !ese" endures forever,” which appears thirty-six
times, and forms the antiphonal refrain in recitations of salvation history (2 Chron. 7:3, 6;
Ezra 3:11; Ps. 136).6
The prophets, especially Hosea, Jeremiah, and Isaiah, invoke the covenant love of
God to indict the unfaithful people of Israel. Furthermore, the Lord expects that same
loving response from them, as illustrated in Hosea’s emphasis that the Lord desires
!ese", not sacrifice (Hos. 6:6; see also 4:1; 6:4). If God fulfills His duty and family
commitment to His people, they should reciprocate.
When it comes to one human showing grace to another person in need, h$n and
!ese" convey similar meanings and may appear as synonyms. However, the motivation
behind the two diverges when the giver of grace is the Lord, whose !ese" behaves
6
Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, s.v. “charis.”
22
graciously out of a relational commitment, a rock-solid “steadfast love” that endures
forever.
The relational commitment intrinsic to !ese" sheds light on another important
characteristic of grace, steadfast love based on commitment. The ministry of grace not
only includes meeting felt needs, the primary sense of h$n, but also in demonstrating
steadfast love (!ese") to young disciples. Adolescents form their identity based, in part,
on the significant adult relationships in their lives. All too often, as Andrew Root points
out, youth workers offer goal-oriented relationships with young people. They remain
friends as long as the student agrees with the leader’s point of view and submits to
authority.7 This manipulative use of relationship should be replaced with !ese", love
based on covenant relationship. Once this is established, the ministry relationship can
move toward incarnational and redemptive grace, the love of God in Christ that appears
in the New Testament.
Greek cháris: Incarnational, Redemptive Grace
The Greek word cháris, used predominantly by the Apostle Paul, refers to a grace
that is inseparable from God’s incarnational love as expressed in the person of Jesus
Christ and His redemptive work on the cross (Rom. 1:7; 1 Cor. 1:3; Gal. 2:20). Believers
initially accept this grace by faith, not trying to earn or deserve the favor of God (Eph.
2:8-9). Grace represents much more than tolerance or amnesty; it takes seriously the
problem of sin, provides the means for forgiveness through Jesus Christ, and promises
God’s very presence that empowers the believer to walk with God and to please Him.8
7
8
Andrew Root, Relational Youth Ministry (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2007), 23.
David J. Atkinson, David F. Field, Arthur F. Holems, and Oliver O’Donovan, New Dictionary of
Christian Ethics and Pastoral Theology (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1995), s.v. “Grace”
23
The noun cháris, closely related to the verb charízomai, “to give freely” or “to
forgive,” appears seldom in the Gospels, but its substance permeates them in the life and
teaching of Jesus, who demonstrated the grace of God in word and in deed.9
[Jesus] reflects God’s self-giving, sent in love (John 3:17), with divine purpose
(Luke 4:4), becoming a servant (Mark 10:45). Jesus’ life manifests grace in
seeking the lost sheep of Israel (Matt. 9:36; 10:6; Luke 15:4ff; John 10), the poor
(Matt. 19:21), social outcasts (Luke 5:30-32), women (8:2), and children (Mark
10:14-15). He preaches grace: a seeking God (Luke 15); salvation made possible
(Mark 10:17-31); a new covenant (Luke 22:19-22); and love for enemies (Matt.
5:43-44; Luke 10:27ff). God demonstrates grace by sending Jesus to the cross for
human sin and then by the resurrection. Now reigning as Lord, Jesus Christ
inaugurates a new age of grace.10
In ministry practice, if !nn graciously meets a need and !ese" flows out of
steadfast personal commitment, then cháris brings incarnational, redemptive love,
pouring out the forgiveness and love of God, which believers receive and are instructed
to share with others. The forgiven sinner must forgive the one who sins against him or
her; a person’s own forgiveness from God may even depend on his or her willingness to
forgive others (Matt. 18:23-35; Luke 6:37; Col. 3:13).11 Likewise, the love of God flows
out of the heart of the true believer to others: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt.
22:39 and parallels) makes up the other half of the Great Commandment and “loving one
another” constitutes proof that a group of people know God (1 John 4:7-12). Grace was
designed for community life and believers enjoy the God-given privilege and
responsibility of extending grace to one another.
9
Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, s.v. cháris.
10
Eerdmans Bible Dictionary, s.v. “Grace.”
11
New Bible Dictionary, 3rd ed., s.v. “Forgiveness.”
24
The Sting of Ungrace
The opposite of grace might be called “ungrace.”12 When a religious group fails to
live out the grace of God, acceptance depends on conformity to the written or unwritten
rules of the local church subculture. Ungrace is never far from legalism, which David
Seamands defines as “the belief that salvation comes through keeping commandments
and rules; it is as old as humankind and is the one basic falsehood behind every religious
system in the world—that we can earn God’s approval and love by keeping certain moral
laws.13 Ungrace, performance-orientation, and legalism are all terms that describe
religious subcultures that evaluate their members based on externally verifiable
standards, but fail to extend the grace of God to those who desperately need it.
If Jesus embodied the grace of God, then those who were legalistic among the
Pharisees and religious leaders whom Jesus corrected illustrate ungrace in action. Jesus
accused some of them of tying up heavy burdens for others to carry, though unwilling to
carry them themselves (Matt. 23:4). The people He rebuked denigrated tax collectors,
women, soldiers, foreigners, the sick, and sinners, in general, as sub-human, unworthy of
fellowship, and a possible source of uncleanness (Luke 5:30; John 4; 8:3). Many
Pharisees may have sincerely sought to please the Lord with the consistency of their
obedience to the Law (Matt. 19:20). Nevertheless, in their religious zeal, many of these
pious people forgot the mercy of God (Matt. 12:7) and lost perspective of their own sin
(John 8:7).
12
As used by Phillip Yancey, What’s So Amazing About Grace? (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan,
1997), 16.
13
David Seamands, Freedom from the Performance Trap (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1988), 38.
25
In the same way, many long-time Christians tightly define holiness and come
down hard on believers who fail to “walk according to the traditions of the elders” (Mark
7:5). The pastors’ kids in the Costa Rican PK ministry, called Hijos de Ministros
Asambleas de Dios (HIMAD), are immersed in the world of Latin American Pentecostal
churches, which preach a gospel of grace, but often enforce a holiness that feels more like
legalism. Doug Petersen calls it moralism; the churches are “effective social communities
that stress the importance of their moral code; offenders are disciplined.”14 Church
members look to the pastor’s family to embody the very highest standards of holiness
preached in the church; when PKs fail, the criticism is often harsh.
The Pharisees, many of whom Jesus reproved, came down hard on the tax
collectors and sinners in condemning people for their imperfections and excluding the
impure from fellowship among the righteous. In contrast, Jesus demonstrated the grace of
God to people rejected by the Pharisees by proclaiming forgiveness to repentant sinners
(Luke 7:48; Mark 2:5), bringing them into fellowship (Luke 5:27; 7:34; 19:5), and
projecting a new destiny for them (Mark 3:16; Luke 17:19; 19:9).
Anthropological Foundation: The Image of God
Genesis 1:26-27 provides the foundational text for the study of the image of God:
Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them
have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over
the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on
the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created
him; male and female he created them.
Biblical anthropology provides the other necessary lens for discussing the
transmission of faith from one generation to the next, for the Scriptures insist that every
14
Douglas Petersen, Not by Might, Nor by Power: A Pentecostal Theology of Social Concern in
Latin America (Oxford, England: Regnum Books International, 1996), 104.
26
person is created in the image of God. The successful generational handoff of faith
assumes the existence of God and the innate ability of the members of each generation to
know Him and participate in His designs and destiny for them. Stanley Grenz insisted
that “no assertion moves us closer to the heart of our human identity and our essential
nature than does the declaration, ‘We are created in the divine image.’”15
Creation in the image of God takes on importance in ministry to pastors’ kids for
two reasons. First, many PKs simply cannot see the image of God in themselves. Some
PKs, exhausted by the pressure of living up to high expectations, may wonder if they
possess a character flaw that renders them spiritually incapable of knowing God. Other
PKs, struggling to find their personal identity, may suspect that they are only Christians
because of their ministry family upbringing. After all, choosing a Christian worldview
when it is the only choice offered may feel like no choice at all. These PKs need to be
reminded of God’s creative design and purposes for them.16
The second reason for starting this discussion with the image of God is that
biblical anthropology will help avoid two extreme attitude problems that may afflict
adults who want to work with young people. Some well-intentioned volunteers, perhaps
prejudiced against juvenile appearances and armed with a mandate to “straighten up these
teenagers,” may charge in like lion tamers, cracking the whip of legalism while failing to
see and honor the image of God in each young person. Others, frightened by stereotypes
of incorrigible pastors’ kids, may withdraw in fear instead of reaching out in faith,
confident that God’s image makes every young person able to respond to God’s presence.
15
Stanley Grenz, Theology for the Community of God (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman,
1994), 218.
16
Timothy L. Sanford, “I Have to be Perfect” and other Parsonage Heresies (Colorado Springs,
CO: Llama Press, 1998), 75.
27
A faulty biblical anthropology will sabotage the effectiveness of believers who long to
help the next generation.
The term “image” translates the Hebrew term tselem and its corresponding Greek
eik%n, as well as the Hebrew demuth and corresponding Greek homoi%sis, though the
latter is more usually rendered ‘likeness.’17 Christian theologians through the centuries
have disagreed widely about the exact meaning of the phrase “image of God,”
traditionally referred to as the imago Dei. Contemporary interpretation of the key
Scriptures now points to three key elements of the image of God in humanity—
substantive, functional, and relational.18 In other words, God created every person with
the capacity to resemble God, to represent His purposes on this earth, and to enjoy
relationship with God and other people. Each of these aspects, and their corresponding
Scriptures, help unpack the implications of the image of God for the transmission of faith
to the next generation.
Created to Resemble God
The image of God bears relevance in the transmission of faith because Christians
truly believe that God created each person with the ability and destiny to resemble Him.
Creation in the image of God speaks directly to human identity, declaring that God
created people in His own image and likeness, endowing them with the capacity to know
Him and the destiny to mature in His image until they resemble Him. This is the
substantive element of the image of God, emphasizing that the image is something placed
17
T. Desmond Alexander and Brian S. Rosner, New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, electronic ed.
(Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2001), s.v. “Image of God”
18
For a thorough discussion of the history of theological interpretations of the image of God, see
Millard J. Erickson, Christian Theology (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker, 1986), 495-517; see also Grenz, 218233.
28
into the nature of the human being. It can also be called an ontological view, for it is
something man is, not just what he does. It is also something that was marred by sin in
the Fall that God has now redeemed and is renewing in Christ (Col. 3:10).
This substantive facet of the image of God is universal, planted in the soul of
every person. Adam, as the prototype human who breathed the very breath of God (Gen.
2:7), and Eve, the “mother of all living things” (Gen. 3:20), laid the foundation for all of
human nature. The seminal texts state emphatically that God created both male and
female in His image (1:27; 5:2). Just as God created Adam in His image, Adam “fathered
a son in his own likeness, after his image” (5:3), suggesting that one generation of
humans passes this image of God to its offspring. The image of God lends innate dignity
and value to every person and is cited as the grounds for the prohibition of murder (9:6)
and cursing other people (James 3:9). Since both of these prohibitions are given after the
Fall of Adam, this essential human dignity is not lost in the Fall of Adam and Eve.
The image of God means that, by design, every person belongs to God. When
Jesus was asked whether it was proper to pay taxes to Caesar (Mark 12:13-17), He
pointed out that a coin belongs to the person whose image (eik%n) was stamped upon it.
David Cairns argues that this story teaches that just as a coin is identified by the authority
figure stamped upon it, the person whose soul bears God’s image belongs to God.19
However, like the parable of the lost coin (Luke 15:8-10), sin separates humanity from its
maker (Rom. 3:23) and people must be restored to Him. While every person was created
with the purpose of belonging to God, only those who chose to believe and receive Him
exercise their right to become redeemed children of God (John 1:12).
19
David Cairns, The Image of God in Man (New York, NY: Philosophical Library, 1953), 30.
29
Likewise, the Bible teaches that God created all people with a spiritual thirst and
awareness of life beyond the physical realm, for He has put “eternity into the hearts of
men” (Eccles. 3:11). The Apostle Paul argues for the innate human drive to seek God,
beginning with the creation of Adam, “And he [God] made from one man every nation of
mankind … that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward
him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us, for in him we live and
move and have our being” (Acts 17:26-28).
The image of God and natural revelation lead the human soul to reach out to its
Creator, but sin perverts this worship instinct into idolatrous forms (Rom. 1:18-25).
“Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved” (Rom. 10:13), but even
natural seekers require teaching and the proclamation of the Word of God in order to
place their faith in the Son of God who came to redeem them to God (Rom. 10:13-17).
Created to Represent God
A functional view of the image of God brings another meaningful addition to this
discussion of biblical foundations for the transmissions of faith: God created people to
represent Him and fulfill His purposes on this earth. Genesis 1:26 and 28 explicitly link
the image of God with a mandate to exercise dominion over creation. The Hebrew word
tselem and its near eastern cognates commonly referred to ordinary statues, which often
served to represent the authority of kings in their absence. In a similar way, Egyptian
theology taught that human kings represented the gods to the people. From the functional
point of view, humans are not only created in the image of God, but also as the image of
30
God; the functional image of God presents people representing the Lordship of the
Creator.20
As God’s vice-regents exercising lordship over creation, Adam and Eve carry out
the purposes of God on the earth. Psalm 8:5-8 echoes the dominion language of the
creation narrative, emphasizing that God has created man “a little lower than the angels,”
and “put all things under his feet.” Work gains dignity when exercised as responsible
stewardship of God’s creation. The functional aspect of the image of God continues
throughout the Scriptures as God lends His authority to His apostles to fulfill His Great
Commission (Matt. 28:18-20). Everyday work gains dignity when exercised to please the
Lord (Col. 3:23-24).
The Apostle Paul unequivocally states that even as salvation comes by grace
through faith, God’s people “are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good
works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Eph. 2:8-10).
Those are “in Christ” become a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17), restored vessels through
whom God can maximize the different natural and spiritual gifts given to each one
according to His grace (Rom. 16:3-8).
Created for Relationship with God and Others
The relational aspect of the image of God emphasizes that humans are designed
for relationship with God and with other people in community. As the doctrine of the
Trinity asserts, throughout all eternity God exists in community through the fellowship of
20
T. Desmond Alexander and David Baker, Dictionary of the Old Testament: Pentateuch
(Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2003), s.v. “Image of God”; “Racovian Chatechism” in Erickson,
509.
31
the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.21 This triune God proposed, “Let us create man in our
image” (Gen. 1:26, emphasis added). When the Creator determined that Adam’s isolation
was not good (2:18), He created the woman, with whom Adam enjoyed an intimate
relationship. This established the precedent for marriage, in which a man and a woman
hold fast to one another and become one flesh (v. 24). They enjoyed community with
each other, for they were naked but felt no shame (v. 25), and with the Lord, who sought
them out in the cool of the day to fellowship with them in the garden (3:8-10). Later
commandments would punctuate this central relational purpose of humanity as God
commands people to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul
and with all your might” (Deut. 6:5), and to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Lev. 19:18;
Matt. 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:37; Gal. 5:14).
God, acting as a loving father to Adam and Eve in the garden, defined boundaries
to help them live happily in their pristine world. He delimited a safe physical space for
them to enjoy, trees for their food supply, and instructions for meaningful work. He also
made a single prohibition against eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil
(Gen. 2:17). This prohibition was not a trick intended to cause sin, but a test of obedience
to give Adam and Eve a real choice between two options.22 The Lord values humankinds’
freely chosen relationship and obedience.
When Adam and Eve violated God’s boundaries (Gen. 3:6-7), their sinful
rebellion disrupted their relationship with Him, with each other, and with the creation.
After their sin, they cowered from the presence of God out of guilt—blaming one another
and covering themselves with fig leaves for the shame of their nakedness (Gen. 3:8-13).
21
Grenz, 232.
22
Ibid., 248.
32
Death entered the human race as God had prophetically warned (2:17). The human
community would give way to man’s dominion over his wife (3:16) and violence
between brothers Cain and Abel (4:1-16). Adam and Eve’s harmony with nature gave
way to the ground being cursed, requiring backbreaking toil to retrieve the sustenance
that nature had so freely provided in the garden (3:17-19). Through Adam, sin entered the
human race (Rom. 5:12), causing human hearts to be “darkened” (Rom. 1:21) and minds
to be “corrupt” (1 Tim. 6:5). The Fall of Adam and Eve and the contamination of human
nature through their rebellion against God sets the stage for the story of God’s centurieslong plan of redemption. This plan culminates in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus
Christ, the defeat of sin, the establishment of the people of God on earth, and the ultimate
and complete restoration of fellowship between God and His people in heaven.
Created to be Conformed to the Image of Christ
The New Testament presents Jesus Christ as the ultimate bearer of the divine
image. Jesus is the image (eik%n) of the invisible God (Col. 1:15; 2 Cor. 4:4), the only
one whose full humanity was never spoiled by sin (Heb. 4:15). The author of Hebrews
describes Him as the “radiance of God’s glory and the exact imprint (charakt$r) of his
nature (Heb. 1:3).23 Jesus existed “in the form of God” but adopted the “form of a
servant” (both morph$) in “the likeness (homoi%ma) of humans” (Phil. 2:6).24 With the
coming of Jesus, humanity no longer needed to wonder what the image of God was
meant to look like, for the very image of God now walked among people. Finally,
humankind was able to behold His glory (John 1:14).
23
Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, s.v. “#$%$&'(%.”
24
Dictionary of the Old Testament: Pentateuch, s.v. “image of God”
33
The purpose and destiny of all Christians is to be conformed to the image of
Christ. The Apostle Paul emphasized, “Those whom he foreknew he also predestined to
be conformed to the image of his Son” (Rom. 8:29). Sin, however, distorts the holy
image of God, making the sinner fall short of the glory of God he or she was intended to
reflect (Rom. 3:23). Believers must participate in the process and “put on the new self,
created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Eph. 4:24; Col.
3:18). In fact, the process of nurturing believers into Christ-like maturity, “to the measure
of the stature of the fullness of Christ” (Eph. 4:13), defines the ultimate task of leaders in
the body of Christ. Not only do the Scriptures teach that every person was originally
created in the image of God, but they also assert that being conformed to the image of
Christ constitutes the developmental ideal and spiritual destiny of every Christian.
Principles of Transmission of Faith in the People of God
Intergenerational transmission of faith takes place in the context of community—
the people of God. The Bible narrative tells the story of God’s relationship with His
chosen people from the Garden of Eden to the climactic worship scene before the throne
of God in heaven. The story often zooms in on the courage and obedience of outstanding
individuals, but the camera also pans out to show thousands of faithful men and women
marching in the parade of God’s people, creating the context in which each successive
generation could grow to fear and honor the Lord.
The biblical narrative suggests countless faithful priests leading in worship (Ezra
3:8-11), Jewish grandfathers telling faith stories around the campfire (Ps. 89:1), fathers
teaching the commandments and proverbs at home (Deut. 6:7), mothers packing food for
special religious gatherings (John 6:9), and inspired songwriters making the Word of God
34
memorable for the next generation (Ps. 105-106). New Testament believers taught the
Apostles’ doctrine (Acts 2:42), prayed for spiritual empowerment and gifts (1 Tim. 4:14),
and opened doors of ministry for young leaders (1 Cor. 4:17; 1 Thess. 3:2).
The whole community of God’s people creates an environment of authentic faith.
This section will explore the biblical identity of the people of God and address key
methods and problems in the transmission of faith throughout the scriptural narrative.
The chapter will conclude by enumerating the responsibilities of families and children in
the transmission of faith.
The Identity of the People of God
The essential message of the Bible is that God is at work to bring into being a
people under His rule both on earth and for eternity (Matt. 6:10). The effectiveness of the
Church in believing, embracing, and living out this identity determines what it reproduces
in the next generation.25 This biblical survey traces the identity of the people of God as
the chosen descendants of Abraham, the holy nation of the Sinai covenant, and the New
Covenant people of God. It also highlights how God’s people transmitted their faith and
identity to successive generations.
Abraham and the Chosen People
The history of the people of God began when the Lord appeared to Abraham and
made a series of promises known as the Abrahamic Covenant (Gen. 12:1-3; 13:14-16;
15:1-21; 17:1-14; 22:16-18). In the Covenant, God promised Abraham and his
descendants a special and blessed covenant relationship with himself. God promised, “I
25
New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “people of God.”
35
will establish my covenant between me and you and your offspring after you throughout
their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your offspring after
you” (Gen. 17:7). This is the foundational promise on which all the others stand; God
firmly binds himself to His faithful people to be their God, and that His grace, protection,
goodness, and blessing are given to them in love (Jer. 11:4; 24:7; 30:22; 32:38; Ezek.
11:20; 36:28; Zech. 8:8).26 In turn, God expected Abraham and his descendants to keep
the stipulations of the covenant, to “walk before me and be blameless” (Gen. 17:1; 22:1618). In fact, Abraham’s example of obedience defines his relationship with God (Gen.
12:3; 18:18; 22:18; 26:4; 28:14). Abraham believed God, and his faith was credited to
him as righteousness (Gen. 15:6; also cited in Rom. 4:2, Gal. 3:6; James 2:23).
The covenant also promised to multiply Abraham’s descendants into a gôy g#dôl,
a great nation-state (Gen 12:2; 13:16; 15:5, 18-21; 17:2, 4-7, 16, 19; 22:17).27 The Lord
appeared personally to repeat the covenant to Abraham’s son Isaac (26:2-5) and his
grandson Jacob/Israel (28:13-14; 32:22-32). His great-grandson, Joseph, clearly
understood the promise as the family moved to Egypt (50:24-26) where the promise
would be fulfilled. The descendants of the tribes of Jacob/Israel became a distinct people
group, whom God called His own people (see Exod. 3:7, 10; 5:1; 6:7; 7:16).
The people of God in the Old Testament also tied their special identity to the
Promised Land, the land of Canaan, where the patriarchs sojourned and their descendants
would dwell (Gen. 12:7; 13:14-15, 17; 15:7, 18; 17:8). The land “flowing with milk and
honey” (Num. 13:27; Deut. 6:3) was Yahweh’s gracious gift, yet the people of Israel still
26
Donald C. Stamps and J. Wesley Adams, eds., The Full Life Study Bible: New International
Version (Grand Rapids: MI: Zondervan, 1992), 46.
27
New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “people of God.”
36
had to conquer it (Deut. 1:25; 5:31; 9:6; 11:17). They partially conquered the land under
the leadership of Joshua and ultimately conquered it under David and Solomon (2 Sam.
3:10; 1 Kings 4:21; 8:65; Ezek. 47:15-20).28
The Abrahamic Covenant established circumcision as a mandatory physical sign
of Israel’s covenant membership (Gen. 17:9-14; 34:16; Exod. 4:24-26; 12:44, 48; Lev.
12:3; Josh. 5:2-8). Beyond physical circumcision, the people of Israel also must respond
to God in obedience by circumcising their hearts, a response that involved fearing,
serving, and holding fast to the Lord (Deut. 10:16; 30:6; Jer. 9:25-26; Ezek. 44:9).29
In the Abrahamic Covenant, the people of God, while enjoying a special
relationship with the Lord, were destined to extend this blessing to all the families of the
earth (Gen. 12:3; repeated in 18:18; 22:18; 26:4; 28:14; cited in Jer. 4:2; Acts 3:25; Gal.
3:8). The placement of this blessing as the final climax of God’s initial promise to
Abraham (Gen. 12:1-3) indicates that the primary motive behind the covenant is God’s
desire for His people to bring blessing, not cursing, upon the families of the earth.30
Through the prophet Isaiah, the Lord restated this missional priority for Israel, noting that
the “servant of the Lord” is called to be “a light to the nations (or gentiles), that my
salvation may reach to the ends of the earth” (Isa. 49:6; also 42:6; cited in Luke 2:32).
Sinai and the Holy Nation
After the descendants of Abraham had lived for 400 years in Egypt, growing into
a large but enslaved people group, the Lord burst back on the scene to fulfill His
28
New Bible Dictionary, s.v. “promised land.”
29
New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “circumcision.”
30
Dictionary of the Old Testament: Pentateuch, s.v. “covenant.”
37
promises to Abraham (Gen. 15:13-14). The show of divine power in the Exodus flowed
directly out of the covenant of love that the Lord had made with the patriarchs.
It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the
LORD set his love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples,
but it is because the LORD loves you and is keeping the oath that he swore to
your fathers, that the LORD has brought you out with a mighty hand and
redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt.
(Deut. 7:7-8)
The Exodus events gave the people of Israel their defining narrative of God’s
intervention and the covenant at Sinai placed boundaries around their relationship with
their Creator. The Lord brought His people out of Egypt “with a mighty hand and an
outstretched arm” (Deut. 4:34; 5:15; 7:19; 11:2; 26:8), having become a “great nation,”
gôy g#dôl (Gen. 12:1). At Sinai, He spelled out the expectations for them to become a
“kingdom of priests” and a gôy q#dô˘s, a “holy nation” (Exod. 19:6). 31
The Exodus may be defined as the story of Israel’s deliverance and consolidation
as a nation, encompassing the events from bondage in Egypt to crossing the Jordan after
forty years of wilderness wandering.32 It provides the richest source of allusion for Old
Testament writers; with over 120 explicit references in the Law, narrative, prophecy, and
Psalms, its importance for the national identity of Israel can hardly be exaggerated.33
Miraculous interventions infuse the whole account, including the rescue and royal
upbringing of Moses (Exod. 2), the call of Moses at the burning bush (ch. 3-4), the ten
plagues in Egypt (ch. 7-12), the Passover that humbled Pharaoh and his gods (ch. 12), the
appearance of God in pillars of cloud and fire (13:17-22), the opening of the Red Sea (ch.
31
New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “People of God.”
32
Leland Ryken, Jim Wilhoit, and Tremper Longman, eds., Dictionary of Biblical Imagery,
electronic ed.(Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2000), s.v. “Exodus.”
33
New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “Exodus.”
38
14), manna and quail from heaven (ch. 16), water from the rock (ch. 17), the breathtaking
presence of God on Mount Sinai (ch. 19), the divine dictation of the Decalogue and book
of the covenant (ch. 20-24), and the glory of the Lord that rested upon the tabernacle
(40:38). The defining moment of salvation for Israel, the Passover (12:16-19), would be
remembered yearly as part of the Feast of Unleavened Bread, a solemn festival to the
Lord (Lev. 23:4-8).
After the Exodus, the Lord collected His people at Mount Sinai, where He
renewed His covenant (Exod. 19:3-8) and began to spell out the responsibilities of His
people as a “kingdom of priests and a holy nation” (19:6). The covenant, modeled after
the suzerain vassal treaties of the ancient near east, involved bilateral obligations. His
commitment to make them His unique, “special possession” depended on their
obedience. God said, “If you will indeed obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall
be my treasured possession” (19:5). The Lord expected His people to reflect His
character to the world: “You shall be holy, for I the LORD your God am holy” (Lev.
19:2). The Lord spelled out the specific obligations of the people in the commands of the
Decalogue (Exod. 20:1-17) and the divine ordinances of the “Book of the Covenant”
(Exod. 21-23).34
The commands in the Mosaic Covenant were concerned with sustaining the
unique divine-human relationship between a holy God and a sinful people called to be a
“holy nation.”35 God’s people were not to worship the false gods of the Canaanites
(Exod. 20:3, 23) or even mention their names (23:13). To keep His people from slipping
into the worship habits of the surrounding people, the Lord specifically prescribed the
34
New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “Covenant.”
35
Dictionary of the Old Testament: Pentateuch, s.v. “Covenant.”
39
worship expected of His holy people. Sabbath observance was designated as the special
sign of this covenant (Exod. 31:13-17; 20:8; 23:10-12). Three annual pilgrimage
festivals—the feast of unleavened bread (Pesach), the feast of weeks (Shavuot), and the
feast of tabernacles (Sukkot)—were ordained to bring the people together for worship
(23:14-17; 34:23; Deut. 16:16). The families of Israel were commanded to remember
God’s covenant of love by loving Him in return and weaving the words of the covenant
into their lives, posting them in their homes, tying them on their bodies, and teaching
them to their children and grandchildren (Deut. 6:1-9).
The tabernacle, placed in the center of the camp (similar to the tent of an Egyptian
warrior-king) with the twelve tribes in formation around it, served as the physical sign of
God’s dwelling among His people.36 The book of Leviticus spelled out Yahweh’s
detailed instructions for tabernacle worship, including the specific duties of the
priesthood and the required sacrificial offerings to atone for different kinds of sin, while
maintaining the core theme of the Mosaic Covenant: “You shall be holy, for I the Lord
your God am holy” (Lev. 19:2).
Two more chapters in the covenant story merit mention in this discussion of the
Lord’s “holy nation.” Once God’s people had entered the Promised Land and become a
recognizable nation, the Lord made a covenant with King David, promising that a
member of his family would always sit on the throne of Israel (2 Sam. 7:12-16).
Centuries later, after both Israel and Judah had been destroyed because of covenant
unfaithfulness, the prophet Jeremiah delivered a promise that one day the Lord would
establish a new covenant with His people (Jer. 31:31-34). This new covenant and the
36
New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “Exodus.”
40
Lord’s instructions would be inscribed on their hearts, their wickedness would be
forgiven; He would once again be their God and they His people.
The New Testament People of God
The New Testament presents both continuity and discontinuity with the Old
Testament people of God and the covenants the Lord made with Abraham and Moses.
The gospel genealogies identify Jesus as “the son of David, the son of Abraham,” the
spiritual seed of Abraham and, therefore, the fulfillment of the promise of blessing to all
the nations (Matt. 1:1; Luke 3:34). Nevertheless, both John the Baptist and Jesus insisted
that not all descendants of Abraham partake in the spiritual blessings of the people of
God (Matt. 3:8-9; Luke 3:8; John 8:33-58).
The Apostle Paul emphasized the faith of Abraham mentioned in Genesis 15:6,
drawing two general conclusions from the fact that Abraham’s faith was counted as
righteousness before he was circumcised or the Law was given at Sinai (Rom. 4:1-24;
Gal. 3:6-29). The first conclusion defines Paul’s soteriology, stating that righteousness
before God and membership in the people of God comes by faith, not by circumcision or
the Law (Rom. 4:11; Gal. 3:29). Paul’s second conclusion about the Abrahamic Covenant
defines his missiology and ecclesiology, for in disconnecting covenant membership from
ethnicity, he expands the mission of the Church to include the Gentiles (Rom. 4:2-5; Gal.
3:11-14).
In the New Covenant, the people of God are no longer identified by Israelite
ethnic heritage or by the physical sign of circumcision, but by spiritual heritage through
41
faith in Abraham’s ultimate seed, Jesus Christ (Gal. 3:11-14).37 After the Holy Spirit fell
on uncircumcised Gentiles (Acts 10:44-48), the Jerusalem Council concluded that
circumcision of Gentile believers was no longer necessary (Acts 15:1-21), perhaps
perceiving that the fulfillment of Joel’s promise that God would pour His Spirit on all
flesh (Joel 2:28; Acts 2:17) had accomplished the requisite “circumcision of the heart”
and rendered the physical rite unnecessary.38
The Apostle Paul even notes that only those who live by the rule of “neither
circumcision nor uncircumcision” are the “Israel of God” (Gal. 6:16). Gordon Fee points
out that “the church,” the ekklesia or “called out ones” of the New Covenant, represents a
true succession of the people of God. Even though entrance into the people of God now
requires individual faith (Acts 2:21; Rom. 10:13), “God is not just saving individuals and
preparing them for heaven; rather, he is creating a people among whom he can live and
who in their life together will reproduce God’s life and character.”39
Despite the strong connection between the people of God and the Promised Land
in the Abrahamic Covenant, the land receives relatively little attention in the New
Testament. Paul broadens the promise of land, by saying it meant that Abraham’s
offspring “would be heir of the world” (Rom. 4:13). The writer of Hebrews understands
“the land” eschatologically as a symbol of heavenly “rest” (Heb. 4:9), and explains that
Abraham was looking toward a “better country,” a “heavenly one” (Heb. 11:16).40
37
G. W. Hansen, Abraham in Galatians: Epistolary and Rhetorical Contexts (Sheffield, England:
JSOT Press, 1989), 158-160. Quoted in Dictionary of Biblical Imagery (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity
Press, 2000), s.v. “Abraham.”
