project - Assemblies of God Theological Seminary
Transcripción
project - Assemblies of God Theological Seminary
ASSEMBLIES OF GOD THEOLOGICAL SEMINARY PASTORS' KIDS IN LATIN AMERICA: AN INVESTIGATION INTO THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF THE PK EXPERIENCE A PROJECT SUBMITTED TO THE DOCTOR OF MINISTRY PROJECT COMMITTEE IN CANDIDACY FOR THE DEGREE OF DOCTOR OF MINISTRY DOCTOR OF MINISTRY DEPARTMENT BY JON MARK DAHLAGER SAN JOSE, COSTA RICA JANUARY 2012 Copyright © 2012 by Jon Mark Dahlager All rights reserved CONTENTS ABSTRACT ................................................................................................................. xi ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ........................................................................................... xii LIST OF TABLES ....................................................................................................... xv Chapter 1. INTRODUCTION ............................................................................................. Context of the Project The Problem and Opportunity The PK Problem The PK Ministry Opportunity The Purpose Definition of Key Terms Description of Proposed Project Scope of the Project Phases of the Project Research Phase Biblical-theological foundations General literature review Planning Phase Pilot project Scheduling PK retreats iv 1 Writing the survey Implementation Phase Evaluation Phase Writing Phase Conclusion 2. BIBLICAL-THEOLOGICAL LITERATURE REVIEW ................................. Introduction Two Theological Lenses for the Transmission of Faith Theological Foundation: The Grace of God Hebrew !nn: Compassionate Grace Hebrew !ese": Covenant Grace Greek cháris: Incarnational, Redemptive Grace The Sting of Ungrace Anthropological Foundation: The Image of God Created to Resemble God Created to Represent God Created for Relationship with God and Others Created to be Conformed to the Image of Christ Principles of Transmission of Faith in the People of God The Identity of the People of God Abraham and the Chosen People Sinai and the Holy Nation The New Testament People of God v 16 Key Challenges in the Transmission of Faith Create Settings for Meaningful Worship Teach the Content of Scripture Set Examples Worthy of Imitation Begin in the Family Case Studies in the Transmission of Faith The Sons of Eli: Cynicism that Leads to Corruption Family and Cultural Context The Sin of Hophni and Phineas The Corruption Equation Timothy: Nurturing Sincere Faith Family and Relational Context The Sincere Faith of Timothy The “Man of God” Equation Responsibilities of the Receivers of Faith Conclusion 3. GENERAL LITERATURE REVIEW .............................................................. Introduction Background PK Reality: Good and Bad Coexist Identifying Common PK Distinctives Relevant Literature Categories Distinctive #1: Growing Up with Preacher-Parents vi 61 Advantage #1: The Blessing of Spiritual Heritage Exemplary Parents Spiritual Formation The Ministry Family Blessing Disadvantage#1: The Professional Church Family Syndrome The Challenge of Boundaries Church Dominates the Family Schedule The Problem of Time The Issue of Moving Distinctive #2: Living in the Spotlight Advantage #2: Special Recognition The Perks of Celebrity Local Support Network Advantage #2: The Fishbowl Syndrome Lack of Privacy The Pain of Criticism Distinctive #3: Elite Membership in the Church World Advantage #3: The Privileges of Membership Rich Circle of Relationships The Best of the Church World Disadvantage #3: The “Little Pastor” Syndrome Expectations of Perfection The Stereotype Trap vii Distinctive #4: Handling Insider Information Advantage #4: Special Access to Information In the Information Loop Watching Leaders up Close Disadvantage #4: Too Much Information The Pain of Isolation Wearing the “Happy Face” Mask Distinctive#5: The Fast Track to Ministry Leadership Advantage #5: Early Leadership Opportunities Developing Leadership Gifts Taking the Baton Disadvantage #5: Premature Leadership Identity and Vocational Ministry The “Sons of Eli” Syndrome Conclusion 4. DESCRIPTION OF FIELD PROJECT ........................................................... 103 Introduction Survey Sample Survey Questionnaire Execution of the Project Results of the Project Demographics Subjective Advantages and Disadvantages viii Objective Question Responses Comparing the Data to the “5 Distinctives” Theory PK Distinctive #1: Growing Up with Preacher Parents PK Distinctive #2: Life in the Spotlight PK Distinctive #3: Elite Membership in the Church World PK Distinctive #4: Insider Information PK Distinctive #5: Fast Track to Ministry Leadership Summary of Findings PKs Grow Up with Preacher-Parents PKs Live in the Local Church Spotlight PKs are Connected to the Best of the Church World PKs Have Access to Inside Information PKs are on the Fast Track to Ministry Leadership Conclusion 5. PROJECT SUMMARY ................................................................................... 135 Evaluation of the Project Keys to Project Effectiveness Keys to Project Improvement Implications of the Project Contribution to Ministry Recommendations for Denominational Leaders Recommendations for Future Study Conclusion ix Appendix A. 2007 WORKSHOP FOR MINISTERS’ KIDS............................................. 148 B. 2008 HIMAD PK RETREAT EVALUATION ............................................... 152 C. 2008 PILOT PROJECT RESULTS: PK PRIVILEGES AND SYNDROMES ....................................................................................... 154 D. PASTOR’S KID SURVEY.............................................................................. 156 E. SUBJECTIVE ADVANTAGE AND DISADVANTAGE CLUSTERS ......... 162 F. OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS ORGANIZED BY FIVE DISTINCTIVES ........ 165 G. OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS SORTED BY QUESTION NUMBER ............... 169 H. OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS SORTED BY “YES” PERCENTAGE ............... 172 I. OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS SORTED BY “NO” RESPONSE....................... 175 J. PK SESSION FOR PASTOR-PARENTS ....................................................... 178 K. POWERPOINT PRESENTATION ................................................................. 183 L. RECOMMENDATIONS FOR PASTORS, PK LEADERS, AND PKS ........ 187 M. FACTOR PROFILES FOR SURVEY PARTICIPANTS ............................... 191 N. OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS FULL RESULTS ................................................ 199 SOURCES CONSULTED ........................................................................................... 203 x ABSTRACT National church leaders across Latin America are endeavoring to establish ministries to pastors’ kids (PKs), some of the most visible and vulnerable young people in the church, but ministry efforts have been hampered by a dearth of resources and trained personnel. This investigative study of PKs in Latin America offers a conceptual foundation for leaders wanting to minister to PKs. It surveys 607 adolescent PKs at retreats in Costa Rica, Cuba, Panama, Argentina, and El Salvador. Each PK subjectively named advantages and disadvantages of PK life and responded to objective statements. The data suggests five distinctive clusters of advantages and corresponding disadvantages that define the PK experience. (1) PKs grow up with preacher-parents and receive a rich spiritual heritage, but the church often dominates family life. (2) PKs live in the church spotlight, enjoying special recognition but feeling on display in the pastoral fishbowl. (3) PKs have access to the best of the Church world, but people expect them to be perfect “little pastors.” (4) PKs are privy to insider information about the ministry and the church, but too much information breeds cynicism and isolation. (5) PKs are on the fast track to leadership, but premature ministry may bring disillusionment or ethical failure. Those who minister to pastors’ kids can help PKs maximize their advantages and build relational PK ministry structures to counteract the disadvantages. Further research among PKs in other cultural groups may uncover variables not present in this study. xi ACKNOWLEDGMENTS I would first like to thank the hundreds of pastors’ kids in Costa Rica, Cuba, Panama, Argentina, and El Salvador who shared their lives so those of us who care about them can better serve these amazing young people. The ministry leaders in each of these countries opened doors to which few people have access. Thanks to Moisés Rodríguez in Cuba, Javo Romero in Argentina, Rogelio Batista in Panama, and Roberto Arce in El Salvador for their help and love for PKs. Years down the road, we will see how PK ministry has helped raise up the next generation of God’s servants in Latin America, and our vision and efforts will be multiplied. Thanks to the Costa Rican HIMAD (PK Ministry) team, our dear friends who spent countless hours planning, praying, collecting information, and helping me make sense of the real issues Latin American PKs face. Jonathan Salas and Pablo Vargas were my assistants, friends, and companions throughout this process. Thanks to Joanna Finkenbinder, steadfast missionary associate, for the weeks she invested helping me codify the data and enter it into the database. Thanks to Costa Rican Assemblies of God national superintendent, Ricardo Castillo, and the national leadership team, who allowed me to tag along with them and share the reality of PK life with godly pastors and their spouses across the country. The initial vision for PK ministry in Costa Rica was born in the heart of former superintendent Bolivar Ávalos, who sent out the Macedonian invitation that God used to bring us to Costa Rica. xii The Doctor of Ministry team at AGTS encouraged and prodded this project into reality. Special thanks to my project advisor, Dr. Johan Mostert, for his tireless enthusiasm for this project since we first discussed it on my porch in Costa Rica three years ago. Dr. Jim Hernando, my theological advisor, injected priceless insight into the biblical issues underpinning PK ministry. Dr. Lois Olena offered a hand at every turn in the road, seeing the road to the finish line when I could not. Susan Meamber’s worldclass editorial skills improved the quality of this project immeasurably. Dr. Jeff Fulks at Evangel University provided much needed technical expertise in analyzing the survey data. Thanks to those who provided the logistical support to make this project a reality. The faith-filled Latin America team at Assemblies of God World Missions, especially Richard Nicholson, Paul Weis, and Jay Dickerson, encouraged me from the beginning of this adventure. My mother-in-law, Lynette Marks, and my aunt, Sue Hadden, provided room and board during the final critical writing push. Our team of supporting churches provided the prayer and financial foundation on which our missionary ministry has stood for twelve years. My parents, Ken and Marcie Dahlager, provided housing, food, and love during many study visits to Springfield, and they read through multiple drafts of the chapters as I wrote them. Dad, you have lived out the power of continuing study while loving people in the daily rhythm of ministry, and I value your example more than I can say. Mom, your love has been a rock-solid support. This project and doctoral journey would not have been possible without you. xiii Lastly, thanks to my dear wife, Jennifer, and my three fantastic children: Jonathan, Joshua, and Julia, for standing by me throughout the years of this doctoral program. You endured fatherless weeks, celebrated my small accomplishments, and encouraged me in countless ways. Jennifer, you have been my biggest fan, constant companion, and forever-friend, just as we promised each other seventeen years ago. I love you all more than I can ever say. To God be all the glory, for with Him nothing is impossible (Luke 1:37). xiv LIST OF TABLES Table Page 1. Countries and Dates of PK Retreats and Number of PKs Surveyed ........... 109 2. Age Ranges of Responders.......................................................................... 110 3. City Size ...................................................................................................... 110 4. Church Size ................................................................................................. 111 5. Subjective Answer Advantage Chart .......................................................... 113 6. Subjective Answer Disadvantage Chart ...................................................... 114 7. Advantage Clusters...................................................................................... 115 8. Disadvantage Clusters ................................................................................. 116 9. Top Ten “Yes” Questions............................................................................ 117 10. Advantage #1 Objective Responses ............................................................ 118 11. Spiritual Heritage Subjective Responses ..................................................... 119 12. Disadvantage #1 Objective Responses ........................................................ 119 13. Disadvantage #1 Subjective Responses ...................................................... 120 14. Advantage #2 Objective Responses ............................................................ 122 15. Advantage #2 Subjective Responses ........................................................... 122 16. Disadvantage #2 Objective Responses—Fishbowl Syndrome ................... 123 17. Disadvantage #2 Subjective Responses—Fishbowl Syndrome .................. 123 18. Advantage #3 Objective Responses—Access to Church World ................. 124 19. Advantage #3 Subjective Responses—Access to Church World................ 124 xv 20. Disadvantage #3 Objective Responses—Little Pastor Syndrome ............... 125 21. Disadvantage #3 Subjective Responses—Little Pastor Syndrome ............. 125 22. Advantage #4 Objective Responses—Special Information ........................ 126 23. Advantage #4 Subjective Responses—Special Information ....................... 126 24. Disadvantage #4 Objective Responses—Too Much Information ............... 127 25. Disadvantage #4 Subjective Responses—Too Much Information.............. 128 26. Advantage #5 Objective Responses—Open Doors for Ministry ................ 129 27. Advantage #5 Subjective Responses—Open Doors for Ministry ............... 129 28. Disadvantage #5 Objective Responses—Premature Leadership ................. 130 29. Disadvantage #5 Subjective Responses—Premature Leadership ............... 130 30. Recommendations for Pastor-Parents ......................................................... 187 31. Recommendations for PK Ministry Leaders ............................................... 189 32. Recommendations for Pastors’ Kids ........................................................... 190 xvi CHAPTER 1 INTRODUCTION This project is an investigative study of ministry to Pastors’ Kids (PKs) in Latin America, aiming to provide a solid theological and conceptual foundation for people wanting to minister to this important segment of the church. Its theological base provides biblical principles for transmitting faith to the next generation of God’s people. The literature review and survey of 607 PKs at retreats across Latin America identify a set of advantages and disadvantages commonly shared by pastors’ kids, allowing PK ministry leaders to base their efforts on an accurate profile of their intended audience. Context of the Project This project grows out of my own experience as a participant in and leader of strategic ministry for ministers’ kids. I have personally lived through both the privileges and challenges of life in a ministry leadership family. As I was growing up in a missionary family in Costa Rica, my family’s life was shaped by multiple church services per week and the high expectations that come with ministry participation. My sisters and I valued our close-knit family life and our ministry opportunities together, but we often felt that our faith and my parents’ leadership role created distance between others and us. We felt sure that thousands of people were watching to see if our behavior matched what my father preached. At one formative period of my young adulthood, I had to fight off 1 2 bitterness as I watched my parents suffer unfair treatment at the hands of Christian leaders who did not understand the consequences of their actions. Throughout my formative years, the Assemblies of God World Missions’ International Society of Missionary Kids (ISMK) ministry kept in touch with me in Costa Rica and later as I returned to the United States for college. ISMK leaders affirmed the validity of my role in the missionary calling, kept me updated on American culture, and periodically provided retreats so I could get together with other MKs who shared similar experiences. My missionary kid friends and I enjoyed the unique opportunity to feel normal when we were together and we spurred one another on to serve the Lord. After I graduated from college and began my own journey of vocational ministry, I stayed connected with ISMK, helping to lead and preach at events in several countries and assembling my own ideas of the pressures faced by children in ministry families. After several years of pastoral service in the United States, my wife, Jennifer, and I began to feel it was the Lord’s timing to pursue our calling into foreign missions and we felt drawn to Costa Rica. Seeking confirmation of God’s leading and wanting to respect the national church, I wrote a missionary leader to ask what projects the national church in Costa Rica needed missionary help to accomplish. The answer was immediate: For the last year, the Costa Rican Assemblies of God has been requesting that the next missionary “be a missionary kid who speaks Spanish, is married, has experience working with ministers’ kids, and who would be willing to come and work with our pastors’ kids, because we are losing a whole generation of them. Someone needs to go after these lost sheep of the church.”1 1 Bolivar Avalos, email message to author, June 25, 1998. 3 God used their specific prayer request—which matched my profile precisely—to confirm His leading; in 2000, Jennifer and I arrived in Costa Rica, connecting quickly with the fledgling national PK ministry. The Assemblies of God national leadership named the new Costa Rican ministry for pastors’ kids Hijos de Ministros Asambleas de Dios (HIMAD), translated as “Assemblies of God Ministers’ Kids.” The ministry held its first national PK retreat in 2001 with eighty-three participants, and followed it up with monthly Bible studies, leadership training meetings, and periodic events around the country. Smiling pastors soon began to tell me stories of restored relationships between themselves and their children. PKs not only found God’s grace and healing at the events, but they soon began to report that God had challenged them to actively participate in some kind of ministry. The friendships between the PKs became a huge source of strength and encouragement, and testimonies by PKs motivated others to set aside their excuses for not serving the Lord, such as poverty, criticism, or fear of failure. By the third year of the ministry, the leadership team decided that HIMAD’s initial evangelistic and therapeutic functions— helping PKs make spiritual commitments and find emotional healing—did not go far enough. HIMAD’s mission should be nothing short of raising up the next generation of God’s servants. The PKs began to serve together in evangelistic outreaches, youth retreats, home missions trips, and ministry to other groups of PKs. By 2008, HIMAD and its leadership team had established close personal and working relationships with PK ministries in El Salvador, Panama, Argentina, and Mexico. That year, I received an invitation from the Cuban Assemblies of God to take a team of HIMAD leaders to help the church on that island nation establish a PK ministry. 