38
New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “circumcision.”
39
Gordon Fee, Paul, the Spirit, and the People of God (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson, 1996), 64-66.
40
New Bible Dictionary, s.v. “promised land.”
42
The Early Church clearly appropriated Israel’s calling to be “a kingdom of priests
and a holy nation” (Exod. 19:5-6; cf. 1 Pet. 2:5-6). The Apostle Peter notes that believers
have been chosen “in the sanctification of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ” (1
Pet. 1:2) and urges them to holiness, saying “as he who called you is holy, you also be
holy in all your conduct, since it is written, ‘You shall be holy, for I am holy’” (1 Pet.
1:15-16; citing Lev. 11:44-45; 19:2). Peter links the chosen nature of the people of God,
the holy character of God, and the calling to proclaim the Lord’s name to the nations:
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own
possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of
darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are
God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received
mercy. (1 Pet. 2:9-10)
If the Exodus is the defining salvation story for God’s people in the Old
Testament, the death and resurrection of Jesus becomes the dominant salvation narrative
in the New Testament. The eyewitnesses of the resurrection and those who collected their
stories passed it down as the most important event in human history and as proof of
God’s saving power (Luke 1:1-2; 1 Cor. 15:1-4; 1 John 1:1-3). Christians memorialize
the salvific work of Christ in the rite of water baptism, which represents the believer’s
repentance, death to sin, and new life in Christ (Matt. 28:19; Rom. 6:1-4). Fee even
argues that water baptism, the step following personal confession of faith (Rom. 10:9),
represents the entry point into the kingdom of God for New Testament believers, for God
was not just in the business of saving a collection of individual believers. The primary
goal of salvation was to join the people of God, “an eschatological people who together
live the life of the future in the present age as they await the final consummation.”41
41
Fee, 64.
43
In the New Testament, the people of God enter a New Covenant instituted
through the shed blood of Jesus (Luke 22:20; 1 Cor. 11:25; Heb. 9:7-25). The Eucharist
or communion celebration would memorialize this covenant until His future return (Mark
14:25; 1 Cor. 11:26), much like the Passover lamb memorialized salvation of the
Israelites from Egypt (Exod. 12:3-7). The Lord had promised this New Covenant through
the prophets Jeremiah and Ezekiel, vowing to place a new heart and a new spirit into His
people, with the covenant law not written on stone tablets, but on their hearts (Jer. 31:3133; Ezek. 36:26). Most of the New Testament references to the covenant occur in the
book of Hebrews, where the author argues that the New Covenant is better than the old
covenant because it is final, permanent, and once-for-all since Christ himself mediates it
rather than human priests and animal sacrifices (Heb. 7:22; 8:6-13; 9:15; 12:24).42
Key Challenges in the Transmission of Faith
Ministry to young people who have grown up in the church flows from a proper
theology of the grace of God, anthropology based on the image of God, and an
ecclesiology that understands that the church is a continuation of the biblical people of
God. Current Christian education literature spells out several critical ministry elements to
pass on faith to the next generation.43 The biblical account of failed and successful
intergenerational transmissions of faith highlight four key responsibilities of the leaders
of the people of God in that process, briefly described in this section.
42
Dictionary of Biblical Imagery, s.v. “Covenant.”
43
Two excellent sources on desired outcomes and methodology in Christian education consistently
cited in other sources are Merton P. Strommen and Richard Hardel, Passing on the Faith: A Radical New
Model for Youth and Family Ministry (Winona: St. Mary’s Press, 2000); and Andy Stanley and Stuart Hall,
The Seven Checkpoints: Seven Principles Every Teenager Needs to Know (West Monroe, LA: Howard,
2001).
44
Create Settings for Meaningful Worship
Generations falter spiritually when they do not know the Lord for themselves
(Judg. 2:10; 1 Sam. 2:12), and the people of God must create meaningful worship settings
where members can personally encounter the presence of God for themselves. The Lord
established weekly worship in community (Exod. 20:8; Acts 2:42; Heb. 10:25), as well as
special travel occasions in the three yearly festivals: Passover (Pesach, Feast of
Unleavened Bread), Pentecost (Shavuot, Feast of Weeks), and Tabernacles (Sukkot, Feast
of Ingathering) (Exod. 23:15-16; Lev. 23; Num. 28; Deut. 16).
Jesus called His disciples to special times of prayer and spiritual rest (Mark 6:31;
9:2). Today’s church camps and spiritual retreats may similarly create special
uninterrupted times for worship, rest, renewal, and spiritual space for personal encounter
with the Lord.44 Like the Old Testament festivals, these retreats help young people
connect the beauty and bounty of nature with the Creator and His saving activity in the
world.45 Although planning these events takes special effort, they may define and develop
the spiritual and moral commitments of the next generation.46
Teach the Content of Scripture
The commission of Jesus to make disciples of all nations requires that the church
deliberately teach the content of Scripture because when the Word of the Lord becomes
44
Bud Williams, historian and theologian for Christian Camping International, argues that both
Old Testament festivals and modern camps create “temporary communities” different than the local church
for special meeting with God. Bud Williams, “Theological Perspectives on the Temporary Community/
Camping and the Church.” Wheaton, IL: Christian Camping International, 2002. http://www.cciworld
wide.org/pdf/Christian-Camping-and-the-Church.pdf (accessed October 13, 2007).
45
New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “Worship.”
46
Christian Smith, “Theorizing Religious Effects Among American Adolescents,” Journal for the
Scientific Study of Religion 42, no. 1 (2003): 21.
45
scarce, people fall into sin (Judg. 3:7; 1 Sam. 3:7). Believers must teach the moral
commands of Jesus and the apostles’ teaching to the next generation (Deut. 6:1-6; Ps.
119; Acts 2:42; 2 Tim. 2:2). The act of remembering the great deeds of the Lord serves to
build faith and warn upcoming generations of the negative consequences of disobedience
(Ps. 78; 105; 106; 114; 136; 1 Cor. 15:1-10).47 Sometimes remembrance takes on an
artistic expression like the Old Testament memorial stones (Exod. 28:12; Josh. 4:24), a
ceremony such as Passover (Exod. 12:14), or the Eucharist (Luke 22:19; 1 Cor. 11:2426).48 Personal testimony of God’s intervention cannot be refuted by the naysayer and
brings glory to the Lord (John 9:25; Rev. 12:11).
Set Examples Worthy of Imitation
Adult leaders set an example for the next generation to follow—for good or evil.
In the Old Testament, a lack of godly leadership usually results in the sons repeating the
sins of their fathers (Judg. 17:6; 1 Kings 22:52) or adopting the idolatry of the
surrounding culture (Judg. 2:11; 1 Kings 11:4). The Apostle Paul admonished his readers
to “imitate me even as I imitate Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1; cf. 1 Cor. 4:16; Phil. 3:17; 2 Thess.
3:7, 9).49 Relational mentoring was the context in which he carried out his discipleship in
community: “And the things which you have heard from me in the presence of many
witnesses, these entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also” (2 Tim.
2:2). Peers can also provide examples for each other and bear one another’s burden (Dan.
2:17-18; Gal. 6:2). Young people learn many spiritual practices such as prayer, fasting,
47
Clark Hyde, “The Remembrance of the Exodus in the Psalms,” Worship 62, no. 5 (1988): 404.
48
Dictionary of Biblical Imagery, s.v. “Remembrance.”
49
Jon Ruthoven, “The ‘Imitation of Christ’ in Christian Tradition: Its Missing Charismatic
Emphasis,” Journal of Pentecostal Theology 16 (2000): 70.
46
and forgiveness better by example than just verbal teaching (Luke 11:1). The example of
mature spiritual role models help younger people fan into flame the gifts that the Lord
has placed in their lives (2 Tim. 1:7; Col. 3:23), equip the saints to do the work of the
ministry, and create meaningful learning situations (Matt. 10:5-15).
Begin in the Family
The final principle of transmission of faith is that both the spiritual blessing and
the discipline of the next generation begin in the family. The Patriarchs placed their
hands on the head of their children and blessed them (Gen. 27:26; 48:9-10).50 The Lord
commanded the Scriptures to be taught in the home first (Deut. 6:1-6). Joshua’s steely
determination to serve the Lord has inspired the faithfulness of countless families (Josh.
24:15). The book of Proverbs is, from one point of view, a book of parental instruction
for children.51 Certainly, parents wield the power of life and death in the words they
speak to their children (Prov. 18:21).52
The family serves as a vehicle not only of blessing, but in exercising discipline, it
also serves to teach children a proper response to authority, something essential for
communal and societal living. Parents who do not correct their children do not love them
(Prov. 13:24; Heb. 12:26) and children who lack parental discipline may become wicked
(1 Sam. 2:12). Parents, however, must discipline their children with love, lest they poison
50
Gary Smalley and John Trent, The Blessing (New York, NY: Pocket Books, 1990), 40-41. This
popular book argues that the blessing involves meaningful touch, a spoken message, attaching “high
value,” picturing a special future, and an active commitment to fulfill the blessing.
51
Dictionary of Biblical Imagery, s.v. “Family.”
52
For more on spiritual formation in the home, see also Marcia J. Bunge, “Biblical and Theological
Perspectives on Children, Parents, and ‘Best Practices’ for Faith Formation: Resources for Child, Youth,
and Family Ministry Today,” Dialog: A Journal of Theology, 47, 4 (Winter 2008): 348-360. Reggie Joiner,
Think Orange (Colorado Springs, CO: David C. Cook, 2009).
47
them with bitterness (Eph. 6:4). Ministry leaders are especially required to manage their
family and children well (1 Tim. 3:4-5). In the same way, parents must exhibit the
diligence to work hard to provide for their family’s needs, lest they be worse than the
unbelievers (Matt. 7:10-11; 1 Tim. 5:8). Children must honor and obey their parents
(Exod. 20:12; Matt. 14:4; Eph. 6:1-2; Col. 3:20), with the promise that God’s blessing
accompanies this honor.
Case Studies in the Transmission of Faith
The people of God and believing families do their best to transmit genuine faith to
the next generation, but ultimately each young person must choose his or her own
attitudes toward God and the church. The children of church leaders grow up immersed
in the Christian church culture, which provides a unique set of advantages and challenges
in the process of developing personal faith. They inherit a valuable spiritual heritage,
learning Scripture, watching godly role models, and participating in the best Christian
activities. They may enjoy some special recognition in the reflected glow of their parents’
prominence. Over time they are also exposed to the dark side of organized religion,
possibly witnessing wrangling over power and money, the sting of criticism, and the
disappointing sin of church members. How can the young people who grow up in the
church handle these advantages and disadvantages? How can they acquire the ability to
“test everything, [and] hold on to what is good” (1 Thess. 5:21)? The ability to do so will
determine their character, which will be revealed when they become church leaders.
The following two biblical case studies examine young religious leaders who
made very different attitude choices. The sons of Eli in 1 Samuel provide a negative
example from the Old Testament. A cynical spirit corrupts these young priests, making
48
them worthless, blasphemous men who draw the wrath and judgment of God. The
positive example of transmission of faith focuses on Timothy in the New Testament, the
young apprentice of the Apostle Paul. In spite of difficult circumstances, Timothy
deliberately cultivated a sincere faith and developed lasting ministry in the Early Church.
The Sons of Eli: Cynicism that Leads to Corruption
The biblical story of Hophni and Phineas, the sons of Eli the priest (1 Sam. 2-3),
provides one of the clearest biblical case studies of children of ministers who grow up in
the house of worship without a personal knowledge of God. Their hearts become
hardened, leading to thorough corruption and eventual death. The story of their
wickedness provides a counterpoint to young Samuel’s sincere service in the temple and
obedience to the Lord.
Family and Cultural Context
Hophni and Phineas were born into the leading family of priests serving in the
semi-permanent tabernacle at Shiloh at the end of the period of the Judges of Israel.53 The
spiritual condition of the people of Israel at this time had sunk to an all too familiar
pattern of spiritual decline. For generations, the rebellion and idolatry of God’s people
had resulted in cycles of foreign oppression, emergency prayer for deliverance, and
God’s intervention through a charismatic leader (Judg. 2:11-19). The narrative identifies
two main sources of the repeated spiritual unfaithfulness: “There was no king in Israel,
53
Excavations at Shiloh from this period suggest the tabernacle may have been installed on a
permanent foundation, and served as the center of Israel’s worship for as long as 75 years (Josh. 18:1). Bill
T. Arnold and H. G. M. Williamson, Dictionary of the Old Testament: Historical Books (Downers Grove,
IL: InterVarsity Press, 2005), s.v. “Shiloh.”
49
everyone did what was right in his own eyes” (Judg. 17:6; 21:25), and “the word of the
Lord was rare in those days; there was no frequent vision” (1 Sam. 3:1).
Eli’s family heritage traced back to Aaron and his sons (Exod. 28-29) who
regarded their temple responsibilities and privileges as part of a priestly covenant with
God (Num. 18:19; 25:10-13).54 Hophni and Phineas, Eli’s two sons, had been groomed
since birth to inherit the spiritual leadership of Israel from their father. They started their
active priestly function at Shiloh (1 Sam. 1:3). During their childhood, while their father
served as judge over Israel and presided over daily worship, Hophni and Phineas had
likely grown up playing in the tabernacle among the gold-plated furniture. Behind a thick
curtain sat the awe-inspiring Ark of the Covenant (1 Sam 3:3), which was considered the
“throne of Yahweh,” the most powerful symbol of God’s presence among the people of
Israel.55
Hophni and Phineas were the ultimate priestly insiders; they knew the mechanics
of temple worship inside and out. They had surely learned the Law of Moses and heard
the miraculous stories of the Exodus since birth. Every day they watched the sincere
worshipers file through the tabernacle grounds, offering sacrifices and singing songs
about the steadfast covenantal love of God. These young men had a rich spiritual heritage
and enjoyed a head start toward leading the next generation of God’s people in Israel.
54
For more on the covenantal nature of the priesthood, see New Dictionary of Biblical Theology,
s.v. “Covenant.”
55
The ark plays a central role in the narrative of 1 Samuel 4-6 as the defining symbol of God’s
power and presence with Israel. Dictionary of the Old Testament: Historical Books, s.v. “Ark of the
Covenant.”
50
The Sin of Hophni and Phineas
Instead of stepping forward as spiritual leaders in their generation, Eli’s sons
became cynical and hard-hearted about the Lord, the routines of their tradition, and the
people who came to worship. This is a clear example of the adage: “Familiarity breeds
contempt.” First Samuel 2:12 describes Hophni and Phineas as “sons of Belial,” or
“worthless men” who “did not know the Lord.”56 The Hebrew word translated “know,”
y#da&, when applied to a relationship with another person or God, refers to intimate
personal acquaintance (Exod. 33:1, 1 Sam. 3:7; Isa. 60:16).57 In spite of working daily in
the tabernacle, Hophni and Phineas shared the spiritual emptiness of generations of
Judges-era young people before them: they simply had no knowledge, fear, or regard for
the Lord (Judg. 2:10). Dissatisfied with their allotted portion of boiled meat from the
sacrifices brought to the Lord, the young priests forced the people to give them raw meat
to roast (2:12-17), and even backed up their greedy maneuvers with threats of violence.58
The narrator notes, “Thus the sin of the young men was very great in the sight of the
Lord, for the men treated the offering of the Lord with contempt” (2:17).
The priest, Eli, who still possessed enough severity to have harshly reproved
Samuel’s mother Hannah in the tabernacle (1 Sam. 1:12-14), proved unable to restrain his
own sons (2:22-25).59 In the eyes of the Lord, his resignation of authority made him an
accomplice to their sins (3:13). When the people came to tell Eli that his sons were
sleeping with the women employed in the tent of meeting, his attempt at correction at
56
Harris, Archer, and Waltke, 111.
57
Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament, s.v. “y#da&.”
58
Ralph W. Klein, 1 Samuel, vol. 10 of Word Biblical Commentary (Waco, TX: Word, 1983), 23.
59
Alfred Edersheim, Bible History: Old Testament (Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Bible Software,
1997), s.v. “1 Sam 2:12-3:21.”
51
first sounded more like whining than parental authority: “Why do you do such things”
(2:23)? He did later admonish them by saying, “If someone sins against a man, God will
mediate for him, but if someone sins against the Lord, who can intercede for him?”
(2:25). Still they would not listen to their father, “for it was the will of the Lord to put
them to death” (2:25).
The Lord finally had enough of the blasphemous and bullying sons of Eli. An
unnamed “man of God” came to bring a word of judgment from the Lord to Eli, saying,
“Didn’t I choose your family to represent me to the people?” “Why then do you scorn my
sacrifices and my offerings that I commanded, and honor your sons above me by
fattening yourselves on the choicest parts of every offering of my people Israel” (2:29)?
Eli, by honoring his sons more than the Lord, was just as guilty as his sons. Like the
Canaanites whose defilement had caused the land to vomit them out (Lev. 18:24-25), the
stench of the corruption of the house of Eli had filled the land and would bring a similar
fate.60
The prophet then summarized the theological point of the story: “Those who
honor me I will honor, and those who despise me shall be lightly esteemed” (1 Sam.
2:30). Furthermore, the prophet declared that Hophni and Phineas would both die on the
same day—a prophecy soon fulfilled on the battlefield against the Philistines (4:11). The
Lord desired to raise up for himself “a faithful priest, who shall do according to what is in
my heart and in my mind” (2:35) and “go in and out before my anointed forever” (2:36).
God intended to speak to His people once again and inaugurate the kingdom of Israel. To
do so, He chose the young man Samuel, who served faithfully in the temple (2:11), was
60
Dictionary of Biblical Imagery, s.v. “corruption.”
52
growing “in favor with the Lord and also with man” (2:26), and learned to listen to the
voice of the Lord and speak His words boldly (3:19-21). The comparison between
Samuel and the despicable sons of Eli “leaves no doubt who had divine approval and who
stood under condemnation.”61
The Corruption Equation
The process of transmission of faith in the home of Eli the priest went terribly
wrong; the young men with so many advantages grew blasphemous and corrupt.
Certainly, the external context of their upbringing provided some potential excuses. Israel
did not have a king and the word of the Lord was scarce; thus, the young men may not
have benefitted from strong leadership models or settings to hear from God. Their father
exercised little discipline in the home, allowing his sons to be spoiled and unruly. Eli
certainly did not reflect an “as for me and my house we will serve the Lord”
determination to raise godly sons (Josh. 24:15).
Beyond the external circumstances, the sons of Eli allowed three poisonous
attitudes to creep into their spirits and led to their “worthlessness” and utter corruption:
contempt, entitlement, and impunity. Their intimate familiarity with the mechanics of
tabernacle worship without personal knowledge or fear of the Lord bred a calloused
contempt for God and His people. Personal arrogance, coupled with annoyance over
perceived unfair treatment (such as the indignity of having to eat boiled meat), led to a
sense of entitlement. They felt they deserved whatever their passions dictated, including
grilled steaks and sex in the tabernacle. The security of a guaranteed priesthood, plus a
lack of parental discipline, resulted in an attitude of impunity. Hophni and Phineas felt
61
Klein, 26.
53
exempt from punishment and the consequences of their actions.62 The attitudes of the
sons of Eli added up to a most dangerous equation: Contempt + Entitlement + Impunity =
Corruption.
Timothy: Nurturing Sincere Faith
The New Testament portrait of Timothy provides a positive case study of a young
man who enjoyed a rich spiritual heritage and early ministry opportunities yet, who in
contrast to the sons of Eli, preserved a sincere faith and fulfilled his God-given role in his
generation.
Family and Relational Context
Timothy grew up in Lystra, an obscure Roman colonial town in the high plains of
the district of Lycaonia in the province of Galatia.63 The Apostle Paul preached in Lystra
on his first missionary journey, suffering acute persecution while establishing a church in
the community (Acts 14:8-23). The fact that he did not preach first in a synagogue may
indicate that Lystra had no formal Jewish community.64 Timothy’s unnamed father was a
Greek, or pagan, and both his mother, Eunice, and grandmother, Lois, were devout Jews
with “sincere faith” (Acts 16:1; 2 Tim. 1:5). In the absence of a synagogue, these special
ladies presumably taught him the “sacred writings since childhood” (2 Tim. 3:15).
Timothy, his mother, and grandmother probably converted to Christianity on
Paul’s first visit to Lystra. Quite possibly, they witnessed Paul’s persecution and
62
Oxford English Dictionary, s.v. “impunity.”
63
New Bible Dictionary, s.v. “Lystra.”
64
Since Paul and Barnabas in Lystra did not preach first in a synagogue, as was their custom, there
may not have been enough adult Jewish males to establish one (Acts 14:8-18). David S. Dockery et al.,
Holman Bible Handbook (Nashville, TN: Holman Bible Publishers, 1992), 649.
54
suffering as well (Acts 14:19-20; 2 Tim. 3:10-11). By the time of Paul’s second
missionary journey, the young man Timothy had earned such respect among the believers
in Lystra and Iconium that he drew the attention of Paul and Silas; they decided to take
him on as an apprentice and ministry associate (Acts 16:1-3). The community of
believers received prophetic utterances setting Timothy apart for the ministry, and Paul
laid hands on him in blessing and to impart spiritual gifting (1 Tim. 1:18; 4:14; 2 Tim.
1:6). To prevent trouble with the Jews on account of Timothy’s pagan father, Paul had
him circumcised before setting out on his journeys (Acts 16:3).65
Over the following years of ministry, Timothy and his mentor, Paul, developed a
most profound respect and affection for one another. The Apostle trusted Timothy with
many critical assignments: to encourage the Thessalonians under persecution (1 Thess.
3:2), to confirm the faith of the new converts in Corinth (1 Cor. 4:17), and to pastor the
church in Ephesus (1 Tim. 1:3). His name appears with that of Paul in the salutations of
seven of the epistles (Rom. 16:21; 2 Cor. 1:1; Phil. 1:1; Col. 1:1; 1 Thess. 1:1; 2 Thess.
1:1; Philem. 1:1).66 Paul came to call him his gn$sio tekn%, literally his “legitimate child”
in the faith (1 Tim 1:2).67 Paul frequently commends Timothy for his loyalty (1 Cor.
16:10; Phil. 2:19; 2 Tim. 3:10), and it is fitting that the Apostle’s final letters should be
addressed so affectionately to his godly, but reluctant successor.68
The Apostle Paul’s two letters to the young pastor offer clues about Timothy’s
personality. He was affectionate and sensitive (2 Tim. 1:4); he may have struggled with a
65
New Bible Dictionary, s.v. “Timothy.”
66
F. L. Cross and Elizabeth A. Livingstone, The Oxford Dictionary of the Christian Church, 3rd
rev. ed. (Oxford, England: Oxford University Press, 2005), 1634.
67
Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, s.v. “)*+,-os.”
68
New Bible Dictionary, s.v. “Timothy.”
55
timid personality, along with occasional fear and hesitance to take risks (1 Tim. 4:12-16;
2 Tim. 1:7-8). Paul shows fatherly concern, warning him not to give way to youthful lusts
(2 Tim. 2:22), to take care of his stomach ailments (1 Tim. 5:23), and not be ashamed of
Paul or the gospel in difficult times (2 Tim. 1:8). Young Timothy’s ministry clearly
started strong. He had the advantages of a godly heritage, a highly influential apostolic
mentor, the unanimous trust and admiration of those who met him, and influence that
extended throughout the whole church.
The Sincere Faith of Timothy
The young disciple Timothy enjoyed a strong spiritual heritage and an early start
in ministry, but he also made a series of choices to help him fulfill God’s destiny for his
life. He chose to develop his own sincere faith, handle his life with purity, and fan his
God-given gifts into flame with self-discipline.
Timothy chose to nurture the sincere faith that he had observed in his mother and
grandmother, finding his own place in the people of God. The defining statement about
Timothy’s character comes at the beginning of Paul’s second letter, when he writes, “I
am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and
your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well” (2 Tim. 1:5). The Greek
word translated “sincere,” anypócritos, is the negative adjective of the noun “hypocrite,”
the term for a stage actor in Greek drama “acting in a role that was not his or her own.”69
Jesus criticized some of the religious leaders who behaved like common actors, giving
charity, praying in public, and fasting while more concerned with their public image than
69
I. Howard Marshall, “Who is a Hypocrite?” Bibliotheca Sacra 159 (April-June 2002): 131.
56
with genuine fidelity to God.70 The sons of Eli had certainly behaved like stage actors,
prancing around the tabernacle in their priestly garments while secretly plotting evil.
Timothy’s faith was anypócritos, “genuine and sincere, lacking in pretense or show.”71
The theme of purity of heart permeates Paul’s letters to Timothy, as if this was a
core value they had discussed many times. The Apostle affirms sincerity of spirit as one
of the principal goals of all Christian teaching: “The aim of our charge is love that issues
from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith” (1 Tim. 1:5). He encourages
his protégé to let no one despise him for his youth, and to keep on setting “an example in
speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (4:12). Paul notes that some other leaders,
having rejected a good conscience, “have made a shipwreck of their faith” (1:19).
Timothy must flee from the love of money and instead “pursue righteousness, godliness,
faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness” (6:11). A humble sincerity of spirit extended to the
way he was to treat other believers in the church, especially the younger women, “as
sisters, in all purity” (5:2).
God had clearly placed natural and spiritual gifts into Timothy’s life, but the
young man had to work hard to develop them. Paul advised him to not neglect his
“charisma” or gift (1 Tim. 4:14) and to “fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you
through the laying on of my hands” (2 Tim. 1:6). Although Paul does not specify the
nature of his protégé’s gift, he clearly charged Timothy to study, preach, and teach the
Word of God (1 Tim. 4:11-14; 2 Tim. 2:15, 24-25; 4:2), as well as to exercise the work of
70
Richard A. Batey, “Jesus and the Theatre,” New Testament Studies 30 (1984): 563. Batey’s
much-quoted article describes the discovery of the Roman theatre in Sepphoris, six kilometers from
Nazareth and lists the many references to theater and acting in the words of Jesus.
71
Johannes P. Louw and Eugene Albert Nida, eds., Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament:
Based on Semantic Domains, 2nd ed. (New York, NY: United Bible Societies, 1988), s.v. “73. Genuine,
Phony.”
57
an evangelist (2 Tim. 4:5). Timothy must eschew silly diversions and train himself for
godliness (1 Tim. 4:7) and make an effort to “fight the good fight” (1 Tim. 6:12). He
should devote himself to Scripture reading, exhortation, and teaching (1 Tim. 4:13-14).
Neither should he be intimidated because of his youth, for God had not given him a spirit
of fear, but of power, love, and self-control (2 Tim. 1:7).
The “Man of God” Equation
The Scriptures provide a glimpse into the transformation of Timothy from a
young man in Lystra into a “man of God” (1 Tim. 6:11; 2 Tim. 3:17). Most certainly,
several external factors helped him along. He enjoyed the advantages of a godly heritage,
training in the Scriptures, a godly mentor, and early leadership opportunities.
Beyond these factors, Timothy chose attitudes that would help make him into a
man of God. He chose to reject cynicism and nurture a sincere personal faith,
remembering his supernatural encounters with the Lord and developing personal spiritual
discipline. He chose to exercise purity of heart instead of pursuing greed and the passions
of youth. Timothy knew that his supernaturally endowed gifting was no guarantee of
God’s favor, but he developed and exercised those gifts with discipline. The attitudes
chosen by Timothy add up to his reputation and long ministry as a recognized man of
God: Sincere Faith + Pure Heart + Developed Gifts = Man of God
Responsibilities of the Receivers of Faith
Young people who have grown up in the church can cultivate a godly spirit and
become men and women of God like Timothy, or they can allow themselves to become
bitter or manipulative like the sons of Eli. The theological investigation above has yielded
foundational observations for youth discipleship. This section concludes with a short list
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of challenges and responsibilities for young people who want to take their place as the
next generation of God’s people in the world.
•
Acknowledge your spiritual heritage (1 Tim. 1:5). God created you with a purpose
and destiny to become like Him (Eph. 1:4-5) and placed you in your family to train
you for it. The Scriptures you have learned since childhood (2 Tim. 3:15) and the
godly example of your parents give you a huge head start in God’s plan for your life.
•
Cultivate a personal and sincere faith. You have seen the best and worst of the
church and may have an excuse to be cynical, but become the man or woman of God
He created you to be. Repent and turn away from sin (1 John 1:9), accepting by faith
the transforming grace of God (Eph. 2:8-10). Step forward and be an example in
conduct, faith, love, and purity (1 Tim. 4:12). If you seek God with all your heart, He
will let you find Him (Jer. 29:13).
•
Receive and extend the forgiveness of God. Just as God has forgiven your sins, you
must learn to forgive your parents and others who have worn you down with their
criticism or outright sin (Matt. 6:12, 14-15). Let the music of grace fill your heart.
•
Build meaningful and God-honoring relationships. The Lord created you for
friendship and wants you to find great friends, mentors, and others you can help.
Love them deeply from the heart (1 John 4:7-12) and in all purity (1 Tim. 5:2). At
first, it might be easier if they are outside your local church.
•
Fan into flame the gift of God that is in you (2 Tim. 1:6). God wired you with a very
special set of talents and gifts, but it is up to you to hone them into weapons of
righteousness (2 Cor. 6-7) that He can use.
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Conclusion
The Church embodies the historic people of God and is chosen to enjoy a special
relationship with Him, reflect His character in holiness, and demonstrate His love and
power to the world (1 Pet. 2:9-10). Unlike the ethnic heritage of the Israelites, an
individual’s membership in the people of God under the New Covenant depends on
personal faith in Jesus Christ (Acts 2:21; Rom. 10:13; 1 John 1:12). This personal faith
choice, however, often depends on the culture of the faith community; the young either
accept or reject the religion modeled by their elders.
The first challenge in the transmission of faith from one generation to the next is
setting the right tone: true grace balances holiness with the love of God. Holiness without
love produces a mean-spirited, moralistic legalism that crushes the spirit of the young and
embitters their souls. Sentimental love that discards the character and holiness of God
renders Christian grace irrelevant. Grace-filled transmission of faith looks past external
appearances and sees the image of God in every person (Gen. 1:26-27). Seasoned
believers can look into the eyes of a young person knowing that, as a person created in
the image of God, he or she was meant to know God, be conformed to the image of
Christ, and serve Him with his or her natural and spiritual gifts.
Transmission of faith also requires teaching and modeling the content of faith.
Remembering God’s powerful work in the past (Ps. 89:1) and testimonies of His
intervention today (John 9:25) remind the next generation that God is still on the move.
Families and church communities must teach the commands of the Lord (Deut. 6:1-6)
and follow Christ in a way that others can imitate (2 Tim. 1:13). Discipleship of youth
must include creating routine (Acts 2:42, Heb. 10:25) and special (Exod. 23:15-16; Lev.
60
23; Num. 28; Deut. 16) settings where young people can have personal encounters with
God and make life-changing faith commitments.
In the final analysis, no matter the example of the faith community, every young
person is ultimately responsible for his or her own relationship with God (Gal. 6:4-5).
Each one must confess and repent of the sin that separates him or her from God and make
a genuine personal faith commitment to the Lordship of Christ. The sons of Eli
demonstrated the disastrous consequences of hard-hearted cynicism that grew into
blasphemous rebellion and ultimately led to their destruction (1 Sam. 2-3). Timothy, on
the other hand, chose to nurture a pure heart and sincere faith, fully developing his Godgiven gifts (1 Tim. 1:5; 2 Tim 1:5-7). Timothy fulfilled his holy calling (2 Tim. 1:9) to
become a man of God (1 Tim. 6:11) and, in turn, raised up the next generation of
courageous leaders behind him (2 Tim. 2:2).
When children of ministers manage to overcome the sting of ungrace in the
church, embrace their spiritual heritage, pursue a sincere faith, and fan their gifts into
flame, the sky is the limit as to what they can accomplish with and for the Lord. Those
who work with the children of ministers do their best to transmit a faith worth imitating
to the next generation. When the young people accept the challenge of sincere faith, the
kingdom of God advances and one more faithful generation is added to the story of the
people of God.
CHAPTER 3
GENERAL LITERATURE REVIEW
Introduction
Background
Chapter 1 of this project tells some of the story of how my wife Jennifer and I
have come to be involved in ministry to pastors’ kids (PKs) in Costa Rica and other Latin
American countries since the year 2000. Chapter 2 spells out some of the theological
reflection that provides the biblical foundation for this ministry. Chapter 3 now sets out to
review the slim body of published PK literature to assemble a profile of the advantages
and disadvantages of the PK’s life.
As the Costa Rican Assemblies of God PK ministry (known as HIMAD, its
Spanish acronym) took shape from 2000-2007, its leadership team gathered the few
published materials they could find to better understand their target audience. The only
book-length resource available was Timothy Sanford’s thin PK counseling volume, I
Have to be Perfect.1 They also came across a few nonacademic articles found at the Web
sites of Preacher’s Kids International and Enrichment Journal Online.2 Often these
1
Timothy L. Sanford, “I Have to Be Perfect” And Other Parsonage Heresies (Colorado Springs,
CO: Llama Press, 1998). This book is available in Spanish. Sanford is a missionary kid (MK) and PK, and
now serves as a clinical counselor with Focus on the Family. His book offers insight based on his clinical
experience with PKs and personal experience.
2
Preacher’s Kids International, www.preacherskids.net (accessed May 11, 2007); Enrichment
Journal Online, www.enrichmentjournal.ag.org (accessed November 20, 2011).
61
62
articles were based on the reflections of a few veteran pastors or a handful of young
people at a weekend retreat or Christian college.3
PK Reality: Good and Bad Coexist
The HIMAD leadership soon learned that when they asked the young people to
describe their PK experiences, they wanted to talk simultaneously about both the good
and the bad. We took to heart Sanford’s insistence that PKs should not be forced to
classify their overall life experience as either “good” or “bad,” thus allowing others to
label them as “saints” or “rebels.” Instead, we helped PKs acknowledge the coexistence
of both positive and negative elements, using the liberating word “and.”4 For example, it
is healthy when PKs express that they both value their Christian upbringing and chafe
under the pressure they feel to be perfect.
Researchers who study pastors’ kids are often baffled by these mixed feelings
PKs communicate about their lives in ministry families; they simultaneously like many
aspects and wish others were different. In Stevenson’s study, 82% of PK participants
responded positively to the statement, “Do you ever find yourself pleased that your parent
is a minister?” Paradoxically, a similar percentage, 77% also said “yes” to an apparently
contradictory question, “Do you ever wish (the ministry parent) did different work?” To
3
This is the case with Michael Phillips, “Fatal Reaction: Antidotes to PK Poisoning” Leadership
13, no. 4 (Fall 1992): 26-32. This was a widely-quoted article, yet was based on pastoral conversations
with a few angry adult PKs and the reflections of 3 pastors the author respected. The entire Fall 1992 issue
of Leadership was devoted to PK and pastoral family issues.
The PKs who participated in this survey were all preparing for ministry in an Assemblies of God
Bible college. It stands to reason that they demonstrated outstanding qualities. As in the widely-quoted
article on the outstanding social and leadership skills of PKs by Ruth Hetzendorfer, “Assessing the
Positive Attributes of Preachers’ Kids” Enrichment Journal (Fall 2000), http://enrichmentjournal.ag.org/
200004/108_assessing.positive.cfm (accessed January 30, 2008).
4
Sanford, 17.
63
the broadly positive statement, “All in all, I like being a PK,” 77% agreed.5 Even the
healthiest PK felt both proud of their parents as pastors and sometimes wished his or her
family was in another line of work.
Identifying Common PK Distinctives
With time, reflection, and practical experience listening to several hundred young
people, the HIMAD team began to make lists of the advantages and disadvantages most
commonly mentioned by PKs. Eventually the items on these lists seemed to cluster into
conceptual categories, distinctive PK realities that generated both blessings and
frustration.
With regard to home life, PKs expressed the blessing of a spiritual heritage as
well as the maddening interference of the church with the family’s schedule and their
parents’ time. At church they enjoyed special recognition and perks, but resented the
fishbowl existence and constant criticism. They relished their connections with the
broader church world, meeting leaders, artists and other PKs, but resented the impossible
expectations that they be perfect as “the little pastor.” PKs relished their parents’
confidence and their access to special information about the church, but groaned when
too much information led to isolation by others and cynicism in their own heart. They
loved the open doors for ministry afforded them as PKs, but hated feeling trapped into
vocational ministry.
5
Robert M. Stevenson, “Children of the Parsonage,” Pastoral Psychology 30 (Spring 1982): 182.
64
Relevant Literature Categories
This chapter reviews the published literature to determine if the HIMAD team’s
conceptual categories of PK advantages and disadvantages are present. While no formal
studies have been published about PKs in Latin America and little is available about
adolescent PKs, this chapter examines several categories of relevant literature.
The scholarly literature about minister’s children remains limited and largely
outdated. The only two full-length academic books available describe adult PK
psychological stresses and recommend treatment. Sanford’s volume flows from the
counseling office and highlights the PK perfectionism and isolation that result from
impossible expectations and mean-spirited church members.6 Lee’s excellent study
highlights the PK’s confusing “social ecology” where family and church overlap, and
points out personal identity formation as the most formidable challenge for adult PKs.7
A handful of peer-reviewed journal articles examine specific aspects of PK life:
the existence of PK stereotypes, the portrayal of clergy as parents in children’s literature,
and the psychological adjustment of PKs.8 The two largest studies of adult PKs both
attempt to retrospectively identify common factors in ministry families that result in adult
religious commitment. In essence, they try to isolate the factors in the clergy family that
6
Sanford, 25.
7
Zondervan, 1992). See also Lee’s chapter on PKs in Cameron Lee and Jack Balswick, Life in a Glass
House: The Minister’s Family and the Local Congregation, 2nd ed. (Pasadena, CA: Fuller Seminary Press,
2006). For a similar therapeutic study, see Bruce Hardy, “Pastoral Care with Clergy Children,” Review and
Expositor 98 (Fall 2001): 545-556.
8
Kimberly Sparrow Strange and Lori A. Sheppard, “Evaluations of Clergy Children versus NonClergy Children: Does a Negative Stereotype Exist?” Pastoral Psychology 50, no. 1 (September 2001): 5360; Patricia Tipton Sharp and Dorothy Schleicher, “The Portrayal of Clergy as Parents in Juvenile Fiction
over Two Decades,” Children’s Literature in Education 30, no. 3 (1999): 203-212; Darlene E. McCown
and Chandra Sharma, “Children in the Public Eye: The Functioning of Pastors’ Children,” Journal of
Religion and Health 31, no. 1 (Spring 1992): 31-40.
65
“make PKs turn out right.” The studies reveal only slim cause-and-effect connections
between clergy family behavior and their children’s adult religious commitment; one
vaguely cites “parental availability” and the other points to “effective management of
expectations.”9
Popular Christian literature offers more insight into the day-to-day life of
ministers’ children, especially through celebrity PK autobiographies, parenting advice for
pastors and their spouses, and first-person PK anecdotes and tips.10 A few of these are
written by Latin Americans.11 These writings, unlike the academic studies, describe some
advantages of growing up with clergy parents.
In this study, the PK-specific literature will be supplemented by general literature
related to parenting, youth ministry, adolescent development, Latin American family life,
and leadership issues that affect the family and children of ministers. Taken as a whole,
the literature does support the HIMAD observation that the advantages and disadvantages
in the lives of adolescent pastors’ kids’ cluster around five key distinctives. This chapter
9
Douglas F. Campbell, “Explorations of Parents’ Availability to their Children: Canadian
Preachers’ Kids (PKs),” Family Ministry 12 (Winter 1998): 47-57; Carole Brousson Anderson, “The
Experience of Growing Up in a Minister’s Home and the Religious Commitment of the Adult Child of the
Minister,” Pastoral Psychology 46, no. 6 (1998): 393-411.
10
Two popular celebrity PK biographies have been Jay Bakker, Son of a Preacher Man: My
Search for Grace in the Shadows (San Francisco, CA: HarperCollins, 2001), and Franklin Graham, Rebel
with a Cause: Finally Comfortable Being Graham (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 1999); For a full-length
book example, see Josh Mayo, Help! I’m Raising My Kids While Doing Ministry (n.p.: Xulon Press, 2007).
For a journal article example, see David Goetz, “Is the Pastor’s Family Safe at Home?” Leadership 13, no.
4 (Fall 1992): 38-44.
11
Examples include Raul Guido Salazar, Dios Llamó a Mis Padres: Cómo Vivieron el Llamado de
Sus Padres los Hijos de Noé, Abraham, Jacob, Moisés, Aarón, Samuel, David, Salomón, Isaías y Oseas
[God called my parents: How their parents’ calling was experienced by the children of Noah, Abraham,
Jacob, Moses, Aaron, Samuel, David, Solomon, Isaiah, and Hosea]. (Buenos Aires, Argentina: Grancharoff
Impresores, 2009); and Gracia Violeta Ross, “Grace for Grace: Testimony of a Pastor’s Daughter,”
Ecumenical Review 58, no. 1-2 (Jan.-Apr. 2006): 144-152.
66
describes each reality, highlighting the blessings and corresponding challenges presented
by each distinctive.
This chapter, then, reviews the literature to demonstrate that the uniqueness of the
pastors’ kid experience revolves around managing the blessings and challenges of the
following five PK distinctives: (1) growing up with preacher-parents, (2) living in the
spotlight, (3) belonging to the church world elite, (4) handling insider information, and
(5) negotiating the fast track to ministry leadership.
Distinctive #1: Growing Up with Preacher-Parents
PKs grow up in highly-committed Christian families with parents engaged in
vocational ministry. The parents have usually undergone specialized biblical training,
received ministry credentials, and been chosen by the spiritual community for official—
often paid—leadership. Ministry—serving God and His people—is not a software
application that gets shuts down after office hours, but it is the preacher’s operating
system, running constantly in the background of his or her personal and family life. The
pastoral family’s ministry-focused life offers PKs the advantage of a unique spiritual
heritage as well as the disadvantage that clergy family life is often negatively impacted
by the demands of the church.
Advantage #1: The Blessing of Spiritual Heritage
Growing up with preacher-parents brings the blessing of a unique spiritual
heritage. As Josh Mayo notes, “After surveying dozens of PKs we discovered that one of
the top three things they like most about having parents in the ministry is that it has given
67
them a deep spiritual heritage.”12 This spiritual heritage includes growing up with
exemplary parents and partaking in the spiritual blessing of their parents’ call to ministry.
Exemplary Parents
Most ministers’ children enjoy the benefit of exemplary parents and unusually
stable and loving families. Patricia Tipton Sharp and Dorothy Schleicher studied twenty
years of published children’s fiction that portrayed ministers in a parenting role. Their
study showed that, in contrast to the most-often stable environment of the preacher’s
home in real life, the depiction in children’s literature almost invariably paints clergy
parents as emotionally unstable, personally dishonest, and near paranoia in their
psychological state. The children’s fiction especially depicts fathers as a source of
embarrassment to their children, “tyrants who care more about public image than about
their family relationships.”13
The psychological literature about ministers and their spouses suggests that such
dramatic cases may be the exception rather than the rule, and PKs have a right to be
proud of their exemplary parents. R. Scott Sullender, studying clergy candidates with the
widely used Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI), found that people
starting in ministry demonstrate better psychological adjustment, a more positive outlook,
fewer addictions, stronger leadership qualities, and less prejudice and cynicism than the
general public.14 Denominational credentialing requirements and local congregational
12
Mayo, 98.
13
Sharp and Schleicher, 204.
14
R. Scott Sullender, “Clergy Candidates’ MMPI Profiles: Comparing Gender and Age Variables,”
The Journal of Pastoral Care 47, no. 3 (Fall 1993): 271.
68
expectations may also favor a higher degree of education and marital stability among
clergy than the general population.
The emotional health and family commitment of pastors and their spouses
prepares the rich family soil in which their children can thrive. Darlene E. McCown and
Chandra Sharma performed an in-depth study of PK emotional and social functioning and
found that both boys and girls had fewer behavior problems and greater than average
social competencies. The study’s authors note that although there were higher than
average expectations on PKs both from the family and community, it is likely that these
expectations had been consistent and unambiguous, and parents had modeled expected
behaviors and ways of dealing with other people.15
The study attributed the positive results to two sets of family resources as defined
by Paul Amato and Gay Ochiltree. The first set, labeled “family structural resources,”
includes objective elements such as family income, occupation, and parental education.
The second set, called “family process resources,” includes more dynamic resources such
as “parents’ expectations and aspirations, help, interest, and attention given to children in
the household.” Child competence is strongly related to these family resources.16
Spiritual Formation
PKs value the spiritual formation that helps them learn the Scriptures, trains them
to pray, and deeply ingrains Christian values into their soul. This is how one sixteen-yearold minister’s daughter expressed her gratitude:
15
McCown and Sharma, 39.
16
Paul R. Amato and Gay Ochiltree, “Family Resources and the Development of Child
Competence,” Journal of Marriage and the Family 48 (February 1986): 47.
69
I’m very glad I am a pastor’s kid—they have sheltered me from most of the
world’s garbage and I have obtained a solid foundation for my future. But there is
one thing that I can do for my Dad, which would show my support for his
ministry; it is to love God with all my heart, mind, and soul, and follow him for
the rest of my life. My dad is a wonderful, fun, terrific person!17
Based on typical church involvement, the massive National Study of Youth and
Religion (NYSR) would place most PKs into a category called “the highly devoted,”
comprising the 8% most religiously active adolescents in the country. The young people
in this group attend services at least once a week, are involved in a religious youth group,
read Scriptures at least once a month, and pray “a few times a week or more.” These
young people would say that faith is “very or extremely important” in everyday life, and
that they “feel close to God.”18 The “highly devoted” possess a faith that makes a
difference in their personal daily life. Kenda Creasy Dean calls it “consequential faith”
and describes its manifestation in these adolescents. They have an articulated creed or
God-story, a deep sense of belonging in their faith communities, a clear sense that their
lives have a God-given purpose, and an attitude of hope that God is moving the world in
a good direction.19
Dean notes that the faith of these highly devoted teenagers results in significant
practical social benefits as well:
Highly devoted young people are much more compassionate, significantly more
likely to say they care about things like racial equality and justice, far less likely
to be moral relativists, to lie, cheat, or do things “they hoped their parents would
never find out about.” They are not just doing “okay” in life; they are doing
significantly better than their peers, at least in term of happiness and forms of
17
Lee and Balswick, Life in a Glass House: The Minister’s Family and the Local Congregation,
164.
18
Christian Smith and Melinda Lundquist Denton, Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual
Lives of American Teenagers (New York, NY: Oxford University Press, 2005), 220.
19
Kenda Creasy Dean, Almost Christian: What the Faith of our Teenagers is Teaching the
American Church (New York, NY: Oxford, 2010), 22.
70
success approved by the cultural mainstream … it comes as no surprise that
young people who reported positive relationships with parents and peers, success
in school, hope for the future, and healthy lifestyle choices were also more likely
to be highly committed to faith as well.20
When pastors’ children compare their upbringing to that of other young people, they can
be grateful for the significant blessings that come from their unique spiritual formation.
The Ministry Family Blessing
Ministers and their families who strongly believe that God has called them to
vocational ministry may also believe that the calling includes a special family blessing.
Mayo points out that although modern ministry leadership is not hereditary like the
Levitical priesthood in the Bible, God still designs a spiritual heritage to be passed down
from one generation to the next. He tells ministry parents, “Obviously it is not your
children’s responsibility to enter full-time ministry, for God may lead them in another
direction. But regardless of what they may do, they will inherit an undeniable spiritual
heritage.”21
Pastors’ kids are meant to hold on tightly to the faith-stories their parents tell of
God’s intervention and faithfulness in their family and ministry. Argentine pastor, Raul
Salazar, urges pastors’ kids to remember these stories when they feel angry with God for
calling their parents to ministry. “For [your parents] there is no more important and
transcendental function than serving the Almighty.” 22 A call to ministry is “a great
commitment, but also a huge blessing for all of the family.” He insists to PKs, “If you are
honest you can observe that the One who called your parents has carefully protected and
20
Ibid., 47.
21
Mayo, 98.
22
Salazar, 36.
71
provided for you throughout all these years.”23 God’s call to ministry fills the whole
family with a sense of destiny.
Not only do pastors’ kids receive a blessing from God because of their parents’
calling, but pastors may also pass on their own family blessing to their children. Gary
Smalley and John Trent teach that the family blessing, as practiced by the Old Testament
patriarchs, includes five elements: “Meaningful touch, a spoken message, attaching high
value to the one being blessed, picturing a special future, and an active commitment to
fulfill the blessing.”24 Godly parents can place their hands on their children in blessing
and whisper words of courage and faith into their soul. Parents have power to identify
and encourage the gifting in their children, imagining their yet-undeveloped but hardwired talents turning into world-changing vocation. Pastors bless their congregants every
week; at home they have the privilege and responsibility of blessing their children and
ministering to their spiritual needs.25
Disadvantage #1: The Professional Church Family Syndrome
Growing up with preacher-parents includes the challenge of living in a
professional church family. Preacher-parents serve the Lord out of personal conviction
and spiritual calling; they also understand that they are paid to care for the flock and that
as spiritual leaders members expect them to behave in certain ways. The literature
suggests that the professional life of the clergy often spills over into the family to a
23
Ibid, 37.
24
Gary Smalley and John Trent, The Blessing (New York, NY: Pocket Books, 1986): 27.
25
Truitt Adair, “Parenting Principles for Preachers and Other Church Leaders,” Church Growth
Magazine 16 (January-March 2001): 13; Preacher Kids, http://www.preacherskids.com/pages/articles_sub/
article_ parenting.html (accessed December 11, 2006).
72
greater degree than most other professions.26 The PK experience has been described as a
“social ecology” where the quality of the PK’s life depends on the delicate interaction
between the family and the congregation.27 This section discusses the “professional
church family syndrome” as evidenced in the influence of the church in the family’s
schedule, the amount of time and energy it draws from the preacher-parent, and the
effects of moving. These and many other PK challenges hinge on how the family
manages the boundaries between the family and congregation.28
The Challenge of Boundaries
Pastors’ kids may not be conscious of the boundaries their parents establish and
maintain with the church board and members, but they do feel the safety and protection
provided by those boundaries or the stress produced when boundaries are violated.29
Many of the PK disadvantages described in this chapter grow out of boundary issues.
Boundaries mark where one thing ends and another begins; they are meant to
prevent confusion and conflict. At the simplest level, they are like fences around a yard,
which “help us distinguish our property so we can take care of it.”30 Social boundaries
help individuals and subsystems maintain their identity and healthy functioning while
still operating inside a larger system. Salvador Minuchin popularized the idea of social
26
Hardy, 545.
27
Lee, PK, 16.
28
Cameron Lee, “Specifying Intrusive Demands and their Outcomes in Congregational Ministry:
A Report on the Ministry Demands Inventory,” Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion 38, no. 4
(1999): 479.
29
E. Wayne Hill, Carol Anderson Darling, and Nikki M. Raimondi, “Understanding BoundaryRelated Stress in Clergy Families,” Marriage and Family Review 35, no. 1-2 (2003): 148.
30
Henry Cloud and John Townsend, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take
Control of Your Life (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1992), 33.
73
boundaries language in family therapy. In his classic formulation, proper family
functioning requires that boundaries “be defined well enough to allow subsystem
members to carry out their functions without undue interference, but they must allow
contact between members of the subsystem and others.”31 Unclear or diffuse boundaries
produce a condition Minuchin calls “enmeshment,” too much interference from the
outside, resulting in personal identity confusion and stress. Overly rigid boundaries shut
down contact with the rest of the system, creating a state known as “disengagement.”32
Pastoral families must continually define and maintain healthy boundaries with
the bigger and more powerful church system. Lee notes that emotional closeness between
the pastoral family and the congregation can be beneficial if the relationship is caring and
supportive. Unhealthy emotional enmeshment, though, may open the door for intrusive
congregational demands, leaving the family at the mercy of the congregation’s whims.33
Disengagement, not caring what people think and disconnecting family life from the
church, may quickly result in another job hazard for the pastor’s family—moving often.34
Triangulation poses a danger for pastors trying to sort out boundary issues
between their children, themselves, and the church. Since the PK’s “social ecology”
includes children, parents, and church, conflict between any two may appear indirectly as
the third party’s fault. If a church member has an unresolved conflict with the pastor, he
or she may level a criticism—fair or unfair—against the PK rather than to take on the
31
Salvador Minuchin, Families and Family Therapy (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press,
1974), 53-54.
32
Lee, “Specifying Intrusive Demands,” 479.
33
Ibid.
34
As in the story of Megan, a free-spirit pastors’ wife described in H. B. London and Neil B.
Wiseman’s, Married to a Pastor (Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 1999): 28-30.
74
pastor directly. Cameron Lee and Jack Balswick warn that clergy parents should suspect
such triangulation when church members seem unreasonably picky about a PK’s
behavior.35
Intentional planning provides the best antidote to boundary-related stress in the
parsonage. One extensive study of stress and resiliency in ministry families highlights the
importance of intentionality. “A major theme running through our research is that
regardless of the expectations of the organization or parishioners, pastors find that they
need to intentionally protect themselves, their marriages, and their families.”36
Many pastors and their families are afraid to speak up and define clear boundaries
with the congregation. Some ministers may believe they should sacrifice themselves and
their family for the ministry; others may be afraid of losing their influence or their job if
they defend their family from boundary intrusions. Lee wisely observes that either way,
people will take what the pastor gives them:
There is an old saying, “Give them an inch, and they’ll take a mile.” And if you
feed a stray kitten one saucer of milk, you had better be prepared to start buying
cat food. People can hardly be blamed for wanting more of what seems to be a
good thing. Church members who make unfair demands are not likely to change
their ways unless the pastor does or says something about it.37
Many PK problems grow out of boundary violations, both by the congregation as well as
the pastor. Likewise the solutions to these problems reside in formulating an intentional
response.
35
Lee and Balswick, Life in a Glass House: The Ministry Family and the Local Congregation, 176.
36
Katheryn Rhoads Meek, Mark R. McMinn, Craig M. Brower, Todd D. Burnett, Barrett W.
McRay, Michael L. Ramey, David W. Swanson, and Dennise D. Villa, “Maintaining Personal Resiliency:
Lessons Learned from Evangelical Protestant Clergy,” Journal of Psychology and Theology 31, no. 4
(2003): 342.
37
Lee, PK, 39.
75
Church Dominates the Family Schedule
One major disadvantage of being part of a “professional church family” is that
church activities may come to dominate the family’s calendar and life. Ministry often
requires activities during the evening and weekends when other families are enjoying
time off together. Bruce Hardy’s study reports, “The clergy family cites displeasure with
the fact that due to the professional expectations placed on the clergy member, the entire
family seldom has a weekend free to use together. It seems that the parishioner’s holidays
are the church’s holydays and therefore the clergy must work.”38
When parents work in the church building during the day, have meetings and
small groups in the evening, and spend Saturdays in the office preparing for Sunday, PKs
often spend an inordinate amount of time in the church building. One PK simply called
the church building “my other house.”39 Church members may take for granted the
presence of the kids at every activity. Ariel Jimenez Saint aptly describes the PK’s role as
the “church errand boy,” running sound, playing instruments, teaching Sunday school,
cleaning up, decorating, flipping slides for worship, and making copies during Saturday
counseling sessions. 40
Mayo reports “too much time at church” as a major complaint among PKs in his
study, and tells about his own parents’ intentional solution to this problem. The Mayo
family recruited an older couple from the church to serve as “after-church aunt and
38
Hardy, 547.
39
Lee, PK, 92.
40
Ariel Jimenez Saint, ¿Y Yo Que Culpa Tengo?: Entre la Familia, la Iglesia y Yo, Que Soy el
Hijo del Pastor [What did I do to deserve this? Between the family, the church, and me, the pastor’s kid).
Córdoba, Argentina: Piedra Libre Producciones, 2007.
76
uncle.” They took the children home and put them to bed on Wednesday and Sunday
nights so the parents, who both served in pastoral roles, could take advantage of two or
three of the best pastoral care hours of the week. The family celebrated the couple’s
contribution as a major participation in the ministry of the church, and the couple became
a cherished part of the family.41
The Problem of Time
In nearly all of the published studies on ministers’ children, many of the top
complaints center on the lack of quantity and quality time with the ministry-parent, who
is typically their father. The first kind of complaint is straightforward: “My parent has
time for church, but little time for me.”42 More than other professions, most ministers
believe that they should be available whenever people in the congregation need them, but
this emotional availability may not always transfer to the family.43 A common Latin
American saying laments the craftsman who does not practice his skills at home: “In the
house of the blacksmith they use wooden knives.” The literature is clear that although
pastors may not necessarily put in more work hours than other busy professionals, the
evening-and-weekend nature of their work may mean that they are home less when the
children are present. Likewise, the emotionally intense pastoral work of counseling,
preaching, and problem solving can leave clergy drained, with little energy left for the
family when they get home.44
41
Mayo, 41.
42
Ed Hindson and Ed Dobson, “Why Preachers’ Kids Go Bad,” Fundamentalist Journal (May
1983): 13. This often-quoted article was one of the first on PKs.
43
Campbell, “Explorations of Parents’ Availability,” 47.
44
Hill, Darling, and Raimondi, 149.
77
Pastors’ kids register other time-related complaints, such as, “I have to share my
parents with the whole world.”45 “We have no family time.” “My parents need to be on
call 24/7.” “Our family plans are always in danger of getting postponed or cancelled
because of emergencies at church.” “I don’t want to complain about Dad’s time at
church, because that would be like complaining against God.” I feel stupid asking my
Dad to take me to ‘non-spiritual’ events that make kids feel ‘normal,’ like concerts,
games, Girl Scouts.”46
In a related objection, PKs say that sometimes the ministry parent does not listen
to them, but just puts on his or her pastor hat and preaches at them. Lee and Balswick
explain that it is not uncommon for a pastor, who is emotionally drained and short on
family time, to occasionally revert to his work role and preach at the children. After all,
preaching requires less emotional effort than listening to the latest pre-adolescent drama.
The quick fix of delivering the family a sharp sermon must not become a permanent
habit, though. Preachers, like other professionals, must learn to keep clear boundaries
between their roles in the office and at home.47
A close relationship between parents and children produces substantial benefits
over the long haul. In a large study of adult Canadian PKs, 70% affirmed that, in general,
their clergy parent showed affection and was emotionally “available” to them when they
were growing up. Of those who affirmed that both parents had been available to them,
45
Eliana Valzura de Gilmartin, “Hijos de Pastores, Líderes u Otros Ministerios (Exclusivo Para
Papás y Mamás),” [Children of pastors, leaders and other ministry positions (exclusively for Dad’s and
Mom’s)] http://www.riosdevida. com/contenido.php?id_contenido=190 (accessed January 18, 2007).
46
Mayo, 44-45.
47
165.
78
most felt they had grown up in fairly “normal” families—only 20% felt their family life
was “distinctly different” from other families. When both parents had been emotionally
unavailable, 69% said their families were distinctly different, and this group felt the most
vulnerable to unrealistic expectations from the congregation. The final lesson: parents
who made themselves available to their children cushioned the demands of the
congregation.48
The Issue of Moving
Professional clergy in the United States move from one church to another
approximately every three to five years.49 Although ministry longevity varies
significantly by denominational policy or local polity, Lee notes that one defining
difference between ministers’ kids and the children of other professionals is that PKs
have moved frequently in childhood. “Frequent mobility at crucial times in a child’s life
can make it difficult to establish and maintain normal friendships, and it increases the
PK’s dependence on the family.”50
Clergy children experience several major losses when they move, especially if
they are adolescents. Moving requires adapting to a strange community with a new home,
new landmarks, and a new church environment. In school, they lose their previous social
network, boy/girl friends, and their spot on the athletic team or band. By and large, PKs
48
Campbell, “Exploration of Parents’ Availability,” 50, 53, 55.
49
Hardy, 548.
50
Lee, PK, 17.
79
feel able to establish new friendships during the average pastoral tenure, but each
successive move brings new grief and then a new world to negotiate.51
Clergy children also point to some positive results from moving. Hardy reports
that the majority of PKs, 68%, felt that they had gained valuable life experience from
moving. They compared their lives with those of their friends who had never moved and
believed that moving gave them a wider circle of friends and a broader worldview.52
The stress, grief, and adjustment of moving is part of the furniture of life for the
“professional church family.” However, pathological boundary-related stress may creep
in if PKs feel—or their parents make them feel—that the child’s poor behavior could ruin
the parents’ ministry.53 In some countries and church structures, pastors must submit to
reelection votes every two to four years. If the congregation is especially legalistic or
harbors unresolved conflict with the pastor, a PK mess-up shortly before the election
could tip the scales and send the family packing. 54 Even in these circumstances, however,
the root of the problem was not the PK, but the pastor-parent’s boundary issues with the
congregation.
Distinctive #2: Living in the Spotlight
Pastors are the most visible individuals in the local congregations and represent
the church to the outside community. Their functions of leading, teaching, counseling,
51
Stevenson, 184.
52
Hardy, 548.
53
Sanford, 57.
54
Douglas Petersen, Not by Might, Nor by Power: A Pentecostal Theology of Social Concern in
Latin America (Oxford, England: Regnum Books International, 1996), 104. Petersen describes many Latin
American churches as “effective social communities that stress the importance of their moral code;
offenders are disciplined.”
80
and caring for God’s people make them well-loved in the congregation. PKs get to share
the benefits of special recognition afforded their parents, but also find themselves living
in a fishbowl, observed and often criticized by all.
Advantage #2: Special Recognition
PKs are generally known by the members of the local congregation and get
special recognition as part of the pastoral family. They enjoy some practical perks that
accompany their local celebrity and benefit from the relationship network of the church.
The Perks of Celebrity
Pastors function as leaders in the church and community, and their children, like
the highly-visible offspring of other professionals and politicians, often reap the benefits
of family connections.55 PKs may receive special birthday gifts and public thanks on
Pastor Appreciation Sunday. Young children may think it is fun to stand beside their
parents at the back door and shake hands as people leave. Like Martin Freud, son of
Sigmund Freud, a PK may be “quite happy and content to bask in reflected glory.”56
PKs may also enjoy some practical benefits in the local congregation. The
pastor’s daughter may get invited to go out to eat with special guests after service, and
she may travel to ministry events, trips, or conferences with her parents. The PK’s family
identification may open doors for study, internships, and employment. PKs report
“special treatment” by people in the congregation, which might include free doughnuts in
55
Bonnie Angelo, First Families (New York, NY: HarperCollins, 2005), 40.
56
Martin Freud, quoted in Danielle Knafo, “What’s in a Name? Psychoanalytic Considerations on
Children of Famous Parents,” Psychoanalytic Psychology 8, no. 3 (1991): 263.
81
the foyer or small gifts on Pastor Appreciation Sunday.57 Argentine pastor, Raul Salazar,
recalls finishing a sermon at a youth camp only to find his son walking into the chapel
with both hands full of candy from the concession stand. His son explained, “They asked
me who I was, and when I said I was the son of the preachers they gave me all of this
free.58
Local Support Network
The PK’s special recognition in the local church often provides a close network of
supportive relationships, and caring church people sometimes become a surrogate family
for the PK. Stevenson observes, “It seems that parsonage children are offered a kind of
extended family relationship by the congregation, with all the gifts and liabilities that
come from having a large number of ‘grandparents,’ ‘aunts,’ ‘uncles,’ and ‘cousins.’”59
Hardy noted the same family theme among the PKs he studied, adding that among this
caring group, the PKs “were accorded special treatment and status because of being a
clergy child.”60
PKs often say that this “extended family” watches out for them, prays for them,
encourages them in their studies and activities, and provides models for imitation. This
describes what sociologist Christian Smith calls “network closure.” He argues that church
congregations provide a dense network of relational ties, including adults who pay
attention to the lives of youth, know each other’s children and their friends, and give each
other feedback. The American church is one of the last adult institutions in which a large
57
Stevenson, 183.