4 The entire Costa Rican national church took the Cuba project on as a special mission, sending twelve of HIMAD’s brightest leaders to share the blessings they had received. Between July 2008 and August 2009, HIMAD’s international influence exploded as different leaders were invited to preach and participate in PK events all over Latin America. PKs began to develop a variety of ministries within Costa Rica as well, planting churches, leading growing youth ministries, and launching programming on television and radio. The “next generation of God’s servants” was taking its place among the people of God. As HIMAD’s influence grew, my wife and I were invited to teach seminars for pastoral families on the issues their children face. We also conducted training sessions in other countries that wanted to develop ministries to PKs. At every seminar, participants asked about written information that could help them understand PKs better and develop effective ministry to them. This investigative study emerged out of the context of a growing interest in PK ministry across Latin America and the needs I discovered on the journey. The Problem and Opportunity The problem of PK attrition from the church, the growing opportunity to invest in them, and the lack of resources to develop effective ministry define the starting point of this project. PKs enjoy many unique advantages, but also struggle with a set of painful challenges that can drive them away from God and the church. Pastors and others who care about PKs often see these young people struggling, but cannot put their finger on PK needs or determine how to best help them. 5 The PK Problem Pastors’ kids grow up with preacher parents in families influenced to an unusual degree by the members of the local church community, who are also collectively their parents’ employers. Ministry families live in a fishbowl; PKs may feel that church people watch their every move, unfairly criticize them, and expect them to be perfect. When perfection proves impossible and criticism mounts, some PKs may choose open rebellion, which drains energy from the pastoral family and produces confusion among church members. Pastoral families are often expected to model Christian family life for the church and community, and the apparent failure of Christianity in the pastors’ family can prove deeply troubling to the whole church. Ministers and their spouses are often unaware of their own behaviors that expose the children to unnecessary or aggravated criticism by church members. When pastors feel they must be on call twenty-four hours a day to church members, their children may feel neglected, lamenting the irony that their parents are available to everyone but them. PK children and adolescents may not fully understand the issues at play in their lives, but chafe under the double standards and unrealistic expectations imposed on them. Too much information about church members, whether heard from careless lips at home or at church, can produce anger or cynicism in the pastor’s child. Older PKs often struggle with mixed feelings about God, Christianity, their family, the church, and themselves, and they may have trouble sorting out the issues to find healing from damage done by the church. 6 The PK Ministry Opportunity Because PKs, by definition, live in the home of Christian leaders, their struggles, such as the open rebellion of the child of a prominent pastor, may sound an alarm that PKs need attention. National church leaders and youth directors often want to establish ministry programs for PKs, but find few models to serve as patterns for this ministry. PKs need specialized ministry by people who will love them and demonstrate God’s grace. The HIMAD team from Costa Rica and the international network of PK ministries attempt to help with ministry efforts whenever possible, but few resources exist to train others to work with PKs. This project responds to the dearth of materials to guide leaders who want to minister to PKs. It provides accurate descriptions of both PK advantages and disadvantages, with a view to help pastors and their spouses identify ministry family issues that affect their children, inform leaders who would disciple these young people individually or in small groups, and motivate the formation of national and regional ministries for PKs. The Purpose This project will conduct an investigative study of pastors’ kids in Latin America, providing a documented description of the advantages as well as disadvantages of PK life. It will analyze data from a large international survey of PKs and will explore relevant theological themes, ministry family issues, and ministry strategies. The resulting x-ray of PK reality will be applicable to ministry families who want to help their children thrive while living in the ministry fishbowl. The findings will also be applicable as a 7 resource to individuals who want to minister to PKs—outlining discipleship needs and suggesting steps to develop formal and informal ministry structures. Definition of Key Terms PK. Throughout this project the phrase “pastor’s kid” or PK will be used as the generic term for the children of all vocational ministers, including preachers whose primary ministry does not focus on local church leadership. The phrases “preachers’ kids,” “minister’s children,” and “clergy children” may be used interchangeably with no intention to differentiate between them. The abbreviation MK, used in some contexts for “minister’s kid,” will not be used in this study because of its strong association with “Missionary Kid.” Even though missionary kids, like me, may share many of the same church experiences as PKs, cross-cultural issues tend to dominate the MK experience, making that group a somewhat separate field of study. National Church. The phrase “national church” will be used to refer to the national denominational structure that coordinates ministry in each country. Since the Costa Rican HIMAD ministry and the survey in this project take place in the context of the Assemblies of God, the term will normally refer to Assemblies of God national leadership in a given country. Legalism. Legalism refers to cultural standards of social behavior that become church norms, which PKs often perceive as arbitrary rules of a church community. When PKs feel they are being criticized, held to unfair expectations, and expected to be perfect, they may refer to the whole mean spirit of church people as “legalism.” The antidote to legalism in the PK’s life is the grace of God poured out in love. 8 PK Social Ecology. The phrase “PK social ecology” refers to the messy social world of the pastor’s kid, in which the PK’s quality of life depends on the complex interaction of three elements: the PK, the ministry parents, and the church community. The church community exercises an extraordinary influence on the pastor’s family, and defining and defending boundaries between the family and church becomes a key function of parents in ministry. Triangulation. In the absence of clear boundaries between the church, the family, and the PK, triangulation may occur, in which an unresolved conflict between two parties, such as the pastor and a deacon, may express itself in an attack against the third— such as the PK.2 Description of Proposed Project This project will use theological tools, review published literature, and execute a large international statistical PK study to assemble a profile of Latin American Pentecostal pastor’s kids, with a view to help individuals who want to minister to PKs. Scope of the Project This project will study the experience of adolescent pastors’ kids in Latin America, outlining in detail the perceived advantages and disadvantages of PKs. The survey will include information gathered from young people at six different PK events in five countries. The project will not attempt to establish “cause and effect” relationships between a pastoral family’s behavior at home and a PK’s later psychological issues or religious 2 Cameron Lee, PK: Helping Pastors’ Kids Through Their Identity Crisis (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1992), 16. 9 commitment. The survey will not try to spotlight what makes a PK “turn out right,” nor does it blame all PK maladies on the parents, although it will identify pastoral practices that may help or endanger their children. None of the information in this study is presented with the intention of aggravating PK bitterness or anger against the church. This project aims to provide a clear-eyed, documented profile of how adolescent Latin American PKs perceive their own lives. This study grows out of the needs of practical PK ministry. The published literature about Pastors’ Kids tends to study adult PKs, looking for either psychological distress that requires clinical counseling or pastoral family practices that guarantee the children will grow up well-adjusted and involved in church.3 Neither of these approaches helps at a PK retreat. The preacher looking at 300 young faces at a PK retreat cannot blame their boundary-challenged parents or mean-spirited church people for their problems. PK ministry leaders need to understand what the teenage PKs believe about their present situation, as it is, and help them find God’s grace and purposes to press forward and serve the Lord. Most available PK studies focus on the negative aspects of PK life, but this survey aims to show that PKs often believe that they are more blessed than most other young people. It demonstrates that PK advantages and disadvantages come together as opposite sides of the same coins, and that, in fact, the PK experience may be explained in terms of five “PK Distinctives:” (1) growing up with preacher parents, (2) living in the church spotlight, (3) enjoying elite membership in the church world, (4) handling insider information, and (5) developing on the fast track to vocational ministry. When PKs 3 See introduction to chapter 3. 10 understand that both the good and the bad are part of God’s plan in their lives, they are ready to listen to God’s call and take their place as the next generation of God’s servants. Phases of the Project Research Phase The first stage of this project involves research, establishing the biblicaltheological foundations for transmitting faith to the next generation. The second part of the research phase reviews the current PK literature to identify relevant issues that affect PK ministry. Biblical-theological foundations The biblical-theological literature review will seek to lay a scriptural foundation for ministry to Pastors’ Kids (PKs) in Latin America by studying the transmission of faith from one generation to the next. In the first section, it will discuss two key theological lenses that lay the foundation for this ministry: the grace of God and the image of God. The grace of God serves to remove the sting of the criticism and legalism that PKs suffer in the church and understanding that every PK is created in the image of God helps PK leaders see through their adolescent phases and believe in God’s purposes for their lives. The second part will review some key biblical principles for the intergenerational transmission of faith, including the identity of the people of God, methods and problems in the transmission of faith, and the responsibilities of families in faith development. The third part contains two biblical case studies of faith transitions, one positive and one negative, through the stories of the sons of Eli and of Timothy. 11 General literature review The second part of the research phase will study the slim body of available PK literature to assemble a collection of PK advantages and challenges. The PK-specific literature will be supplemented by general literature related to parenting, youth ministry, adolescent development, Latin American family life, and leadership issues that affect the family and children of ministers. Taken as a whole, the literature supports the thesis that the advantages and disadvantages in the lives of adolescent pastors’ kids’ cluster around five key distinctives: (1) PKs grow up with preacher-parents, which means PKs enjoy a rich spiritual heritage, but the church can come to dominate the family’s time and energy; (2) PKs live in the local church spotlight, which may bring a few perks of special recognition, but also includes incessant observation and constant criticism; (3) PKs’ family connections give them access to the best of the church world, which offers a vast social network of relationships and activities, but also brings demanding expectations to behave like perfect “little pastors;” (4) PKs have access to insider information, allowing them to watch their parents up close as they lead and resolve conflict, but insider information can turn into too much information and familiarity with the dark side of the church, producing cynicism and isolation; (5) PKs have access to the fast track to ministry leadership, often enjoying early opportunities to lead, but they may crash emotionally or ethically when they face the pressure of premature ministry. Planning Phase The planning phase of the project will include three stages: (1) executing a pilot project over several events in Costa Rica to form a preliminary conceptual framework of 12 PK experience, (2) scheduling PK retreats in several countries in which to minister and collect data, and (3) writing the survey. This phase will take place from January to June 2008. Pilot project This phase will include several PK events as a pilot project to build a philosophical framework for the large PK survey, including a thorough analysis of the camp evaluations filled out at the 2008 Costa Rican PK retreat, several PK team meetings, teaching a series of PK seminars at a youth retreat, and finally assembling a coherent model of the PK experience. On the last day of the annual Costa Rican PK retreat (January 5, 2008), over 200 PKs will fill out an evaluation and I summarize their answers. I will meet with the HIMAD leadership team shortly after the annual PK retreat and go through the camp evaluations in detail, harvesting responses that would help identify PK advantages and disadvantages. The campers’ answers to the question, “What does HIMAD mean in your life?” should provide insights into the ministry’s long-term effectiveness, as many of the PKs have been involved in the ministry for five or more years. The camp evaluation should lead to the understanding that PKs place a high value on the opportunity to receive excellent ministry, to share their personal feelings in cabin groups, to make friends, to minister together, and to be treated with respect and kindness by the staff.4 A first attempt to teach the accumulated material about PK advantages and disadvantages will take place from January 17-19, 2008, when I will lead several sessions of a PK workshop at a national youth leadership event at the Oasis de Esperanza church 4 See Appendix B, “2008 HIMAD PK Retreat Evaluation.” 13 in San Jose, Costa Rica. Further feedback from the participants will add advantages and disadvantages to the list, and the response should reinforce the importance of the material. In May 2008, in preparation for a HIMAD missions trip to help start the PK ministry in Cuba, I will draw up a chart that delineates five PK advantages and their corresponding “syndromes.”5 This will serve as the initial theoretical framework for this survey. Scheduling PK retreats The HIMAD team was invited to minister and participate at PK retreats in several different countries in Latin America. During this phase, the first PK retreat in Cuba was scheduled for July 2008, and soon thereafter trips to participate in retreats in Panama, El Salvador, Argentina, and Costa Rica will be scheduled. Writing the survey In July of 2008, I will compile a survey to collect the best information possible from Cuba and several retreats that would occur in the following months. After the initial demographic data blanks, the survey will offer space for PKs to “name three advantages of being a PK” and “name three disadvantages of being a PK.” Another section will present responders with seventy-seven objective statements with which they could agree or disagree on a Likert scale. This survey will analyze the adolescent PK’s perception of his or her life reality. 5 See Appendix C, “2008 Pilot Project Results: PK Privileges and Syndromes.” 14 Implementation Phase The implementation of this project will consist of participating in several PK retreats around Latin America, conducting ministry to PKs, training leadership teams for ongoing ministry with ministers’ kids, and conducting the survey with the adolescent participants. The leadership training will emphasize the advantages and disadvantages of PKs, using the “PK Pastor Session” presentation.6 This phase will take place from July 2008 to August 2009. After the data is collected from the retreats, all of the survey information will be codified, tabulated onto a spreadsheet, and analyzed. This will take place from August 2008 to September 2009. Evaluation Phase The evaluation phase of this project will include detailed analysis of the survey data with professional statistical help, seeking to determine which PK advantages and disadvantages surface and determining how they correlate with HIMAD’s conceptual model. Survey conclusions will be integrated into the PK ministry paradigm, making adjustments as necessary. This analysis will take place between October 2009 and March 2010. Writing Phase The writing phase of this project will take place while I am back in the United States on my year of itineration and study leave from June 2010 to November 2011. During this phase I will bring together the biblical-theological foundations (chapter 2), 6 Appendix K, “PowerPoint Presentation.” 15 the general literature review (chapter 3), the survey data to establish a statistical and theoretical case for both the advantages and disadvantages of the PK experience (chapter 4), and an evaluation of the overall project (chapter 5). This confluence of sources should provide a solid foundation on which to build meaningful and enduring ministry to pastors’ kids. Conclusion The children of ministers are a critically important segment of the next generation of the people of God who enjoy special advantages and are faced with unique challenges. The outside intervention of an effective PK ministry may provide the ministry times and support network that can tip a PK’s direction away from rebellion and toward successful assimilation into the church and society. Such a PK ministry may be greatly aided by effective theological foundations and a solid understanding of the reality that constitutes the PK experience. Wise PK leaders—and parents of PKs as well—will benefit from serious reflection on both the advantages and disadvantages that PKs face, helping them build on the benefits and overcome the frustrating challenges. This project aims to provide serious reflection and contribute to a future of more successful PK ministry, healthier pastoral families, and a new generation who fan into flame the gift of God that is in them, taking their place in the new generation of the people of God. CHAPTER 2 BIBLICAL-THEOLOGICAL LITERATURE REVIEW Introduction Young people in every generation must wrestle with the faith handed down from their forefathers, grappling with the written words, presence, and mission of God until their own story joins the stream of His story. Likewise, people of God in each maturing generation reach out to the younger generation, striving to transmit a living faith to those who come behind them. The beauty and importance of the intergenerational chain of grace leap from the pen of the psalmist who says, “I will sing of the steadfast love of the LORD forever; with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness to all generations” (Ps. 89:1).1 Like high-speed baton passes between relay sprinters, generational transitions of faith present many challenges and require intentional effort from both the transmitters and receivers. Biblical history reveals few smooth generational transfers of faith. The tragic words of Judges 2:10 suggest a pattern repeated throughout the biblical narrative: “ And all that generation also were gathered to their fathers. And there arose another generation after them who did not know the LORD or the work that he had done for Israel.” This text refers to the first generation of Israelites born in the Promised Land, a group whose fathers had rushed over the crumbled walls of Jericho and whose 1 All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are from The Holy Bible: English Standard Version (Wheaton, IL: Standard Bible Society, 2001). 16 17 grandparents had crossed the Red Sea. Surely this godless generation’s ancestors had not neglected to pass their faith stories and religious traditions on to their children. No, the problem of the Judges 2 generation was not a lack of information about God, but a lack of personal knowledge of the presence and the covenant love of God. Similarly, the children of ministers in Latin America do not typically struggle spiritually because they lack knowledge about God—many have been immersed in Christian church life since infancy—but because they have not understood and experienced the love and grace of God for themselves. Their intimate knowledge with the inner workings of the church produces cynicism and disappointment, and some lose the fear of the Lord. On the other hand, the church has often failed to create a culture of intentional relationship between the generations whereby the young can hear the personal stories of God’s intervention and learn the Christian life not only by classroom teaching, but also by personal participation and mentoring. This biblical-theological literature review seeks to lay a scriptural foundation for ministry to Pastors’ Kids (PKs) in Latin America. The first part defines two key theological lenses that lay the foundation for this ministry: the grace of God and the image of God. The second part summarizes some key biblical principles for the intergenerational transmission of faith, including the identity of the people of God, methods and problems in the transmission of faith, and the responsibilities of families in faith development. The third part contains two biblical case studies of faith transitions, one positive and one negative, through the stories of the sons of Eli and of Timothy. 