58
Salazar, 34.
59
Stevenson, 183.
60
Hardy, 546.
82
number of adolescents regularly participate; network closure between adolescents and
caring adults, he insists, is one of the great benefits of the local church.61
Disadvantage #2: The Fishbowl Syndrome
PK life in the spotlight includes the disadvantage of the “fishbowl syndrome,”
constant public observation that brings a lack of privacy, the withering effects of
criticism, and a constant struggle against stereotypes.
Lack of Privacy
The more visible the ministers’ kids are in the church and community, the more
people watch them. Like the children of a European royal family, PKs are “born into a
life of both privilege and scrutiny.”62 The great majority of PKs insist that people in the
church pay more attention to what they do simply because they are PKs.63 Lee asserts that
pastors’ children suffer more from public exposure than the children of parents in most
other professions, comparing them to the children of media celebrities.
The lives of PKs are more akin to those of media celebrities who become public
property for thousands of adoring fans. The congregation, of course, may not
number into the thousands, but the intrusive sense of being put on a pedestal, of
being “owned” by the group, is much the same.64
Since the pastor proclaims the transforming power of the kingdom of God week
in and week out, people watch the ministry family like a science experiment to determine
if the message works in real life. To make matters worse, pastors often encourage people
61
Christian Smith, “Religious Participation and Network Closure among American Adolescents,”
Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion 42, no. 2 (2003): 259-260.
62
Mayo, 23.
63
Hardy, 546.
64
Lee, PK, 17.
83
to observe and imitate their family life. In one Leadership Journal survey, 82% of pastors
reported feeling the pressure to serve as role models for their congregation, but only 73%
believed they should serve as examples.65
Some pastors interpret 1 Timothy 3:4-5 to mean that not only must pastors
manage their families well, but they must do so publicly as a testimony of their
competence for spiritual leadership in the community. Pastors invite disciples to learn
from their family, but the children did not ask for this extra attention, and the exposure of
the family in favor of the pastor’s ministry reputation constitutes a boundary violation.
Pastoral parents may expose their children unnecessarily in front of the church
with sermon illustrations, for the additional exposure brings added expectations and
different rules. Michael Phillips recommends that pastors give their children the gift of a
secret identity, seldom using them in illustrations, and never without the child’s
permission.66
The Pain of Criticism
Even the smallest PKs find that church members expect them to behave
differently than other kids. “You should not run in the church because you are the
pastor’s kid.” This argument sounds logical to the church member who expects the
minister’s family to embody Christian perfection, but the double standard seems arbitrary
and unfair to the child held to different rules than his or her peers.67 The criticism
65
Eric Reed. “Shifting Family Values,” Leadership Journal 27, no. 1 (Fall 2006): 35.
66
Phillips, 32.
67
Samuel Moy and H. Newton Malony, “An Empirical Study of Ministers’ Children and
Families,” Journal of Psychology and Christianity 6, no. 1 (Spring 1987): 55.
84
continues as the PK grows and begins experimenting with thoughts and fashions that may
differ from church tradition.
Such criticism and condemnation accumulate in the heart of the PK when a
Sunday school teacher expresses outrage at an unlearned memory verse, when someone
tells the deacon board about the PK’s word that slipped out on the playground, when the
pastor is grilled about his daughter’s choice of boyfriend, or when a church disagreement
drains the joy from the family. The criticism hurts even more when the critics have no
meaningful relationship with the PK. David Seamands puts the cumulative effect into a
formula: “R+R-R=R+R; Rules and Regulations minus Relationship equals Resentment
and Rebellion.”68
One study shows that for a relationship to stay strong, the ratio of positive to
negative emotion in any given encounter has to be at least five to one.69 If the PK’s heart
is like a bank account, every criticism makes a big withdrawal, but each positive
experience makes only a small emotional deposit.70 Unfortunately, some PKs find the
church dangerously overdrawn in their account, until they simply want nothing more to
do with the church people. Resentment produced by cumulative criticism in the church
represents a significant discipleship issue for PKs.
68
Seamands, 97.
69
John Gottman, quoted in Malcom Gladwell, Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking
(New York, NY: Little, Brown and Company, 2005), 26.
70
A helpful concept from Willard Harley, Give and Take: The Secret to Marital Compatibility
(Grand Rapids, MI: Revell, 1996), 15.
85
Distinctive #3: Elite Membership in the Church World
Beyond the sphere of the local church, ministers are often affiliated to a larger
denomination or organization of church leaders, which may offer a professional structure
and personal support. The pastor’s elite membership in the broader church world may
provide a vast social network, the best of the “Christian world,” into which the ministry
family is invited. PKs often enjoy the membership privileges of their VIP “all access
pass” to the church world. On the flip side, the wearers of the VIP badge are expected to
act the part as “little pastors.”
Advantage #3: The Privileges of Membership
Like a coach’s son who gets to hang out in the locker room with the athletes or
the orchestra conductor’s daughter who watches the concert from behind the curtain, PKs
are afforded unique access to the best of the Christian world. The PK’s family
connections provide a rich circle of relationships that offer insight into the worldwide
kingdom of God. PKs are also likely to have access to the best activities, events, and
institutions of the Christian world.
Rich Circle of Relationships
PKs feel blessed to get to meet numerous people coming through the church who
speak into their lives and expand their vision of Christian life. A minister’s wife wrote,
“We have had people in our home whom [sic] other children have never had the benefit
of knowing: African pastors, foreign missionaries, evangelists, other preachers. Our kids
86
have been able to talk to them, play games with them, and find out more about the world
and what makes people tick.”71 Exposure to significant people shapes PK lives.72
The Best of the Church World
Clergy children enjoy privileged access to the best of the Christian world. Their
pastor-parents belong to ministerial organizations, which are often closely connected with
the best infrastructures and organizations of the Christian world, including retreat centers,
Christian colleges, compassion ministries, foreign missions, conferences, media outlets,
the arts, music festivals, and mass events. Sociologist Christian Smith calls access to
these activities “extra-community links” that provide youth with connections to positive
spiritual experiences. They also expand the adolescent’s aspirations and horizons well
beyond their local communities.73 When PKs participate fully—often with scholarships—
in the best of the Christian world, they enjoy space away from the prying eyes of the local
church where they can have transformational experiences with God and other Christians
and participate in something much bigger than themselves.74
One of the significant benefits pastors’ kids increasingly enjoy grows out of PK
retreats and specialized ministries for them. Organizations such as the Assemblies of God
Pastors’ Kids’ Network, Preachers’ Kids International, and HIMAD Costa Rica provide
71
163.
72
Steve Mathewson, “Why I Loved Being a PK,” Leadership 13, no. 4 (Fall 1992): 34.
73
Christian Smith, “Theorizing Religious Effects Among American Adolescents,” Journal for the
Scientific Study of Religion 42, no. 1 (2003), 26.
74
Bud Williams, “Theological Perspectives on the Temporary Community/Camping and the
Church,” Wheaton, IL: Christian Camping International, http://www.cciworldwide.org/pdf/ChristianCamping-and-the-Church.pdf (accessed October 13, 2007): 5-6.
87
healthy forums for PK friendship and discussion.75 Many denominational district youth
ministries provide PK retreats where the young people can meet other young people in
similar life circumstances. Pastoral counselor, Bruce Hardy, recommends that adult
leadership of all ministry organizations provide an “advocacy person” or group to
intervene on behalf of clergy children. Such function, he insists, “levels the playing field,
functions as an inclusive act, and restores a lost voice in the faith community.”76 PKs can
become voiceless victims of more powerful adult church forces, but PK ministries give
them a voice and provide an outlet for friendship and honest expression.
Disadvantage #3: The “Little Pastor” Syndrome
The VIP access tag hanging around the neck of the PK may lead other people to
expect him or her to act like a little pastor. This means that PKs feel a need to live up to
impossible standards of perfection and sense that they are held up to a higher standard
than their peers. They may also struggle with powerful stereotypes that threaten to hijack
their young and formative identities.
Expectations of Perfection
When PKs are held up as junior members of the pastoral team, the congregation,
pastoral family, and the PKs themselves may impose expectations of perfection on the
pastors’ children.77All teenagers have to balance their own expectations with those of
their family, but PKs have to factor in a third powerful source: the local congregation.
75
Assemblies of God Pastors’ Kids Network, http://pkn.ag.org (accessed November 1, 2011);
Preachers’ Kids International, http://www.preacherskids.net (accessed May 11, 2007); HIMAD [Children
of Ministers Growing Closer to God, by its Spanish acrostic] Costa Rica, http://www.facebook.com/himad.
costarica (accessed December 1, 2009).
76
Hardy, 555.
77
Sanford, 35.
88
PKs often place extraordinarily high expectations on themselves and condemn
themselves when they fail to live up to their own expectations.
Clergy children grow up in an environment that expects too much of them; many
PKs feel pressured to behave like polished saints or seasoned disciples.78 They are not
supposed to get mad at church members who criticize their parents, express doubts in the
Sunday school class, go to the school prom, or even consider getting a tattoo. They
should handle Bible content, theology, and church history just as well as their seminarytrained parents.79 Well-meaning believers ask if even the littlest PKs want to be pastors
(or missionaries or evangelists) when they grow up, and visiting preachers may prophesy
great future ministry if they will stay true to the Lord. Many Latin American PKs begin
preaching at a young age, which further escalates these expectations.
Healthy identity formation requires that young people be allowed to try on a
variety of ideas and personas. Adolescent fads come and go, and while most are
harmless, adults unfamiliar with the latest craze may jump to conclusions about its
propriety. Most children pass through these phases driving their parents crazy, but the
PK’s phases are displayed in front of the whole church, while other parents are expecting
the PK to be a model for their children.80 This problem is compounded for PKs in Latin
America, who unlike their North American counterparts, do not go away to college, but
stay at home and on display in the local church while going through their identity
78
Hardy, 546.
79
Lee, PK, 89.
80
Mayo, 20.
89
formation years.81 No matter the source, unrealistic expectations produce feelings of
guilt, anxiety, and failure.82 Many PKs struggle with nagging feelings that they should be
more spiritual, mature, disciplined, or loving, and that God is disappointed with them.83
The Stereotype Trap
People often expect pastors’ kids to behave either as “little saints”—the model for
all the church children to imitate—or “little rebels” trying to shake off the “goodie twoshoes” image. According to Mayo, “Both of these expectations can be a real trap for the
PK—one is an impossible standard to live up to, and the other is a negative label they
can’t shake off; one that sadly can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.”84
A massive nationwide study of incoming college freshmen in 1969 turned up
more than two thousand PKs, whose responses were compared to the general population.
Based on stereotypes, the researchers expected some of the PKs to be “little saints,”
academically superior and morally grounded, and many others to be “little rebels,”
rejecting the faith of their parents and exhibiting “wild behavior.” Lee describes the
actual findings of the survey:
What the researchers found, overall, was little or no support for the negative
stereotype, but fairly strong support for the positive one. On the one hand, PKs
were actually less likely than other freshmen either to have rejected religion or to
have left the church they grew up in. They were also less likely to drink, smoke,
or stay up all night than students who were not PKs. On the other hand, PKs had
higher grades and better study habits; more of their financial support came from
scholarships; they were more involved in extracurricular activities; they were
more likely to have participated in state or regional speech and debate contests;
81
Arthur Liebman, Kenneth W. Walker, and Myron Glanzer, Latin American University Students:
A Six Nation Study (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1972), 142.
82
Gary Collins, Christian Counseling (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2007), 181.
83
Sanford, 73.
84
Mayo, 20-21.
90
and they were more likely to be presidents of student organizations. The
researchers also found that ministers’ children aspired to higher degrees and
careers that emphasized social responsibility and altruistic values.85
The best protection against stereotyping is to actually talk to PKs and get to know them,
not as smaller images of the pastor-leaders but as teenagers who have their own lives.
Distinctive #4: Handling Insider Information
Living with pastors, PKs handle insider information about the church. On the
positive side, they may enjoy being “in the know” about church people and activities;
they may also value getting special insight into the heart and mind of their parents. The
problem comes when they inevitably get too much information. Knowledge of the dark
side of the church can breed bitterness and resentment even as PKs have to show up
every Sunday morning with their “smiley face” mask in place.
Advantage #4: Special Access to Information
As they live with and, perhaps, begin to serve alongside their parents, PKs may
enjoy being in the information loop, hearing first about plans and people in the church.
They may also understand their family conversations as a special opportunity for ministry
mentoring as they watch Christian leadership up close.
In the Information Loop
Clergy children sit at the dinner table and share life with their parents, the pastors.
Whereas smaller children may relish the recognition and treats they get from church
members, older adolescents may enjoy listening to conversation, sharing the trust and
confidence of their parents. They may hear first about plans, events, and people in the
85
Lee, PK, 73-74.
91
church. Even when their parents break no confidences or poison them with the personal
bitterness, PKs have an uncanny ability to get the inside scoop. Stevenson insists that PKs
share unique experiences—like the information loop—that mark them for life and lead
them to identify closely with each other.
Watching Leaders up Close
PKs are enrolled in the home school of Christian leadership and character. Salazar
observes that PKs, like most children, watch the conduct and lifestyle of their parents
closely, often secretly. Their imitation and observation shapes them into the men and
women of God they will become.86 Franklin Graham also acknowledges that observing
his father over the years, even when the two men seemed to be heading in different
vocational directions, was an incredible education.87
Disadvantage #4: Too Much Information
Insider information eventually leads to too much information, and PKs and their
families face the daunting task of dealing effectively with the dark side of the church.
Even when parents are careful about sharing information with their children, PKs are
exposed to church conflict, human sinfulness, and personal rejection. Some may perceive
a disconnect between the Sunday morning appearances and weekday character of church
members. Church conflict is almost inevitable, and eventually the kids taste it. Church
members may try to use the PK as a go-between to avoid talking directly to the pastor. In
PK literature, deacons take on an almost sinister aura. One of the principal sources of PK
pain is criticism by church people aimed at their parents.
86
Salazar, 138.
87
Graham, xi.
92
The Pain of Isolation
PK life tends to erode trust between ministers’ kids and others in the church.
Because of their insider knowledge of the private life of church members, PKs may feel a
growing resentment about hypocrisy in the church. If the pastor represents a strong
discipline figure in the congregation, some of the other youth may shun the PK as the
pastor’s spy. Being a public figure, details of the PK’s personal life may be broadcast as
everyone’s information; the public nature of PK life has even been compared to the
experience of the children of presidents, who suffer from an extreme lack of privacy.88
Even leaders who should know better may share private information about the PK with
others, and the broken confidence makes trust even harder.
Many PKs admit they cannot trust anyone in the church. Sanford observes that
this well-deserved lack of trust easily makes PKs cynical, sarcastic, and isolated.
Without trust, there is no relationship. Without relationships, there is isolation.
This isolation can cause depression, a common threat to PKs, or it can mold you
into an observer. You stand by and watch, but are never in the middle of the
action. Just watching. To be the observer is safer. Your imperfections don’t show.
What they don’t know yet stays hidden. No chinks in your armor will show. No
weaknesses will be exposed for someone, someday to use against you.89
Unfortunately, those who oppose the pastor’s leadership may use the family’s
behavior as a weapon against him or her in church politics. Opponents may cite the
biblical guideline that the church leader should “manage his own household well, with all
dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage
his own household, how will he care for God’s church” (1 Tim. 3:4-5)? In fact, some
88
Doug Wead, All the Presidents’ Children (New York, NY: Atria Books, 2003), 53.
89
Sanford, 54.
93
pastors even quote this text to force their children to obey and protect the family’s
reputation and job.
In times of church conflict, the PK learns that anything he or she says may be
used against the family. In countries like Cuba, where pastoral families are subjected to a
vote of confidence every two years, PKs quickly realize that their behavior and what they
tell people could cost their parents the next election. Sanford says that in therapy, PKs
worry that their behavior could theoretically ruin their parents’ ministry; in Latin
America the danger is real and urgent.90
When others violate their trust too many times, PKs may learn to keep their
mouth shut, locking up their feelings and protecting themselves from being burned again.
Sanford observes, “Where there is no trust, there is no relationship, and where there is no
relationship, there is isolation.”91 Many PKs live in this world of isolation.
Wearing the “Happy Face” Mask
In spite of knowing too much about the church, PKs have to keep showing up at
church on Sunday mornings looking their best. The disconnect between feelings and
behavior is often called the “PK face,” a happy mask worn for the benefit of others. The
“happy face” may reflect a barrier to honest communication and may be a symptom of a
greater problem: an unrealistic triumphalism, a kind of Christianity that rejects all
negative emotions as sinful.92 Conflict avoidance provides only a temporary solution, and
90
Ibid., 57.
91
Ibid., 54.
92
Lee, PK, 55.
94
PKs need a safe setting that encourages honest communication and helps them deal with
negative information.93
Ministry life unavoidably produces conflict and negative feelings. When church
members criticize the pastor, the PKs feel it as a personal assault. Lacking the emotional
maturity to process conflict, the PK may want to lash out at the apparent source of pain—
perhaps an infamous deacon or a denominational authority figure.94 Mayo explains that
when the conflict leads to the termination of the pastor’s tenure, the news rocks the PK’s
world like a train wreck. Mayo encourages pastoral families to handle the negative event
with love for the victim, grace for the offenders, and a sense of hope that God is still in
control.95 PKs carefully observe how their parents respond in these crises and bitterness
may creep into their hearts when they see it in their parents.96
Distinctive #5: The Fast Track to Ministry Leadership
As pastors’ kids mature and develop their ministry gifts, their parents and other
Christian leaders may offer them accelerated opportunities to step into ministry
leadership roles. Unfortunately, the fast track may lead to premature ministry, vocational
identity confusion, and the potential of the “Sons of Eli Syndrome,” young people with
rotten character taking over the family “ministry business.”
93
Ibid., 61.
94
Ibid., 169.
95
Mayo, 131.
96
Phillips, 28.
95
Advantage #5: Early Leadership Opportunities
Pastors’ kids who show unusual gifts and spiritual sensitivity may be placed on
the fast track to ministry leadership. PKs grow up learning the mechanics of ministry and
may develop substantial ministry gifts as they grow up in church and serve alongside
their parents. The ministry parents and their church world network may, in turn, open
doors for developing PKs to exercise ministry leadership.
Developing Leadership Gifts
When PKs list the benefits of growing up in a clergy family, they frequently point
to the leadership value of the Christian formation they received in the home.97 The PK’s
solid spiritual foundation can provide significant real-world advantages over the course
of the PK’s life.
One study showed that college-age PKs were four times more likely than the
general population to possess six outstanding attributes. PKs tended to be people
gatherers and natural leaders, confident in their ability to handle situations, optimistic and
affectionate in their interaction with others, creative in the use of information and
communication, mission-oriented in their approach to life, and decisive in their ability to
bring closure to ambiguous situations.98
Since PKs often spend large amounts of time in the church building, they are
frequently granted access to the church facilities, equipment, and ministries, and may
develop significant ministry-related skills from a young age. Ariel Jimenez Saint, an
97
Douglas F. Campbell, “The Clergy Family in Canada: Focus on Adult PKs.” A paper read at the
annual meeting of the Association for the Sociology of Religion, Washington, D.C., August 18-20, 1995.
Toronto: Erindale College, University of Toronto, 1995. http://web.archive.org/web/20061007093506/
http://www.erin.utoronto.ca/~Hitachi/pks.htm (accessed August 23, 2011).
98
Hetzendorfer.
96
Argentine PK ministry leader, notes the “ironic predestination that we children of pastors
have toward the microphone, the guitar, and the tambourine.”99 Douglas Campbell’s large
survey of adult Canadian PKs revealed that 70% played one or more instruments, and a
comparatively large number had chosen the fine arts as a career.100 Gladwell suggests that
it takes ten thousand hours of practice to achieve world-class performance level in fields
requiring complex skill.101 When PKs start practicing and exercising gifts from an early
age, they have a significant head start toward mastering the skills most valued in the
church.
PKs enjoy enormous practical advantages because of their spiritual heritage and
solid Christian upbringing. If PKs are given the same opportunities and freedoms as other
Christian young people, the ministry leadership advantages of being a PK can far
outweigh the disadvantages.102
Taking the Baton
After PKs spend a lifetime in spiritual formation, developing gifts, participating in
Christian culture, and mentoring by pastor-parents, it should come as no surprise when
some of them feel drawn to prepare for ministry leadership. Others may begin to notice
significant ministry gifts, and the PK’s local and church-wide relationship networks can
provide early opportunities to actively participate in ministry. Many of these will find
99
Jimenez Saint, 3.
100
Campbell, “The Clergy Family,” 1995, no page number.
101
Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers: The Story of Success (New York, NY: Little, Brown, 2008), 35.
102
Lee, PK, 74.
97
their way into long-term vocational ministry. A study by Focus on the Family shows that
14% of ministers are themselves the child of a minister.103
While most people applaud the idea of giving a gifted and spiritually attuned
young person an early opportunity to exercise his or her gifting, the idea of a pastor
hiring one of his or her children proves somewhat more complicated. Americans are wary
of the word “nepotism.” Hiring relatives smells vaguely of old-world aristocratic abuse or
underworld corruption. Non-relative employees may anticipate the incompetence of the
new hire. Adam Bellow points out that hiring family is neither un-American nor sinful,
but it grows from the impulse to pass on the family’s spiritual and practical heritage to
the next generation. He notes that typically an outsider has to prove his or her worth to
the organization before acquiring a position. A leader’s relative may get his or her
position based only on the leader’s say-so, but then must work diligently to demonstrate
his or her value to the rest of the personnel.104
Pastors, like leaders in other fields, may hire their children if they feel reasonably
sure that their gifting and character fit the leadership need in the church. The PK may get
this opportunity at an earlier age than an outside hire, and the pastor’s offspring may not
always have to pass through all the same training hoops as others. If the pastor is willing
to train and mentor the new recruit, both of their names are on the line for diligent labor
and positive results.
103
H. B. London, “The Health of a Pastor’s Family,” The Pastor’s Weekly Briefing Email 13, no.
29 (July 22, 2005): 1.
104
Adam Bellow, “In Praise of Nepotism,” The Atlantic Monthly 292, no. 1 (July-August 2003):
104.
98
Disadvantage #5: Premature Leadership
The fast track to early ministry leadership includes the danger of premature
leadership. Premature leadership may thrust the young PK into a vocational track that he
or she may not understand or possess the emotional maturity to handle, producing an
identity crisis. Another potential danger lies in the “Sons of Eli syndrome,” where the PK
takes advantage of a ministry position with corrupt character for personal gain.
Identity and Vocational Ministry
Early success in ministry leadership may prematurely squeeze PKs into a narrow
vocational track that they do not fully understand and lack the maturity to handle. PKs
who want to prepare for ministry leadership face the “PK double bind.” Sanford notes
that a “double bind” is a technical term to describe a situation where a person is faced
with two conflicting messages. “Regardless of which one you heed, you disregard the
other and lose.”105 Some people question the PK’s motivation for serving the Lord,
suggesting—often sarcastically—that they just want to follow in their parents’ footsteps
or go into the family business. When PKs want nothing to do with ministry leadership,
though, others chide them for squandering their advantages and heritage, as if the
family’s DNA was programmed for ministry.
Franklin Graham faced this daunting double bind when, as an adult, he began to
feel a call to evangelistic preaching. Since his birth, people had predicted and assumed he
would be a preacher like his father Billy Graham; his famous adolescent rebellion had
been an effort to break away from the impossible expectations of comparison. Franklin
tells the story of the moment when evangelist John Wesley White began to sense
105
Sanford, 66.
99
Franklin’s call to preach and invited him to preach with him at a crusade. Franklin’s
response reflects the dilemma of potential identity loss while pursuing vocational calling.
“Evangelistic preaching … it’s what Daddy does. People will automatically
compare me to him. I will never measure up in their eyes. I don’t need that hassle
in my life!” John just smiled and shook his head. “No one has asked you to be
Billy Graham,” John said. “Just be Franklin. You have a style of your own that’s
unique—it’s different from you father’s. God has given you the gift of
evangelism—you can’t ignore that.”106
Would to God that all minister’s children—even adult PKs—would have patient mentors
like White to walk them through the minefield of vocational decision.
Encouraging young PKs to commit to a once-for-all call to vocational ministry
creates a risk of what James Marcia calls “identity foreclosure.” He posits that a mature
identity is achieved only when an individual has experienced a crisis or thorough
exploration before committing to an occupation or ideology.107 Young people in the state
of identity foreclosure have not experienced a crisis, but they have made commitments to
occupations and ideologies handed down to them, frequently by parents. They identify
closely with their parents, often to the point of enmeshment, and exhibit a rigid and
authoritarian spirituality.108 We want PKs to respond to the call of God to serve Him,
without boxing that calling into narrow categories of pastor, missionary, or evangelist.
We want them to fully explore their gifts and interests and serve the Lord as the men and
women of God He made them.
106
Graham, 306.
107
James Marcia, “Identity in Adolescence,” in Handbook of Adolescent Psychology, ed. J.
Adelson (New York, NY: Wiley & Sons, 1980), 161.
108
Gary K. Leak, “An Assessment of the Relationship between Identity Development, Faith
Development, and Religious Commitment,” Identity: An International Journal of Theory and Research 9
(2009): 202-203.
100
The “Sons of Eli” Syndrome
Occasionally, the most negligent kind of nepotism allows a gifted, but rotten, PK
into church leadership. Like the biblical sons of Eli, the corrupt PK possesses the
vocabulary and skills to make a positive contribution to the church, but also drags in poor
ethics in areas like financial management or sexual behavior. Pastor parents may want to
give them the benefit of the doubt in hiring them, hoping that parental love and
supervision will change their ways.
The stereotype of the smooth, but tricky pastors’ son has a basis in fact. McCown
and Sharma found that adolescent PK boys demonstrated higher than average social
competence and—simultaneously—higher than average behavior problems. In boys,
these scales usually show inverse behavior.109 PKs have been trained to turn on the charm
to keep people happy, but without personal spiritual integrity they may lose the fear of
the Lord and become corrupt, milking the familiar church system for all it can give them.
To be fair, every young associate pastor requires supervision and harbors the
potential of ethical failure. However, when the offending associate is the pastor’s son or
daughter, the congregation’s anger is sure to triangle back to the pastor who made the
hiring decision and who failed in the task of supervision. When the rotten pastors’ kid is
discovered, the pastoral tenure may be short. 110
Conclusion
The literature about pastors’ children remains outdated and limited, especially in
documenting the advantages of PK life. The existing writings do, in fact, support
109
McCown and Sharma, 38.
110
Lee and Balswick, Life in an Glass House: The Minister’s Family and the Local Congregation,
176.
101
HIMAD’s conceptual framework of five “PK distinctives,” the unique features of the
world of adolescent PKs. These young people grow up with preacher parents, live in the
local church spotlight, wear a VIP pass to the Christian world, handle insider information,
and have open doors to ministry leadership. Each of these includes tangible blessings and
often-painful challenges.
All in all, the PK’s world is a “social ecology” comprised of his or her own
personality and decisions, the dynamics of family life in the parsonage, and the ministry
family’s relationship with the church and its individual members.111 The internal integrity
of each of these three elements and healthy boundaries between them determine the
quality of the PK’s day-to-day experience.
When pastor-parents live in integrity at home and maintain clear boundaries with
a healthy church, PKs enjoy many advantages. At home, they receive a unique spiritual
formation and enjoy healthy parental modeling and support. In the local church, they get
the opportunity to develop ministry and people skills and may enjoy a supportive social
network. Parents and church leaders who actively insist that the pastor’s children receive
“normal” treatment dramatically reduce the pain of unfair expectations. In the broader
Christian world, PKs may participate in high quality Christian ministries, travel, and gain
a broader worldview through the lens of the kingdom of God. As they mature and interact
more deeply with their parents, they may enjoy personal mentoring; as they develop their
gifts, they may find open doors to ministry leadership.
Unclear boundaries between the PK, the ministry family, and the church produce
stress and lie at the root of many of the principle PK problems. The definers and
111
Lee, PK, 16. This was the single most helpful insight I found in the available PK literature.
102
guardians of these boundaries are the pastor and his or her spouse. Pastors may cave in to
church expectations, spoken or unspoken, to be on call twenty-four hours a day, leaving
little time or emotional energy for the family. Without a proactive scheduling plan,
pastoral families may get drawn into spending inordinate amounts of time in the church
building. Pastors may unwittingly expose their children to congregational criticism and
unfair expectations by using them in sermon illustrations and holding up their families as
a model for everyone to imitate. Pastoral couples may poison their children with
bitterness by dragging church problems into the dining room. Parents may violate pastorparent boundaries by prematurely hiring a talented but immature—or morally rotten—
child, setting up both the young person and the pastor for failure.
Two outside elements conspire to breathe oxygen and life into the closed PK
ecology of me-family-church. The first is the grace of God, which pursues each of His
people and offers his unconditional love and a second chance. The Lord sends the
second: caring adults and understanding friends who come alongside the PK and walk
with him or her through life in the stained glass jungle. PK camps, PK friends, and
supportive adult advocates can come alongside PKs to love them, listen to them, and
create spaces where PKs can “be normal” and connect with God for themselves. PK
ministries and trusted adult friends can provide a pressure release valve that can make the
difference between a PK exploding or finding the grace and sanity to keep going.
Pastors’ kids make up an important link in the chain of God’s grace, the next
generation of men and women of God. The literature offers insight into the advantages
and disadvantages that caring leaders can use to help PKs become everything God
created them to be.
CHAPTER 4
DESCRIPTION OF FIELD PROJECT
Introduction
Chapter 3 discussed how the published literature about pastors’ kids (PKs),
although scant, clearly confirmed the existence of identifiable PK advantages and
disadvantages. This whole project proposes that the principle blessings and challenges in
the life of the pastor’s kid cluster around five key distinctive realities: growing up with
preacher-parents, living in the local church spotlight, connection with the broader church
world, handling insider information, and negotiating the fast track to ministry.
Chapter 4 now discusses a survey conducted to determine if these ideas proved
true in the lives of diverse groups of PKs in retreats across Latin America. It will first
describe the preparation of the study—including the development of a questionnaire and
target sample, followed by the execution of the project—the administration of the
questionnaire, and, finally, the results of the project, including its findings and the
summary of those findings.
Preparation of the Project
The Costa Rican PK ministry, called “Children of Ministers of the Assemblies of
God,” or HIMAD by its Spanish acronym, began in the year 2000 when my wife,
Jennifer, and I arrived as missionaries. As time passed, the ministry’s leadership team
began building a network of friendship with Assemblies of God leaders from several
103
104
countries who were either currently working with PKs or desiring to do so in the near
future. By 2008, the list of countries included Costa Rica, El Salvador, Nicaragua,
Mexico, Argentina, Cuba, Chile, and Panama. Ministry leaders from these countries
began to invite one another to minister at retreats and send participants to encourage one
another.
As I attended many different PK events, I quickly found that the way leaders
perceived the reality of PK life often dictated, for good or ill, the effectiveness of the
ministry effort. I witnessed several PK events derailed by faulty assumptions. One
speaker, assuming all PKs were rebellious and ungrateful, scolded the young people
harshly, making a room full of enemies. Another speaker, feeling sorry for them as the
mistreated victims of nasty church members, showered them with unwelcome pity. After
a PK talent event laced with sarcastic church humor, mature observers grieved that the
evening fueled the young peoples’ cynicism instead of offering God’s grace and a healthy
perspective. Clearly, the more accurate the leaderships’ understanding about PKs, the
more effective the ministry will be.
With time, the body of information about PKs solidified. Since beginning the
ministry in Costa Rica, I had collected all the PK literature I could find. Each year the
campers filled out PK retreat evaluations, which the leadership team used to measure the
effectiveness of the ministry.1 I began teaching workshops, both for young people and for
their pastor-parents, about the unique world of PKs.2
The feedback I received from the workshops and camps served as a pilot project
to establish a conceptual framework of corresponding pairs of PK advantages and
1
See Appendix B, “2008 PK Retreat Evaluation.”
2
See Appendix A, “2007 Workshop for Ministers’ Kids.”
105
disadvantages. In April 2008, I compiled a chart identifying the most common
disadvantages as the flip side of the advantages.3
The Costa Rican leadership team and I were invited to help the Cuban Assemblies
of God hold their first PK retreat from July 9-11, 2008. This served as a unique moment
to collect data that could help everyone interested in ministry to PKs; therefore, the team
set out to write the questionnaire.
Survey Sample
The survey was originally written to study a sample of approximately 200
adolescent pastors’ children who planned to attend the July 2008 Cuban Assemblies of
God PK retreat, with the possibility of using it at the 2009 Costa Rican retreat as well.
The survey was written in standard Spanish that could be easily understood in multiple
countries.
The questions were based on the team’s experience with Costa Rican PKs and
took into account some anticipated cultural and economic differences in Cuba. Because
the Cuban retreat was promoted for youth from twelve to twenty-five years old, the
questionnaire used simple vocabulary. The survey assumed that all participants would be
able to read and would possess enough reflection skills to answer the questions.
Participation guidelines at each of the six PK retreats required attendees to be
children of parents in active ministry leadership. Although most PKs came from the
Assemblies of God network, anecdotal evidence suggests that a few PKs came from
independent churches and other denominations. Denominational affiliation information
was not requested on the survey. Virtually all camp participants were children of
3
See Appendix C, “2008 Pilot Project Results: PK Privileges and Syndromes.”
106
Pentecostal ministers. Most of their parents would be pastors; other parents served in
non-pastoral roles such as evangelists, home or foreign missionaries, Bible institute
professors, and denominational officials.
One demographic factor we knew we could anticipate among the PKs was that
virtually all of them—providing they were single—would be living at home with their
parents, even those in their mid-to late-twenties. The great majority of Latin American
young adults reside at home until marriage, even university students. Most universities do
not have dormitory space for the students and economic constraints do not allow the
luxury of paying for lodging when a bed is available at home.4 Consequently, PKs in
attendance would spend their entire adolescent identity formation under the watchful eye
of the church. Many of the young people would be involved in active ministry leadership,
yet some of the young adult children might be chafing under the same curfews and family
rules as their thirteen-year-old siblings.
As the Costa Rican team began the survey process, I was concerned that
collecting all of the data at PK retreats would skew the data toward the experience of
well-adjusted PKs and leave out the hurting ones. After all, the parents concerned enough
to send their children to a retreat were probably more involved in the lives of their
children than other parents. I also suspected that most hard-core rebellious PKs going
through prodigal-child phases might not come to a retreat and would be underrepresented in the data. I feared that PKs from poor rural communities and the smallest
churches would be under-represented because of the expense of getting the kids to the
4
University of Costa Rica, “Programa de Residencias” [Residence dormitory program], UCR
Student Life Web Site, http://vra.ucr.ac.cr/vve.nsf/5c229904aaccc31d86256c370061be05/6e423ae7f
f5504e186256c21000dd5f6?OpenDocument (accessed November 8, 2011). The University of Costa Rica
has a student population of about 39,000 but dormitory space for less than 600, exclusively for the use of
students from remote rural locations who win a full-tuition academic scholarship.
107
retreat. As much as we would have liked to harvest data from the widest sample of PKs
possible, we had to be content with 607 PKs participated at the PK retreats. However, the
demographic data actually collected from the surveys disproves all of these fears, as
discussed in the findings section below.
Survey Questionnaire
The questionnaire set out to collect as much information as possible from the
adolescent youth that would be at the Cuban PK retreat. I especially wanted to refine my
understanding of PK advantages and disadvantages, as derived from the literature, my
experience, and the pilot data I had already collected.
The anonymous questionnaire began with demographic data: gender, age,
country, size of city, size of church, number of children in family, and birth order
position.5 It also asked for the level of education completed by the father, mother, and the
PK, as well as any current studies, employment, number of times per week the PK attends
church, and any church ministry in which the PK participates.
The content portion of the survey was divided into two sections. The first section,
a subjective response, asked PKs to name three advantages and three disadvantages of
being a PK, leaving a couple of lines after each for brief responses. This section
intentionally gave the young people an opportunity to name their personal top three likes
and gripes before the objective questions suggested other answers.
The objective section presented seventy-seven concrete statements a PK might
make about his or her experience, to be answered on a five-point Likert scale. The
responders were to check the box that best described how the statement applied to them:
5
See Appendix D, “Pastor’s Kid Survey.”
108
1-Never, 2-Sometimes, 3-Not sure, 4-Many times, and 5-Always. The statements were
roughly evenly distributed between the five categories of PK advantages and
disadvantages, plus several questions each about the PK’s family relationships and
personal satisfaction.
Execution of the Project
The first survey was handed out on July 11, 2008, the last day of the first national
PK retreat in Ciego de Avila, Cuba, after the final session, before lunch, and in the midst
of some confusion about buses. Of the 200 PKs at the event, 108 surveys were
completed. When the HIMAD team returned to Costa Rica I devised codes for the
demographic information and began to organize the subjective advantage/disadvantage
responses into groups of similar answers with their own codes. Once the data table was
set up, I felt confident to collect more PK data.
In November 2008, one of our staff members was invited to speak at a PK retreat
for the Assemblies of God in Panama; he returned with seventy-nine surveys. The eighth
national Costa Rica PK retreat in January 2009 yielded 116 more completed survey
forms, followed by 187 collected from Argentina’s retreat in March. A PK leader from El
Salvador sent seventeen more surveys from a regional gathering in May 2009. I led the
Costa Rican team back to Cuba for the second annual Assemblies of God PK retreat in
August 2009, where we collected 100 more surveys from PKs who had not attended the
previous year’s retreat. All in all, HIMAD collected 607 surveys at six events in five
countries. Table 1 identifies the location of the retreats and the number of participants
who filled out the survey at each event.
109
Table 1. Countries and Dates of PK Retreats
and Number of PKs Surveyed
Country
Dates
# of PKs Surveyed
Cuba
July 9-11, 2008
108
Panama
November 7-8, 2008
Costa Rica
January 8-11, 2009
116
Argentina
March 27-29, 2009
187
El Salvador
May 2, 2009
Cuba
August 4-6, 2009
79
17
Total responders
100
607
After each of these PK events, the HIMAD team carefully coded and recorded the
answers from every survey sheet. The codes and distribution of these responses are
discussed in the results section of this chapter.
Results of the Project
Demographics
Gender. Of the 607 participants, 288, or 47.7%, were male and 316, or 52.3%,
were female. Three surveys left the answer blank.
Age. The ages of the participants ranged from ten to forty-two years of age. Five
children fell into the category of age ten or eleven and two adult leaders, aged thirty-three
and forty-two, filled out the survey. All of the rest of the participants were between the
ages of twelve and twenty-nine. Table 2 shows the distribution of ages roughly by junior
high (ten to fourteen years), high school (fifteen to eighteen years), college (nineteen to
twenty-four), and single adult (twenty-five and older) ranges, although these education
categories do not apply evenly in each country. Unfortunately, when the survey was
printed for distribution to the 187 participants at the PK retreat in Argentina, the age line
110
was deleted, resulting in a loss of age information. In total, 199 respondents did not fill in
age information, leaving age-related data for 408 participants. The age group distribution
was probably not significantly affected. The average age was 17.7, and the median age
was 17 years.
Table 2. Age Ranges of Responders
Age Range
Number
Percentage
10 to 14
107
26%
15 to 18
142
35%
19 to 24
128
31%
31
8%
25 and over
* Note: Only 408 of the 607 survey participants
filled out age information
City Size. The survey allowed the young people to subjectively indicate if the
place where they live is a rural area, a small town, a medium city, or a large city. Table 3
indicates their answers. Twenty-seven percent of the young people indicated that they
live in rural areas or small towns, while 73% said they were from small or large cities
(Table 3). These percentages correspond roughly to the urbanization rates of the general
population.6
Table 3. City Size
City Size
Rural
Small Town
Medium City
Large City
6
Total Responses
of 576
65
90
248
173
Percentage
11%
16%
43%
30%
See, for example, “Cuba,” The CIA World Factbook, https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/
the-world-factbook/geos/cu.html (accessed November 7, 2011). According to the CIA World Factbook,
Cuba’s population is 75% urbanized, while Costa Rica’s is 64% and Argentina’s is 92%.
111
Church Size. The PKs were asked to indicate the size of the church they attend.
They were not given any specific guidelines to differentiate between service attendance
and formal membership, so these numbers are estimates, but if nothing else they indicate
the PK’s perception of church size. Forty-five percent indicated they were from churches
of 0-99 people, 25% from 100-199, 18% from 200-499, 5% from 500-999, and 6%
indicated they were from churches of over 1,000 people (Table 4).
Table 4. Church Size
Church Size
Total Responses
of 569
256
Percentage
100-199
143
25%
200-499
103
18%
500-999
32
5%
1,000+
35
6%
0-99
45%
Other statistics. The PKs marked the number of children in their household; the
average was 3.2 children per home. The average birth order of PK camp participants was
2.1.
To the question: “How many times per week are you at the church?” the average
response was 4.0, although many PKs were in church six or seven times per week. Fifty
participants left the answer blank and one answered “once a month.” Although some
blanks may have come from respondents who skipped the question, it is safe to surmise
that some of them were not attending church at all. This confirmed our hope that some of
the “prodigal” PKs who were not actively attending church came to the PK retreat
anyway, dispelling any fears that this survey data is all from “perfect PKs.”
112
The questions about the education levels of both parents and PKs, as well as
current employment of PKs were difficult to categorize neatly, as vocabulary varies from
one country to the next. For example the word colegio for high school in Costa Rica
means “college” in other countries, and the Cubans use the word primaria up to ninth
grade, while most other countries use it for elementary school. One hundred eighty-six of
the PKs were currently employed; 476 were students.
In the space to report “your current ministry in the church” 469, or 77%, reported
being involved in some kind of ministry in the local church. The most common ministry
named was alabanza, musical praise and worship, with 303 PKs involved—a full 50%.
The second most common response was jóvenes, youth, with 98 (16%); niños, children’s
ministry, was third with 48 responses, 8%.
Subjective Advantages and Disadvantages
The PKs were given space to name “three advantages of being a PK” and “three
disadvantages of being a PK.” The 607 survey respondents wrote down 1,378 advantages
and 1,264 disadvantages, 9% more advantages than disadvantages. These were coded into
18 typical advantages (Table 5) and 26 typical disadvantages (Table 6). These codes were
entered into the data table then ranked in a frequency table.7
7
See Appendix E, “PK Subjective Advantage and Disadvantage Clusters.”
113
Table 5. Subjective Answer Advantage Chart
1
Advantages
Recognition
Typical Answers
People know you, give gifts, privileges
2
Blessing
Being a PK is a blessing, my family is blessed
185
3
Ministry
It develops, helps, opens doors for you in ministry
171
4
Family
I have a godly family, proud of my family
149
5
Meet People
Get to meet a lot of people, pastors, evangelists
123
6
Travel
Go to Christian events, travel with parents, go
places.
78
7
Attention
Church People watch out for me, help, protect, take
care
72
8
Information
You hear about everything, know what is going to
happen
68
9
Bible
You learn about the Bible
57
10
PK Ministry
I like to go to the activities and meet other PKs.
55
11
Access
Access to the church facilities, music instruments,
office.
57
12
Leadership
You learn to be a leader, resolve conflicts.
39
13
Formation
It is a formation/training process/school, people
invest in me.
37
14
Trust
People trust you, give you opportunities.
31
15
Prayer
People pray for you.
26
16
Example
I can be an example for others.
20
17
Church
I get to be in church, to participate.
11
18
Economic
The church takes care of our family economically.
Total Advantages Listed
# Used
190
9
1,378
114
Table 6. Subjective Answer Disadvantage Chart
Disadvantage Typical Answers
1
2
3
Criticism
Observation
Perfection
People criticize and judge you
People are always watching you
I always have to be perfect, cannot make mistakes.
Your parents are busy and they never have time for
4
Time
you.
5
Privacy
No privacy or place to be alone.
6
Suffering
Watching your parents suffer.
You have to set the example, protect family
7
Example
testimony.
You cannot trust people or have friends in the
8
Distrust
church.
9
Obligated
I have to do things in church I do not want to do.
10 Rules
The rules are different for me than for others.
11 Pressure
I cannot take the pressure, have to do everything.
12 Rejection
Other kids avoid me, kick me out of group.
Moving to another town, losing friends during
13 Moving
transition.
14 Responsibility You have too many responsibilities, no free time.
I have no freedom, cannot do anything, rules are
15 Liberty
unfair.
Economic scarcity, we have no money, cannot buy
16 Scarcity
anything.
17 Little Pastor
People think you are the little pastor.
18 Identity
I cannot be my own person, find my own identity.
19 Persecution
Persecution in the community, school activities.
20 Unappreciated People do not appreciate or acknowledge my effort.
Others are jealous, say I get unfair advantages,
21 Favoritism
favoritism
22 No Rights
Other peoples’ needs are more important than mine.
23 Elections
Pastoral elections, getting voted on.
24 Spy
People treat me like the pastor’s spy.
Church people, especially deacons, are not what
25 Hypocrites
they seem to be.
26 Church
I have to be at church all the time.
Total Disadvantages Listed
#Used
253
181
123
98
69
64
49
48
43
42
38
37
36
30
28
27
22
18
14
12
9
7
6
5
4
1
1,264
115
It is helpful to realize that all of these responses were written by PKs who were
asked to name their top three advantages and disadvantages. The fact that only nine PKs
indicated that the church takes care of them economically should not be interpreted to
mean that the rest do not value it. This item simply did not make anyone else’s top three.
The five most common individual responses that stand out statistically on the
subjective advantage list are: (1) (Special) Recognition, (2) (Family) Blessing, (3) (Open
doors for) Ministry, (4) Godly Family, and (5) Meeting People (see Table 5).
Four disadvantages stand out above the rest on Table 5: (1) Criticism (statistically
far ahead of the rest), (2) Observation (the fishbowl), (3) Perfection (impossible
expectations), and (4) Time (parents too busy for you).
All of the subjective answers were clustered into five advantages and five
disadvantages from our five PK Distinctives, reflected in Tables 7 and 8. The advantage
cluster with the most total responses was “Spiritual Heritage,” while the runaway leader
among the disadvantages was the “Fishbowl Syndrome.”
Table 7. Advantage Clusters
Advantage Cluster
Spiritual Heritage
Subjective Answer Codes Included
2 Blessing + 4 Family + 9 Bible
#
391
Special Recognition
1 Recognition + 7 Attention + 11 Access +15
Prayer + 18 Economic
352
Access to Church
World
5 Meet People + 6 Travel + 10 PK Ministry
+ 17 Church
269
Leadership Open
Doors
3 Ministry + 14 Trust + 16 Example
222
Insider Information
8 Information + 12 Leadership + 13
Formation
144
116
Table 8. Disadvantage Clusters
Disadvantage Cluster
Fishbowl Syndrome
Subjective Answer Codes Included
1 Criticism + 2 Observation + 5 Privacy + 19
Persecution
#
517
Little Pastor Syndrome 3 Perfect + 7 Example + 15 Liberty + 17
Little Pastor + 18 Identity
240
Professional Church
Family Syndrome
4 Time + 10 Rules + 13 Moving + 16
Scarcity + 22 No Rights + 23 Elections + 26
Church
217
Happy Face Syndrome
6 Suffering + 8 Distrust + 9 Obligated + 12
Rejection + 24 Spy + 25 Hypocrites
201
Premature Ministry
Syndrome
11 Pressure + 14 Responsibility + 20
Unappreciated + 21 Favoritism
89
Objective Question Responses
The survey included 77 objective questions to be answered on a 1 to 5 Likert
scale. The answers for every question were entered into a data table.8 For ease of
analysis, questions that were marked “1” or “2,” corresponding to “never” or
“sometimes” (the word in Spanish would be interpreted closer to “seldom”), were
considered a “No.” Questions marked 4 or 5, “many times” or “always” were considered
a “Yes.” Questions left blank were coded as 3, “I do not know,” and were not counted as
either a “Yes” or “No.” We then created a chart of all the questions in the order they
appeared on the questionnaire, with their “Yes” percentage scores.9 We also generated a
table that ranked the questions by the percentage of PKs that answered “Yes,” and a
second table ranked by the percentage that answered “No.” 10
8
See Appendix F, “Objective Questions Organized by 5 Distinctives.”
9
See Appendix G, “Objective Questions Sorted by Question #.”
10
See Appendix H, “Objective Questions Sorted by ‘Yes’ Percentage” and Appendix I, “Objective
Questions Sorted by ‘No’ Response.”
117
From the “Yes” table it is noteworthy that all of the top ten “Yes” questions are
related to the spiritual and family heritage of the PK, and the confidence they feel serving
God growing out of that heritage (Table 9).
Table 9. Top Ten “Yes” Questions
Question
Number
T:4, 5
Total
Q11
Comment
My parents have taught me the Bible since I
was a child.
Percentag
e YES
572
607
94%
Q12
My parents model for me the Christian life.
571
607
94%
Q8
My parents are an example of how to live by
faith.
565
607
93%
Q4
I respect my parents as men and women of
God.
560
607
92%
Q6
My parents enjoy a strong and close
marriage.
552
607
91%
Q34
I feel proud of my parents as Christian
leaders.
551
607
91%
Q74
I feel that God has a purpose for my life.
542
607
89%
Q73
I like to help people out when they need me.
537
607
88%
Q5
I have a strong relationship with my parents.
529
607
87%
Q16
My parents have helped me to develop my
talents.
524
607
86%
Comparing the Data to the “5 Distinctives” Theory
The primary objective of this survey was to get the adolescent PKs’ firsthand
description of the advantages and disadvantages they face and then compare it to the
items in our theory of Five PK Distinctives. In this section, each of the advantages and
disadvantages are held up to the light of the data for confirmation. Both the objective and
subjective data will be used for each item.
118
PK Distinctive 1: Growing up with Preacher Parents
PKs grow up in a family with preacher-parents with heavy influence from the
church community.
Advantage #1: Spiritual Heritage. The PK enjoys a great spiritual heritage, with
exemplary parents, a thorough Christian upbringing, and a family blessing. Table 10
shows the objective questions related to Spiritual Heritage, and Table 11 shows the
related subjective responses. This group of statements received the strongest affirmation
in the survey. The “yes” percentages for these questions ranked highest of all of the
advantages or disadvantages, and the subjective answer did as well. These answers
provide strong support for the fact that PKs love their parents, cherish their spiritual
heritage, value their Christian upbringing, and feel their family is blessed.
The PKs had an interpretation problem with Q3, “I feel I have received a spiritual
heritage from my parents.” The survey in Cuba 2008 was filled out immediately after a
session in which the preacher told the PKs that they did NOT have a spiritual heritage,
but that every one of them needed to make a personal spiritual commitment to the Lord.
That group resoundingly answered “no” on Q3 and changed the results for that question,
since in other countries the “yes” response for this question was higher.
Table 10. Advantage #1 Objective Responses
Question
Number
Comment
Percentage
Q11
My parents have taught me the Bible since I was a child.
94%
Q12
My parents are models of the Christian life for me.
94%
Q8
My parents are an example of how to live by faith.
93%
Q4
I respect my parents as a man and woman of God.
92%
Q6
My parents enjoy a strong and close marriage.
91%
119
Q18
My house is a refuge where I feel safe.
84%
Q35
My last name is a blessing.
82%
Q3
I feel I have received a spiritual heritage from my parents.
79%
Table 11. Spiritual Heritage Subjective Responses
Spiritual
Heritage
Concept
# of
Responses
#2 Blessing
Being a PK is a blessing, my family is blessed
185
#4 Family
I have a godly family, proud of my family
149
#9 Bible
57
Note: #1 Ranking on subjective responses.
391
Disadvantage #1: The “Professional Church Family” Syndrome. Growing up with
preacher-parents means that church life spills over into family life. The PK’s “social
ecology” includes messy boundary issues between the family and church, including little
time with parents, frequent church activities, the challenges of parsonage life, economic
struggles, and the pain of moving. 11 Table 12 shows the PK responses to the objective
questions related to this disadvantage, and Table 13 shows the subjective responses.
Table 12. Disadvantage #1 Objective Responses
Question
Number
Comment
Q23
The rules in my house are different than those of my
friends.
83%
Q69
My parents know how I am when I am with my friends.
(17% No)
66%
Q15
My parents know my best friends well.
65%
Q28
I have to give up my bed when we have guests in the house.
56%
Q21
We have at least one vacation time per year.
55%
11
Percentage
Zondervan, 1992), 17.
120
Q19
We have suffered for lack of economic support.
50%
Q26
My parents give money in the offering that we needed at
home.
46%
Q70
The needs of others are more important than my needs.
40%
Q59
I have lost friendships when we have had to leave churches.
39%
Q24
My parents make time for others but not for me.
35%
Q27
It makes me uncomfortable when church members invade
our house.
34%
Q20
My parents take days off without attending to anyone.
20%
Table 13. Disadvantage #1 Subjective Responses
Question
Number
Comment
Number of
Responses
#4 Time
Your parents are busy and they never have time for you.
98
#10 Rules
The rules are different for me than for others.
42
#13 Moving
Moving to another town, losing friends during transition
36
#16 Scarcity
Economic scarcity, we have no money, cannot buy
anything
27
#22 No Rights Other people’s needs are more important than mine.
7
#23 Elections
6
#26 Church
1
#3 Overall Ranking—disadvantages on subjective
response
217
The literature suggests that PKs often feel hurt when their parents are so busy that
they do not spend time with them.12 This survey supports that theory: “Your parents are
too busy and they never have time for you” was the #4 disadvantage on the subjective
list. Another complaint significantly present in the literature was that PKs feel frustrated
at having to be at the church all the time; however, this hardly appeared on our survey.
12
Douglas F. Campbell, “Explorations of Parents’ Availability to their Children: Canadian
Preachers’ Kids (PKs), Family Ministry 12, no. 4 (Winter 1998): 47. In this Canadian PK study, parental
“availability” to their children proved a determining factor in their eventual adult religious commitment.
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Only 1 PK out of 607 mentioned it in the top three disadvantages and, unfortunately, we
did not write an objective question specifically about it. Considering the abundant
references in the literature to clueless parents, I was surprised at how many PKs affirmed
that their parents knew how they behaved around their friends (Q69, 66%) and knew their
best friends well (Q15, 65%).
When we wrote Q20 in Spanish, “My parents take days off without attending to
anyone,” we meant that parents do not tend to church business on their day off. It appears
that many of the PKs interpreted the question to mean, “My parents take days off when
they do not talk to me,” skewing the data.
PK Distinctive #2: Life in the Spotlight
PKs grow up in the local church spotlight, enjoying the perks of special
recognition and suffering under the gaze of life in the fishbowl.
Advantage #2: Special Recognition. PKs enjoy the attention they receive because
of the leadership of their parents. Special recognition was the #1 advantage that PKs
named on the subjective portion of the survey. We suspected that many PKs would feel
that their Pentecostal pastor-parents were avoided or considered strange in the
community, but 81% affirmed “my parents are recognized as leaders in the community,”
even in Cuba amidst communist persecution. Given that “Recognition” was the #1
answer (190 PKs listed it) on the subjective advantage chart, it is interesting to note that
only 39% marked “yes” for Q30, “Sometimes I receive gifts or special recognition in the
church.” Perhaps for the 39% of PKs who receive special recognition it is the top
advantage and the rest simply do not feel the same glow of affirmation from the church.
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Table 14. Advantage #2 Objective Responses
Question
Number
Comment
Q34
I feel proud of my parents as Christian leaders.
91%
Q29
My parents are recognized as leaders in the community.
81%
Q41
I am allowed to use the equipment in the church:
instruments, etc.
75%
Q30
Sometimes I receive gifts or special recognition in the
church.
39%
Percentage
Table 15. Advantage #2 Subjective Responses
Question
Number
Comment
#1 Recognition
#7 Attention
Church People watch out for me, help, protect, take
care
72
#15 Prayer
26
#18 Economic
The church takes care of our family economically.
Responses
190
9
Disadvantage #2: The Fishbowl Syndrome. PK life in the spotlight includes the
disadvantage of the “fishbowl syndrome,” constant public observation that brings a lack
of privacy, the withering effects of criticism, and a constant struggle against stereotypes.
On the subjective answers, “Criticism” (“people criticize and judge you”) appeared 253
times and “Observation” (“people are always watching you”) was mentioned 181 times,
making them the #1 and #2 top disadvantages on that scale. On the objective questions,
however, the responses appear more nuanced. Seventy-one percent (Q40) report that their
parents try to protect them from criticism. While 59% say their parents use them in
sermon illustrations (Q39), a significant percentage, 30%, said “no.” While 41% overall
answered “yes” to the statement, “I have suffered persecution in my studies because I am
a PK,” only 65 out of 208 of the PKs in communist Cuba, 31%, answered “yes.”
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Table 16. Disadvantage #2 Objective Responses – Fishbowl Syndrome
Question
Number
Comment
Q36
The people watch me because I am the pastor's kid.
83%
Q40
My parents try to protect me from criticism.
71%
Q50
The rules for me are different than they are for others.
66%
Q38
The people observe and criticize my appearance.
65%
Q54
The people in our church accept the way I dress.
65%
Q39
My father uses me in sermon illustrations. (30% No)
59%
Q66
I have gotten mad when forbidden things I do not think are
bad.
50%
Q37
I have suffered persecution in my studies because I am a
PK.
41%
Percentage
Table 17. Disadvantage #2 Subjective Responses – Fishbowl Syndrome
Question
Number
Comment
Responses
#1 Criticism
253
#2 Observation
181
#5 Privacy
69
#19 Persecution
Persecution, not allowed in some school activities.
14
PK Distinctive #3: Elite Membership in the Church World
The PK’s family connections give him or her special access to the vast social
network of the Christian world, but the VIP nametag also creates expectations of
perfection from the “little pastor.”
Advantage #3: Access to the Church World. The PK’s family connections provide
access to a rich network of relationships and activities in the broader church world, and
the data indicates that they clearly regard this as a major advantage (Q33, 85%).
“Meeting people” was the #5 overall subjective advantage on the chart and traveling to
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Christian events was clearly affirmed as a major plus. Overall, having PK friends to talk
to was the #10 subjective advantage, and 77% said they have PK friends they can talk to
(Q75). PKs value participating in PK events and making PK friends that can understand
them.
Table 18. Advantage #3 Objective Responses—Access to Church World
Question
Number Comment
Percentage
Q33 My family opens doors for me in the Christian world.
85%
Q75 I have PK friends that I can talk to.
77%
Q31 I get to meet special guests that come to our church.
75%
Q32 I have been able to travel to special events with my family.
56%
Table 19. Advantage #3 Subjective Responses—Access to Church World
Advantage
Comment
Responses
#5 Meet People
Get to meet a lot of people, pastors, evangelists
#6 Travel
Go to Christian events, travel with parents, go places.
78
#10 PK Ministry
I like to go to the activities and meet other PKs.
55
#17 Church
11
123
Disadvantage #3: The Little Pastor Syndrome. The VIP access tag hanging around
the neck of the PK may lead others to expect him or her to act like a little pastor. This
means that PKs feel a need to live up to impossible standards of perfection, held up to a
higher standard than their peers. Statements like “I always have to be perfect” and “I can
never make mistakes” showed up as the #3 most common disadvantage on the subjective
answers. 78% agreed that “people expect me to be the example for the other young
people in my church. The 50% positive response to the statement “I feel guilty because I
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ought to be better than I am” indicates that many PKs have internalized the high
expectations of themselves.
Table 20. Disadvantage #3 Objective Responses—Little Pastor Syndrome
Question
Number
Comment
Q51
People expect me to be the example for other young people
in my church.
78%
Q46
People expect me to be perfect.
72%
Q45
People expect me to be the "little pastor"
71%
Q44
They call on me to fill in whenever there is an emergency.
64%
Q48
They say that I have to serve, because I am the pastor's kid.
59%
Q72
I feel guilty because I ought to be better than I am.
51%
Q53
I have freedom to make my own decisions.
31%
Percentage
Table 21. Disadvantage #3 Subjective Responses—Little Pastor Syndrome
Disadvantage
Comment
Responses
#3 Perfection
I always have to be perfect, cannot make mistakes.
123
#7 Example
Have to be the example for everyone, protect family
testimony.
49
#15 Liberty
I have no freedom, cannot do anything, rules are
unfair
28
#17 Little Pastor
People think you are the little pastor
22
#18 Identity
I cannot be my own person, find my own identity
18
PK Distinctive #4: Insider Information.
Living with pastors, PKs have access to insider information about the church. On
the positive side, they may enjoy being “in the know” about church people and activities;
they may also value getting special insight into the heart and mind of their parents. The
problem comes when they inevitably get too much information and must manage the
knowledge of the dark side of the church.
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Advantage #4: Special Information. PKs may enjoy being in the information loop,
hearing first about plans and people in the church. They may also understand their family
conversations as a special opportunity for ministry mentoring as they watch Christian
leadership up close. While the leadership mentoring aspects of the special information
advantage were clearly affirmed, fewer PKs (61%) received private information about the
church and even fewer (45%) heard private information about individuals in the church.
Some ministry families establish and protect boundaries of how much private information
they share with their children.
Table 22. Advantage #4 Objective Responses—Special Information
Question
Number
Comment
Q60
I have learned to resolve conflicts by watching my
parents.
77%
Q61
I have learned about leadership through my parents.
75%
Q55
My parents share private information about the church
with me.
61%
Q56
I hear information about the personal life of church
members.
45%
Percentage
Table 23. Advantage #4 Subjective Responses—Special Information
Advantage
Comment
Responses
#8 Information
You hear about everything, know what is going to
happen
68
#12 Leadership
You learn to be a leader, resolve conflicts.
39
#13 Formation
It is a training process, a school, people invest in
me.
37
Disadvantage #4: Too Much Information. Access to insider information
eventually leads to too much information, which can lead to PK isolation in the church.
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The PKs manifested, both in the subjective (Q57, 83%) and objective (#6 overall)
responses, that watching their parents suffer under the criticism of church members is the
most painful aspect of the “too much information” syndrome. Twenty-seven percent
affirmed having watched their parents suffer at the hands of “the authorities” (Q58)
which the survey intended to refer to the government, but at least one PK asked in the
margin if church authorities counted.
Rejection by other young people appears clearly in the data. Less than half of the
PKs affirmed having someone either inside (Q63, 40%) or outside (Q64, 45%) the church
with whom they could share their problems. In the subjective responses, many PKs
groaned, “You cannot trust people or have friends in the church” (#8 Distrust), “Other
kids kick me out of their group” (#12 Rejection), and more than a fourth said other
people treated them “like the pastor’s spy” (#24 Spy, 29% on Q62).
The literature often referred to PKs being forced to perform on Sunday mornings,
doing tasks they did not want to do and putting on their “happy face” mask anyway.
However, only 19% (Q67) agreed with the statement, “In church I have to pretend to be
something I am not.”
Table 24. Disadvantage #4 Objective Responses—Too Much Information
Question
Number
Comment
Q57
It hurts me when people criticize my parents.
83%
Q64
I have someone outside the church with whom I can
share my problems.
45%
Q63
I have someone in the church with whom I can share my
problems.
40%
Q62
Other youth have treated me like the pastor’s spy.
29%
Q58
My parents have suffered at the hands of the authorities.
27%
Percentage
128
Q65
They make me do things in church that I do not want to
do.
25%
Q67
In church I have to pretend to be something I am not.
19%
Q71
If people really knew me, they would reject me.
13%
Table 25. Disadvantage #4 Subjective Responses—Too Much Information
Disadvantage
Comment
Responses
#6 Suffering
64
#8 Distrust
You cannot trust people or have friends in the
church.
48
#9 Obligated
I have to do things in church I do not want to do.
43
#12 Rejection
Other kids will not hang out with me; kick me out of
group.