18 Two Theological Lenses for the Transmission of Faith How Christians view God and other people defines who they are and how they relate to the world. Just as dirty eyeglasses cause distortion and misapprehension, faulty thinking about these theological foundations results in misguided ministry efforts. This first section explores two key biblical lenses affecting ministry to PKs: ministry practice built on the grace of God and biblical anthropology based on the image of God. Theological Foundation: The Grace of God The phrase “grace of God” refers to all aspects of the love and favor of God poured out on people because of the redemptive work of Christ. Grace proclaimed and lived out in the church is meant to bring forgiveness of sin, breathe life into the spirit, birth ministry gifts, and pour unmerited and extravagant favor on God’s children. Many pastors’ kids do not struggle spiritually because of a lack of knowledge, but from a deficiency of grace. They are immersed in a religious culture where condemnation distorts the image of God, criticism sours relationships, impossible expectations heap guilt on innocent victims, excessive insider information breeds cynicism, and rejection by peers wilts the tender soul. Strict enforcement of rules of external conduct produces legalism that replaces spiritual joy with hypocrisy and perfectionism. Pastors’ kids often arrive at PK events for the first time with heavily-defended hearts, cringing lest they face yet another attack of guilt and condemnation. Finding the grace of God through the minefield of the local church constitutes one of the greatest discipleship challenges for pastors’ kids in Latin America. The goal of PK ministry is to develop settings and relationships through which young people can understand and 19 personally experience the transforming grace of God lavished on them through Jesus Christ (Eph. 1:6-8). People who intend to pour out the grace of God onto pastors’ kids must understand the nature of God’s grace. Grace may be defined as “God’s unmerited favor toward humanity and especially his people, realized through the covenant and fulfilled through Jesus Christ.”2 This definition captures the sense of the three primary biblical words for grace, the Hebrew !nn and !ese" and the Greek cháris, which each shed their own light on the grace of God as applied to ministry. This section defines and explains three biblical characteristics of grace and unpacks the implications of its opposite, ungrace. Hebrew !nn: Compassionate Grace The Hebrew root !nn is the first biblical word for “grace” and depicts a person of superior rank or possessions turning graciously to help another person in need.3 The verb form, !#nan, is used in social as well as theological contexts, often with the sense of showing kindness to the poor and needy, as in the psalmist’s frequent plea directed to the Lord, “be gracious to me” (Ps. 25:16; 31:9; 51:1). The verb focuses on the one who gives grace, shows compassion, or displays mercy. The noun form, !$n, often translated as “favor,” “grace,” or “charm,” occurs most frequently in secular and non-theological usage and usually focuses on the recipient of the gracious action. It often appears in the idiom “to find favor in [someone’s] eyes” 2 Allen C. Myers, The Eerdmans Bible Dictionary, electronic ed. (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1987), s.v. “Grace,” 3 Gerhard Kittel, Gerhard Friedrich, and Geoffrey W. Bromiley, eds. Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, electronic ed. (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1995) , s.v. “cháris.” 20 (Gen. 33:8; Jer. 31:20). It appears fourteen times in the Proverbs, often with an aesthetic sense of charm or beauty (Prov. 31:30). The adjective form, !annûn, “gracious,” is often paired with ra!ûm, “compassionate,” to describe the character of God, emphasizing both His grace and righteousness in judging evil (Exod. 34:6 and later repetitions).4 The compassionate grace contained in the word !nn is the typical starting point for Christian ministries, including ministry to pastors’ kids: someone with the means to help perceives a need or receives a request for help, then reaches out in compassion to a group of young people with a unique set of challenges. This kind of grace does not necessarily flow from ongoing relationship or profound identification between the parties. Hebrew !ese": Covenant Grace The second important Hebrew word for “grace,” !ese", expresses spontaneous goodness or grace in the context of ongoing redemptive relationship, especially the covenant faithfulness and steadfast lovingkindness that God shows toward His chosen people and that people can show toward one another and back to God.5 The English Standard Version (ESV) consistently translates !ese" “steadfast love,” as in “the steadfast love (!ese") of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end” (Lam. 3:22), or “I will sing of the steadfast love (!ese") of the LORD, forever” (Ps. 89:1). The Lord describes His own character in terms of !ese", as illustrated in Exodus 34:6-7: “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious (!nn), slow to anger, and abounding in 4 Robert L. Harris, Gleason L. Archer, and Bruce K. Waltke, Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament, electronic ed. (Chicago, IL: Moody Press, 1999) , s.v. “!#na.” 5 D. R. W Wood and I. Howard Marshall, New Bible Dictionary, 3rd ed., s.v. “Grace, Favour” (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1996). 21 steadfast love (!ese") and faithfulness.” This kind of grace presupposes a covenant relationship with His people and carries a promise of faithfulness to all generations of those who love him and keep His commandments, while also maintaining the Lord’s righteousness (Exod. 20:6; Deut. 5:10). The link between God’s covenants and !ese" becomes explicit in other passages such as Deuteronomy 7:12, which says, “The LORD your God will keep with you the covenant and the steadfast love that he swore to your fathers” (cf. Jer. 31:3). The Psalms celebrate the steadfast covenant love of God, invoking it when they ask the Lord to forgive (Ps. 25:7), to redeem (44:26), to save (109:26), to give life (119:88), and to hear (119:149). The word appears 127 times in the Psalms; it takes on a liturgical form in the refrain, “For his !ese" endures forever,” which appears thirty-six times, and forms the antiphonal refrain in recitations of salvation history (2 Chron. 7:3, 6; Ezra 3:11; Ps. 136).6 The prophets, especially Hosea, Jeremiah, and Isaiah, invoke the covenant love of God to indict the unfaithful people of Israel. Furthermore, the Lord expects that same loving response from them, as illustrated in Hosea’s emphasis that the Lord desires !ese", not sacrifice (Hos. 6:6; see also 4:1; 6:4). If God fulfills His duty and family commitment to His people, they should reciprocate. When it comes to one human showing grace to another person in need, h$n and !ese" convey similar meanings and may appear as synonyms. However, the motivation behind the two diverges when the giver of grace is the Lord, whose !ese" behaves 6 Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, s.v. “charis.” 22 graciously out of a relational commitment, a rock-solid “steadfast love” that endures forever. The relational commitment intrinsic to !ese" sheds light on another important characteristic of grace, steadfast love based on commitment. The ministry of grace not only includes meeting felt needs, the primary sense of h$n, but also in demonstrating steadfast love (!ese") to young disciples. Adolescents form their identity based, in part, on the significant adult relationships in their lives. All too often, as Andrew Root points out, youth workers offer goal-oriented relationships with young people. They remain friends as long as the student agrees with the leader’s point of view and submits to authority.7 This manipulative use of relationship should be replaced with !ese", love based on covenant relationship. Once this is established, the ministry relationship can move toward incarnational and redemptive grace, the love of God in Christ that appears in the New Testament. Greek cháris: Incarnational, Redemptive Grace The Greek word cháris, used predominantly by the Apostle Paul, refers to a grace that is inseparable from God’s incarnational love as expressed in the person of Jesus Christ and His redemptive work on the cross (Rom. 1:7; 1 Cor. 1:3; Gal. 2:20). Believers initially accept this grace by faith, not trying to earn or deserve the favor of God (Eph. 2:8-9). Grace represents much more than tolerance or amnesty; it takes seriously the problem of sin, provides the means for forgiveness through Jesus Christ, and promises God’s very presence that empowers the believer to walk with God and to please Him.8 7 8 Andrew Root, Relational Youth Ministry (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2007), 23. David J. Atkinson, David F. Field, Arthur F. Holems, and Oliver O’Donovan, New Dictionary of Christian Ethics and Pastoral Theology (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1995), s.v. “Grace” 23 The noun cháris, closely related to the verb charízomai, “to give freely” or “to forgive,” appears seldom in the Gospels, but its substance permeates them in the life and teaching of Jesus, who demonstrated the grace of God in word and in deed.9 [Jesus] reflects God’s self-giving, sent in love (John 3:17), with divine purpose (Luke 4:4), becoming a servant (Mark 10:45). Jesus’ life manifests grace in seeking the lost sheep of Israel (Matt. 9:36; 10:6; Luke 15:4ff; John 10), the poor (Matt. 19:21), social outcasts (Luke 5:30-32), women (8:2), and children (Mark 10:14-15). He preaches grace: a seeking God (Luke 15); salvation made possible (Mark 10:17-31); a new covenant (Luke 22:19-22); and love for enemies (Matt. 5:43-44; Luke 10:27ff). God demonstrates grace by sending Jesus to the cross for human sin and then by the resurrection. Now reigning as Lord, Jesus Christ inaugurates a new age of grace.10 In ministry practice, if !nn graciously meets a need and !ese" flows out of steadfast personal commitment, then cháris brings incarnational, redemptive love, pouring out the forgiveness and love of God, which believers receive and are instructed to share with others. The forgiven sinner must forgive the one who sins against him or her; a person’s own forgiveness from God may even depend on his or her willingness to forgive others (Matt. 18:23-35; Luke 6:37; Col. 3:13).11 Likewise, the love of God flows out of the heart of the true believer to others: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt. 22:39 and parallels) makes up the other half of the Great Commandment and “loving one another” constitutes proof that a group of people know God (1 John 4:7-12). Grace was designed for community life and believers enjoy the God-given privilege and responsibility of extending grace to one another. 9 Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, s.v. cháris. 10 Eerdmans Bible Dictionary, s.v. “Grace.” 11 New Bible Dictionary, 3rd ed., s.v. “Forgiveness.” 24 The Sting of Ungrace The opposite of grace might be called “ungrace.”12 When a religious group fails to live out the grace of God, acceptance depends on conformity to the written or unwritten rules of the local church subculture. Ungrace is never far from legalism, which David Seamands defines as “the belief that salvation comes through keeping commandments and rules; it is as old as humankind and is the one basic falsehood behind every religious system in the world—that we can earn God’s approval and love by keeping certain moral laws.13 Ungrace, performance-orientation, and legalism are all terms that describe religious subcultures that evaluate their members based on externally verifiable standards, but fail to extend the grace of God to those who desperately need it. If Jesus embodied the grace of God, then those who were legalistic among the Pharisees and religious leaders whom Jesus corrected illustrate ungrace in action. Jesus accused some of them of tying up heavy burdens for others to carry, though unwilling to carry them themselves (Matt. 23:4). The people He rebuked denigrated tax collectors, women, soldiers, foreigners, the sick, and sinners, in general, as sub-human, unworthy of fellowship, and a possible source of uncleanness (Luke 5:30; John 4; 8:3). Many Pharisees may have sincerely sought to please the Lord with the consistency of their obedience to the Law (Matt. 19:20). Nevertheless, in their religious zeal, many of these pious people forgot the mercy of God (Matt. 12:7) and lost perspective of their own sin (John 8:7). 12 As used by Phillip Yancey, What’s So Amazing About Grace? (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1997), 16. 13 David Seamands, Freedom from the Performance Trap (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1988), 38. 25 In the same way, many long-time Christians tightly define holiness and come down hard on believers who fail to “walk according to the traditions of the elders” (Mark 7:5). The pastors’ kids in the Costa Rican PK ministry, called Hijos de Ministros Asambleas de Dios (HIMAD), are immersed in the world of Latin American Pentecostal churches, which preach a gospel of grace, but often enforce a holiness that feels more like legalism. Doug Petersen calls it moralism; the churches are “effective social communities that stress the importance of their moral code; offenders are disciplined.”14 Church members look to the pastor’s family to embody the very highest standards of holiness preached in the church; when PKs fail, the criticism is often harsh. The Pharisees, many of whom Jesus reproved, came down hard on the tax collectors and sinners in condemning people for their imperfections and excluding the impure from fellowship among the righteous. In contrast, Jesus demonstrated the grace of God to people rejected by the Pharisees by proclaiming forgiveness to repentant sinners (Luke 7:48; Mark 2:5), bringing them into fellowship (Luke 5:27; 7:34; 19:5), and projecting a new destiny for them (Mark 3:16; Luke 17:19; 19:9). Anthropological Foundation: The Image of God Genesis 1:26-27 provides the foundational text for the study of the image of God: Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Biblical anthropology provides the other necessary lens for discussing the transmission of faith from one generation to the next, for the Scriptures insist that every 14 Douglas Petersen, Not by Might, Nor by Power: A Pentecostal Theology of Social Concern in Latin America (Oxford, England: Regnum Books International, 1996), 104. 26 person is created in the image of God. The successful generational handoff of faith assumes the existence of God and the innate ability of the members of each generation to know Him and participate in His designs and destiny for them. Stanley Grenz insisted that “no assertion moves us closer to the heart of our human identity and our essential nature than does the declaration, ‘We are created in the divine image.’”15 Creation in the image of God takes on importance in ministry to pastors’ kids for two reasons. First, many PKs simply cannot see the image of God in themselves. Some PKs, exhausted by the pressure of living up to high expectations, may wonder if they possess a character flaw that renders them spiritually incapable of knowing God. Other PKs, struggling to find their personal identity, may suspect that they are only Christians because of their ministry family upbringing. After all, choosing a Christian worldview when it is the only choice offered may feel like no choice at all. These PKs need to be reminded of God’s creative design and purposes for them.16 The second reason for starting this discussion with the image of God is that biblical anthropology will help avoid two extreme attitude problems that may afflict adults who want to work with young people. Some well-intentioned volunteers, perhaps prejudiced against juvenile appearances and armed with a mandate to “straighten up these teenagers,” may charge in like lion tamers, cracking the whip of legalism while failing to see and honor the image of God in each young person. Others, frightened by stereotypes of incorrigible pastors’ kids, may withdraw in fear instead of reaching out in faith, confident that God’s image makes every young person able to respond to God’s presence. 15 Stanley Grenz, Theology for the Community of God (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman, 1994), 218. 16 Timothy L. Sanford, “I Have to be Perfect” and other Parsonage Heresies (Colorado Springs, CO: Llama Press, 1998), 75. 27 A faulty biblical anthropology will sabotage the effectiveness of believers who long to help the next generation. The term “image” translates the Hebrew term tselem and its corresponding Greek eik%n, as well as the Hebrew demuth and corresponding Greek homoi%sis, though the latter is more usually rendered ‘likeness.’17 Christian theologians through the centuries have disagreed widely about the exact meaning of the phrase “image of God,” traditionally referred to as the imago Dei. Contemporary interpretation of the key Scriptures now points to three key elements of the image of God in humanity— substantive, functional, and relational.18 In other words, God created every person with the capacity to resemble God, to represent His purposes on this earth, and to enjoy relationship with God and other people. Each of these aspects, and their corresponding Scriptures, help unpack the implications of the image of God for the transmission of faith to the next generation. Created to Resemble God The image of God bears relevance in the transmission of faith because Christians truly believe that God created each person with the ability and destiny to resemble Him. Creation in the image of God speaks directly to human identity, declaring that God created people in His own image and likeness, endowing them with the capacity to know Him and the destiny to mature in His image until they resemble Him. This is the substantive element of the image of God, emphasizing that the image is something placed 17 T. Desmond Alexander and Brian S. Rosner, New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, electronic ed. (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2001), s.v. “Image of God” 18 For a thorough discussion of the history of theological interpretations of the image of God, see Millard J. Erickson, Christian Theology (Grand Rapids, MI: Baker, 1986), 495-517; see also Grenz, 218233. 28 into the nature of the human being. It can also be called an ontological view, for it is something man is, not just what he does. It is also something that was marred by sin in the Fall that God has now redeemed and is renewing in Christ (Col. 3:10). This substantive facet of the image of God is universal, planted in the soul of every person. Adam, as the prototype human who breathed the very breath of God (Gen. 2:7), and Eve, the “mother of all living things” (Gen. 3:20), laid the foundation for all of human nature. The seminal texts state emphatically that God created both male and female in His image (1:27; 5:2). Just as God created Adam in His image, Adam “fathered a son in his own likeness, after his image” (5:3), suggesting that one generation of humans passes this image of God to its offspring. The image of God lends innate dignity and value to every person and is cited as the grounds for the prohibition of murder (9:6) and cursing other people (James 3:9). Since both of these prohibitions are given after the Fall of Adam, this essential human dignity is not lost in the Fall of Adam and Eve. The image of God means that, by design, every person belongs to God. When Jesus was asked whether it was proper to pay taxes to Caesar (Mark 12:13-17), He pointed out that a coin belongs to the person whose image (eik%n) was stamped upon it. David Cairns argues that this story teaches that just as a coin is identified by the authority figure stamped upon it, the person whose soul bears God’s image belongs to God.19 However, like the parable of the lost coin (Luke 15:8-10), sin separates humanity from its maker (Rom. 3:23) and people must be restored to Him. While every person was created with the purpose of belonging to God, only those who chose to believe and receive Him exercise their right to become redeemed children of God (John 1:12). 19 David Cairns, The Image of God in Man (New York, NY: Philosophical Library, 1953), 30. 29 Likewise, the Bible teaches that God created all people with a spiritual thirst and awareness of life beyond the physical realm, for He has put “eternity into the hearts of men” (Eccles. 3:11). The Apostle Paul argues for the innate human drive to seek God, beginning with the creation of Adam, “And he [God] made from one man every nation of mankind … that they should seek God, in the hope that they might feel their way toward him and find him. Yet he is actually not far from each one of us, for in him we live and move and have our being” (Acts 17:26-28). The image of God and natural revelation lead the human soul to reach out to its Creator, but sin perverts this worship instinct into idolatrous forms (Rom. 1:18-25). “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved” (Rom. 10:13), but even natural seekers require teaching and the proclamation of the Word of God in order to place their faith in the Son of God who came to redeem them to God (Rom. 10:13-17). Created to Represent God A functional view of the image of God brings another meaningful addition to this discussion of biblical foundations for the transmissions of faith: God created people to represent Him and fulfill His purposes on this earth. Genesis 1:26 and 28 explicitly link the image of God with a mandate to exercise dominion over creation. The Hebrew word tselem and its near eastern cognates commonly referred to ordinary statues, which often served to represent the authority of kings in their absence. In a similar way, Egyptian theology taught that human kings represented the gods to the people. From the functional point of view, humans are not only created in the image of God, but also as the image of 30 God; the functional image of God presents people representing the Lordship of the Creator.20 As God’s vice-regents exercising lordship over creation, Adam and Eve carry out the purposes of God on the earth. Psalm 8:5-8 echoes the dominion language of the creation narrative, emphasizing that God has created man “a little lower than the angels,” and “put all things under his feet.” Work gains dignity when exercised as responsible stewardship of God’s creation. The functional aspect of the image of God continues throughout the Scriptures as God lends His authority to His apostles to fulfill His Great Commission (Matt. 28:18-20). Everyday work gains dignity when exercised to please the Lord (Col. 3:23-24). The Apostle Paul unequivocally states that even as salvation comes by grace through faith, God’s people “are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them” (Eph. 2:8-10). Those are “in Christ” become a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17), restored vessels through whom God can maximize the different natural and spiritual gifts given to each one according to His grace (Rom. 16:3-8). Created for Relationship with God and Others The relational aspect of the image of God emphasizes that humans are designed for relationship with God and with other people in community. As the doctrine of the Trinity asserts, throughout all eternity God exists in community through the fellowship of 20 T. Desmond Alexander and David Baker, Dictionary of the Old Testament: Pentateuch (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2003), s.v. “Image of God”; “Racovian Chatechism” in Erickson, 509. 31 the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.21 This triune God proposed, “Let us create man in our image” (Gen. 1:26, emphasis added). When the Creator determined that Adam’s isolation was not good (2:18), He created the woman, with whom Adam enjoyed an intimate relationship. This established the precedent for marriage, in which a man and a woman hold fast to one another and become one flesh (v. 24). They enjoyed community with each other, for they were naked but felt no shame (v. 25), and with the Lord, who sought them out in the cool of the day to fellowship with them in the garden (3:8-10). Later commandments would punctuate this central relational purpose of humanity as God commands people to “love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might” (Deut. 6:5), and to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Lev. 19:18; Matt. 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke 10:37; Gal. 5:14). God, acting as a loving father to Adam and Eve in the garden, defined boundaries to help them live happily in their pristine world. He delimited a safe physical space for them to enjoy, trees for their food supply, and instructions for meaningful work. He also made a single prohibition against eating of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (Gen. 2:17). This prohibition was not a trick intended to cause sin, but a test of obedience to give Adam and Eve a real choice between two options.22 The Lord values humankinds’ freely chosen relationship and obedience. When Adam and Eve violated God’s boundaries (Gen. 3:6-7), their sinful rebellion disrupted their relationship with Him, with each other, and with the creation. After their sin, they cowered from the presence of God out of guilt—blaming one another and covering themselves with fig leaves for the shame of their nakedness (Gen. 3:8-13). 21 Grenz, 232. 22 Ibid., 248. 32 Death entered the human race as God had prophetically warned (2:17). The human community would give way to man’s dominion over his wife (3:16) and violence between brothers Cain and Abel (4:1-16). Adam and Eve’s harmony with nature gave way to the ground being cursed, requiring backbreaking toil to retrieve the sustenance that nature had so freely provided in the garden (3:17-19). Through Adam, sin entered the human race (Rom. 5:12), causing human hearts to be “darkened” (Rom. 1:21) and minds to be “corrupt” (1 Tim. 6:5). The Fall of Adam and Eve and the contamination of human nature through their rebellion against God sets the stage for the story of God’s centurieslong plan of redemption. This plan culminates in the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, the defeat of sin, the establishment of the people of God on earth, and the ultimate and complete restoration of fellowship between God and His people in heaven. Created to be Conformed to the Image of Christ The New Testament presents Jesus Christ as the ultimate bearer of the divine image. Jesus is the image (eik%n) of the invisible God (Col. 1:15; 2 Cor. 4:4), the only one whose full humanity was never spoiled by sin (Heb. 4:15). The author of Hebrews describes Him as the “radiance of God’s glory and the exact imprint (charakt$r) of his nature (Heb. 1:3).23 Jesus existed “in the form of God” but adopted the “form of a servant” (both morph$) in “the likeness (homoi%ma) of humans” (Phil. 2:6).24 With the coming of Jesus, humanity no longer needed to wonder what the image of God was meant to look like, for the very image of God now walked among people. Finally, humankind was able to behold His glory (John 1:14). 23 Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, s.v. “#$%$&'(%.” 24 Dictionary of the Old Testament: Pentateuch, s.v. “image of God” 33 The purpose and destiny of all Christians is to be conformed to the image of Christ. The Apostle Paul emphasized, “Those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son” (Rom. 8:29). Sin, however, distorts the holy image of God, making the sinner fall short of the glory of God he or she was intended to reflect (Rom. 3:23). Believers must participate in the process and “put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Eph. 4:24; Col. 3:18). In fact, the process of nurturing believers into Christ-like maturity, “to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ” (Eph. 4:13), defines the ultimate task of leaders in the body of Christ. Not only do the Scriptures teach that every person was originally created in the image of God, but they also assert that being conformed to the image of Christ constitutes the developmental ideal and spiritual destiny of every Christian. Principles of Transmission of Faith in the People of God Intergenerational transmission of faith takes place in the context of community— the people of God. The Bible narrative tells the story of God’s relationship with His chosen people from the Garden of Eden to the climactic worship scene before the throne of God in heaven. The story often zooms in on the courage and obedience of outstanding individuals, but the camera also pans out to show thousands of faithful men and women marching in the parade of God’s people, creating the context in which each successive generation could grow to fear and honor the Lord. The biblical narrative suggests countless faithful priests leading in worship (Ezra 3:8-11), Jewish grandfathers telling faith stories around the campfire (Ps. 89:1), fathers teaching the commandments and proverbs at home (Deut. 6:7), mothers packing food for special religious gatherings (John 6:9), and inspired songwriters making the Word of God 34 memorable for the next generation (Ps. 105-106). New Testament believers taught the Apostles’ doctrine (Acts 2:42), prayed for spiritual empowerment and gifts (1 Tim. 4:14), and opened doors of ministry for young leaders (1 Cor. 4:17; 1 Thess. 3:2). The whole community of God’s people creates an environment of authentic faith. This section will explore the biblical identity of the people of God and address key methods and problems in the transmission of faith throughout the scriptural narrative. The chapter will conclude by enumerating the responsibilities of families and children in the transmission of faith. The Identity of the People of God The essential message of the Bible is that God is at work to bring into being a people under His rule both on earth and for eternity (Matt. 6:10). The effectiveness of the Church in believing, embracing, and living out this identity determines what it reproduces in the next generation.25 This biblical survey traces the identity of the people of God as the chosen descendants of Abraham, the holy nation of the Sinai covenant, and the New Covenant people of God. It also highlights how God’s people transmitted their faith and identity to successive generations. Abraham and the Chosen People The history of the people of God began when the Lord appeared to Abraham and made a series of promises known as the Abrahamic Covenant (Gen. 12:1-3; 13:14-16; 15:1-21; 17:1-14; 22:16-18). In the Covenant, God promised Abraham and his descendants a special and blessed covenant relationship with himself. God promised, “I 25 New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “people of God.” 35 will establish my covenant between me and you and your offspring after you throughout their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be God to you and to your offspring after you” (Gen. 17:7). This is the foundational promise on which all the others stand; God firmly binds himself to His faithful people to be their God, and that His grace, protection, goodness, and blessing are given to them in love (Jer. 11:4; 24:7; 30:22; 32:38; Ezek. 11:20; 36:28; Zech. 8:8).26 In turn, God expected Abraham and his descendants to keep the stipulations of the covenant, to “walk before me and be blameless” (Gen. 17:1; 22:1618). In fact, Abraham’s example of obedience defines his relationship with God (Gen. 12:3; 18:18; 22:18; 26:4; 28:14). Abraham believed God, and his faith was credited to him as righteousness (Gen. 15:6; also cited in Rom. 4:2, Gal. 3:6; James 2:23). The covenant also promised to multiply Abraham’s descendants into a gôy g#dôl, a great nation-state (Gen 12:2; 13:16; 15:5, 18-21; 17:2, 4-7, 16, 19; 22:17).27 The Lord appeared personally to repeat the covenant to Abraham’s son Isaac (26:2-5) and his grandson Jacob/Israel (28:13-14; 32:22-32). His great-grandson, Joseph, clearly understood the promise as the family moved to Egypt (50:24-26) where the promise would be fulfilled. The descendants of the tribes of Jacob/Israel became a distinct people group, whom God called His own people (see Exod. 3:7, 10; 5:1; 6:7; 7:16). The people of God in the Old Testament also tied their special identity to the Promised Land, the land of Canaan, where the patriarchs sojourned and their descendants would dwell (Gen. 12:7; 13:14-15, 17; 15:7, 18; 17:8). The land “flowing with milk and honey” (Num. 13:27; Deut. 6:3) was Yahweh’s gracious gift, yet the people of Israel still 26 Donald C. Stamps and J. Wesley Adams, eds., The Full Life Study Bible: New International Version (Grand Rapids: MI: Zondervan, 1992), 46. 27 New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “people of God.” 36 had to conquer it (Deut. 1:25; 5:31; 9:6; 11:17). They partially conquered the land under the leadership of Joshua and ultimately conquered it under David and Solomon (2 Sam. 3:10; 1 Kings 4:21; 8:65; Ezek. 47:15-20).28 The Abrahamic Covenant established circumcision as a mandatory physical sign of Israel’s covenant membership (Gen. 17:9-14; 34:16; Exod. 4:24-26; 12:44, 48; Lev. 12:3; Josh. 5:2-8). Beyond physical circumcision, the people of Israel also must respond to God in obedience by circumcising their hearts, a response that involved fearing, serving, and holding fast to the Lord (Deut. 10:16; 30:6; Jer. 9:25-26; Ezek. 44:9).29 In the Abrahamic Covenant, the people of God, while enjoying a special relationship with the Lord, were destined to extend this blessing to all the families of the earth (Gen. 12:3; repeated in 18:18; 22:18; 26:4; 28:14; cited in Jer. 4:2; Acts 3:25; Gal. 3:8). The placement of this blessing as the final climax of God’s initial promise to Abraham (Gen. 12:1-3) indicates that the primary motive behind the covenant is God’s desire for His people to bring blessing, not cursing, upon the families of the earth.30 Through the prophet Isaiah, the Lord restated this missional priority for Israel, noting that the “servant of the Lord” is called to be “a light to the nations (or gentiles), that my salvation may reach to the ends of the earth” (Isa. 49:6; also 42:6; cited in Luke 2:32). Sinai and the Holy Nation After the descendants of Abraham had lived for 400 years in Egypt, growing into a large but enslaved people group, the Lord burst back on the scene to fulfill His 28 New Bible Dictionary, s.v. “promised land.” 29 New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “circumcision.” 30 Dictionary of the Old Testament: Pentateuch, s.v. “covenant.” 37 promises to Abraham (Gen. 15:13-14). The show of divine power in the Exodus flowed directly out of the covenant of love that the Lord had made with the patriarchs. It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the LORD set his love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples, but it is because the LORD loves you and is keeping the oath that he swore to your fathers, that the LORD has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt. (Deut. 7:7-8) The Exodus events gave the people of Israel their defining narrative of God’s intervention and the covenant at Sinai placed boundaries around their relationship with their Creator. The Lord brought His people out of Egypt “with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm” (Deut. 4:34; 5:15; 7:19; 11:2; 26:8), having become a “great nation,” gôy g#dôl (Gen. 12:1). At Sinai, He spelled out the expectations for them to become a “kingdom of priests” and a gôy q#dô˘s, a “holy nation” (Exod. 19:6). 31 The Exodus may be defined as the story of Israel’s deliverance and consolidation as a nation, encompassing the events from bondage in Egypt to crossing the Jordan after forty years of wilderness wandering.32 It provides the richest source of allusion for Old Testament writers; with over 120 explicit references in the Law, narrative, prophecy, and Psalms, its importance for the national identity of Israel can hardly be exaggerated.33 Miraculous interventions infuse the whole account, including the rescue and royal upbringing of Moses (Exod. 2), the call of Moses at the burning bush (ch. 3-4), the ten plagues in Egypt (ch. 7-12), the Passover that humbled Pharaoh and his gods (ch. 12), the appearance of God in pillars of cloud and fire (13:17-22), the opening of the Red Sea (ch. 31 New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “People of God.” 32 Leland Ryken, Jim Wilhoit, and Tremper Longman, eds., Dictionary of Biblical Imagery, electronic ed.(Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2000), s.v. “Exodus.” 33 New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “Exodus.” 38 14), manna and quail from heaven (ch. 16), water from the rock (ch. 17), the breathtaking presence of God on Mount Sinai (ch. 19), the divine dictation of the Decalogue and book of the covenant (ch. 20-24), and the glory of the Lord that rested upon the tabernacle (40:38). The defining moment of salvation for Israel, the Passover (12:16-19), would be remembered yearly as part of the Feast of Unleavened Bread, a solemn festival to the Lord (Lev. 23:4-8). After the Exodus, the Lord collected His people at Mount Sinai, where He renewed His covenant (Exod. 19:3-8) and began to spell out the responsibilities of His people as a “kingdom of priests and a holy nation” (19:6). The covenant, modeled after the suzerain vassal treaties of the ancient near east, involved bilateral obligations. His commitment to make them His unique, “special possession” depended on their obedience. God said, “If you will indeed obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession” (19:5). The Lord expected His people to reflect His character to the world: “You shall be holy, for I the LORD your God am holy” (Lev. 19:2). The Lord spelled out the specific obligations of the people in the commands of the Decalogue (Exod. 20:1-17) and the divine ordinances of the “Book of the Covenant” (Exod. 21-23).34 The commands in the Mosaic Covenant were concerned with sustaining the unique divine-human relationship between a holy God and a sinful people called to be a “holy nation.”35 God’s people were not to worship the false gods of the Canaanites (Exod. 20:3, 23) or even mention their names (23:13). To keep His people from slipping into the worship habits of the surrounding people, the Lord specifically prescribed the 34 New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “Covenant.” 35 Dictionary of the Old Testament: Pentateuch, s.v. “Covenant.” 39 worship expected of His holy people. Sabbath observance was designated as the special sign of this covenant (Exod. 31:13-17; 20:8; 23:10-12). Three annual pilgrimage festivals—the feast of unleavened bread (Pesach), the feast of weeks (Shavuot), and the feast of tabernacles (Sukkot)—were ordained to bring the people together for worship (23:14-17; 34:23; Deut. 16:16). The families of Israel were commanded to remember God’s covenant of love by loving Him in return and weaving the words of the covenant into their lives, posting them in their homes, tying them on their bodies, and teaching them to their children and grandchildren (Deut. 6:1-9). The tabernacle, placed in the center of the camp (similar to the tent of an Egyptian warrior-king) with the twelve tribes in formation around it, served as the physical sign of God’s dwelling among His people.36 The book of Leviticus spelled out Yahweh’s detailed instructions for tabernacle worship, including the specific duties of the priesthood and the required sacrificial offerings to atone for different kinds of sin, while maintaining the core theme of the Mosaic Covenant: “You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy” (Lev. 19:2). Two more chapters in the covenant story merit mention in this discussion of the Lord’s “holy nation.” Once God’s people had entered the Promised Land and become a recognizable nation, the Lord made a covenant with King David, promising that a member of his family would always sit on the throne of Israel (2 Sam. 7:12-16). Centuries later, after both Israel and Judah had been destroyed because of covenant unfaithfulness, the prophet Jeremiah delivered a promise that one day the Lord would establish a new covenant with His people (Jer. 31:31-34). This new covenant and the 36 New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “Exodus.” 40 Lord’s instructions would be inscribed on their hearts, their wickedness would be forgiven; He would once again be their God and they His people. The New Testament People of God The New Testament presents both continuity and discontinuity with the Old Testament people of God and the covenants the Lord made with Abraham and Moses. The gospel genealogies identify Jesus as “the son of David, the son of Abraham,” the spiritual seed of Abraham and, therefore, the fulfillment of the promise of blessing to all the nations (Matt. 1:1; Luke 3:34). Nevertheless, both John the Baptist and Jesus insisted that not all descendants of Abraham partake in the spiritual blessings of the people of God (Matt. 3:8-9; Luke 3:8; John 8:33-58). The Apostle Paul emphasized the faith of Abraham mentioned in Genesis 15:6, drawing two general conclusions from the fact that Abraham’s faith was counted as righteousness before he was circumcised or the Law was given at Sinai (Rom. 4:1-24; Gal. 3:6-29). The first conclusion defines Paul’s soteriology, stating that righteousness before God and membership in the people of God comes by faith, not by circumcision or the Law (Rom. 4:11; Gal. 3:29). Paul’s second conclusion about the Abrahamic Covenant defines his missiology and ecclesiology, for in disconnecting covenant membership from ethnicity, he expands the mission of the Church to include the Gentiles (Rom. 4:2-5; Gal. 3:11-14). In the New Covenant, the people of God are no longer identified by Israelite ethnic heritage or by the physical sign of circumcision, but by spiritual heritage through 41 faith in Abraham’s ultimate seed, Jesus Christ (Gal. 3:11-14).37 After the Holy Spirit fell on uncircumcised Gentiles (Acts 10:44-48), the Jerusalem Council concluded that circumcision of Gentile believers was no longer necessary (Acts 15:1-21), perhaps perceiving that the fulfillment of Joel’s promise that God would pour His Spirit on all flesh (Joel 2:28; Acts 2:17) had accomplished the requisite “circumcision of the heart” and rendered the physical rite unnecessary.38 The Apostle Paul even notes that only those who live by the rule of “neither circumcision nor uncircumcision” are the “Israel of God” (Gal. 6:16). Gordon Fee points out that “the church,” the ekklesia or “called out ones” of the New Covenant, represents a true succession of the people of God. Even though entrance into the people of God now requires individual faith (Acts 2:21; Rom. 10:13), “God is not just saving individuals and preparing them for heaven; rather, he is creating a people among whom he can live and who in their life together will reproduce God’s life and character.”39 Despite the strong connection between the people of God and the Promised Land in the Abrahamic Covenant, the land receives relatively little attention in the New Testament. Paul broadens the promise of land, by saying it meant that Abraham’s offspring “would be heir of the world” (Rom. 4:13). The writer of Hebrews understands “the land” eschatologically as a symbol of heavenly “rest” (Heb. 4:9), and explains that Abraham was looking toward a “better country,” a “heavenly one” (Heb. 11:16).40 37 G. W. Hansen, Abraham in Galatians: Epistolary and Rhetorical Contexts (Sheffield, England: JSOT Press, 1989), 158-160. Quoted in Dictionary of Biblical Imagery (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2000), s.v. “Abraham.” 38 New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “circumcision.” 39 Gordon Fee, Paul, the Spirit, and the People of God (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson, 1996), 64-66. 