37
#24 Spy
People treat me like the pastor's spy.
5
#25 Hypocrites
Church people, esp. deacons, are not what they seem
to be.
4
PK Distinctive #5: Fast Track to Ministry Leadership.
As pastors’ kids develop their ministry gifts, their parents and other Christian
leaders may open doors for ministry leadership. Unfortunately, the fast track may lead to
premature ministry, vocational identity confusion, and the potential of the “Sons of Eli
Syndrome,” young people with rotten character taking over the family “ministry
business.”13
Advantage #5: Open Doors for Ministry. PKs may develop early talents and have
open doors to enter ministry leadership at a young age. Since the PK sample included
young adults, many were already leading in some way in the church. As reported in the
13
The “Sons of Eli Syndrome” syndrome is described in Chapter 3, referring to the worst kind of
church nepotism: Pastors’ kids who have impressive ministry gifts, but whose character is deficient. When
their sins become public the pastor who hired and covered for them often loses credibility and can be
removed from leadership. Chapter 2 includes a case study about the sons of the priest Eli in 1 Samuel 2-3.
It highlights that their cynicism and lack of respect for God led them to thorough corruption.
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demographic responses, 469 (77%) reported being involved in some kind of ministry
with the top three being worship music (50%), youth (16 %), and children’s ministry
(8%). In the objective statements, an overwhelming majority affirm that their parents’
initiative (86%, Q16) and growing up in the church (79%, Q42) have helped them
develop their talents, and that they are currently actively participating in ministry at
church (75%, Q43). The #3 overall advantage mentioned in the subjective responses was
“Ministry: being a PK develops, helps, and opens doors for you in ministry.” Many PKs
take seriously the privilege and responsibility of being an example for the other youth to
follow (53%, Q52, #16 Example), and that as a PK, people trust and give them
opportunities (#14 Trust).
Table 26. Advantage #5 Objective Responses – Open Doors for Ministry
Question
Number
Comment
Q16
My parents have helped me to develop my talents.
86%
Q42
I have developed talents because I have grown up in the
church.
79%
Q43
I participate actively in ministry at the church.
75%
Q52
The other young people follow my example.
53%
Percentage
Table 27. Advantage #5 Subjective Responses – Open Doors for Ministry
Advantage
Comment
Responses
#3 Ministry
It develops, helps, opens doors for you in ministry
#14 Trust
31
#16 Example
20
171
Disadvantage #5: Premature Leadership. The survey data sustains the theory that
the PK’s early open doors for ministry leadership include the danger of premature
130
leadership. PKs may be leading beyond their emotional maturity to handle the
responsibility (subjective #14 Responsibility), pressure (#11 Pressure), or lack of
appreciation (#20 Unappreciated). Some resent church peoples’ accusations of favoritism
or nepotism (Q47, 43%; #21 Favoritism). Other PKs acknowledge that they are serving
while harboring habitual sin (Q68, 18%). A premature commitment to ministry as a
vocational track—what James Marcia called “identity foreclosure”—may lead some PKs
to feel stuck and forced to become something they do not want to be.14 Forty percent of
the PKs reported feeling pressure “to become a pastor like my parents (Q49).
Table 28. Disadvantage #5 Objective Responses—Premature Leadership
Question
Number
Comment
Q47
They complain that I only serve because I am the pastor’s kid.
43%
Q49
I feel pressure to become a pastor like my parents.
40%
Q68
I serve in the church even though I have habitual sin in my
life.
18%
Percentage
Table 29. Disadvantage #5 Subjective Responses—Premature Leadership
Disadvantage
Comment
#11 Pressure
I cannot take the pressure; I have to do everything.
38
#14 Responsibility
You have too many responsibilities, no free time.
30
#20 Unappreciated
People do not appreciate or acknowledge my effort.
12
#21 Favoritism
Others are jealous, say I get unfair advantages,
favoritism.
14
Responses
James Marcia, “Identity in Adolescence,” in Handbook of Adolescent Psychology, ed. J.
Adelson, 159-187 (New York, NY: Wiley & Sons, 1980), 161.
9
131
Summary of Findings
This survey of Latin American pastors’ kids offered PKs an opportunity to share
the advantages and disadvantages of their PK experience with open subjective statements
as well as responding to 77 objective questions. When asked to name three advantages
and three disadvantages of PK life, they recorded 9% more advantages than
disadvantages, 1,264 to 1,378.
The survey data confirms the general hypothesis that the advantages and
disadvantages of PK life are the opposite sides of five key realities that distinguish the
PK’s life from that of other young people in the church and secular society. These PK
distinctives are summarized and confirmed by the data as follows.
PKs Grow up with Preacher-Parents
This reality gives the PK the advantage of a unique spiritual heritage. The data
shows that PKs are grateful for their exemplary parents, both in their church leadership as
well as their personal example. The top ten objective statements that PKs most strongly
agreed with all had to do with the example of their parents and the spiritual blessing they
felt on their life. PKs understand the advantage of being raised with solid Christian
principles and believe that their life has a purpose in the hands of God. This group is also
convinced that the call of God on their parents’ life gives the entire family a spiritual
blessing.
Having preacher-parents brings the PK the disadvantage of growing up with the
professional church family syndrome. By far, the greatest disadvantage identified by the
PKs in the survey revolves around parents being extremely busy, although only 35%
were willing to say that their parents took time for others, but not for them. Other PK
132
laments include having harsher household rules than their friends, having to move when
changing church pastorates, and the lack of funds in the home.
PKs Live in the Local Church Spotlight
On the positive side, the spotlight gives the PK special recognition. Standing
proudly beside their parents in front of a loving congregation, the PK is a small-time
celebrity who enjoys knowing everyone, receives small perks, and is allowed to play the
church instruments. The #1 single advantage that 190 of the PKs specifically named on
the subjective portion of the survey was “Recognition,” being known, loved, and
supported by the people in the church.
The adulation of the church people in the spotlight bears a high price tag. The two
most common disadvantages named on the survey were criticism and observation, both
of which are functions of visibility. When pastors use their children in sermon
illustrations, they increase their visibility, diminishing their privacy and increasing their
exposure to criticism. The data suggests that the more visible the PK, the more exposed
he or she is to criticism.
PKs are Connected to the Best of the Church World
PKs are highly connected to the best of the Church world outside the local
congregation. The survey data demonstrates that PKs love the connections they enjoy
with the broader church world, especially meeting Christian leaders, traveling to ministry
events with their parents, and participating in PK ministry. “Meeting people” was the #5
overall top advantage named by the PKs in the subjective section.
The PK’s close identification with the broader church world also means that PKs
are expected to act like “little pastors.” The #3 overall biggest disadvantage named by
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PKs is “I have to be perfect.” Other related laments include: “I have to be the example for
everyone else to follow,” “I have no freedom,” “People think you are the little pastor,”
and “I cannot be my own person.”
PKs Have Access to Inside Information
While this was the least popular of the five advantage clusters, more than threefourths of the PKs agreed that being close to their parents has provided a rich school
where they can learn about leadership and conflict resolution.
The dark side of having access to inside information is that eventually PKs have
too much information. The PKs in the study almost universally suffer with their parents
during church conflict and feel isolated when the other young people reject them, break
their confidence, or try to use them to get information about their parents.
PKs are on the Fast Track to Ministry Leadership
The #3 overall advantage of being a PK on the survey was, “It develops you and
opens doors for ministry.” Latin American PKs do not go off to college or move to a
different city to “find their way in the world.” They pass through their adolescence and
young adulthood at home and in the local church. Often, the pastor is eager to let his
offspring cut their teeth serving the Lord.
The disadvantage of the fast track to ministry is the pressure of premature
ministry. PKs reported feeling too much pressure, having too much responsibility, and
feeling unappreciated for what they do in the church. Some PKs reported being accused
of receiving favoritism and unfair advantages. Forty percent felt pressure to become
pastors like their parents, complicating the process of vocational identity. A small, but
honest, minority also admitted to serving in the church while practicing habitual sin. In
134
extreme cases these can become like the sons of Eli, rotten characters in ministry
leadership.
Conclusion
All in all, this study allowed 607 pastors’ kids from all around Latin America to
describe their PK experience in specific detail. Some experiences were affirmed as nearly
universal, such as valuing the family’s spiritual heritage (Table 11) and chafing under the
criticism and constant observation of church members (Table 6, #1 and #2). Other
experiences, while not shared by all, still fit into the overall profile of a “normal” PK,
such as the eleven kids who loved being able to participate in every single church activity
(Table 5, #17) and the 29% whom other kids had treated as the pastor’s spy (Table 24,
Q62).
When PKs, their preacher-parents, and PK ministry leaders take an objective look
at the whole package of advantages and disadvantages in the PK experience, they may
find new ways to build on the advantages and defuse the danger in the disadvantages.
CHAPTER 5
PROJECT SUMMARY
Chapter 5 reflects on the process and implications of this project. This summary
includes: (1) an evaluation of the effectiveness and possible improvement of the project,
(2) the implications of the project, (3) the project’s contribution to ministry, (4)
recommendations for national church leadership, and (5) recommendations for future
study.
Evaluation of the Project
This project assembles a portrait of the distinctive life experience of adolescent
Latin American Pentecostal ministers’ kids, providing pastor-parents and PK ministry
leaders a window into the perceived advantages and disadvantages of PK life. The
following sections describe keys that made this survey effective and other key
components of the project that needed improvement.
Keys to Project Effectiveness
First, this study benefitted from unusual face-to-face access to a large number of
PKs. Because of my Costa Rican PK team’s relationships with an international network
of PK ministries, I was able to collect data from 607 ministers’ kids at retreats in five
countries. This is one of the largest data samples of any of the existing formal PK
135
136
surveys.1 The international scope of this project makes its findings relevant across the
continent.
Second, this project grew out of the praxis of ministry to adolescent PKs. As I
described in chapter 3, most of the larger statistical PK studies to date have flowed from
either sociologists or clinical counselors. The sociological studies typically asked adult
PKs to identify elements of their childhood family life that affected their later adult
religious involvement.2 The material written by counselors typically identifies the causes
of adult PK psychological distress in ministry—family boundary problems,
congregational expectations, and external factors, like moving and economic hardship.3
While any good material can inform a practitioner’s thinking, the conclusions produced
by those studies typically point to the pastor as the problem and the therapy couch as the
solution. At a retreat, however, leaders do not help PKs by blaming their parents or the
congregation for messing up their life. Practicing PK ministry leaders must understand
the good and bad in a PK’s life and offer a fresh perspective, hope, spiritual support, and
friendship to help the PK keep going.
Third, this project created a vehicle to systematically document the perceived
advantages of PK life in addition to the disadvantages emphasized by the current PK
1
The two largest PK samples were in Douglas F. Campbell, “Explorations of Parents’ Availability
to their Children: Canadian Preachers’ Kids (PKs),” Family Ministry 12 (Winter 1998): 47-57; and Carole
Brousson Anderson, “The Experience of Growing Up in a Minister’s Home and the Religious Commitment
of the Adult Child of the Minister,” Pastoral Psychology 46, no. 6 (1998): 393-411. Campbell surveyed
606 adult PKs, and Anderson’s sample numbered 487. The fact that our sample number of 607 was one
more than Campbell’s was not planned.
2
Examples of sociological studies are Campbell and Anderson, also the two largest PK studies
mentioned in the previous note.
3
Examples include Timothy L. Sanford, “I Have to Be Perfect” And Other Parsonage Heresies
(Colorado Springs, CO: Llama Press, 1998). Cameron Lee, PK: Helping Pastors’ Kids Through Their
Identity Crisis (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1992).
137
literature. None of the major existing PK studies attempted to catalog how pastors’ kids
perceive the benefits of growing up in a clergy family. Although some of the books in the
“pastoral parenting tips” genre recommend talking with PKs about the advantages, the
nature of those benefits is not well documented.4
Fourth, the survey was able to generate both subjective and objective data from
the PKs. The objective responses documented with concrete statistics the extent to which
the PKs’ life experience matched the categories of the “5 PK Distinctives.” The
subjective responses, on the other hand, allowed the PKs’ to respond freely when asked
to name their “top three” advantages and disadvantages of PK life. Comparing the
subjective and objective data permits the reader to differentiate between nearly universal
PK sentiments and powerful experiences that are shared by only a minority. For example,
the number one most popular subjective advantage, labeled “Recognition,” clustered
answers similar to: “Everyone knows you; people give you gifts and special privileges.”5
By its #1 ranking alone, a reader may be led to think that all PKs get special recognition
and gifts. Objective question #30, however, corrects the perception when only 39 percent
of PKs agree to the statement, “Sometimes I receive gifts or special recognition in the
church.” 6 More PKs chose to mention “special recognition” than any other “top three”
response, but only 39 percent say they actually receive gifts and privileges.
4
Raul Guido Salazar, Dios Llamó a Mis Padres [God called my parents] (Buenos Aires,
Argentina, 2009).
5
See Appendix E, “Subjective Advantage and Disadvantage Clusters.”
6
See Appendix F, “Objective Questions Organized by 5 Distinctives.”
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Keys to Project Improvement
The project collected a large amount of data from a substantial sample in order to
better understand the life experience of Latin American pastors’ kids. A few changes in
the process could have sharpened some of the outcomes.
First, the denominational homogeneity of our sample—Latin American
adolescent Pentecostal Pastors’ Kids—may limit its perspective. If the study had included
PKs from other major Christian groups, such as Baptists or Presbyterians, some
characteristics may have emerged as a result of Pentecostal culture.
Second, the survey suffered a setback when it failed to collect age information for
199 participants. A misprint on the survey administered in Argentina led to age not being
reported for 187 people, along with 12 from other countries who did not fill it out.
Factoring by age group became somewhat less accurate than we had hoped.
Third, several demographic categories defied a neat numbering system because of
vocabulary differences, as explained in chapter 4. On the questions that requested the
father and mother’s education level, it seemed that the PKs had difficulty choosing
between our options. In some cases, vocabulary was the issue; in Costa Rica primaria
refers to elementary school, grades 1-6, while in Cuba the same word is used up to ninth
grade. In some countries the Bible schools have university status, so having to choose
between Instituto Bíblico and Universidad would have been confusing. I had hoped to be
able to factor in parental education level to determine PK satisfaction, but establishing
meaningful categories was complicated.
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Implications of the Project
The information collected in this project is meant to cast light on the PK
experience for the benefit of both PKs and their pastor-parents. Shortly after the data
collection stopped, I assembled a presentation to explain the 5 PK advantage and
disadvantage clusters to both of these groups.7
For pastors’ kids, both adults and adolescents, this project holds up a mirror to
their own experience, giving them permission to talk about the blessings as well as the
challenges of growing up in the parsonage. Some PKs have always tried to live up to the
image of the perfect PK; the frank and well-documented discussion of PK disadvantages
should help them take off their mask and acknowledge the pain. Others have earned the
label from the opposite PK stereotype—“black sheep” or “rebel;” for these souls, an
honest appraisal of PK advantages may take away some excuses to be angry.
For the vast majority of PKs in the middle of these extremes—the basically happy
ones who sometimes have bad days—this discussion should bring the relief of knowing
they are normal. After all, the life of every child in every family with parents in any
profession has its advantages and disadvantages. When pastors’ kids hold up their whole
PK experience and compare it to the life of others, they can usually find reasons to be
grateful.
PKs should also benefit from this study, as it spurs potential PK ministry leaders
into action. Young people who have the privilege of participating in PK ministries soon
come to regard their friendships with others PKs as one of the primary benefits of having
7
See Appendix K, “Power Point Presentation.”
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parents in ministry.8 Adult leaders at PK retreats often develop ongoing friendships with
the young people and can speak into their lives in moments of decision.
Pastors and their spouses may find numerous ways to apply this study to their
family life. Parents may find some comfort in knowing their children fit within the broad
range of “normal PKs,” but the study should confront them about the boundaries that they
establish and defend between the church and the family. The literature suggests that the
pastoral profession spills over into the minister’s family to a greater degree than most
other professions, and PKs feel boundary violations through absentee parents, unfair
observation, criticism, and impossible expectations.9 To a large degree, the pastors’
greatest family battle is fought with boundaries: leaving work concerns at the church,
protecting days off, not exposing the family in illustrations, being fully engaged with the
family when at home, and protecting the home from church intruders.
This study provides a critical insight into the nature of conflict between PKs, their
parents, and church members, with implications for all three. Cameron Lee and Jack
Balswick explain that in such a three-member social ecosystem triangulation occurs when
two parties who cannot resolve a conflict take it out on the third party.10 In the PK’s
world, triangulation might mean that a church lady picks on the PK girl when, in fact, she
has unresolved conflict with the pastor’s wife. A pastor might yell at the children to
behave “because the church people are watching” instead of the more honest motivation
of good behavior for the sake of etiquette or Christian values. Pastors and their spouses
8
Appendix F, “Objective Questions Organized by Five Distinctives.”
9
Cameron Lee, PK: Helping Pastors’ Kids Through Their Identity Crisis (Grand Rapids, MI
Zondervan, 1992), 17; See Appendix E, “Subjective Advantage and Disadvantage Clusters.”
10
Cameron Lee and Jack Balswick, Life in a Glass House: The Minister’s Family in its Unique
Social Context (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1989), 176.
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may need to consider whether their children’s struggles with church members really
reflect their own relationship or boundary problems with the church.
This study also intends to prod pastoral couples to help their children make
meaningful friendships with Christian adults outside of the local church. If the family
does not have access to a PK ministry, often other ministers or friends can speak into
their lives. When PKs can observe multiple models of people living healthy Christian
life, they often make better decisions and can imagine themselves serving the Lord in
creative ways.
Contribution to Ministry
This study intends to spur potential PK ministry leaders into action, developing
personal relationships with PKs as well as organizing ongoing ministry efforts. Both the
literature and the survey demonstrate the value of outside social networks in the PK’s
life.11 When the pressures of overly busy parents, impossible expectations, criticism, and
lack of privacy become unbearable, PKs need to breathe outside oxygen or they may
release pressure in unhealthy ways.
When ongoing PK ministries exist, the young people mention them as one of the
great benefits of being a PK. Appendix B shows a portion of a Costa Rican PK retreat
evaluation from 2008.12 We asked the young people what the PK ministry meant to them.
The PKs answered by saying, “It is my support group,” “It is my most important group of
friends,” “It is a place where I can get things off my chest,” “It’s a place where God
speaks to me,” “For me, it is an oasis in the desert,” and “It is a place to develop my
11
Christian Smith, “Religious Participation and Network Closure Among American Adolescents,”
Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion 42, no. 2 (2003): 259-260.
12
Appendix B, “2008 HIMAD PK Retreat Evaluation.”
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ministry gifts.” Perhaps this material may contribute in other leaders feeling called to
create pastors’ kids ministries for the PKs in their world. PKs have many privileges
growing up in a godly pastoral family and church community, but they desperately need
outside caring adults who will speak into their lives and create venues where they can
make friends and meet with God.
Recommendations for Denominational Leaders
National and regional denominational leadership plays a critical role in
developing effective ministry to pastors’ kids. In the early stages of reaching out to PKs,
the events can be simple and inexpensive. Youth leaders can host a pullout session or
workshop for PKs during a larger youth convention or retreat. Special ministry sessions
for PKs may work during pastors’ retreats or business sessions, if the ministers bring
their families with them. Leaders who love PKs can start meeting with them informally
over food or in a private home.
The first step toward developing an ongoing PK ministry lies in building a
committed leadership team made up of PKs. Twelve years of experience in several
countries has demonstrated that no matter how much others may care for PKs and want to
help them, pastors’ kids often do not listen to outsiders as well as to one of their own
kind. The best way to train and motivate such a team would be to expose them to a team
already working effectively with PKs. When the Cuban Assemblies of God wanted to
start their PK ministry, they asked Costa Rica’s ministry to bring a team to train them.
The Costa Ricans trained the Cuban leaders, led the recreation times, shared testimonies,
and preached messages intended to reach the PK’s heart. The Costa Rican ministry has
invited PK ministry leaders from Mexico and Argentina to minister at annual retreats.
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Passion for effective PK ministry is contagious and the cross-pollination of ideas
motivates leadership from both countries.
The biggest weapon in the PK ministry arsenal is the exclusive PK retreat. PKs
need to leave their home and their parents’ church to be themselves without church
people watching them. In their home church, PKs rarely feel free to worship, share what
is on their heart, and let their guard down. Retreats provide time, activities, specialized
ministry, and a unique group of friends so that the PK can lower his or her protective
walls and have a personal experience with God.
The annual PK retreat must eventually become part of a broader strategy to
provide ongoing support for pastors’ kids. Existing PK ministries do this through a
variety of strategies: periodic regional events, small group meetings with camp cabin
leaders, social events, worship nights, online social communities, and newsletters.
Young adult pastors’ kids often want to help the younger kids, but the
organizational demands of a PK ministry require the support of denominational leaders.
Camps require a highly committed leadership team and a strategy for financing the event,
since many pastors struggle economically and may have multiple children in the
ministry’s age range. The battle to organize PK ministry must be fought on two fronts:
the pastors and the PKs. Denominational leaders must make family information available
to PK leaders and promote the PK ministry to the pastors. Convincing the PKs to
participate in a new ministry requires a critical mass of young leaders who can gain the
respect of the teens. Further recommendations about the specific objectives of PK retreats
can be found in Appendix L.13
13
Appendix L, “Recommendations to Pastors, PK Leaders, and PKs.”
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Recommendations for Future Study
Since its inception, this project has resulted in numerous fruitful conversations
with ministers and their spouses and has helped start several new PK ministries. Like any
significant study, it has also unearthed many constructive ideas for further study.
First, the data from this study bears much more detailed analysis. Appendix M
shows the results of a preliminary factor analysis of the objective data from the survey,
and suggests a few typical “PK profiles” that emerge from the data.14 I called the first
three factor clusters on that chart the “Confident PK with Good Parent Relationships,”
“The Overexposed ‘Little Pastor’,” and “The PK with a Messed up Family.” Strong
positive or negative responses to such key questions as, “My parents enjoy a strong and
close marriage” and “I feel I can share anything with my parents” seem to correlate
strongly with other positive or negative responses.
The initial factor results for girls aged fourteen to twenty-one did not appear to
differ significantly from the emerging profiles for all PKs. However, years of experience
watching conflict between authoritarian fathers and their college-age daughters suggested
that the data might vary for older girls. A factor analysis for the fifty-one girls in the
eighteen to twenty-one year age range revealed that most fit into typical PK patterns, but
one group seemed to be at open war with their parents, even while serving in the church.
In the data, these girls insist that their parents do not know them or their friends. They
deny receiving a spiritual heritage from their parents and resent the behavior expectations
14
Appendix M, “Factor Profiles for Survey Participants.”
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of the congregation; they say that they are serving in the church in spite of habitual sin in
their lives, and fear that the church people would reject them if they really knew them.15
These initial patterns emerging from the data require much more detailed
manipulation. Filtering the PK data through such demographic information as country,
age and sex of responder, education level of parents, size of church, and city size would
likely lead to meaningful results. For example, the data seemed to show that in Costa
Rica and Panama, which have a strong church culture of celebrity pastors, PKs reported
more criticism and higher expectations. In Argentina and Cuba, where churches have a
more limited culture of pastoral adulation, PKs reported fewer unfair expectations and
less criticism. The data would have to be analyzed much farther to demonstrate causality
in these situations.
Second, doing the survey in other regions of the world, such as in the United
States or Asia, could isolate culturally determined elements of the data. Perhaps in the
United States, where young people can go off to college and develop their identity among
peers, fewer PKs might feel the impact of the identity-foreclosing “little pastor
syndrome” suffered by Latin American PKs who never leave home. The decades-old
American church culture that expects pastors to take days off, go on family vacations,
limit work hours, and take time for family, may have created an environment where PKs
feel less abandoned by their pastor-parents.
Third, collecting and systematically applying first-person PK anecdotes could
expand the emotional impact of this study. Even though this survey collected both
15
Ibid., 5. See the section entitled, “Factor Profiles: Girls 18-21, factor profile #1.”
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objective and brief subjective data, the PK ministry team did not interview PKs to collect
their stories and specific examples.
Fourth, a long-term correlation of ministers’ children actively involved in a PK
ministry could evaluate the impact and effectiveness of the PK interventions. Such a
study would need to track emerging-adult PKs, comparing those who had participated in
ongoing PK ministries with those who had not. Social problems such as drug and alcohol
abuse and relationship dysfunction might be compared with positive spiritual and
vocational outcomes. Such a study might prove expensive and require an extensive
organizational effort, but could prove valuable.
Conclusion
In the absence of the perfect PK study, I am grateful for the opportunity to have
worked on this project and witnessed the positive responses of PKs and their parents
when we discuss its findings together.16 This project began in chapter 1 by telling the
story of how God brought my family into a time of great need for PKs in Costa Rica. The
personal growth in the young people of the Costa Rican PK ministry, called HIMAD, and
the ministry’s international expansion spurred this project into action. Chapter 2
delineated how, at a theological level, PK ministry aims to transmit a sincere and clearly
defined faith to the next generation of the people of God, ministering God’s grace and
fanning into flame the gifts that God has placed in every young person. The general
literature review, in chapter 3, picks through the scant body of published PK writings to
identify a set of very real advantages and disadvantages that reflect the positive and
negative opposites of five distinctive features of PK life. The survey of 607 Latin
16
See Appendix K, “PK Sessions for Pastor-Parents” and Appendix K, “PowerPoint Presentation.”
147
American PKs, documented in chapter 4, confirms and quantifies these advantages and
disadvantages.
First, PKs grow up with preacher-parents, which means PKs enjoy a rich spiritual
heritage, but also that the church can dominate the family’s time and energy. Second,
PKs live in the local church spotlight, which may bring a few perks of special
recognition, but also includes incessant observation and constant criticism. Third, PKs’
family connections give them access to the best of the church world, which offers a vast
social network of relationships and activities, but also brings demanding expectations to
behave like “little pastors.” Fourth, PKs have access to insider information, allowing
them to watch their parents up close as they lead and resolve conflict, but insider
information can turn into too much information about the dark side of the church,
producing cynicism and isolation. Last, PKs have access to the fast track to ministry
leadership, often enjoying early opportunities to lead, but they may crash emotionally or
ethically when they face the pressure of premature ministry.
This study is meant to bring grace and hope to the PK, insight and admonition for
pastor-parents, and purposeful motivation for leaders are wanting to work with PKs. May
this work do its part to raise up the next generation of God’s servants in Latin America
and around the world.
APPENDIX A
2007 WORKSHOP FOR MINISTERS’ KIDS
Oasis de Esperanza National Youth Leaders Retreat
January 28-30, 2008
Jon Dahlager
Opener: Costa Rican HIMAD (Ministers’ Kids) ministry documentary/camp video.
Icebreaker activity: Good news, Bad news. Two chairs placed in front of the room, one
with big happy face “thumbs up” sign and the other with a big angry face “thumbs down”
sign. Each person in the room, time permitting, comes to the front, introduces him/herself
and sits in each chair for 15 seconds, telling something great and something difficult
about being a PK – Pastor’s/Preacher’s/Minister’s Kid. (Purpose: give permission to talk
about the good stuff as well as the hard stuff)
Initial Disclaimers
Working Definition of an PK = Child of a pastor/preacher/minister, who has lived a
significant portion of his or her life in a ministry family, and whose family life rotates
around the church. We will use PK as the generic abbreviation for
pastor’s/preacher’s/minister’s kid. Missionary kids share much of the PK experience, but
are just as influenced by cross-cultural issues, which are best handled in a different
workshop.
It takes one to know one. Our experience shows that ministry to PKs almost always
works best when speakers and group leaders are healthy ministers’ kids that can help
others along the same path. Others can love and serve PKs, but in this ministry there is no
substitute for firsthand experience and personal stories speak louder than 1,000 sermons.
Every PK is different. Even in the same family, with the same parents and in the same
church, two kids can react in completely opposite ways to the same situations. We
believe this is good, because God created each person unique, and we do not expect any
PK to measure up to anyone else’s life, although we do want every PK to become what
God meant them to be. Each church also has its own personality, and each family’s
relationship with the church is unique. Not every observation we make may apply to you.
These are no hard and fast rules, but observable patterns. Let the Lord speak to you with
what rings true in your life.
What is a “normal” PK? These observations are meant to apply to reasonably healthy
ministry families that love the Lord and feel called to serve Him with a good conscience.
The issues change significantly with PKs that suffer emotional, physical or sexual abuse
in their family or church, or whose parents’ lives show a drastic disconnect from sincere
Christian faith and ethics.
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Special Advantages of the PK
1. Is raised in a healthy Christian family, and not in a home broken by issues like
divorce or alcoholism.
2. Grows up learning about the Lord, the Bible, prayer, and Christian life.
3. Enjoys a heritage of spiritual blessing, sometimes with several generations of
ministers in the family tree.
4. Has access to church facilities: music, computers, etc.
5. Is trusted with ministry responsibilities, often more readily than his/her peers.
6. Tends to develop outstanding abilities in music, drama, leadership, art, sports,
academics, etc.
7. Learns leadership skills by watching parents: people management, conflict resolution,
creativity, optimism.
8. Receives special presents or recognitions from the church, for
birthday/Christmas/pastor appreciation events.
9. Gets to rub shoulders with special guests and Christian leaders that come to the
church.
10. Sometimes gets to travel to Christian conventions and camp or on ministry trips with
parents.
11. Some get to participate in special ministries for PKs, such as HIMAD.
Disadvantages of the PK
1. Lives in a fishbowl, where every move is watched by church members (and used in
sermon illustrations).
2. Fears that any bad behavior can wreck the family’s ministry.
3. Wears the label of “pastor’s kid” wherever he/she goes, and has it used against
him/her.
4. Lacks privacy and personal space, especially if the parsonage is near the church.
5. Has to share his or her parents with everybody else, and often at the most
inconvenient times.
6. Is expected to know everything, a veritable walking Bible concordance.
7. Feels that he/she has to be perfect, an ideal Christian example and a model for other
young people.
8. Knows that he/she is not perfect, producing perfectionism or rebellion (or both).
9. Learns to be an actor, doing what needs to be done at the moment, like it or not.
10. Learns to suppress personal needs and rights in favor of “the ministry.”
11. Suffers the tyranny of the “shoulds”—feeling he/she should be better, but never living
up to the ideal.
12. Is stunted in normal adolescent independence process, especially older girls.
13. Feels that there is nowhere where he/she can “be myself” without being scrutinized.
14. Gets caught in the “double bind”: I’m criticized if I rebel, and second-guessed if I
behave.
15. Knows the dark side of church life, which produces sarcasm and cynicism.
16. Is deeply hurt by personal criticism against parents, even more than against him or
herself.
17. Feels rejected by other youth in the church; the pastor’s spy, different.
18. Learns not to trust anyone in the church.
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19. Struggles to connect with the Lord at Dad and Mom’s church. Worship and prayer are
clouded by other issues.
20. But in Latin America, it is culturally not acceptable to attend another church.
21. Suspects that God, parents, and everyone else is disappointed with him/her.
22. Economic needs can be extreme, and a roadblock to wanting to develop personal
ministry.
23. A personal call to ministry is complicated by prophecies, church expectations, and
family heritage.
Ministry values at PK events
! Fun breaks the ice. We use recreation and music to lower defenses and open PKs to
the Holy Spirit.
! Friendship brings fresh air. Encourage ongoing relationships with other PKs, who
can “be normal” together.
! Worship connects with God. We create a safe environment where PKs can worship,
pray, and hear from God.
! Grace soothes perfectionism. Minister the grace of God as an antidote to the
perfection demanded the PK.
! Testimonies flatten excuses. Share personal stories to model healthy Christian life to
PKs.
! God calls everyone. Carve out time for PKs to hear and understand their own life
calling from God.
! Mentors show the way. When PKs mentor each other, they raise up the next
generation of God’s servants.
! Ministry together changes the World. PKs serving in a network together can
change the world.
Personal Challenges for each PK
1. Admit that ministry family life has advantages AND disadvantages. It is ok to talk
about both realities.
2. Recognize that I do not have to be perfect, that I do not now it all, and that it is all
right to ask for help.
3. Learn to know and serve God on my own apart from my family’s name and
reputation.
4. Look for fellow PK travelers on the journey of life; allow friends to come in past the
external perfect shell.
5. Find mentors that can serve as outside pressure release valves when things get weird
at home and church.
6. Find ways to develop personal independence without damaging my family.
7. Break the tyranny of the “shoulds.” Learn to serve the Lord and others out of love,
not obligation.
8. Grow in forgiveness and grace, for myself as well as for those who have hurt me and
my family.
9. Strive for holiness and excellence in ministry opportunities; never coast on my
charisma or status as PK.
10. Find my own voice and my own personal calling from God.
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Personal Reflection Questions
• Do I really relieve that God knows the deepest parts of my soul and still really loves
me?
• What are the PK gifts and challenges in my life?
• What are the parts of my life that I wish were different? Why?
• Is there any part of my life that need the grace and forgiveness of God?
• If I were not a PK, would I be a Christian? Would I be serving the Lord? Why?
• Do I struggle to trust people and make deep friendships? Why?
• Do I know another PK with whom I could develop a closer friendship?
• What is God’s call that I am feeling for my own life? What am I doing with that
calling?
Bibliography
I Have to be Perfect: and other parsonage heresies, by Timothy Sanford, psychologist
and PK. He studies the lies, the “warped records,” that mess up the adult PK as a result of
his life in a ministry family.
Jon Dahlager
Director, ministerio HIMAD, Hijos de Ministros Acercándose a Dios
APPENDIX B
2008 HIMAD PK RETREAT EVALUATION
These are some of the responses given by PKs at the end of the 2008 Costa Rican retreat,
January 3-6, 2008. They were compiled and used for staff debriefing afterward, and
served as a powerful reminder of why we do what we do at these retreats. The numbers
indicate the number of times that answer was repeated.
Can you share something you received from God at this camp?
• 22 Confirmation of my Calling/ministry/purpose
• 19 A Transformation, a change (The camp’s theme was Transformed)
• 17 New strength, motivation, weapons to keep on going
• 16 God spoke to me, gave me an answer for a question
• 14 The presence/touch of God, the anointing of the Holy Spirit, I met with God.
• 12 The Love/forgiveness/strength/hope/faithfulness/peace of God
• 11 A lot of blessing.
• 10 I was confronted to make decisions, a new commitment
• 7 Restoration/healing/emotional freedom from hurts
• 5 Friendships
• 4 Finding my identity in God
• 3 Something personal
• It was my first time here and I had such a neat experience with God here. I loved
feeling understood and supported !
• My family went through a desert this last year…God was always there, but a lot of
things happened that really battered my personal life…but even then God never
abandoned us. I came to this camp needing God to touch, heal, and clean out my life,
and He did. I can freely say that I had a transformation.
• God changed my life, filled my heart with dreams and desires, and I want to keep on
going to prepare to help at camps, too. You missionaries changed my way of
thinking; thank you for helping my family with our house repairs. Please pray for me
because I want to go out into the mission field.
• God spoke to my heart. He told me that He was waiting; He has a task for me and He
has always been with me in the loneliest times. I was able to feel that presence again
and I got a lot of thing off my chest that I dragged in with me.
• I came to camp ready to receive from God. Lately, I have been drifting a bit from
God and have not had the same communion with Him. But I think this camp helped
me get back to my place, where I belong. God moved spectaularly and I am going
home all filled up with Him!
• I learned that transformation can hurt.
• This camp was like a first date with God, finding my first love again.
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153
What does the HIMAD PK ministry represent in your life?
• 29 It is my support/help/motivation/encouragement group
• 18 It is a great/total/super/huge blessing.
• 13 My friends, a place for friendship
• 11 A huge part of my life, of my person, of my identity
• 9 A very important ministry for my life
• 9 A place where I can get things off my chest, I’m understood, I can be me.
• 6 It is my family.
• 5 An oasis in the desert, a refuge, free air, refreshment
• 4 A place for restoration, a new beginning
• 3 Happiness, fun
• 3 An opportunity to serve, to develop ministry gifts
• 2 They correct us through the teachings
• 2 A great generation of servants/of impact
• 2 The best/only reason to keep on being a PK.
• 2 A guide to show us the way forward.
• A place to meet with God and to meet other PKs.
• It is a miracle
• I am proud to be part of this ministry.
• It was what raised up my own ministry.
• It opened my eyes to the value of being a PK. I never valued it before.
• People who pray for me and are concerned that I seek God more each day.
• A chain of blessing and inspiration.
• A great privilege, companions in arms, a work team committed to serve God.
• These are my friends and people that I know I can call in moments of anguish. I love
this ministry.
• It is a big part of my life because here I find people that are just like me.
• Jon is my pastor.
APPENDIX C
2008 PILOT PROJECT RESULTS: PK PRIVILEGES AND SYNDROMES
Written April 30, 2008, this chart summarizes the findings of the PK Pilot Project in
workshops and PK Retreats in the first months of 2008. It was the first document spelling
out PK privileges and syndromes. It was discussed with the Costa Rican PK ministry
(HIMAD) leadership team in anticipation of the Cuban PK retreat in July 2008 and
formed the philosophical base for the PK survey.
Special Privileges
The Family
• Parents are people of God, not
alcoholics.
• Learn about God, the Bible and faith.
• Heritage of spiritual blessing.
• They are proud of their parents, their
leadership and the fact that people need
and respect them.
The Last Name
• Special recognition: PKs are
recognized by their family connections.
• Get special gifts.
• Get to go to PK events.
VIP Access
• They have to be in church anyway, so
their parents give them total access.
• Facilities, instruments, computer
equipment.
• They learn about everything. Develop
special talents.
• Develop creativity, are used to serving.
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Syndromes
“Alien Family”
• Have to share their parents with
everybody.
• Boundary problems in the family,
strange schedules, sharing family
time with others.
The Fishbowl
• Can’t get away from being identified
by their last name.
• Pastors want to be transparent before
the people; their children have to live
with it.
• Constant observation and criticism.
• Lack of privacy in their personal life.
The “Little Pastor”
• Because they are in the church,
serving and developing special
talents, people have expectations of
perfection.
• They have to have perfect Christian
character, without doubts or
immaturity.
• Cannot make mistakes.
• Should want to grow up to be a
pastor.
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Information
• They learn all about the church at
home.
• Conflict resolution, leadership.
• Sometimes they get classified
information.
Ministry
• They are given leadership and special
trust—sometimes without having to go
through the same process as others.
The Mask
• They learn about the dark side of the
church, the pain, the stabs in the
back.
• May be called “the pastor’s spy.”
• The other young people treat them
differently.
• The PK’s private life is public
information.
• Learn to keep quiet, to not trust
anyone.
The Scoundrel
• PK serving in church, but does not
fear God.
• Church becomes a game, a family
business. Becomes shameless.
Superhero (the guilt-ridden adult PK)
• Expectations have always been
different. Now the PK believes it: “I
should be perfect.” Knows he or she
is not perfect.
APPENDIX D
PASTOR’S KID SURVEY
Sex (Mark with an X)
! Male
! Female
Age: ______
Country where you live:___________________
City/Town where you live:
! Rural
! Small Town
! Medium City
! Big City
Number of Members in your Church:
! 0-99
! 100-199
! 200-499
! 500-999
! 1000+
Number of Children in your Family: ______________
Your position in the birth order:
! Oldest
! Youngest
! Only
! Other #
Level of education completed by your father:
! Primary
! Secondary
! University
! Bible College
! Other. Which?__________________
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157
Level of education completed by your mother:
! Primary
! Secondary
! University
! Bible College
! Other. Which?__________________
Level of education that you have completed:
! Primary
! Secondary
! University
! Bible College
! Other. Which?__________________
Current Studies, Grade, and Major: __________________________________
Current Employment: ______________________________________________
Your Current Ministry in the Church: ________________________________
Times per week that you are at Church________________________________
Name three advantages of being a pastor’s kid:
1.
2.
3.
Name three disadvantages of being a pastor’s kid:
1.
2.
3.
158
For each question, Respond by marking
with an X.
Your answers are confidential.
I feel good about my relationship
1 with God.
I feel that my life and ministry are a
2 blessing for others.
I feel that I have received a spiritual
3 heritage from my parents.
I respect my parents as men and
4 women of God.
I have a strong relationship with my
5 parents.
6 marriage
My family has a regular devotional
7 time together.
My parents are an example of how to
8 live the faith.
My family has fewer problems than
9 my friends’ families.
I feel I can share anything with my
10 parents.
My parents have taught me the Bible
11 since I was a child.
My parents model for me the
12 Christian life.
My parents make time to spend with
13 me.
My parents understand my world:
14 sports, activities, etc.
My parents know my best friends
15 well.
My parents have helped me develop
16 my talents.
I can talk openly about sexuality
17 with my parents.
My house is a refuge for me where I
18 feel safe.
We have suffered for lack of
19 economic support.
My parents take days of rest without
20 attending to anyone.
We have at least one vacation time
21 per year.
Never
Sometimes
Not
Sure
Many
Times
Always
159
My family makes time to create
22 special memories.
The rules of my house are different
23 than those of my friends.
Sometimes my parents meet the
24 needs of others but not mine.
The church meets our economic
25 needs.
My parents give money we need in
26 the offering.
It makes me uncomfortable when
27 church members invade our house.
I have to give up my bed when we
28 have guests in the house.
My parents are recognized as leaders
29 in the community.
Sometimes I receive gifts or special
30 recognition in the church.
I am responsible to get acquainted
31 and share with special guests.
I have been able to travel to special
32 events with the family.
My family opens doors for me in the
33 Christian world.
I feel proud of my parents as
34 Christian leaders.
35 My last name is a blessing.
The people watch me because I am
36 the pastor’s kid.
I have suffered persecution in my
37 studies because I am a pastor’s kid.
The people observe and criticize my
38 appearance.
My father uses me in sermon
39 illustrations.
My parents try to protect me from
40 criticism.
I am allowed to use church
41 equipment: instruments, etc.
I have developed talents because I
42 have grown up in the church.
I participate actively in ministry at
43 the church.
They call on me to fill in whenever
44 there is an emergency.
160
There are people who think I should
45 be the “little pastor”
There are people who think I should
46 be perfect.
They complain that I only serve
47 because I am the pastor’s kid.
They say that I have to serve,
48 because I am the pastor’s kid.
I feel pressured to be a pastor like
49 my parents.
The rules for me are different than
50 they are for others.
People expect me to be the example
51 for the other kids at church.
The other young people follow my
52 example.
I have freedom to make my own
53 decisions.
The people in our church accept the
54 way I dress.
My parents share private information
55 about the church with me.
I hear information about the personal
56 life of church members.
It hurts me when people criticize my
57 parents.
My parents have suffered at the
58 hands of the authorities.
I have lost friendships when we have
59 had to leave churches.
I have learned to resolve conflicts by
60 watching my parents.
I have learned about leadership
61 through my parents.
Other youth have treated me like my
62 parents’ spy.
I have someone at church with
63 whom I can share my problems.
I have someone outside of church
64 with whom I can share my problems.
They make me do things in the
65 church that I don’t want to do.
I’ve gotten mad when forbidden to
66 do things that aren’t bad.
In church I have to pretend to be
67 something I am not.
161
I serve in the church even though I
68 have habitual sin in my life.
My parents know how I am with my
69 friends.
The needs of others are more
70 important than my needs.
If people really knew me, they would
71 reject me.
I feel guilty because I ought to be
72 better than I am.
I like to help people out when they
73 need me.
I feel that God has a purpose for my
74 life.
I get to spend time with friends who
75 are pastor’s kids.
I have had one or more siblings away
76 from God.
I have had times when I have been
77 away from God.
APPENDIX E
SUBJECTIVE ADVANTAGE AND DISADVANTAGE CLUSTERS
Advantage Clusters
Spiritual Heritage
Special Recognition
Access to Church World
Leadership Opportunities
Insider Information
Codes
1 RC
2 BD
Advantages
Recognition
Blessing
3 MN Ministry
4 FA
Family
5 CO
Meet People
6 VJ
Travel
7 AT
Attention
8 IF
9 BI
Information
Bible
10 HM PK Ministry
11 AX
Access
12 LD
Leadership
2 Blessing + 4 Family + 9 Bible
1 Recognition + 7 Attention + 11
Access + 15 Prayer + 18 Economic
5 Meet People + 6 Travel + 10 PK
Ministry + 17 Church
3 Ministry + 14 Trust + 16 Example
8 Information + 12 Leadership + 13
Formation
Being a PK is a blessing, my family is
blessed
It develops, helps, opens doors for you
in ministry
I have a godly family, proud of my
family
Get to meet a lot of people, pastors,
evangelists
Go to Christian events, travel with
parents, go places.
Church People watch out for me, help,
protect, take care
You hear about everything, know what
is going to happen
I like to go to the activities and meet
other PKs.
Access to the church facilities, music
instruments, office.
You learn to be a leader, resolve
conflicts.
162
391
352
269
222
144
190
185
171
149
123
78
72
68
57
55
57
39
163
13
14
15
16
17
FO
CF
OR
EJ
IG
18 EC
Formation
Trust
Prayer
Example
Church
Economic
Disadvantage Clusters
Fishbowl Syndrome
Little Pastor Syndrome
Professional Church Family
Syndrome
Too Much Information
Premature Ministry
Codes
1 CT
2 OB
Disadvantages
Criticism
Observation
3 PF
Perfection
4 TI
5 PV
6 SU
Time
Privacy
Suffering
7 EJ
Example
8 DE
Distrust
9 OG
Obligated
10 RE
Rules
It is a training process, a school, people
invest in me.
37
31
26
20
11
The church takes care of our family
economically.
9
Total Advantages Listed 1378
1 Criticism + 2 Observation + 5 Privacy
+ 19 Persecution
3 Perfect + 7 Example + 15 Liberty +
17 Little Pastor + 18 Identity
517
4 Time + 10 Rules + 13 Moving + 16
Scarcity + 22 NoRights + 23 Elections +
26 Church
6 Suffering + 8 Distrust + 9 Obligated +
12 Rejection + 24 Spy + 25 Hypocrites
217
11 Pressure + 14 Responsibility + 20
Unappreciated + 21 Favoritism
I always have to be perfect, cannot make
mistakes.
Your parents are busy and they never
have time for you.
Have to be the example for everyone,
protect family testimony.
You can’t trust people or have friends in
the church.
I have to do things in church I don’t
want to do.
The rules are different for me than for
others.
240
201
89
253
181
123
98
69
64
49
48
43
42
164
I can’t take the pressure, have to do
everything.
38
Other kids don’t want to hang out with
12 RZ Rejection
me, kick me out of group.
37
Moving to another town, losing friends
13 MU Moving
during transition
36
You have too many responsibilities, no
14 RS Responsibility free time.
30
I have no freedom, can’t do anything,
15 LI
Liberty
rules are unfair
28
Economic scarcity, we have no money,
16 EZ Scarcity
can’t buy anything
27
17 PA LittlePastor
People think you are the little pastor
22
I cannot be my own person, find my
18 ID Identity
own identity
18
Persecution in community, some school
19 PS Persecution
activities.
14
People don’t appreciate or acknowledge
20 DI Unappreciated my effort.
12
Others are jealous, say I have unfair
21 CL Favoritism
advantages, I get favoritism.
9
Other people’s needs are more important
22 DM NoRights
than mine.
7
23 EL Elections
6
24 EP Spy
People treat me like the pastor’s spy.
5
Church people, esp. deacons, aren’t
25 HP Hypocrites
what they seem to be.
4
26 IG Church
1
Total Disadvantages Listed 1264
11 PR
Pressure
APPENDIX F
OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS ORGANIZED BY FIVE DISTINCTIVES
By Positive Responses
#1a
11
12
8
4
6
18
35
3
#1b
23
69
28
21
19
26
70
59
24
27
20
Spiritual Heritage
My parents are models of the Christian life for me.
I respect my parents as a man and woman of God.
I feel that I have received a spiritual heritage from my
parents.
%
94%
94%
93%
92%
91%
84%
82%
Professional Church Family Syndrome (boundaries)
The rules in my house are different than those of my friends.
home.
My parents make time for others but not for me.
It make me uncomfortable when church members invade our
house.
%
83%
66%
56%
55%
50%
165
79%
46%
40%
39%
35%
34%
20%
166
#2a
34
29
41
30
#2b
36
40
50
38
54
39
66
37
#3a
33
75
31
32
#3b:
51
46
45
44
48
72
53
Special Recognition
instruments, etc.
church.
%
91%
81%
The Fishbowl Syndrome (criticism/lack of privacy)
The people watch me because I am the pastor’s kid.
My father uses me as an example in his sermons.
I have gotten mad when I’m forbidden to do things that
I don’t think are bad.
pastor’s kid.
%
83%
71%
66%
65%
65%
59%
Access to the Church World
My family opens doors for me in the Christian world.
I have PK friends that I can talk to.
I get to meet and spend time with special guests that
come to our church.
I have been able to travel to special events with my
family.
%
85%
77%
The Little Pastor Syndrome (expectations/example)
People expect me to be the example for other young
people in my church.
People expect me to be the “little pastor”
They call on me to fill in whenever there is an
emergency.
They say that I have to serve, because I am the PK.
%
75%
39%
50%
41%
75%
56%
78%
72%
71%
64%
59%
51%
31%
167
#4a
60
61
55
56
#4b
57
64
63
62
58
65
67
71
#5a
16
42
43
52
Special Information/Formation
parents.
with me.
I hear information about the personal life of different
members of the church.
%
77%
75%
61%
45%
Too Much Information
I have someone outside of the church with whom I can
share my problems.
problems.
They make me do things in church that I don’t want to
do.
%
83%
Open Ministry Doors
church.
%
86%
45%
40%
29%
27%
25%
19%
13%
79%
75%
53%
168
#5b
47
49
68
Premature Ministry
They complain that I only serve because I am the
pastor’s kid.
I serve in the church even though I have habitual sin in
my life.
43%
40%
18%
General Information
74
73
1
2
77
Personal Satisfaction
I feel good about my relationship with God.
I feel that my life and ministry are a blessing for others.
I have had times when I have been separated from God.
%
89%
88%
85%
72%
23%
5
9
13
15
14
10
17
22
76
Family Relationships
My family has fewer problems than my friends’ families.
My parents take time to talk with me.
My parents understand my world: sports, activities, etc.
I feel that I can share anything with my parents.
I can talk openly about sexuality with my parents.
My family makes time to create special memories.
I have had one or more siblings separated from God.
%
87%
81%
68%
65%
64%
58%
53%
39%
23%
APPENDIX G
OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS SORTED BY QUESTION NUMBER
1 I feel good about my relationship with God.
2 I feel that my life and ministry are a blessing for others.
3 parents.
4 I respect my parents as men and women of God.
5 I have a strong relationship with my parents.
6 My parents enjoy a strong and close marriage.
7 My family has a regular devotional time together.
8 My parents are an example of how to live by faith.
My family has fewer problems than my friends’
9 families.
10 I feel that I can share anything with my parents.
11 My parents have taught me the Bible since I was a child.
12 My parents model for me the Christian life.
13 My parents take time to talk with me.
14 My parents understand my world: sports, activities, etc.
15 My parents know my best friends well.
16 My parents have helped me to develop my talents.
17 I can talk openly about sexuality with my parents.
18 My house is a refuge where I feel safe.
19 We have suffered for lack of economic support.
20 My parents take days off without attending to anyone.
21 We have at least one vacation time per year.
22 My family makes time to create special memories.
23 friends.
24 My parents make time for others but not for me.
25 The church meets our economic needs.
26 home.
I get uncomfortable with church members who invade
27 our house.
169
T:
4,5 Total
515
607
439
607
%
YES
85%
72%
481
560
529
552
323
565
607
607
607
607
607
607
79%
92%
87%
91%
53%
93%
492
353
572
571
413
391
393
524
320
509
306
121
332
238
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
81%
58%
94%
94%
68%
64%
65%
86%
53%
84%
50%
20%
55%
39%
502
214
211
607
607
607
83%
35%
35%
278
607
46%
205
607
34%
170
I have to give up my bed when we have guests in the
28 house.
29 My parents are recognized as leaders in the community.
30 church.
31 come to our church.
32 family.
33 My family opens doors for me in the Christian world.
34 I feel proud of my parents as Christian leaders.
36 The people watch me because I am the pastor’s kid.
37 pastor’s kid.
38 The people observe and criticize my appearance.
39 My father uses me as an example in his sermons.
40 My parents try to protect me from criticism.
41 instruments, etc.
42 church.
43 I participate actively in ministry at the church.
44 emergency.
45 People expect me to be the “little pastor”
46 People expect me to be perfect.
47 pastor’s kid.
They say that I have to serve, because I am the pastor’s
48 kid.
49 I feel pressure to become a pastor like my parents.
50 The rules for me are different than they are for others.
51 people in my church.
52 The other young people follow my example.
53 I have freedom to make my own decisions.
54 The people in our church accept the way I dress.
55 with me.
56 members of the church.
57 It hurts me when people criticize my parents.
58 My parents have suffered at the hands of the authorities.
337
491
607
607
56%
81%
238
607
39%
456
607
75%
341
514
551
498
502
607
607
607
607
607
56%
85%
91%
82%
83%
250
397
361
433
607
607
607
607
41%
65%
59%
71%
453
607
75%
477
453
607
607
79%
75%
386
432
435
607
607
607
64%
71%
72%
258
607
43%
358
243
403
607
607
607
59%
40%
66%
473
324
359
394
607
607
606
607
78%
53%
59%
65%
373
607
61%
271
506
161
607
607
607
45%
83%
27%
171
I have lost friendships when we have had to leave
59 churches.
60 parents.
61 I have learned about leadership through my parents.
62 Other youth have treated me like the pastor’s spy.
63 problems.
64 share my problems.
65 do.
I have gotten mad when I’m forbidden to do things that I
66 don’t think are bad.
67 In church I have to pretend to be something I am not.
68 my life.
69 My parents know how I am when I am with my friends.
70 The needs of others are more important than my needs.
71 If people really knew me, they would reject me.
72 I feel guilty because I ought to be better than I am.
73 I like to help people out when they need me.
74 I feel that God has a purpose for my life.
75 I have PK friends that I can talk to.
76 I have had one or more siblings separated from God.
77 I have had times when I have been separated from God.
239
607
39%
469
454
178
607
607
607
77%
75%
29%
240
607
40%
276
607
45%
149
607
25%
302
114
607
607
50%
19%
107
400
240
81
309
537
542
468
142
138
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
18%
66%
40%
13%
51%
88%
89%
77%
23%
23%
APPENDIX H
OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS SORTED BY “YES” PERCENTAGE
11
12
8
4
6
34
74
73
5
16
1
33
18
57
23
36
35
9
29
3
42
51
60
75
My parents have taught me the Bible since I was a
child.
I respect my parents as men and women of God.
I feel good about my relationship with God.
My family opens doors for me in the Christian
world.
The rules in my house are different than those of
my friends.
The people watch me because I am the pastor’s kid.
My family has fewer problems than my friends’
families.
My parents are recognized as leaders in the
community.
I feel that I have received a spiritual heritage from
my parents.
I have developed talents because I have grown up in
the church.
people in my church.
parents.
172
T: 4,5
Total
%
YES
572
571
565
560
552
551
542
537
529
524
515
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
94%
94%
93%
92%
91%
91%
89%
88%
87%
86%
85%
514
509
506
607
607
607
85%
84%
83%
502
502
498
607
607
607
83%
83%
82%
492
607
81%
491
607
81%
481
607
79%
477
607
79%
473
607
78%
469
468
607
607
77%
77%
173
I feel that my life and ministry are a blessing for
2 others.
The rules for me are different than they are for
50 others.
My parents know how I am when I am with my
69 friends.
My parents understand my world: sports, activities,
14 etc.
44 emergency.
My parents share private information about the
55 church with me.
39 My father uses me in sermon illustrations.
They say that I have to serve, because I am the
48 pastor’s kid.
32 family.
I have to give up my bed when we have guests in
28 the house.
I have gotten mad when I’m forbidden to do things
66 that I don’t think are bad.
My parents give money in the offering that we
26 needed at home.
456
454
607
607
75%
75%
453
453
607
607
75%
75%
439
435
433
432
413
607
607
607
607
607
72%
72%
71%
71%
68%
403
607
66%
400
397
394
393
607
607
607
607
66%
65%
65%
65%
391
607
64%
386
607
64%
373
361
359
607
607
606
61%
59%
59%
358
353
607
607
59%
58%
341
607
56%
337
332
324
323
320
309
306
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
56%
55%
53%
53%
53%
51%
50%
302
607
50%
278
607
46%
174
I have someone outside of the church with whom I
64 can share my problems.
I hear information about the personal life of
56 different members of the church.
47 pastor’s kid.
I have suffered persecution in my studies because I
37 am a pastor’s kid.
I have someone in the church with whom I can
The needs of others are more important than my
70 needs.
59 churches.
Sometimes I receive gifts or special recognition in
30 the church.
I get uncomfortable with church members who
27 invade our house.
My parents have suffered at the hands of the
58 authorities.
They make me do things in church that I don’t want
65 to do.
I have had one or more siblings separated from
76 God.
I have had times when I have been separated from
77 God.
My parents take days off without attending to
20 anyone.
In church I have to pretend to be something I am
67 not.
I serve in the church even though I have habitual sin
68 in my life.
276
607
45%
271
607
45%
258
607
43%
250
243
607
607
41%
40%
240
607
40%
240
607
40%
239
238
607
607
39%
39%
238
214
211
607
607
607
39%
35%
35%
205
178
607
607
34%
29%
161
607
27%
149
607
25%
142
607
23%
138
607
23%
121
607
20%
114
607
19%
107
81
607
607
18%
13%
APPENDIX I
OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS SORTED BY “NO” RESPONSE
20 My parents take days off without attending to anyone.
67 In church I have to pretend to be something I am not.
68 my life.
76 I have had one or more siblings separated from God.
65 do.
77 I have had times when I have been separated from God.
30 church.
63 problems.
58 My parents have suffered at the hands of the authorities.
59 churches.
37 pastor’s kid.
I get uncomfortable with church members who invade
27 our house.
56 members of the church.
175
T:
%
1,2 Total NO
428
607 71%
427
607 70%
424
397
607 70%
607 65%
392
391
332
607 65%
607 64%
607 55%
324
313
607 53%
607 52%
306
296
292
607 50%
607 49%
607 48%
288
607 47%
287
286
607 47%
607 47%
284
607 47%
278
269
268
607 46%
607 44%
607 44%
265
254
244
237
607
607
607
607
44%
42%
40%
39%
176
I have to give up my bed when we have guests in the
28 house.
70 The needs of others are more important than my needs.
I have gotten mad when I’m forbidden to do things that I
66 don’t think are bad.
32 family.
They complain that I only serve because I am the pastor’s
47 kid.
26 home.
55 with me.
44 emergency.
14 My parents understand my world: sports, activities, etc.
They say that I have to serve, because I am the pastor’s
48 kid.
50 The rules for me are different than they are for others.
69 My parents know how I am when I am with my friends.
75 I have PK friends that I can talk to.
2 I feel that my life and ministry are a blessing for others.
60 parents.
235
235
607 39%
607 39%
234
607 39%
227
607 37%
223
219
214
211
607
607
607
607
188
187
185
607 31%
606 31%
607 30%
174
607 29%
164
160
150
607 27%
607 26%
607 25%
146
141
133
127
123
607
607
607
607
607
24%
23%
22%
21%
20%
109
108
104
102
92
89
607
607
607
607
607
607
18%
18%
17%
17%
15%
15%
88
79
75
71
607
607
607
607
14%
13%
12%
12%
70
69
607 12%
607 11%
37%
36%
35%
35%
177
18 My house is a refuge where I feel safe.
5 I have a strong relationship with my parents.
3 parents.
42 church.
9 My family has fewer problems than my friends’ families.
23 friends.
16 My parents have helped me to develop my talents.
51 people in my church.
36 The people watch me because I am the pastor’s kid.
29 My parents are recognized as leaders in the community.
57 It hurts me when people criticize my parents.
33 My family opens doors for me in the Christian world.
6 My parents enjoy a strong and close marriage.
4 I respect my parents as men and women of God.
73 I like to help people out when they need me.
11 My parents have taught me the Bible since I was a child.
8 My parents are an example of how to live by faith.
34 I feel proud of my parents as Christian leaders.
65
61
59
607 11%
607 10%
607 10%
52
607
9%
51
49
607
607
8%
8%
48
46
607
607
8%
8%
45
44
38
38
37
35
32
26
24
20
16
14
14
11
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
607
7%
7%
6%
6%
6%
6%
5%
4%
4%
3%
3%
2%
2%
2%
APPENDIX J
PK SESSIONS FOR PASTOR-PARENTS
NOTE: This is a session for that I have taught for the last three years since the first Cuba
PK retreat. It unpacks the 5 advantages and disadvantages of PKs, and at the end it
applies the key lessons to pastors as well as those who want to help PKs.
Breaking the Ice
• 2 Chair Exercise: Sit 15 seconds in each chair and tell about 1 advantage and 1
disadvantage of being a minister’s kid.
• The word AND is important: we have permission to talk about the good and the
bad.
The Survey
• Purpose: understand how PKs perceive both the advantages and challenges of
their PK life, in order to build PK ministry around both.
• Survey of 607 Pastors’ Kids (PKs) at retreats in 4 countries in Latin America:
Costa Rica, Cuba, Argentina, Panama.
• We said “name 3 advantages and 3 disadvantages of being a PK,” asked 77
objective questions, and crunched their answers.
• Result: 5 PK Reality Clusters - PK Advantages and their dark side, the 5 PK
Syndromes.
5 PK DISTINCTIVES: THE ADVANTAGES
AND DISADVANTAGES THAT GO TOGETHER
1. At Home with Preacher-Parents
Advantage: Spiritual Heritage
•
•
•
•
Christian upbringing. Bible, prayer, Christian values.
Exemplary Parents. Loving family, less dysfunction, spiritual example.
Blessed Family. Obeying God’s call brings blessing.
I feel blessed with a rich Spiritual Heritage.
178
179
Disadvantage: The “Professional Church Family” Syndrome
•
•
•
•
Schedule: Family life is dominated by church events.
Time: Parents’ time & energy is consumed by church.
Family-Church Boundary Stressors: Moving. Church elections. Financial
strain. Intrusion by church members.
Key Problem: Boundary Issues between church and family.
2. Life in the Spotlight
Advantage: Special Recognition
• Celebrity: A lot of people know me in the church and community.
• Perks: I get special gifts, free food, use of church equipment.
• Support network: Church people look out for me, help me, pray for me.
Disadvantage: The “Fishbowl Syndrome”
• Always watched. In church & community. “People watch me and offer an
opinion about everything: my clothes, friends, grades, attitudes, hair,
vocabulary, my crushes, if I raise my hands.”
• I feel exposed when My parents use me in illustrations.
• Sometimes PKs suffer outright persecution in anti-Christian cultural settings.
• The stereotype problem. “PK as Saint or Rebel.”
• People know my name and family, but don’t know ME.
• Key problem: PKs widely observed by not known individually.
3: Elite Membership in the Church World
Advantage: VIP Access to the Church World
• Parents’ connections give broad access to the Christian world.
• Get to meet people: pastors, evangelists, missionaries, artists.
• Get to travel with my parents in ministry.
• Connected with church world: camps, music, arts, clothing, institutions,
education
Disadvantage: The “Little Pastor Syndrome”
• “I have to be perfect!” Have to know all the Bible, be mature, a role model. I
could ruin my parents’ ministry. I have to be the example for the church kids.
• Double Standard. Rules are different for PK than for other kids.
• Identity struggle: Finding own identity, calling, direction in shadow of parents
and church. “Little preacher” predictions & prophecies make it harder.
• Double bind: Motivation questioned for serving or not serving in the church.
• Key Problem: With elite membership come Unrealistic Expectations.
180
4: Insider Information
Advantage: Special Information
• Great education. Get to hear parents’ heart, vision, plans, conflict resolution
up close.