40 New Bible Dictionary, s.v. “promised land.” 42 The Early Church clearly appropriated Israel’s calling to be “a kingdom of priests and a holy nation” (Exod. 19:5-6; cf. 1 Pet. 2:5-6). The Apostle Peter notes that believers have been chosen “in the sanctification of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ” (1 Pet. 1:2) and urges them to holiness, saying “as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, ‘You shall be holy, for I am holy’” (1 Pet. 1:15-16; citing Lev. 11:44-45; 19:2). Peter links the chosen nature of the people of God, the holy character of God, and the calling to proclaim the Lord’s name to the nations: But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. (1 Pet. 2:9-10) If the Exodus is the defining salvation story for God’s people in the Old Testament, the death and resurrection of Jesus becomes the dominant salvation narrative in the New Testament. The eyewitnesses of the resurrection and those who collected their stories passed it down as the most important event in human history and as proof of God’s saving power (Luke 1:1-2; 1 Cor. 15:1-4; 1 John 1:1-3). Christians memorialize the salvific work of Christ in the rite of water baptism, which represents the believer’s repentance, death to sin, and new life in Christ (Matt. 28:19; Rom. 6:1-4). Fee even argues that water baptism, the step following personal confession of faith (Rom. 10:9), represents the entry point into the kingdom of God for New Testament believers, for God was not just in the business of saving a collection of individual believers. The primary goal of salvation was to join the people of God, “an eschatological people who together live the life of the future in the present age as they await the final consummation.”41 41 Fee, 64. 43 In the New Testament, the people of God enter a New Covenant instituted through the shed blood of Jesus (Luke 22:20; 1 Cor. 11:25; Heb. 9:7-25). The Eucharist or communion celebration would memorialize this covenant until His future return (Mark 14:25; 1 Cor. 11:26), much like the Passover lamb memorialized salvation of the Israelites from Egypt (Exod. 12:3-7). The Lord had promised this New Covenant through the prophets Jeremiah and Ezekiel, vowing to place a new heart and a new spirit into His people, with the covenant law not written on stone tablets, but on their hearts (Jer. 31:3133; Ezek. 36:26). Most of the New Testament references to the covenant occur in the book of Hebrews, where the author argues that the New Covenant is better than the old covenant because it is final, permanent, and once-for-all since Christ himself mediates it rather than human priests and animal sacrifices (Heb. 7:22; 8:6-13; 9:15; 12:24).42 Key Challenges in the Transmission of Faith Ministry to young people who have grown up in the church flows from a proper theology of the grace of God, anthropology based on the image of God, and an ecclesiology that understands that the church is a continuation of the biblical people of God. Current Christian education literature spells out several critical ministry elements to pass on faith to the next generation.43 The biblical account of failed and successful intergenerational transmissions of faith highlight four key responsibilities of the leaders of the people of God in that process, briefly described in this section. 42 Dictionary of Biblical Imagery, s.v. “Covenant.” 43 Two excellent sources on desired outcomes and methodology in Christian education consistently cited in other sources are Merton P. Strommen and Richard Hardel, Passing on the Faith: A Radical New Model for Youth and Family Ministry (Winona: St. Mary’s Press, 2000); and Andy Stanley and Stuart Hall, The Seven Checkpoints: Seven Principles Every Teenager Needs to Know (West Monroe, LA: Howard, 2001). 44 Create Settings for Meaningful Worship Generations falter spiritually when they do not know the Lord for themselves (Judg. 2:10; 1 Sam. 2:12), and the people of God must create meaningful worship settings where members can personally encounter the presence of God for themselves. The Lord established weekly worship in community (Exod. 20:8; Acts 2:42; Heb. 10:25), as well as special travel occasions in the three yearly festivals: Passover (Pesach, Feast of Unleavened Bread), Pentecost (Shavuot, Feast of Weeks), and Tabernacles (Sukkot, Feast of Ingathering) (Exod. 23:15-16; Lev. 23; Num. 28; Deut. 16). Jesus called His disciples to special times of prayer and spiritual rest (Mark 6:31; 9:2). Today’s church camps and spiritual retreats may similarly create special uninterrupted times for worship, rest, renewal, and spiritual space for personal encounter with the Lord.44 Like the Old Testament festivals, these retreats help young people connect the beauty and bounty of nature with the Creator and His saving activity in the world.45 Although planning these events takes special effort, they may define and develop the spiritual and moral commitments of the next generation.46 Teach the Content of Scripture The commission of Jesus to make disciples of all nations requires that the church deliberately teach the content of Scripture because when the Word of the Lord becomes 44 Bud Williams, historian and theologian for Christian Camping International, argues that both Old Testament festivals and modern camps create “temporary communities” different than the local church for special meeting with God. Bud Williams, “Theological Perspectives on the Temporary Community/ Camping and the Church.” Wheaton, IL: Christian Camping International, 2002. http://www.cciworld wide.org/pdf/Christian-Camping-and-the-Church.pdf (accessed October 13, 2007). 45 New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “Worship.” 46 Christian Smith, “Theorizing Religious Effects Among American Adolescents,” Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion 42, no. 1 (2003): 21. 45 scarce, people fall into sin (Judg. 3:7; 1 Sam. 3:7). Believers must teach the moral commands of Jesus and the apostles’ teaching to the next generation (Deut. 6:1-6; Ps. 119; Acts 2:42; 2 Tim. 2:2). The act of remembering the great deeds of the Lord serves to build faith and warn upcoming generations of the negative consequences of disobedience (Ps. 78; 105; 106; 114; 136; 1 Cor. 15:1-10).47 Sometimes remembrance takes on an artistic expression like the Old Testament memorial stones (Exod. 28:12; Josh. 4:24), a ceremony such as Passover (Exod. 12:14), or the Eucharist (Luke 22:19; 1 Cor. 11:2426).48 Personal testimony of God’s intervention cannot be refuted by the naysayer and brings glory to the Lord (John 9:25; Rev. 12:11). Set Examples Worthy of Imitation Adult leaders set an example for the next generation to follow—for good or evil. In the Old Testament, a lack of godly leadership usually results in the sons repeating the sins of their fathers (Judg. 17:6; 1 Kings 22:52) or adopting the idolatry of the surrounding culture (Judg. 2:11; 1 Kings 11:4). The Apostle Paul admonished his readers to “imitate me even as I imitate Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1; cf. 1 Cor. 4:16; Phil. 3:17; 2 Thess. 3:7, 9).49 Relational mentoring was the context in which he carried out his discipleship in community: “And the things which you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses, these entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also” (2 Tim. 2:2). Peers can also provide examples for each other and bear one another’s burden (Dan. 2:17-18; Gal. 6:2). Young people learn many spiritual practices such as prayer, fasting, 47 Clark Hyde, “The Remembrance of the Exodus in the Psalms,” Worship 62, no. 5 (1988): 404. 48 Dictionary of Biblical Imagery, s.v. “Remembrance.” 49 Jon Ruthoven, “The ‘Imitation of Christ’ in Christian Tradition: Its Missing Charismatic Emphasis,” Journal of Pentecostal Theology 16 (2000): 70. 46 and forgiveness better by example than just verbal teaching (Luke 11:1). The example of mature spiritual role models help younger people fan into flame the gifts that the Lord has placed in their lives (2 Tim. 1:7; Col. 3:23), equip the saints to do the work of the ministry, and create meaningful learning situations (Matt. 10:5-15). Begin in the Family The final principle of transmission of faith is that both the spiritual blessing and the discipline of the next generation begin in the family. The Patriarchs placed their hands on the head of their children and blessed them (Gen. 27:26; 48:9-10).50 The Lord commanded the Scriptures to be taught in the home first (Deut. 6:1-6). Joshua’s steely determination to serve the Lord has inspired the faithfulness of countless families (Josh. 24:15). The book of Proverbs is, from one point of view, a book of parental instruction for children.51 Certainly, parents wield the power of life and death in the words they speak to their children (Prov. 18:21).52 The family serves as a vehicle not only of blessing, but in exercising discipline, it also serves to teach children a proper response to authority, something essential for communal and societal living. Parents who do not correct their children do not love them (Prov. 13:24; Heb. 12:26) and children who lack parental discipline may become wicked (1 Sam. 2:12). Parents, however, must discipline their children with love, lest they poison 50 Gary Smalley and John Trent, The Blessing (New York, NY: Pocket Books, 1990), 40-41. This popular book argues that the blessing involves meaningful touch, a spoken message, attaching “high value,” picturing a special future, and an active commitment to fulfill the blessing. 51 Dictionary of Biblical Imagery, s.v. “Family.” 52 For more on spiritual formation in the home, see also Marcia J. Bunge, “Biblical and Theological Perspectives on Children, Parents, and ‘Best Practices’ for Faith Formation: Resources for Child, Youth, and Family Ministry Today,” Dialog: A Journal of Theology, 47, 4 (Winter 2008): 348-360. Reggie Joiner, Think Orange (Colorado Springs, CO: David C. Cook, 2009). 47 them with bitterness (Eph. 6:4). Ministry leaders are especially required to manage their family and children well (1 Tim. 3:4-5). In the same way, parents must exhibit the diligence to work hard to provide for their family’s needs, lest they be worse than the unbelievers (Matt. 7:10-11; 1 Tim. 5:8). Children must honor and obey their parents (Exod. 20:12; Matt. 14:4; Eph. 6:1-2; Col. 3:20), with the promise that God’s blessing accompanies this honor. Case Studies in the Transmission of Faith The people of God and believing families do their best to transmit genuine faith to the next generation, but ultimately each young person must choose his or her own attitudes toward God and the church. The children of church leaders grow up immersed in the Christian church culture, which provides a unique set of advantages and challenges in the process of developing personal faith. They inherit a valuable spiritual heritage, learning Scripture, watching godly role models, and participating in the best Christian activities. They may enjoy some special recognition in the reflected glow of their parents’ prominence. Over time they are also exposed to the dark side of organized religion, possibly witnessing wrangling over power and money, the sting of criticism, and the disappointing sin of church members. How can the young people who grow up in the church handle these advantages and disadvantages? How can they acquire the ability to “test everything, [and] hold on to what is good” (1 Thess. 5:21)? The ability to do so will determine their character, which will be revealed when they become church leaders. The following two biblical case studies examine young religious leaders who made very different attitude choices. The sons of Eli in 1 Samuel provide a negative example from the Old Testament. A cynical spirit corrupts these young priests, making 48 them worthless, blasphemous men who draw the wrath and judgment of God. The positive example of transmission of faith focuses on Timothy in the New Testament, the young apprentice of the Apostle Paul. In spite of difficult circumstances, Timothy deliberately cultivated a sincere faith and developed lasting ministry in the Early Church. The Sons of Eli: Cynicism that Leads to Corruption The biblical story of Hophni and Phineas, the sons of Eli the priest (1 Sam. 2-3), provides one of the clearest biblical case studies of children of ministers who grow up in the house of worship without a personal knowledge of God. Their hearts become hardened, leading to thorough corruption and eventual death. The story of their wickedness provides a counterpoint to young Samuel’s sincere service in the temple and obedience to the Lord. Family and Cultural Context Hophni and Phineas were born into the leading family of priests serving in the semi-permanent tabernacle at Shiloh at the end of the period of the Judges of Israel.53 The spiritual condition of the people of Israel at this time had sunk to an all too familiar pattern of spiritual decline. For generations, the rebellion and idolatry of God’s people had resulted in cycles of foreign oppression, emergency prayer for deliverance, and God’s intervention through a charismatic leader (Judg. 2:11-19). The narrative identifies two main sources of the repeated spiritual unfaithfulness: “There was no king in Israel, 53 Excavations at Shiloh from this period suggest the tabernacle may have been installed on a permanent foundation, and served as the center of Israel’s worship for as long as 75 years (Josh. 18:1). Bill T. Arnold and H. G. M. Williamson, Dictionary of the Old Testament: Historical Books (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2005), s.v. “Shiloh.” 49 everyone did what was right in his own eyes” (Judg. 17:6; 21:25), and “the word of the Lord was rare in those days; there was no frequent vision” (1 Sam. 3:1). Eli’s family heritage traced back to Aaron and his sons (Exod. 28-29) who regarded their temple responsibilities and privileges as part of a priestly covenant with God (Num. 18:19; 25:10-13).54 Hophni and Phineas, Eli’s two sons, had been groomed since birth to inherit the spiritual leadership of Israel from their father. They started their active priestly function at Shiloh (1 Sam. 1:3). During their childhood, while their father served as judge over Israel and presided over daily worship, Hophni and Phineas had likely grown up playing in the tabernacle among the gold-plated furniture. Behind a thick curtain sat the awe-inspiring Ark of the Covenant (1 Sam 3:3), which was considered the “throne of Yahweh,” the most powerful symbol of God’s presence among the people of Israel.55 Hophni and Phineas were the ultimate priestly insiders; they knew the mechanics of temple worship inside and out. They had surely learned the Law of Moses and heard the miraculous stories of the Exodus since birth. Every day they watched the sincere worshipers file through the tabernacle grounds, offering sacrifices and singing songs about the steadfast covenantal love of God. These young men had a rich spiritual heritage and enjoyed a head start toward leading the next generation of God’s people in Israel. 54 For more on the covenantal nature of the priesthood, see New Dictionary of Biblical Theology, s.v. “Covenant.” 55 The ark plays a central role in the narrative of 1 Samuel 4-6 as the defining symbol of God’s power and presence with Israel. Dictionary of the Old Testament: Historical Books, s.v. “Ark of the Covenant.” 50 The Sin of Hophni and Phineas Instead of stepping forward as spiritual leaders in their generation, Eli’s sons became cynical and hard-hearted about the Lord, the routines of their tradition, and the people who came to worship. This is a clear example of the adage: “Familiarity breeds contempt.” First Samuel 2:12 describes Hophni and Phineas as “sons of Belial,” or “worthless men” who “did not know the Lord.”56 The Hebrew word translated “know,” y#da&, when applied to a relationship with another person or God, refers to intimate personal acquaintance (Exod. 33:1, 1 Sam. 3:7; Isa. 60:16).57 In spite of working daily in the tabernacle, Hophni and Phineas shared the spiritual emptiness of generations of Judges-era young people before them: they simply had no knowledge, fear, or regard for the Lord (Judg. 2:10). Dissatisfied with their allotted portion of boiled meat from the sacrifices brought to the Lord, the young priests forced the people to give them raw meat to roast (2:12-17), and even backed up their greedy maneuvers with threats of violence.58 The narrator notes, “Thus the sin of the young men was very great in the sight of the Lord, for the men treated the offering of the Lord with contempt” (2:17). The priest, Eli, who still possessed enough severity to have harshly reproved Samuel’s mother Hannah in the tabernacle (1 Sam. 1:12-14), proved unable to restrain his own sons (2:22-25).59 In the eyes of the Lord, his resignation of authority made him an accomplice to their sins (3:13). When the people came to tell Eli that his sons were sleeping with the women employed in the tent of meeting, his attempt at correction at 56 Harris, Archer, and Waltke, 111. 57 Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament, s.v. “y#da&.” 58 Ralph W. Klein, 1 Samuel, vol. 10 of Word Biblical Commentary (Waco, TX: Word, 1983), 23. 59 Alfred Edersheim, Bible History: Old Testament (Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Bible Software, 1997), s.v. “1 Sam 2:12-3:21.” 51 first sounded more like whining than parental authority: “Why do you do such things” (2:23)? He did later admonish them by saying, “If someone sins against a man, God will mediate for him, but if someone sins against the Lord, who can intercede for him?” (2:25). Still they would not listen to their father, “for it was the will of the Lord to put them to death” (2:25). The Lord finally had enough of the blasphemous and bullying sons of Eli. An unnamed “man of God” came to bring a word of judgment from the Lord to Eli, saying, “Didn’t I choose your family to represent me to the people?” “Why then do you scorn my sacrifices and my offerings that I commanded, and honor your sons above me by fattening yourselves on the choicest parts of every offering of my people Israel” (2:29)? Eli, by honoring his sons more than the Lord, was just as guilty as his sons. Like the Canaanites whose defilement had caused the land to vomit them out (Lev. 18:24-25), the stench of the corruption of the house of Eli had filled the land and would bring a similar fate.60 The prophet then summarized the theological point of the story: “Those who honor me I will honor, and those who despise me shall be lightly esteemed” (1 Sam. 2:30). Furthermore, the prophet declared that Hophni and Phineas would both die on the same day—a prophecy soon fulfilled on the battlefield against the Philistines (4:11). The Lord desired to raise up for himself “a faithful priest, who shall do according to what is in my heart and in my mind” (2:35) and “go in and out before my anointed forever” (2:36). God intended to speak to His people once again and inaugurate the kingdom of Israel. To do so, He chose the young man Samuel, who served faithfully in the temple (2:11), was 60 Dictionary of Biblical Imagery, s.v. “corruption.” 52 growing “in favor with the Lord and also with man” (2:26), and learned to listen to the voice of the Lord and speak His words boldly (3:19-21). The comparison between Samuel and the despicable sons of Eli “leaves no doubt who had divine approval and who stood under condemnation.”61 The Corruption Equation The process of transmission of faith in the home of Eli the priest went terribly wrong; the young men with so many advantages grew blasphemous and corrupt. Certainly, the external context of their upbringing provided some potential excuses. Israel did not have a king and the word of the Lord was scarce; thus, the young men may not have benefitted from strong leadership models or settings to hear from God. Their father exercised little discipline in the home, allowing his sons to be spoiled and unruly. Eli certainly did not reflect an “as for me and my house we will serve the Lord” determination to raise godly sons (Josh. 24:15). Beyond the external circumstances, the sons of Eli allowed three poisonous attitudes to creep into their spirits and led to their “worthlessness” and utter corruption: contempt, entitlement, and impunity. Their intimate familiarity with the mechanics of tabernacle worship without personal knowledge or fear of the Lord bred a calloused contempt for God and His people. Personal arrogance, coupled with annoyance over perceived unfair treatment (such as the indignity of having to eat boiled meat), led to a sense of entitlement. They felt they deserved whatever their passions dictated, including grilled steaks and sex in the tabernacle. The security of a guaranteed priesthood, plus a lack of parental discipline, resulted in an attitude of impunity. Hophni and Phineas felt 61 Klein, 26. 53 exempt from punishment and the consequences of their actions.62 The attitudes of the sons of Eli added up to a most dangerous equation: Contempt + Entitlement + Impunity = Corruption. Timothy: Nurturing Sincere Faith The New Testament portrait of Timothy provides a positive case study of a young man who enjoyed a rich spiritual heritage and early ministry opportunities yet, who in contrast to the sons of Eli, preserved a sincere faith and fulfilled his God-given role in his generation. Family and Relational Context Timothy grew up in Lystra, an obscure Roman colonial town in the high plains of the district of Lycaonia in the province of Galatia.63 The Apostle Paul preached in Lystra on his first missionary journey, suffering acute persecution while establishing a church in the community (Acts 14:8-23). The fact that he did not preach first in a synagogue may indicate that Lystra had no formal Jewish community.64 Timothy’s unnamed father was a Greek, or pagan, and both his mother, Eunice, and grandmother, Lois, were devout Jews with “sincere faith” (Acts 16:1; 2 Tim. 1:5). In the absence of a synagogue, these special ladies presumably taught him the “sacred writings since childhood” (2 Tim. 3:15). Timothy, his mother, and grandmother probably converted to Christianity on Paul’s first visit to Lystra. Quite possibly, they witnessed Paul’s persecution and 62 Oxford English Dictionary, s.v. “impunity.” 63 New Bible Dictionary, s.v. “Lystra.” 64 Since Paul and Barnabas in Lystra did not preach first in a synagogue, as was their custom, there may not have been enough adult Jewish males to establish one (Acts 14:8-18). David S. Dockery et al., Holman Bible Handbook (Nashville, TN: Holman Bible Publishers, 1992), 649. 54 suffering as well (Acts 14:19-20; 2 Tim. 3:10-11). By the time of Paul’s second missionary journey, the young man Timothy had earned such respect among the believers in Lystra and Iconium that he drew the attention of Paul and Silas; they decided to take him on as an apprentice and ministry associate (Acts 16:1-3). The community of believers received prophetic utterances setting Timothy apart for the ministry, and Paul laid hands on him in blessing and to impart spiritual gifting (1 Tim. 1:18; 4:14; 2 Tim. 1:6). To prevent trouble with the Jews on account of Timothy’s pagan father, Paul had him circumcised before setting out on his journeys (Acts 16:3).65 Over the following years of ministry, Timothy and his mentor, Paul, developed a most profound respect and affection for one another. The Apostle trusted Timothy with many critical assignments: to encourage the Thessalonians under persecution (1 Thess. 3:2), to confirm the faith of the new converts in Corinth (1 Cor. 4:17), and to pastor the church in Ephesus (1 Tim. 1:3). His name appears with that of Paul in the salutations of seven of the epistles (Rom. 16:21; 2 Cor. 1:1; Phil. 1:1; Col. 1:1; 1 Thess. 1:1; 2 Thess. 1:1; Philem. 1:1).66 Paul came to call him his gn$sio tekn%, literally his “legitimate child” in the faith (1 Tim 1:2).67 Paul frequently commends Timothy for his loyalty (1 Cor. 16:10; Phil. 2:19; 2 Tim. 3:10), and it is fitting that the Apostle’s final letters should be addressed so affectionately to his godly, but reluctant successor.68 The Apostle Paul’s two letters to the young pastor offer clues about Timothy’s personality. He was affectionate and sensitive (2 Tim. 1:4); he may have struggled with a 65 New Bible Dictionary, s.v. “Timothy.” 66 F. L. Cross and Elizabeth A. Livingstone, The Oxford Dictionary of the Christian Church, 3rd rev. ed. (Oxford, England: Oxford University Press, 2005), 1634. 67 Theological Dictionary of the New Testament, s.v. “)*+,-os.” 68 New Bible Dictionary, s.v. “Timothy.” 55 timid personality, along with occasional fear and hesitance to take risks (1 Tim. 4:12-16; 2 Tim. 1:7-8). Paul shows fatherly concern, warning him not to give way to youthful lusts (2 Tim. 2:22), to take care of his stomach ailments (1 Tim. 5:23), and not be ashamed of Paul or the gospel in difficult times (2 Tim. 1:8). Young Timothy’s ministry clearly started strong. He had the advantages of a godly heritage, a highly influential apostolic mentor, the unanimous trust and admiration of those who met him, and influence that extended throughout the whole church. The Sincere Faith of Timothy The young disciple Timothy enjoyed a strong spiritual heritage and an early start in ministry, but he also made a series of choices to help him fulfill God’s destiny for his life. He chose to develop his own sincere faith, handle his life with purity, and fan his God-given gifts into flame with self-discipline. Timothy chose to nurture the sincere faith that he had observed in his mother and grandmother, finding his own place in the people of God. The defining statement about Timothy’s character comes at the beginning of Paul’s second letter, when he writes, “I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well” (2 Tim. 1:5). The Greek word translated “sincere,” anypócritos, is the negative adjective of the noun “hypocrite,” the term for a stage actor in Greek drama “acting in a role that was not his or her own.”69 Jesus criticized some of the religious leaders who behaved like common actors, giving charity, praying in public, and fasting while more concerned with their public image than 69 I. Howard Marshall, “Who is a Hypocrite?” Bibliotheca Sacra 159 (April-June 2002): 131. 56 with genuine fidelity to God.70 The sons of Eli had certainly behaved like stage actors, prancing around the tabernacle in their priestly garments while secretly plotting evil. Timothy’s faith was anypócritos, “genuine and sincere, lacking in pretense or show.”71 The theme of purity of heart permeates Paul’s letters to Timothy, as if this was a core value they had discussed many times. The Apostle affirms sincerity of spirit as one of the principal goals of all Christian teaching: “The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith” (1 Tim. 1:5). He encourages his protégé to let no one despise him for his youth, and to keep on setting “an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity” (4:12). Paul notes that some other leaders, having rejected a good conscience, “have made a shipwreck of their faith” (1:19). Timothy must flee from the love of money and instead “pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness” (6:11). A humble sincerity of spirit extended to the way he was to treat other believers in the church, especially the younger women, “as sisters, in all purity” (5:2). God had clearly placed natural and spiritual gifts into Timothy’s life, but the young man had to work hard to develop them. Paul advised him to not neglect his “charisma” or gift (1 Tim. 4:14) and to “fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands” (2 Tim. 1:6). Although Paul does not specify the nature of his protégé’s gift, he clearly charged Timothy to study, preach, and teach the Word of God (1 Tim. 4:11-14; 2 Tim. 2:15, 24-25; 4:2), as well as to exercise the work of 70 Richard A. Batey, “Jesus and the Theatre,” New Testament Studies 30 (1984): 563. Batey’s much-quoted article describes the discovery of the Roman theatre in Sepphoris, six kilometers from Nazareth and lists the many references to theater and acting in the words of Jesus. 71 Johannes P. Louw and Eugene Albert Nida, eds., Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament: Based on Semantic Domains, 2nd ed. (New York, NY: United Bible Societies, 1988), s.v. “73. Genuine, Phony.” 57 an evangelist (2 Tim. 4:5). Timothy must eschew silly diversions and train himself for godliness (1 Tim. 4:7) and make an effort to “fight the good fight” (1 Tim. 6:12). He should devote himself to Scripture reading, exhortation, and teaching (1 Tim. 4:13-14). Neither should he be intimidated because of his youth, for God had not given him a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control (2 Tim. 1:7). The “Man of God” Equation The Scriptures provide a glimpse into the transformation of Timothy from a young man in Lystra into a “man of God” (1 Tim. 6:11; 2 Tim. 3:17). Most certainly, several external factors helped him along. He enjoyed the advantages of a godly heritage, training in the Scriptures, a godly mentor, and early leadership opportunities. Beyond these factors, Timothy chose attitudes that would help make him into a man of God. He chose to reject cynicism and nurture a sincere personal faith, remembering his supernatural encounters with the Lord and developing personal spiritual discipline. He chose to exercise purity of heart instead of pursuing greed and the passions of youth. Timothy knew that his supernaturally endowed gifting was no guarantee of God’s favor, but he developed and exercised those gifts with discipline. The attitudes chosen by Timothy add up to his reputation and long ministry as a recognized man of God: Sincere Faith + Pure Heart + Developed Gifts = Man of God Responsibilities of the Receivers of Faith Young people who have grown up in the church can cultivate a godly spirit and become men and women of God like Timothy, or they can allow themselves to become bitter or manipulative like the sons of Eli. The theological investigation above has yielded foundational observations for youth discipleship. This section concludes with a short list 58 of challenges and responsibilities for young people who want to take their place as the next generation of God’s people in the world. • Acknowledge your spiritual heritage (1 Tim. 1:5). God created you with a purpose and destiny to become like Him (Eph. 1:4-5) and placed you in your family to train you for it. The Scriptures you have learned since childhood (2 Tim. 3:15) and the godly example of your parents give you a huge head start in God’s plan for your life. • Cultivate a personal and sincere faith. You have seen the best and worst of the church and may have an excuse to be cynical, but become the man or woman of God He created you to be. Repent and turn away from sin (1 John 1:9), accepting by faith the transforming grace of God (Eph. 2:8-10). Step forward and be an example in conduct, faith, love, and purity (1 Tim. 4:12). If you seek God with all your heart, He will let you find Him (Jer. 29:13). • Receive and extend the forgiveness of God. Just as God has forgiven your sins, you must learn to forgive your parents and others who have worn you down with their criticism or outright sin (Matt. 6:12, 14-15). Let the music of grace fill your heart. • Build meaningful and God-honoring relationships. The Lord created you for friendship and wants you to find great friends, mentors, and others you can help. Love them deeply from the heart (1 John 4:7-12) and in all purity (1 Tim. 5:2). At first, it might be easier if they are outside your local church. • Fan into flame the gift of God that is in you (2 Tim. 1:6). God wired you with a very special set of talents and gifts, but it is up to you to hone them into weapons of righteousness (2 Cor. 6-7) that He can use. 59 Conclusion The Church embodies the historic people of God and is chosen to enjoy a special relationship with Him, reflect His character in holiness, and demonstrate His love and power to the world (1 Pet. 2:9-10). Unlike the ethnic heritage of the Israelites, an individual’s membership in the people of God under the New Covenant depends on personal faith in Jesus Christ (Acts 2:21; Rom. 10:13; 1 John 1:12). This personal faith choice, however, often depends on the culture of the faith community; the young either accept or reject the religion modeled by their elders. The first challenge in the transmission of faith from one generation to the next is setting the right tone: true grace balances holiness with the love of God. Holiness without love produces a mean-spirited, moralistic legalism that crushes the spirit of the young and embitters their souls. Sentimental love that discards the character and holiness of God renders Christian grace irrelevant. Grace-filled transmission of faith looks past external appearances and sees the image of God in every person (Gen. 1:26-27). Seasoned believers can look into the eyes of a young person knowing that, as a person created in the image of God, he or she was meant to know God, be conformed to the image of Christ, and serve Him with his or her natural and spiritual gifts. Transmission of faith also requires teaching and modeling the content of faith. Remembering God’s powerful work in the past (Ps. 89:1) and testimonies of His intervention today (John 9:25) remind the next generation that God is still on the move. Families and church communities must teach the commands of the Lord (Deut. 6:1-6) and follow Christ in a way that others can imitate (2 Tim. 1:13). Discipleship of youth must include creating routine (Acts 2:42, Heb. 10:25) and special (Exod. 23:15-16; Lev. 60 23; Num. 28; Deut. 16) settings where young people can have personal encounters with God and make life-changing faith commitments. In the final analysis, no matter the example of the faith community, every young person is ultimately responsible for his or her own relationship with God (Gal. 6:4-5). Each one must confess and repent of the sin that separates him or her from God and make a genuine personal faith commitment to the Lordship of Christ. The sons of Eli demonstrated the disastrous consequences of hard-hearted cynicism that grew into blasphemous rebellion and ultimately led to their destruction (1 Sam. 2-3). Timothy, on the other hand, chose to nurture a pure heart and sincere faith, fully developing his Godgiven gifts (1 Tim. 1:5; 2 Tim 1:5-7). Timothy fulfilled his holy calling (2 Tim. 1:9) to become a man of God (1 Tim. 6:11) and, in turn, raised up the next generation of courageous leaders behind him (2 Tim. 2:2). When children of ministers manage to overcome the sting of ungrace in the church, embrace their spiritual heritage, pursue a sincere faith, and fan their gifts into flame, the sky is the limit as to what they can accomplish with and for the Lord. Those who work with the children of ministers do their best to transmit a faith worth imitating to the next generation. When the young people accept the challenge of sincere faith, the kingdom of God advances and one more faithful generation is added to the story of the people of God. CHAPTER 3 GENERAL LITERATURE REVIEW Introduction Background Chapter 1 of this project tells some of the story of how my wife Jennifer and I have come to be involved in ministry to pastors’ kids (PKs) in Costa Rica and other Latin American countries since the year 2000. Chapter 2 spells out some of the theological reflection that provides the biblical foundation for this ministry. Chapter 3 now sets out to review the slim body of published PK literature to assemble a profile of the advantages and disadvantages of the PK’s life. As the Costa Rican Assemblies of God PK ministry (known as HIMAD, its Spanish acronym) took shape from 2000-2007, its leadership team gathered the few published materials they could find to better understand their target audience. The only book-length resource available was Timothy Sanford’s thin PK counseling volume, I Have to be Perfect.1 They also came across a few nonacademic articles found at the Web sites of Preacher’s Kids International and Enrichment Journal Online.2 Often these 1 Timothy L. Sanford, “I Have to Be Perfect” And Other Parsonage Heresies (Colorado Springs, CO: Llama Press, 1998). This book is available in Spanish. Sanford is a missionary kid (MK) and PK, and now serves as a clinical counselor with Focus on the Family. His book offers insight based on his clinical experience with PKs and personal experience. 2 Preacher’s Kids International, www.preacherskids.net (accessed May 11, 2007); Enrichment Journal Online, www.enrichmentjournal.ag.org (accessed November 20, 2011). 61 62 articles were based on the reflections of a few veteran pastors or a handful of young people at a weekend retreat or Christian college.3 PK Reality: Good and Bad Coexist The HIMAD leadership soon learned that when they asked the young people to describe their PK experiences, they wanted to talk simultaneously about both the good and the bad. We took to heart Sanford’s insistence that PKs should not be forced to classify their overall life experience as either “good” or “bad,” thus allowing others to label them as “saints” or “rebels.” Instead, we helped PKs acknowledge the coexistence of both positive and negative elements, using the liberating word “and.”4 For example, it is healthy when PKs express that they both value their Christian upbringing and chafe under the pressure they feel to be perfect. Researchers who study pastors’ kids are often baffled by these mixed feelings PKs communicate about their lives in ministry families; they simultaneously like many aspects and wish others were different. In Stevenson’s study, 82% of PK participants responded positively to the statement, “Do you ever find yourself pleased that your parent is a minister?” Paradoxically, a similar percentage, 77% also said “yes” to an apparently contradictory question, “Do you ever wish (the ministry parent) did different work?” To 3 This is the case with Michael Phillips, “Fatal Reaction: Antidotes to PK Poisoning” Leadership 13, no. 4 (Fall 1992): 26-32. This was a widely-quoted article, yet was based on pastoral conversations with a few angry adult PKs and the reflections of 3 pastors the author respected. The entire Fall 1992 issue of Leadership was devoted to PK and pastoral family issues. The PKs who participated in this survey were all preparing for ministry in an Assemblies of God Bible college. It stands to reason that they demonstrated outstanding qualities. As in the widely-quoted article on the outstanding social and leadership skills of PKs by Ruth Hetzendorfer, “Assessing the Positive Attributes of Preachers’ Kids” Enrichment Journal (Fall 2000), http://enrichmentjournal.ag.org/ 200004/108_assessing.positive.cfm (accessed January 30, 2008). 4 Sanford, 17. 63 the broadly positive statement, “All in all, I like being a PK,” 77% agreed.5 Even the healthiest PK felt both proud of their parents as pastors and sometimes wished his or her family was in another line of work. Identifying Common PK Distinctives With time, reflection, and practical experience listening to several hundred young people, the HIMAD team began to make lists of the advantages and disadvantages most commonly mentioned by PKs. Eventually the items on these lists seemed to cluster into conceptual categories, distinctive PK realities that generated both blessings and frustration. With regard to home life, PKs expressed the blessing of a spiritual heritage as well as the maddening interference of the church with the family’s schedule and their parents’ time. At church they enjoyed special recognition and perks, but resented the fishbowl existence and constant criticism. They relished their connections with the broader church world, meeting leaders, artists and other PKs, but resented the impossible expectations that they be perfect as “the little pastor.” PKs relished their parents’ confidence and their access to special information about the church, but groaned when too much information led to isolation by others and cynicism in their own heart. They loved the open doors for ministry afforded them as PKs, but hated feeling trapped into vocational ministry. 5 Robert M. Stevenson, “Children of the Parsonage,” Pastoral Psychology 30 (Spring 1982): 182. 64 Relevant Literature Categories This chapter reviews the published literature to determine if the HIMAD team’s conceptual categories of PK advantages and disadvantages are present. While no formal studies have been published about PKs in Latin America and little is available about adolescent PKs, this chapter examines several categories of relevant literature. The scholarly literature about minister’s children remains limited and largely outdated. The only two full-length academic books available describe adult PK psychological stresses and recommend treatment. Sanford’s volume flows from the counseling office and highlights the PK perfectionism and isolation that result from impossible expectations and mean-spirited church members.6 Lee’s excellent study highlights the PK’s confusing “social ecology” where family and church overlap, and points out personal identity formation as the most formidable challenge for adult PKs.7 A handful of peer-reviewed journal articles examine specific aspects of PK life: the existence of PK stereotypes, the portrayal of clergy as parents in children’s literature, and the psychological adjustment of PKs.8 The two largest studies of adult PKs both attempt to retrospectively identify common factors in ministry families that result in adult religious commitment. In essence, they try to isolate the factors in the clergy family that 6 Sanford, 25. 7 Cameron Lee, PK: Helping Pastors’ Kids Through Their Identity Crisis (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1992). See also Lee’s chapter on PKs in Cameron Lee and Jack Balswick, Life in a Glass House: The Minister’s Family and the Local Congregation, 2nd ed. (Pasadena, CA: Fuller Seminary Press, 2006). For a similar therapeutic study, see Bruce Hardy, “Pastoral Care with Clergy Children,” Review and Expositor 98 (Fall 2001): 545-556. 8 Kimberly Sparrow Strange and Lori A. Sheppard, “Evaluations of Clergy Children versus NonClergy Children: Does a Negative Stereotype Exist?” Pastoral Psychology 50, no. 1 (September 2001): 5360; Patricia Tipton Sharp and Dorothy Schleicher, “The Portrayal of Clergy as Parents in Juvenile Fiction over Two Decades,” Children’s Literature in Education 30, no. 3 (1999): 203-212; Darlene E. McCown and Chandra Sharma, “Children in the Public Eye: The Functioning of Pastors’ Children,” Journal of Religion and Health 31, no. 1 (Spring 1992): 31-40. 65 “make PKs turn out right.” The studies reveal only slim cause-and-effect connections between clergy family behavior and their children’s adult religious commitment; one vaguely cites “parental availability” and the other points to “effective management of expectations.”9 Popular Christian literature offers more insight into the day-to-day life of ministers’ children, especially through celebrity PK autobiographies, parenting advice for pastors and their spouses, and first-person PK anecdotes and tips.10 A few of these are written by Latin Americans.11 These writings, unlike the academic studies, describe some advantages of growing up with clergy parents. In this study, the PK-specific literature will be supplemented by general literature related to parenting, youth ministry, adolescent development, Latin American family life, and leadership issues that affect the family and children of ministers. Taken as a whole, the literature does support the HIMAD observation that the advantages and disadvantages in the lives of adolescent pastors’ kids’ cluster around five key distinctives. This chapter 9 Douglas F. Campbell, “Explorations of Parents’ Availability to their Children: Canadian Preachers’ Kids (PKs),” Family Ministry 12 (Winter 1998): 47-57; Carole Brousson Anderson, “The Experience of Growing Up in a Minister’s Home and the Religious Commitment of the Adult Child of the Minister,” Pastoral Psychology 46, no. 6 (1998): 393-411. 