• Information loop: I hear about everything happening in the church
• Church Mechanics: PKs can get a realistic insight into how the church
functions.
Disadvantage: The “Smiley-Face Syndrome”
• Too much Information. PKs know the dark side of the church.
• The Pain of Rejection. Parents suffer, rejected by peers, confidence betrayed.
They learn they cannot trust anyone.
• Wearing the Happy Face Mask. PK has to go to church with “church face” on.
• Key problem: Cynicism, becoming calloused, leading 2 lives.
5: Fast-Track to Ministry Leadership
Advantage: Open Doors for Leadership
• Open Doors: Being a PK develops, helps, opens doors for you in ministry.
• Trust: People know you & want you to succeed. They trust you (and parents’
supervision) with opportunities.
• Coaching: Parents want to help shape ministry skills.
• PKs often develop outstanding gifts. Want to serve the Lord & make life
count.
Disadvantage #5: Premature Ministry Syndrome
• The Nepotism problem. Nurturing calling vs. “hiring relatives.” PK must
overcome jealousy and suspicion with character and diligence.
• Case study: the Sons of Eli (1 Sam. 2)
• PKs with immature or rotten character may be trusted with responsibility.
• Poor Supervision: Parents think they can change them, cover up for them.
• Key problem: Leadership with rotten or immature character.
CORE VALUES when working with Ministers’ Kids
• Leaving home lowers expectations.
•
Recreation removes the protective mask.
•
Friendship makes the pressure bearable.
•
Worship & prayer connects with God.
•
Sharing in groups brings grace and healing.
•
Personal testimonies take away excuses.
•
God calls everyone to serve Him to serve with his/her unique gifts.
•
Let’s do life and serve God together!
181
Challenges for Ministers with their Children
1. Try to not expose them unnecessarily, as in sermon illustrations. Protect their
personal privacy.
2. Protect them from expectations of perfection, from yourself and from church
members.
3. Help them establish their own identity. Don’t freak out with their independence
experiments.
4. Take time to understand their world and be part of it: music, sports, friends, studies,
hobbies.
5. When there are church conflicts, help them to understand without poisoning them
with your own bitterness
6. Help them develop deep friendships outside the local church, like with other PKs and
godly adults.
7. Invest in their gifts, such as music, sports, academics, language, and arts.
8. Model grace. Keep loving them when they make mistakes.
9. Intentionally protect the boundaries of your time. Turn off the devices sometimes.
Protect your days off, vacations. Your family needs you. If you lose them, you lose.
Reflection Questions for Pastor-Parents:
1. How can we help our kids value and build on their spiritual heritage?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
2. In what ways might our kids feel victimized by our ministry schedules?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
3. What can we do to give the family our full attention when at home?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
4. Who are the friends—both young people and adult—who really know and value
your child personally? How can you help them develop friendships like these?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
5. Do your kids ever feel like they have to be perfect? Where do those expectations
come from? How can you help?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
182
6. How can you help your PK to develop a sincere faith, and not a cynical attitude
about the church and God?
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
Other Personal Reflection
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________
APPENDIX K
POWERPOINT PRESENTATION
Breaking the Ice
Assemblies of God
Ministers䇻 Kids
• 2 Chair Exercise: Sit 15 seconds in each
chair and tell about 1 advantage and 1
disadvantage of being a minister’s kid.
• The word AND is important: we have
permission to talk about the good and the
bad!and no one is going to tell on you.
Raising up the next generation of
God䇻s servants
The Survey
PK Reality #1:
• Survey of 607 Pastors䇻 Kids (PKs) at
retreats in 4 countries in Latin America:
Costa Rica, Cuba, Argentina, Panama.
• We said 䇾name 3 advantages and 3
disadvantages of being a PK䇿 and
crunched their answers.
• Result: 5 Clusters of PK Advantages and
their matching 5 PK Syndromes.
At Home with
Preacher-Parents
183
184
Advantage #1:
Spiritual Heritage
• Christian upbringing. Bible, prayer,
values.
• Exemplary Parents. Loving family, less
dysfunction, spiritual example.
• Blessed Family. Obeying God’s call.
• I feel blessed with a rich Spiritual
Heritage.
Disadvantage #1:
“Professional Church Family” Syndrome
• Schedule: Family life is dominated by
church events.
• Time: My Parents' time & energy is
consumed by church.
• Family stressors: Moving. Church
elections. Financial strain. Intrusion by
church members. Lack of planning.
• Key Problem: Boundary Issues between
church and family.
Advantage #2:
Special Recognition
PK Reality #2:
Life in the Spotlight
• Celebrity: A lot of people know me in the
church and community.
• Perks: I get special gifts, free food, or
privileges in the building. Use church
equipment.
• Support network: Church people watch out
for me, help me, protect me, pray for me.
Disadvantage #2:
The Fishbowl Syndrome
• Always watched. In church & community,
• “People watch me and offer an opinion about
everything: my clothes, friends, grades, attitudes,
hair, vocabulary, my crushes, if I raise my hands.”
• My parents expose me in illustrations.
• Sometimes outright persecution.
• The stereotype problem. “PK as Saint or Rebel.”
• People know my name and family, but not ME.
• Key problem: Lack of Privacy.
PK Reality #3:
Elite Membership in
the Church World
185
Advantage #3:
VIP Access to the Church World
• I get to meet people: pastors, evangelists,
missionaries, artists.
• Get to travel with my parents in ministry.
• Connected with church world: camps, music,
arts, clothing, institutions, education
Disadvantage #3:
The “Little Pastor” Syndrome
• “I have to be perfect!” Have to know all the
Bible, be mature, a role model.
• Double Standard. Rules are different for PK.
• Identity struggle: Finding own identity, calling,
direction in shadow of parents & church.
• Double bind: Motivation questioned for serving
or not serving in the church.
• Key Problem: With elite membership come
Unrealistic Expectations.
Advantage #4:
Special Information
PK Reality #4:
Insider Information
• Great education. Get to hear parents’ heart,
vision, plans, conflict resolution up close.
• Information loop: I hear about everything
happening in the church
• Church Mechanics: PKs can get a realistic
insight into how the church functions.
Disadvantage #4:
The Smiley-Face Syndrome
• Too much Information. PKs know the dark
side of the church.
• The Pain of Rejection. Parents suffer,
rejected by peers, confidence betrayed.
They learn they cannot trust anyone.
• Wearing the Happy Face Mask. PK has to
go to church with “church face” on.
• Key problem: Cynicism, becoming
calloused, leading 2 lives.
PK Reality #5:
Fast-Track to Ministry
Leadership
186
Disadvantage #5:
Advantage #5:
Premature Ministry Syndrome
Fast Track to Ministry
• The Nepotism problem. Nurturing calling vs.
“hiring relatives.” PK must overcome jealousy
and suspicion with character and diligence.
• Case study: the Sons of Eli (1 Sam. 2)
• PKs with immature or rotten character may be
trusted with responsibility.
• Poor Supervision: Parents think they can change
them, cover up for them.
• Key problem: Leadership with rotten or
immature character.
• Open Doors: Being a PK develops, helps,
opens doors for you in ministry.
• Trust: People know you & want you to
succeed. They trust you (and parents’
supervision) with opportunities.
• Coaching: Parents want to help shape
ministry skills.
• PKs often develop outstanding gifts.Want
to serve the Lord (even if disliking the
church)
Core Values when working with
Ministers’ Kids
Challenges for Pastors with their
Children (1)
Leaving home lowers expectations.
Recreation removes the protective mask.
Friendship makes the pressure bearable.
Worship & prayer connects with God.
Sharing in groups brings grace and healing.
Personal testimonies take away excuses.
God calls everyone uniquely to serve Him.
Let’s do life and serve God together!
• Try to not expose them unnecessarily, as in
sermon illustrations. Protect their personal
privacy.
• Protect them from expectations of perfection,
from yourself and from church members.
• Help them establish their own identity. Don’t
freak out with their independence experiments.
• Take time to understand their world and be part
of it: music, sports, friends, studies, hobbies.
Children (2)
Children (3)
• When there are church conflicts, help
them to understand without poisoning
them with your own bitterness.
• Help them develop deep friendships
outside the local church (like other PKs)
and with godly adults.
• Invest in their gifts, such as music, sports,
academics, language, and arts.
• Model grace. Keep loving them when they
make mistakes.
• Intentionally protect the boundaries of your
time. Turn off the devices sometimes.
• Take time for family vacations when
possible. Protect your days off. Your family
needs you. If you lose them, you lose.
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
!
APPENDIX L
RECOMMENDATIONS FOR PASTORS, PK LEADERS, AND PKS
Application to Pastoral Families
I have taught this material in sessions for pastoral families for the past three years,
both in Latin America and in the United States. One of the main benefits of this
Advantage/Disadvantage approach lies in the balance of blessings and challenges.
Almost all material written about or for PKs emphasizes the dysfunction and emotional
problems that affect PKs, underestimating the privileges and long-term benefits. The
advantages bring hope to pastoral families. The disadvantages carry stern warnings.
One beautiful message that shines through this data is that the vast majority of
PKs love and respect their parents, cherish their Christian upbringing, and love it when
you help them feel connected to the Christian world and develop their gifts.
Based on the data acquired in this project, pastor-parents are encouraged to
implement some basic concepts, as see in Table 30.
Table 30. Recommendations for Pastor-Parents
1
2
3
Intentionally protect the boundaries of your time. When you are home, be fully
present. Protect your days off, vacations. Your family needs you.
Take time to understand their world and be part of it: music, sports, friends,
hobbies.
Try to not expose your children unnecessarily in front of the congregation, as in
sermon illustrations. Protect their personal privacy.
Protect them from impossible expectations of perfection, from yourself, from
church members, and from themselves.
187
188
4
Help them establish their own identity. Don’t freak out with their independence
experiments.
5
When there are church conflicts, help them to understand without poisoning them
with your own bitterness.
Help them develop deep friendships outside the local church, like with other PKs
and godly adults.
6
7
Invest in their gifts, such as music, sports, academics, language, and arts.
8
Model grace. Keep loving them when they make mistakes.
Application to PK Ministry Leaders
Both the literature and the survey demonstrate the value of outside social
networks in the PK’s life. When the pressures of overly busy parents, impossible
expectations, criticism, and lack of privacy become unbearable, PKs need to breathe
outside oxygen or they may release pressure in unhealthy ways. When ongoing PK
ministries exist, the young people mention them as one of the great benefits of being a
PK. Appendix B shows a portion of a Costa Rican PK retreat evaluation from 2008. We
asked the young people what the PK ministry—not just the one-time camp, but the
ongoing ministry—meant to them. The PKs said that the PK ministry was …: “My
support group;” “My main group of friends;” “A place where I can get things off my
chest;” “A place where God speaks to me;” “An oasis in the desert;” and “A place to
develop my ministry gifts.”
PKs have many privileges growing up in a godly pastoral family and church
community, but they desperately need outside caring adults to speak into their lives and
create outside venues where they can make friends and meet with God. Table 30 offers
eight recommendations for PK leaders wanting to help these amazing young people.
189
Table 31. Recommendations for PK Ministry Leaders
1. Leaving home provides fresh air. Help PKs get away from the messy mixed-up life of
church and family pressures to breathe fresh air.
2. Recreation removes the protective mask. New PKs are often heavily protected at
events. Genuine fun and teamwork tear down the walls and let God in.
3. Friendship makes the pressure bearable. True friendship with leaders and fellow PKs
is a major goal of any PK ministry. Provide avenues of ongoing connection.
4. Worship and prayer connects with God. PKs often struggle to worship freely and
meet God at the home church. You can create settings for them to meet God.
5. Sharing in groups brings grace and healing. Create small-group settings where the
leaders listen and let the PKs vent, then laugh and share grace.
6. Personal testimonies take away excuses. PKs who feel sorry for themselves are
stripped of excuses when a peer tells of God’s faithfulness.
7. God calls everyone to serve Him to serve with his/her unique gifts. Help PKs explore
their gifts without forcing them to be copies of their parents.
8. Let’s do life and serve God together! Connect with the leaders of other PK
ministries—it makes life and ministry much more fun.
Application to Pastors’ Kids
I hope and pray that this material will speak most directly to the heart of the PK,
to whom I wish to speak directly in this section.
This survey harvested some of the life experience of 607 PKs in five countries,
some of whom have certainly shared many of the same experiences you have lived
through. Certainly they are all Pentecostal pastors’ kids in Latin America, so perhaps
their experience varies somewhat from yours in economy, church style, or national
culture. Our experience over the past few years, however, leads us to believe that almost
every PK has struggled with anger about their parents’ treatment, disappointment with
190
the church, and impossible expectations of themselves. If right now it is not possible for
us to sit and talk personally, let me offer the following recommendations (Table 30).
Table 32. Recommendations to Pastors’ Kids
1. You are not alone. Whatever your experiences as a PK, be assured that thousands of
other PKs have passed through the same valleys and mountaintops.
2. Count you blessings. As you read about these PK blessings, ask the Lord to help you
believe them and cherish the advantages your unique life has offered you.
3. Acknowledge the difficulties. You have permission to talk about the good AND the
bad of PK life. It’s ok to sometimes wish your parents did other work.
4. Forgive your parents. They have made mistakes, but don’t let the devil win by driving
you and them apart. Pray for them and support them as much as you can.
5. You don’t have to become a pastor. God wired you with amazing gifts and potential.
Use the raw material he gave you and serve Him with all your heart.
6. Find a PK ministry, or at least PK friends. When you hang out with other PKs with
similar experiences making an effort to follow the Lord, everybody wins.
7. Cultivate a godly friendship with a safe adult. When you are about to make a stupid
mistake and can’t talk to your parents, talk to them.
8. Accept God’s grace for yourself. God is reaching out to you just as you are. You
don’t have to be perfect nor beat yourself up for past mistakes. He is waiting.
APPENDIX M
FACTOR PROFILES FOR SURVEY PARTICIPANTS
FACTOR PROFILES: ALL AGES
Factor Profile #1: The Confident PK w/ good parent relationships
* Pattern: Strong relationship and trust with parents, clear conscience, parents protect
boundaries, feel, does not feel guilty or manipulated by church expectations.
-.626 65
They make me do things in church that I don’t want to do. (negative)
.625
10
.622
5
.608
3
I feel that I have received a spiritual heritage from my parents.
-.595 71
If people really knew me, they would reject me. (negative)
-.584 24
My parents make time for others but not for me. (negative)
.577
15
-.570 67
In church I have to pretend to be something I am not. (negative)
.566
18
.563
13
.545
54
.536
34
-.524 72
I feel guilty because I ought to be better than I am. (negative)
-.522 48
They say that I have to serve, because I am the pastor’s kid. (negative)
.521
2
Factor Profile #2: The Overexposed “Little Pastor”
* Pattern: highly visible in church, gets too much information, feels criticized.
.562
62
.473
39
My father uses me as an example in his sermons.
.472
49
.471
68
I serve in the church even though I have habitual sin in my life.
.458
38
.441
40
.441
52
.437
44
.436
60
I have learned to resolve conflicts by watching my parents.
.429
56
I hear information about the personal life of different members of the
church.
191
192
Factor Profile #3: The PK with a Messed Up Family
* Pattern: low opinion of parents’ marriage, rejects their example, does not feel safe at
home. Still has talents, likes to serve & help people.
-.575 6
My parents enjoy a strong and close marriage. (negative)
.542
20
My parents take days off without attending to anyone. (prob. Including
me)
-.528 12
My parents model for me the Christian life. (negative)
.450
75
.445
73
-.443 16
My parents have helped me to develop my talents. (negative)
-.429 9
My family has fewer problems than my friends’ families. (negative)
.413
74
.404
42
I have developed talents because I have grown up in the church.
-.394 18
My house is a refuge where I feel safe. (negative)
Factor Profile #4: The Family with Boundary Problems w/ Church
* Pattern: Do not see spiritual life lived out at home, upset by arbitrary rules.
.498
61
-.416 8
My parents are an example of how to live by faith. (negative)
-.408 7
My family has a regular devotional time together. (negative)
.390
19
-.386 29
My parents are recognized as leaders in the community. (negative)
.368
66
I have gotten mad when I’m forbidden to do things that I don’t think are
bad.
.358
27
I get uncomfortable with church members who invade our house.
.351
41
I am allowed to use the equipment in the church: instruments, etc.
-.342 21
We have at least one vacation time per year. (negative)
-.333 71
Factor Profile #5: The Tight Family with Clear Boundaries
* Pattern: Parents don’t talk about church at home, use PK in illustrations, feels
connected to church world.
.488
57
-.467 55
My parents share private information about the church with me. (negative)
-.417 56
I hear information about the personal life of members of the church.
(negative)
.407
33
-.406 39
My father uses me as an example in his sermons. (negative)
-.404 30
Sometimes I receive gifts or special recognition in the church. (negative)
-.369 54
The people in our church accept the way I dress. (negative)
.366
46
.343
11
.323
2
193
FACTOR PROFILES: BOYS 14-21
Factor Profile #1: Happy, Secure, Well-behaved “Little Pastor” Boy
* Pattern: Feels strongly about healthy family, never strayed from the church, wellbehaved and people expect him to keep it up.
.915
9
-.898 77
I have had times when I have been separated from God. (negative)
.890
6
.866
18
.829
16
.798
61
.747
46
.729
45
-.645 20
My parents take days off without attending to anyone. (negative)
.612
48
They say that I have to serve, because I am the pastor’s kid.
Factor Profile #2: Poor, Persecuted, but Happy PK Boy
* Pattern: Lives in a situation with tight finances, persecuted for faith, but feels strong
relationship with parents, meets outside guests, and has support of a trusted friend in the
church.
.773
19
.750
31
I get to meet and spend time with special guests that come to our church.
.730
28
.728
37
I have suffered persecution in my studies because I am a pastor’s kid.
.690
43
.671
40
-.659 35
My last name is a blessing. (negative, for persecution, perhaps?)
.631
11
.626
13
.626
63
I have someone in the church with whom I can share my problems.
Factor Profile #3: Boy with Negative Spirit and Family with Boundary Problems
.782
66
bad.
.773
19
.730
28
.728
37
.680
49
.653
26
My parents give money in the offering that we needed at home.
-.593 3
I feel that I have received a spiritual heritage from my parents. (negative)
.575
58
My parents have suffered at the hands of the authorities. (church
authority?)
.573
70
.546
27
194
Factor Profile #4: Sociable and connected to PK Ministry
* Pattern: Connected with PK ministry, has friends in church, popular, but sometimes has
to wear the happy face mask when all is not well.
.743
75
.654
64
I have someone outside of the church with whom I can share my
problems.
.605
30
Sometimes I receive gifts or special recognition in the church.
.574
67
.559
65
They make me do things in church that I don’t want to do.
-.522 33
My family opens doors for me in the Christian world. (negative)
-.484 27
(negative)
-.455 40
My parents try to protect me from criticism. (negative)
-.452 58
My parents have suffered at the hands of the authorities. (negative)
.446
8
Factor Profile #5: My Parents Don’t Know Me
* People expect me to be an example to others, but my parents have no idea who my best
friends are or how I am when with them.
-.626 15
My parents know my best friends well. (negative)
.592
51
People expect me to be the example for other young people in my church.
.572
73
-.553 69
My parents know how I am when I am with my friends. (negative)
.531
3
-.517 39
My father uses me as an example in his sermons. (negative)
-.497 59
I have lost friendships when we have had to leave churches. (negative)
.482
2
.471
29
-.435 55
Factor Profile #6: Good Communication, but Spiritual Desertion in the Home
-.656 24
.632
53
.591
60
.590
54
.527
69
-.473 38
The people observe and criticize my appearance. (negative)
-.452 29
.418
76
-.403 50
The rules for me are different than they are for others. (negative)
.397
72
195
FACTOR PROFILES: GIRLS 14-21
Factor Profile #1: Strong Parent Relationship & Clear Boundaries
* Pattern: Strong relationship with parents, never strayed from the Lord, feels accepted
and loved by people in church, no guilt, feels protected and safe by clear family
boundaries.
-.802 65
They make me do things in church that I don’t want to do. (negative)
-.731 24
-.717 77
.717
5
.708
31
-.697 71
.697
3
.679
54
.674
34
.656
18
Factor Profile #2: Isolated “Little Pastor” Girl
* Pattern: tightly connected to parents, but no other PK friends, and feels guilty and
stressed at having to be the example for everyone else to follow.
.707
5
-.620 75
I have PK friends that I can talk to. (negative)
.603
8
.555
12
.536
40
.512
50
.503
21
.495
71
.472
48
.461
72
Factor Profile #3: Good Family Boundaries and Communication, but still criticism
.677
57
-.651 56
I hear information about the personal life of different members of the
church.
-.651 47
They complain that I only serve because I am the pastor’s kid. (negative)
-.575 55
.514
14
.504
23
.442
51
People expect me to be the example for other young people in my church.
-.462 70
The needs of others are more important than my needs. (negative)
-.428 68
I serve in the church even though I have habitual sin in my life. (negative)
.433
33
196
Factor Profile #4: “Little Pastor” girl involved in ministry, but no family Spiritual
Life
.616
45
.553
43
.544
73
.528
42
I have developed talents because I have grown up in the church.
.532
28
-.492 7
My family has a regular devotional time together.
.466
49
.465
66
bad.
.451
62
.445
74
Factor Profile #5: PK isolated because of family moves.
.589
29
.559
59
-.511 64
problems.
.476
26
.472
58
-.448 34
.421
68
.381
7
My family has a regular devotional time together.
.365
2
-.353 69
Factor Profile #6: Feeling the Family Heritage & Weirdness
.545
74
-.484 16
My parents have helped me to develop my talents. (negative)
.469
22
My family makes time to create special memories.
.423
11
-.411 44
They call on me to fill in whenever there is an emergency. (negative)
-.394 4
I respect my parents as men and women of God. (negative)
.369
50
.367
20
.358
9
.355
23
197
FACTOR PROFILES: GIRLS 18-21
Factor Profile #1: Forced to serve in Church while at Open War with Parents
* Pattern: STRONG correlations. Parents don’t know them in their private life. Is serving
in church under pressure, but experimenting with “habitual sin” and worrying about
being discovered.
-.970 15
My parents know my best friends well. (negative)
-.964 3
I feel that I have received a spiritual heritage from my parents. (negative)
.957
47
They complain that I only serve because I am the pastor’s kid.
.947
49
.943
65
They make me do things in church that I don’t want to do.
.937
48
-.938 61
I have learned about leadership through my parents. (negative)
.914
62
.908
68
.908
71
Factor Profile #2: Good Communication & Boundaries in Family
* Pattern: Feels proud and close to parents, wants to follow their example, feels safe at
home, open relationship with parents, does not feel manipulated
.922
34
.868
31
.850
6
.848
8
-.819 58
My parents have suffered at the hands of the authorities. (negative)
.806
18
.800
10
.786
12
-.756 24
.755
14
Factor Profile #3 The “Little Pastor” Daughter
.955
45
.887
60
-.831 67
In church I have to pretend to be something I am not. (negative)
.831
43
.810
41
I am allowed to use the equipment in the church: instruments, etc.
.810
57
.810
74
.810
73
.734
23
.734
44
198
Factor Profile #4: Neglected PK
-.780 29
.739
70
-.708 37
(negative)
-.710 7
My family has a regular devotional time together. (negative)
.696
55
My parents share private information about the church with me.
-.686 1
I feel good about my relationship with God. (negative)
.640
9
-.626 28
I have to give up my bed when we have guests in the house. (negative)
.611
46
.611
76
Factor Profile #5: Some Family Coherence Problems
-.789 22
My family makes time to create special memories. (negative)
.786
69
.669
37
.636
63
I have someone in the church with whom I can share my problems.
-.654 32
I have been able to travel to special events with my family. (negative)
-.572 59
I have lost friendships when we have had to leave churches. (negative)
.560
40
.538
18
-.526 9
My family has fewer problems than my friends’ families. (negative).
507
66
bad.
Factor Profile #6: Money focused
.783
25
The church meets our economic needs.
-.772 19
We have suffered for lack of economic support. (negative)
.700
21
-.663 17
I can talk openly about sexuality with my parents. (negative)
-.602 46
People expect me to be perfect. (negative)
-.602 76
I have had one or more siblings separated from God. (negative)
.594
26
.577
64
problems.
-.478 70
-.467 77
APPENDIX N
OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS FULL RESULTS
Never
0.3%
Sometimes
11.0%
I feel that my life and ministry are a
2 blessing for others.
2.0% 12.7%
I feel that I have received a spiritual
3 heritage from my parents.
2.6%
5.9%
I respect my parents as men and women of
4 God.
0.3%
4.9%
I have a strong relationship with my
5 parents.
0.5%
9.2%
6 marriage
2.5%
3.3%
My family has a regular devotional time
7 together.
9.9% 32.0%
My parents are an example of how to live
8 by faith.
0.3%
2.3%
My family has fewer problems than my
9 friends’ families.
3.1%
4.9%
10 I feel I can share anything with my parents.
7.6% 27.7%
My parents have taught me the Bible since I
11 was a child.
0.8%
2.5%
0.2%
2.1%
13 My parents make time to spend with me.
1.5% 24.9%
My parents understand my world: sports,
14 activities, etc.
3.8% 20.9%
4.9% 15.3%
My parents have helped me develop my
16 talents.
1.3%
6.3%
I can talk openly about sexuality with my
17 parents.
15.3% 20.8%
My house is a refuge for me where I feel
18 safe.
1.6%
8.4%
We have suffered for lack of economic
19 support.
13.5% 30.6%
My parents take days of rest without
20 attending to anyone.
37.9% 32.6%
199
Not
Sure
3.8%
Many
Times
42.7%
Always
42.2%
13.0%
43.3%
29.0%
12.2%
26.4%
52.9%
2.5%
19.3%
73.0%
3.1%
29.8%
57.3%
3.3%
15.2%
75.8%
4.9%
31.6%
21.6%
4.3%
17.0%
76.1%
10.9%
6.6%
25.5%
29.8%
55.5%
28.3%
2.5%
3.8%
5.6%
10.7%
19.9%
39.9%
83.5%
74.1%
71.8%
10.9%
15.0%
32.8%
29.7%
31.6%
35.1%
6.1%
23.6%
62.8%
11.2%
21.1%
31.6%
6.1%
22.1%
61.8%
5.4%
44.5%
5.9%
9.6%
11.7%
8.2%
200
My family makes time to create special
22 memories.
The rules of my house are different than
23 those of my friends.
Sometimes my parents meet the needs of
24 others but not mine.
My parents give money we need in the
26 offering.
It makes me uncomfortable when church
27 members invade our house.
I have to give up my bed when we have
28 guests in the house.
My parents are recognized as leaders in the
29 community.
Sometimes I receive gifts or special
30 recognition in the church.
I am responsible to get acquainted and
31 share with special guests.
I have been able to travel to special events
32 with the family.
My family opens doors for me in the
33 Christian world.
I feel proud of my parents as Christian
34 leaders.
The people watch me because I am the
36 pastor’s kid.
I have suffered persecution in my studies
37 because I am a pastor’s kid.
The people observe and criticize my
38 appearance.
I am allowed to use church equipment:
I have developed talents because I have
42 grown up in the church.
I participate actively in ministry at the
43 church.
They call on me to fill in whenever there is
44 an emergency.
There are people who think I should be the
45 “little pastor”
9.4%
29.7%
6.3%
16.6%
38.1%
15.0%
25.2%
20.6%
25.5%
13.7%
1.6%
6.3%
9.4%
35.6%
47.1%
19.8%
18.3%
34.9%
29.8%
10.0%
17.1%
28.8%
21.7%
6.4%
13.0%
17.1%
13.8%
23.2%
25.7%
20.1%
19.3%
27.5%
19.4%
22.2%
11.5%
16.5%
22.2%
5.8%
26.4%
29.2%
0.8%
5.4%
12.9%
22.6%
58.3%
14.8%
38.6%
7.4%
28.5%
10.7%
2.8%
15.2%
6.9%
43.7%
31.5%
8.6%
28.8%
6.4%
34.3%
21.9%
1.8%
4.3%
9.2%
24.9%
59.8%
0.3%
0.7%
1.5%
3.6%
7.4%
13.7%
12.2%
14.8%
78.6%
67.2%
2.1%
5.1%
10.0%
18.1%
64.6%
27.0%
20.3%
11.5%
24.2%
17.0%
4.8%
7.6%
2.1%
17.1%
22.9%
8.6%
12.7%
10.0%
18.0%
34.4%
37.1%
28.3%
31.0%
22.4%
43.0%
5.4%
9.1%
10.9%
22.7%
51.9%
3.0%
5.4%
13.0%
27.0%
51.6%
4.6%
12.2%
8.6%
23.6%
51.1%
7.6%
19.4%
9.4%
29.3%
34.3%
4.8%
6.9%
17.1%
28.7%
42.5%
201
46 People think I am supposed to be perfect.
They complain that I only serve because I
47 am the pastor’s kid.
They say that I have to serve, because I am
48 the pastor’s kid.
I feel pressured to be a pastor like my
49 parents.
The rules for me are different than they are
50 for others.
People expect me to be the example for the
51 other kids at church.
The other young people follow my
52 example.
The people in our church accept the way I
54 dress.
My parents share private information about
55 the church with me.
I hear information about the personal life of
56 church members.
It hurts me when people criticize my
57 parents.
My parents have suffered at the hands of
58 the authorities.
I have lost friendships when we have had to
59 leave churches.
I have learned to resolve conflicts by
60 watching my parents.
I have learned about leadership through my
61 parents.
Other youth have treated me like my
62 parents’ spy.
I have someone at church with whom I can
I have someone outside of church with
64 whom I can share my problems.
They make me do things in the church that I
65 don’t want to do.
I’ve gotten mad when forbidden to do
66 things that aren’t bad.
In church I have to pretend to be something
67 I am not.
I serve in the church even though I have
68 habitual sin in my life.
My parents know how I am with my
69 friends.
4.3%
8.7%
15.3%
31.0%
40.7%
21.4%
15.3%
20.8%
24.9%
17.6%
11.0%
13.0%
17.0%
30.8%
28.2%
25.7%
18.6%
15.7%
24.7%
15.3%
7.9%
13.0%
12.7%
30.3%
36.1%
2.0%
5.4%
14.7%
26.2%
51.7%
6.1%
6.8%
17.1%
24.1%
23.4%
9.9%
37.6%
33.9%
15.8%
25.2%
4.6%
13.2%
17.3%
29.5%
35.4%
7.2%
21.4%
9.9%
36.9%
24.5%
15.0%
30.8%
9.6%
27.2%
17.5%
2.3%
4.0%
10.4%
10.9%
72.5%
33.4%
15.3%
24.7%
14.5%
12.0%
36.6%
10.9%
13.2%
20.1%
19.3%
2.6%
8.9%
11.2%
50.1%
27.2%
3.8%
8.6%
12.9%
38.7%
36.1%
35.7%
15.8%
19.1%
19.4%
9.9%
23.4%
27.0%
10.0%
20.3%
19.3%
20.9%
22.7%
10.9%
20.8%
24.7%
32.9%
31.6%
10.9%
17.8%
6.8%
12.9%
25.7%
11.7%
34.1%
15.7%
46.1%
24.2%
10.9%
14.2%
4.6%
45.3%
24.5%
12.5%
11.5%
6.1%
5.6%
11.5%
17.0%
24.7%
41.2%
202
The needs of others are more important
70 than my needs.
If people really knew me, they would reject
71 me.
I feel guilty because I ought to be better
72 than I am.
I like to help people out when they need
73 me.
I get to spend time with friends who are
75 pastor’s kids.
I have had one or more siblings away from
76 God.
I have had times when I have been away
77 from God.
17.1%
21.6%
21.7%
28.8%
10.7%
34.1%
13.0%
39.5%
8.2%
5.1%
14.5%
20.3%
14.3%
29.3%
21.6%
1.0%
0.5%
3.0%
1.8%
7.6%
8.4%
23.2%
13.2%
65.2%
76.1%
2.5%
12.7%
7.7%
28.5%
48.6%
53.9%
11.5%
11.2%
13.3%
10.0%
42.0%
22.4%
12.9%
16.3%
6.4%
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