10 Two popular celebrity PK biographies have been Jay Bakker, Son of a Preacher Man: My Search for Grace in the Shadows (San Francisco, CA: HarperCollins, 2001), and Franklin Graham, Rebel with a Cause: Finally Comfortable Being Graham (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 1999); For a full-length book example, see Josh Mayo, Help! I’m Raising My Kids While Doing Ministry (n.p.: Xulon Press, 2007). For a journal article example, see David Goetz, “Is the Pastor’s Family Safe at Home?” Leadership 13, no. 4 (Fall 1992): 38-44. 11 Examples include Raul Guido Salazar, Dios Llamó a Mis Padres: Cómo Vivieron el Llamado de Sus Padres los Hijos de Noé, Abraham, Jacob, Moisés, Aarón, Samuel, David, Salomón, Isaías y Oseas [God called my parents: How their parents’ calling was experienced by the children of Noah, Abraham, Jacob, Moses, Aaron, Samuel, David, Solomon, Isaiah, and Hosea]. (Buenos Aires, Argentina: Grancharoff Impresores, 2009); and Gracia Violeta Ross, “Grace for Grace: Testimony of a Pastor’s Daughter,” Ecumenical Review 58, no. 1-2 (Jan.-Apr. 2006): 144-152. 66 describes each reality, highlighting the blessings and corresponding challenges presented by each distinctive. This chapter, then, reviews the literature to demonstrate that the uniqueness of the pastors’ kid experience revolves around managing the blessings and challenges of the following five PK distinctives: (1) growing up with preacher-parents, (2) living in the spotlight, (3) belonging to the church world elite, (4) handling insider information, and (5) negotiating the fast track to ministry leadership. Distinctive #1: Growing Up with Preacher-Parents PKs grow up in highly-committed Christian families with parents engaged in vocational ministry. The parents have usually undergone specialized biblical training, received ministry credentials, and been chosen by the spiritual community for official— often paid—leadership. Ministry—serving God and His people—is not a software application that gets shuts down after office hours, but it is the preacher’s operating system, running constantly in the background of his or her personal and family life. The pastoral family’s ministry-focused life offers PKs the advantage of a unique spiritual heritage as well as the disadvantage that clergy family life is often negatively impacted by the demands of the church. Advantage #1: The Blessing of Spiritual Heritage Growing up with preacher-parents brings the blessing of a unique spiritual heritage. As Josh Mayo notes, “After surveying dozens of PKs we discovered that one of the top three things they like most about having parents in the ministry is that it has given 67 them a deep spiritual heritage.”12 This spiritual heritage includes growing up with exemplary parents and partaking in the spiritual blessing of their parents’ call to ministry. Exemplary Parents Most ministers’ children enjoy the benefit of exemplary parents and unusually stable and loving families. Patricia Tipton Sharp and Dorothy Schleicher studied twenty years of published children’s fiction that portrayed ministers in a parenting role. Their study showed that, in contrast to the most-often stable environment of the preacher’s home in real life, the depiction in children’s literature almost invariably paints clergy parents as emotionally unstable, personally dishonest, and near paranoia in their psychological state. The children’s fiction especially depicts fathers as a source of embarrassment to their children, “tyrants who care more about public image than about their family relationships.”13 The psychological literature about ministers and their spouses suggests that such dramatic cases may be the exception rather than the rule, and PKs have a right to be proud of their exemplary parents. R. Scott Sullender, studying clergy candidates with the widely used Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI), found that people starting in ministry demonstrate better psychological adjustment, a more positive outlook, fewer addictions, stronger leadership qualities, and less prejudice and cynicism than the general public.14 Denominational credentialing requirements and local congregational 12 Mayo, 98. 13 Sharp and Schleicher, 204. 14 R. Scott Sullender, “Clergy Candidates’ MMPI Profiles: Comparing Gender and Age Variables,” The Journal of Pastoral Care 47, no. 3 (Fall 1993): 271. 68 expectations may also favor a higher degree of education and marital stability among clergy than the general population. The emotional health and family commitment of pastors and their spouses prepares the rich family soil in which their children can thrive. Darlene E. McCown and Chandra Sharma performed an in-depth study of PK emotional and social functioning and found that both boys and girls had fewer behavior problems and greater than average social competencies. The study’s authors note that although there were higher than average expectations on PKs both from the family and community, it is likely that these expectations had been consistent and unambiguous, and parents had modeled expected behaviors and ways of dealing with other people.15 The study attributed the positive results to two sets of family resources as defined by Paul Amato and Gay Ochiltree. The first set, labeled “family structural resources,” includes objective elements such as family income, occupation, and parental education. The second set, called “family process resources,” includes more dynamic resources such as “parents’ expectations and aspirations, help, interest, and attention given to children in the household.” Child competence is strongly related to these family resources.16 Spiritual Formation PKs value the spiritual formation that helps them learn the Scriptures, trains them to pray, and deeply ingrains Christian values into their soul. This is how one sixteen-yearold minister’s daughter expressed her gratitude: 15 McCown and Sharma, 39. 16 Paul R. Amato and Gay Ochiltree, “Family Resources and the Development of Child Competence,” Journal of Marriage and the Family 48 (February 1986): 47. 69 I’m very glad I am a pastor’s kid—they have sheltered me from most of the world’s garbage and I have obtained a solid foundation for my future. But there is one thing that I can do for my Dad, which would show my support for his ministry; it is to love God with all my heart, mind, and soul, and follow him for the rest of my life. My dad is a wonderful, fun, terrific person!17 Based on typical church involvement, the massive National Study of Youth and Religion (NYSR) would place most PKs into a category called “the highly devoted,” comprising the 8% most religiously active adolescents in the country. The young people in this group attend services at least once a week, are involved in a religious youth group, read Scriptures at least once a month, and pray “a few times a week or more.” These young people would say that faith is “very or extremely important” in everyday life, and that they “feel close to God.”18 The “highly devoted” possess a faith that makes a difference in their personal daily life. Kenda Creasy Dean calls it “consequential faith” and describes its manifestation in these adolescents. They have an articulated creed or God-story, a deep sense of belonging in their faith communities, a clear sense that their lives have a God-given purpose, and an attitude of hope that God is moving the world in a good direction.19 Dean notes that the faith of these highly devoted teenagers results in significant practical social benefits as well: Highly devoted young people are much more compassionate, significantly more likely to say they care about things like racial equality and justice, far less likely to be moral relativists, to lie, cheat, or do things “they hoped their parents would never find out about.” They are not just doing “okay” in life; they are doing significantly better than their peers, at least in term of happiness and forms of 17 Lee and Balswick, Life in a Glass House: The Minister’s Family and the Local Congregation, 164. 18 Christian Smith and Melinda Lundquist Denton, Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers (New York, NY: Oxford University Press, 2005), 220. 19 Kenda Creasy Dean, Almost Christian: What the Faith of our Teenagers is Teaching the American Church (New York, NY: Oxford, 2010), 22. 70 success approved by the cultural mainstream … it comes as no surprise that young people who reported positive relationships with parents and peers, success in school, hope for the future, and healthy lifestyle choices were also more likely to be highly committed to faith as well.20 When pastors’ children compare their upbringing to that of other young people, they can be grateful for the significant blessings that come from their unique spiritual formation. The Ministry Family Blessing Ministers and their families who strongly believe that God has called them to vocational ministry may also believe that the calling includes a special family blessing. Mayo points out that although modern ministry leadership is not hereditary like the Levitical priesthood in the Bible, God still designs a spiritual heritage to be passed down from one generation to the next. He tells ministry parents, “Obviously it is not your children’s responsibility to enter full-time ministry, for God may lead them in another direction. But regardless of what they may do, they will inherit an undeniable spiritual heritage.”21 Pastors’ kids are meant to hold on tightly to the faith-stories their parents tell of God’s intervention and faithfulness in their family and ministry. Argentine pastor, Raul Salazar, urges pastors’ kids to remember these stories when they feel angry with God for calling their parents to ministry. “For [your parents] there is no more important and transcendental function than serving the Almighty.” 22 A call to ministry is “a great commitment, but also a huge blessing for all of the family.” He insists to PKs, “If you are honest you can observe that the One who called your parents has carefully protected and 20 Ibid., 47. 21 Mayo, 98. 22 Salazar, 36. 71 provided for you throughout all these years.”23 God’s call to ministry fills the whole family with a sense of destiny. Not only do pastors’ kids receive a blessing from God because of their parents’ calling, but pastors may also pass on their own family blessing to their children. Gary Smalley and John Trent teach that the family blessing, as practiced by the Old Testament patriarchs, includes five elements: “Meaningful touch, a spoken message, attaching high value to the one being blessed, picturing a special future, and an active commitment to fulfill the blessing.”24 Godly parents can place their hands on their children in blessing and whisper words of courage and faith into their soul. Parents have power to identify and encourage the gifting in their children, imagining their yet-undeveloped but hardwired talents turning into world-changing vocation. Pastors bless their congregants every week; at home they have the privilege and responsibility of blessing their children and ministering to their spiritual needs.25 Disadvantage #1: The Professional Church Family Syndrome Growing up with preacher-parents includes the challenge of living in a professional church family. Preacher-parents serve the Lord out of personal conviction and spiritual calling; they also understand that they are paid to care for the flock and that as spiritual leaders members expect them to behave in certain ways. The literature suggests that the professional life of the clergy often spills over into the family to a 23 Ibid, 37. 24 Gary Smalley and John Trent, The Blessing (New York, NY: Pocket Books, 1986): 27. 25 Truitt Adair, “Parenting Principles for Preachers and Other Church Leaders,” Church Growth Magazine 16 (January-March 2001): 13; Preacher Kids, http://www.preacherskids.com/pages/articles_sub/ article_ parenting.html (accessed December 11, 2006). 72 greater degree than most other professions.26 The PK experience has been described as a “social ecology” where the quality of the PK’s life depends on the delicate interaction between the family and the congregation.27 This section discusses the “professional church family syndrome” as evidenced in the influence of the church in the family’s schedule, the amount of time and energy it draws from the preacher-parent, and the effects of moving. These and many other PK challenges hinge on how the family manages the boundaries between the family and congregation.28 The Challenge of Boundaries Pastors’ kids may not be conscious of the boundaries their parents establish and maintain with the church board and members, but they do feel the safety and protection provided by those boundaries or the stress produced when boundaries are violated.29 Many of the PK disadvantages described in this chapter grow out of boundary issues. Boundaries mark where one thing ends and another begins; they are meant to prevent confusion and conflict. At the simplest level, they are like fences around a yard, which “help us distinguish our property so we can take care of it.”30 Social boundaries help individuals and subsystems maintain their identity and healthy functioning while still operating inside a larger system. Salvador Minuchin popularized the idea of social 26 Hardy, 545. 27 Lee, PK, 16. 28 Cameron Lee, “Specifying Intrusive Demands and their Outcomes in Congregational Ministry: A Report on the Ministry Demands Inventory,” Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion 38, no. 4 (1999): 479. 29 E. Wayne Hill, Carol Anderson Darling, and Nikki M. Raimondi, “Understanding BoundaryRelated Stress in Clergy Families,” Marriage and Family Review 35, no. 1-2 (2003): 148. 30 Henry Cloud and John Townsend, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1992), 33. 73 boundaries language in family therapy. In his classic formulation, proper family functioning requires that boundaries “be defined well enough to allow subsystem members to carry out their functions without undue interference, but they must allow contact between members of the subsystem and others.”31 Unclear or diffuse boundaries produce a condition Minuchin calls “enmeshment,” too much interference from the outside, resulting in personal identity confusion and stress. Overly rigid boundaries shut down contact with the rest of the system, creating a state known as “disengagement.”32 Pastoral families must continually define and maintain healthy boundaries with the bigger and more powerful church system. Lee notes that emotional closeness between the pastoral family and the congregation can be beneficial if the relationship is caring and supportive. Unhealthy emotional enmeshment, though, may open the door for intrusive congregational demands, leaving the family at the mercy of the congregation’s whims.33 Disengagement, not caring what people think and disconnecting family life from the church, may quickly result in another job hazard for the pastor’s family—moving often.34 Triangulation poses a danger for pastors trying to sort out boundary issues between their children, themselves, and the church. Since the PK’s “social ecology” includes children, parents, and church, conflict between any two may appear indirectly as the third party’s fault. If a church member has an unresolved conflict with the pastor, he or she may level a criticism—fair or unfair—against the PK rather than to take on the 31 Salvador Minuchin, Families and Family Therapy (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1974), 53-54. 32 Lee, “Specifying Intrusive Demands,” 479. 33 Ibid. 34 As in the story of Megan, a free-spirit pastors’ wife described in H. B. London and Neil B. Wiseman’s, Married to a Pastor (Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 1999): 28-30. 74 pastor directly. Cameron Lee and Jack Balswick warn that clergy parents should suspect such triangulation when church members seem unreasonably picky about a PK’s behavior.35 Intentional planning provides the best antidote to boundary-related stress in the parsonage. One extensive study of stress and resiliency in ministry families highlights the importance of intentionality. “A major theme running through our research is that regardless of the expectations of the organization or parishioners, pastors find that they need to intentionally protect themselves, their marriages, and their families.”36 Many pastors and their families are afraid to speak up and define clear boundaries with the congregation. Some ministers may believe they should sacrifice themselves and their family for the ministry; others may be afraid of losing their influence or their job if they defend their family from boundary intrusions. Lee wisely observes that either way, people will take what the pastor gives them: There is an old saying, “Give them an inch, and they’ll take a mile.” And if you feed a stray kitten one saucer of milk, you had better be prepared to start buying cat food. People can hardly be blamed for wanting more of what seems to be a good thing. Church members who make unfair demands are not likely to change their ways unless the pastor does or says something about it.37 Many PK problems grow out of boundary violations, both by the congregation as well as the pastor. Likewise the solutions to these problems reside in formulating an intentional response. 35 Lee and Balswick, Life in a Glass House: The Ministry Family and the Local Congregation, 176. 36 Katheryn Rhoads Meek, Mark R. McMinn, Craig M. Brower, Todd D. Burnett, Barrett W. McRay, Michael L. Ramey, David W. Swanson, and Dennise D. Villa, “Maintaining Personal Resiliency: Lessons Learned from Evangelical Protestant Clergy,” Journal of Psychology and Theology 31, no. 4 (2003): 342. 37 Lee, PK, 39. 75 Church Dominates the Family Schedule One major disadvantage of being part of a “professional church family” is that church activities may come to dominate the family’s calendar and life. Ministry often requires activities during the evening and weekends when other families are enjoying time off together. Bruce Hardy’s study reports, “The clergy family cites displeasure with the fact that due to the professional expectations placed on the clergy member, the entire family seldom has a weekend free to use together. It seems that the parishioner’s holidays are the church’s holydays and therefore the clergy must work.”38 When parents work in the church building during the day, have meetings and small groups in the evening, and spend Saturdays in the office preparing for Sunday, PKs often spend an inordinate amount of time in the church building. One PK simply called the church building “my other house.”39 Church members may take for granted the presence of the kids at every activity. Ariel Jimenez Saint aptly describes the PK’s role as the “church errand boy,” running sound, playing instruments, teaching Sunday school, cleaning up, decorating, flipping slides for worship, and making copies during Saturday counseling sessions. 40 Mayo reports “too much time at church” as a major complaint among PKs in his study, and tells about his own parents’ intentional solution to this problem. The Mayo family recruited an older couple from the church to serve as “after-church aunt and 38 Hardy, 547. 39 Lee, PK, 92. 40 Ariel Jimenez Saint, ¿Y Yo Que Culpa Tengo?: Entre la Familia, la Iglesia y Yo, Que Soy el Hijo del Pastor [What did I do to deserve this? Between the family, the church, and me, the pastor’s kid). Córdoba, Argentina: Piedra Libre Producciones, 2007. 76 uncle.” They took the children home and put them to bed on Wednesday and Sunday nights so the parents, who both served in pastoral roles, could take advantage of two or three of the best pastoral care hours of the week. The family celebrated the couple’s contribution as a major participation in the ministry of the church, and the couple became a cherished part of the family.41 The Problem of Time In nearly all of the published studies on ministers’ children, many of the top complaints center on the lack of quantity and quality time with the ministry-parent, who is typically their father. The first kind of complaint is straightforward: “My parent has time for church, but little time for me.”42 More than other professions, most ministers believe that they should be available whenever people in the congregation need them, but this emotional availability may not always transfer to the family.43 A common Latin American saying laments the craftsman who does not practice his skills at home: “In the house of the blacksmith they use wooden knives.” The literature is clear that although pastors may not necessarily put in more work hours than other busy professionals, the evening-and-weekend nature of their work may mean that they are home less when the children are present. Likewise, the emotionally intense pastoral work of counseling, preaching, and problem solving can leave clergy drained, with little energy left for the family when they get home.44 41 Mayo, 41. 42 Ed Hindson and Ed Dobson, “Why Preachers’ Kids Go Bad,” Fundamentalist Journal (May 1983): 13. This often-quoted article was one of the first on PKs. 43 Campbell, “Explorations of Parents’ Availability,” 47. 44 Hill, Darling, and Raimondi, 149. 77 Pastors’ kids register other time-related complaints, such as, “I have to share my parents with the whole world.”45 “We have no family time.” “My parents need to be on call 24/7.” “Our family plans are always in danger of getting postponed or cancelled because of emergencies at church.” “I don’t want to complain about Dad’s time at church, because that would be like complaining against God.” I feel stupid asking my Dad to take me to ‘non-spiritual’ events that make kids feel ‘normal,’ like concerts, games, Girl Scouts.”46 In a related objection, PKs say that sometimes the ministry parent does not listen to them, but just puts on his or her pastor hat and preaches at them. Lee and Balswick explain that it is not uncommon for a pastor, who is emotionally drained and short on family time, to occasionally revert to his work role and preach at the children. After all, preaching requires less emotional effort than listening to the latest pre-adolescent drama. The quick fix of delivering the family a sharp sermon must not become a permanent habit, though. Preachers, like other professionals, must learn to keep clear boundaries between their roles in the office and at home.47 A close relationship between parents and children produces substantial benefits over the long haul. In a large study of adult Canadian PKs, 70% affirmed that, in general, their clergy parent showed affection and was emotionally “available” to them when they were growing up. Of those who affirmed that both parents had been available to them, 45 Eliana Valzura de Gilmartin, “Hijos de Pastores, Líderes u Otros Ministerios (Exclusivo Para Papás y Mamás),” [Children of pastors, leaders and other ministry positions (exclusively for Dad’s and Mom’s)] http://www.riosdevida. com/contenido.php?id_contenido=190 (accessed January 18, 2007). 46 Mayo, 44-45. 47 Lee and Balswick, Life in a Glass House: The Minister’s Family and the Local Congregation, 165. 78 most felt they had grown up in fairly “normal” families—only 20% felt their family life was “distinctly different” from other families. When both parents had been emotionally unavailable, 69% said their families were distinctly different, and this group felt the most vulnerable to unrealistic expectations from the congregation. The final lesson: parents who made themselves available to their children cushioned the demands of the congregation.48 The Issue of Moving Professional clergy in the United States move from one church to another approximately every three to five years.49 Although ministry longevity varies significantly by denominational policy or local polity, Lee notes that one defining difference between ministers’ kids and the children of other professionals is that PKs have moved frequently in childhood. “Frequent mobility at crucial times in a child’s life can make it difficult to establish and maintain normal friendships, and it increases the PK’s dependence on the family.”50 Clergy children experience several major losses when they move, especially if they are adolescents. Moving requires adapting to a strange community with a new home, new landmarks, and a new church environment. In school, they lose their previous social network, boy/girl friends, and their spot on the athletic team or band. By and large, PKs 48 Campbell, “Exploration of Parents’ Availability,” 50, 53, 55. 49 Hardy, 548. 50 Lee, PK, 17. 79 feel able to establish new friendships during the average pastoral tenure, but each successive move brings new grief and then a new world to negotiate.51 Clergy children also point to some positive results from moving. Hardy reports that the majority of PKs, 68%, felt that they had gained valuable life experience from moving. They compared their lives with those of their friends who had never moved and believed that moving gave them a wider circle of friends and a broader worldview.52 The stress, grief, and adjustment of moving is part of the furniture of life for the “professional church family.” However, pathological boundary-related stress may creep in if PKs feel—or their parents make them feel—that the child’s poor behavior could ruin the parents’ ministry.53 In some countries and church structures, pastors must submit to reelection votes every two to four years. If the congregation is especially legalistic or harbors unresolved conflict with the pastor, a PK mess-up shortly before the election could tip the scales and send the family packing. 54 Even in these circumstances, however, the root of the problem was not the PK, but the pastor-parent’s boundary issues with the congregation. Distinctive #2: Living in the Spotlight Pastors are the most visible individuals in the local congregations and represent the church to the outside community. Their functions of leading, teaching, counseling, 51 Stevenson, 184. 52 Hardy, 548. 53 Sanford, 57. 54 Douglas Petersen, Not by Might, Nor by Power: A Pentecostal Theology of Social Concern in Latin America (Oxford, England: Regnum Books International, 1996), 104. Petersen describes many Latin American churches as “effective social communities that stress the importance of their moral code; offenders are disciplined.” 80 and caring for God’s people make them well-loved in the congregation. PKs get to share the benefits of special recognition afforded their parents, but also find themselves living in a fishbowl, observed and often criticized by all. Advantage #2: Special Recognition PKs are generally known by the members of the local congregation and get special recognition as part of the pastoral family. They enjoy some practical perks that accompany their local celebrity and benefit from the relationship network of the church. The Perks of Celebrity Pastors function as leaders in the church and community, and their children, like the highly-visible offspring of other professionals and politicians, often reap the benefits of family connections.55 PKs may receive special birthday gifts and public thanks on Pastor Appreciation Sunday. Young children may think it is fun to stand beside their parents at the back door and shake hands as people leave. Like Martin Freud, son of Sigmund Freud, a PK may be “quite happy and content to bask in reflected glory.”56 PKs may also enjoy some practical benefits in the local congregation. The pastor’s daughter may get invited to go out to eat with special guests after service, and she may travel to ministry events, trips, or conferences with her parents. The PK’s family identification may open doors for study, internships, and employment. PKs report “special treatment” by people in the congregation, which might include free doughnuts in 55 Bonnie Angelo, First Families (New York, NY: HarperCollins, 2005), 40. 56 Martin Freud, quoted in Danielle Knafo, “What’s in a Name? Psychoanalytic Considerations on Children of Famous Parents,” Psychoanalytic Psychology 8, no. 3 (1991): 263. 81 the foyer or small gifts on Pastor Appreciation Sunday.57 Argentine pastor, Raul Salazar, recalls finishing a sermon at a youth camp only to find his son walking into the chapel with both hands full of candy from the concession stand. His son explained, “They asked me who I was, and when I said I was the son of the preachers they gave me all of this free.58 Local Support Network The PK’s special recognition in the local church often provides a close network of supportive relationships, and caring church people sometimes become a surrogate family for the PK. Stevenson observes, “It seems that parsonage children are offered a kind of extended family relationship by the congregation, with all the gifts and liabilities that come from having a large number of ‘grandparents,’ ‘aunts,’ ‘uncles,’ and ‘cousins.’”59 Hardy noted the same family theme among the PKs he studied, adding that among this caring group, the PKs “were accorded special treatment and status because of being a clergy child.”60 PKs often say that this “extended family” watches out for them, prays for them, encourages them in their studies and activities, and provides models for imitation. This describes what sociologist Christian Smith calls “network closure.” He argues that church congregations provide a dense network of relational ties, including adults who pay attention to the lives of youth, know each other’s children and their friends, and give each other feedback. The American church is one of the last adult institutions in which a large 57 Stevenson, 183. 58 Salazar, 34. 59 Stevenson, 183. 60 Hardy, 546. 82 number of adolescents regularly participate; network closure between adolescents and caring adults, he insists, is one of the great benefits of the local church.61 Disadvantage #2: The Fishbowl Syndrome PK life in the spotlight includes the disadvantage of the “fishbowl syndrome,” constant public observation that brings a lack of privacy, the withering effects of criticism, and a constant struggle against stereotypes. Lack of Privacy The more visible the ministers’ kids are in the church and community, the more people watch them. Like the children of a European royal family, PKs are “born into a life of both privilege and scrutiny.”62 The great majority of PKs insist that people in the church pay more attention to what they do simply because they are PKs.63 Lee asserts that pastors’ children suffer more from public exposure than the children of parents in most other professions, comparing them to the children of media celebrities. The lives of PKs are more akin to those of media celebrities who become public property for thousands of adoring fans. The congregation, of course, may not number into the thousands, but the intrusive sense of being put on a pedestal, of being “owned” by the group, is much the same.64 Since the pastor proclaims the transforming power of the kingdom of God week in and week out, people watch the ministry family like a science experiment to determine if the message works in real life. To make matters worse, pastors often encourage people 61 Christian Smith, “Religious Participation and Network Closure among American Adolescents,” Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion 42, no. 2 (2003): 259-260. 62 Mayo, 23. 63 Hardy, 546. 64 Lee, PK, 17. 83 to observe and imitate their family life. In one Leadership Journal survey, 82% of pastors reported feeling the pressure to serve as role models for their congregation, but only 73% believed they should serve as examples.65 Some pastors interpret 1 Timothy 3:4-5 to mean that not only must pastors manage their families well, but they must do so publicly as a testimony of their competence for spiritual leadership in the community. Pastors invite disciples to learn from their family, but the children did not ask for this extra attention, and the exposure of the family in favor of the pastor’s ministry reputation constitutes a boundary violation. Pastoral parents may expose their children unnecessarily in front of the church with sermon illustrations, for the additional exposure brings added expectations and different rules. Michael Phillips recommends that pastors give their children the gift of a secret identity, seldom using them in illustrations, and never without the child’s permission.66 The Pain of Criticism Even the smallest PKs find that church members expect them to behave differently than other kids. “You should not run in the church because you are the pastor’s kid.” This argument sounds logical to the church member who expects the minister’s family to embody Christian perfection, but the double standard seems arbitrary and unfair to the child held to different rules than his or her peers.67 The criticism 65 Eric Reed. “Shifting Family Values,” Leadership Journal 27, no. 1 (Fall 2006): 35. 66 Phillips, 32. 67 Samuel Moy and H. Newton Malony, “An Empirical Study of Ministers’ Children and Families,” Journal of Psychology and Christianity 6, no. 1 (Spring 1987): 55. 84 continues as the PK grows and begins experimenting with thoughts and fashions that may differ from church tradition. Such criticism and condemnation accumulate in the heart of the PK when a Sunday school teacher expresses outrage at an unlearned memory verse, when someone tells the deacon board about the PK’s word that slipped out on the playground, when the pastor is grilled about his daughter’s choice of boyfriend, or when a church disagreement drains the joy from the family. The criticism hurts even more when the critics have no meaningful relationship with the PK. David Seamands puts the cumulative effect into a formula: “R+R-R=R+R; Rules and Regulations minus Relationship equals Resentment and Rebellion.”68 One study shows that for a relationship to stay strong, the ratio of positive to negative emotion in any given encounter has to be at least five to one.69 If the PK’s heart is like a bank account, every criticism makes a big withdrawal, but each positive experience makes only a small emotional deposit.70 Unfortunately, some PKs find the church dangerously overdrawn in their account, until they simply want nothing more to do with the church people. Resentment produced by cumulative criticism in the church represents a significant discipleship issue for PKs. 68 Seamands, 97. 69 John Gottman, quoted in Malcom Gladwell, Blink: The Power of Thinking without Thinking (New York, NY: Little, Brown and Company, 2005), 26. 70 A helpful concept from Willard Harley, Give and Take: The Secret to Marital Compatibility (Grand Rapids, MI: Revell, 1996), 15. 85 Distinctive #3: Elite Membership in the Church World Beyond the sphere of the local church, ministers are often affiliated to a larger denomination or organization of church leaders, which may offer a professional structure and personal support. The pastor’s elite membership in the broader church world may provide a vast social network, the best of the “Christian world,” into which the ministry family is invited. PKs often enjoy the membership privileges of their VIP “all access pass” to the church world. On the flip side, the wearers of the VIP badge are expected to act the part as “little pastors.” Advantage #3: The Privileges of Membership Like a coach’s son who gets to hang out in the locker room with the athletes or the orchestra conductor’s daughter who watches the concert from behind the curtain, PKs are afforded unique access to the best of the Christian world. The PK’s family connections provide a rich circle of relationships that offer insight into the worldwide kingdom of God. PKs are also likely to have access to the best activities, events, and institutions of the Christian world. Rich Circle of Relationships PKs feel blessed to get to meet numerous people coming through the church who speak into their lives and expand their vision of Christian life. A minister’s wife wrote, “We have had people in our home whom [sic] other children have never had the benefit of knowing: African pastors, foreign missionaries, evangelists, other preachers. Our kids 86 have been able to talk to them, play games with them, and find out more about the world and what makes people tick.”71 Exposure to significant people shapes PK lives.72 The Best of the Church World Clergy children enjoy privileged access to the best of the Christian world. Their pastor-parents belong to ministerial organizations, which are often closely connected with the best infrastructures and organizations of the Christian world, including retreat centers, Christian colleges, compassion ministries, foreign missions, conferences, media outlets, the arts, music festivals, and mass events. Sociologist Christian Smith calls access to these activities “extra-community links” that provide youth with connections to positive spiritual experiences. They also expand the adolescent’s aspirations and horizons well beyond their local communities.73 When PKs participate fully—often with scholarships— in the best of the Christian world, they enjoy space away from the prying eyes of the local church where they can have transformational experiences with God and other Christians and participate in something much bigger than themselves.74 One of the significant benefits pastors’ kids increasingly enjoy grows out of PK retreats and specialized ministries for them. Organizations such as the Assemblies of God Pastors’ Kids’ Network, Preachers’ Kids International, and HIMAD Costa Rica provide 71 Lee and Balswick, Life in a Glass House: The Minister’s Family and the Local Congregation, 163. 72 Steve Mathewson, “Why I Loved Being a PK,” Leadership 13, no. 4 (Fall 1992): 34. 73 Christian Smith, “Theorizing Religious Effects Among American Adolescents,” Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion 42, no. 1 (2003), 26. 74 Bud Williams, “Theological Perspectives on the Temporary Community/Camping and the Church,” Wheaton, IL: Christian Camping International, http://www.cciworldwide.org/pdf/ChristianCamping-and-the-Church.pdf (accessed October 13, 2007): 5-6. 87 healthy forums for PK friendship and discussion.75 Many denominational district youth ministries provide PK retreats where the young people can meet other young people in similar life circumstances. Pastoral counselor, Bruce Hardy, recommends that adult leadership of all ministry organizations provide an “advocacy person” or group to intervene on behalf of clergy children. Such function, he insists, “levels the playing field, functions as an inclusive act, and restores a lost voice in the faith community.”76 PKs can become voiceless victims of more powerful adult church forces, but PK ministries give them a voice and provide an outlet for friendship and honest expression. Disadvantage #3: The “Little Pastor” Syndrome The VIP access tag hanging around the neck of the PK may lead other people to expect him or her to act like a little pastor. This means that PKs feel a need to live up to impossible standards of perfection and sense that they are held up to a higher standard than their peers. They may also struggle with powerful stereotypes that threaten to hijack their young and formative identities. Expectations of Perfection When PKs are held up as junior members of the pastoral team, the congregation, pastoral family, and the PKs themselves may impose expectations of perfection on the pastors’ children.77All teenagers have to balance their own expectations with those of their family, but PKs have to factor in a third powerful source: the local congregation. 75 Assemblies of God Pastors’ Kids Network, http://pkn.ag.org (accessed November 1, 2011); Preachers’ Kids International, http://www.preacherskids.net (accessed May 11, 2007); HIMAD [Children of Ministers Growing Closer to God, by its Spanish acrostic] Costa Rica, http://www.facebook.com/himad. costarica (accessed December 1, 2009). 76 Hardy, 555. 77 Sanford, 35. 88 PKs often place extraordinarily high expectations on themselves and condemn themselves when they fail to live up to their own expectations. Clergy children grow up in an environment that expects too much of them; many PKs feel pressured to behave like polished saints or seasoned disciples.78 They are not supposed to get mad at church members who criticize their parents, express doubts in the Sunday school class, go to the school prom, or even consider getting a tattoo. They should handle Bible content, theology, and church history just as well as their seminarytrained parents.79 Well-meaning believers ask if even the littlest PKs want to be pastors (or missionaries or evangelists) when they grow up, and visiting preachers may prophesy great future ministry if they will stay true to the Lord. Many Latin American PKs begin preaching at a young age, which further escalates these expectations. Healthy identity formation requires that young people be allowed to try on a variety of ideas and personas. Adolescent fads come and go, and while most are harmless, adults unfamiliar with the latest craze may jump to conclusions about its propriety. Most children pass through these phases driving their parents crazy, but the PK’s phases are displayed in front of the whole church, while other parents are expecting the PK to be a model for their children.80 This problem is compounded for PKs in Latin America, who unlike their North American counterparts, do not go away to college, but stay at home and on display in the local church while going through their identity 78 Hardy, 546. 79 Lee, PK, 89. 80 Mayo, 20. 89 formation years.81 No matter the source, unrealistic expectations produce feelings of guilt, anxiety, and failure.82 Many PKs struggle with nagging feelings that they should be more spiritual, mature, disciplined, or loving, and that God is disappointed with them.83 The Stereotype Trap People often expect pastors’ kids to behave either as “little saints”—the model for all the church children to imitate—or “little rebels” trying to shake off the “goodie twoshoes” image. According to Mayo, “Both of these expectations can be a real trap for the PK—one is an impossible standard to live up to, and the other is a negative label they can’t shake off; one that sadly can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.”84 A massive nationwide study of incoming college freshmen in 1969 turned up more than two thousand PKs, whose responses were compared to the general population. Based on stereotypes, the researchers expected some of the PKs to be “little saints,” academically superior and morally grounded, and many others to be “little rebels,” rejecting the faith of their parents and exhibiting “wild behavior.” Lee describes the actual findings of the survey: What the researchers found, overall, was little or no support for the negative stereotype, but fairly strong support for the positive one. On the one hand, PKs were actually less likely than other freshmen either to have rejected religion or to have left the church they grew up in. They were also less likely to drink, smoke, or stay up all night than students who were not PKs. On the other hand, PKs had higher grades and better study habits; more of their financial support came from scholarships; they were more involved in extracurricular activities; they were more likely to have participated in state or regional speech and debate contests; 81 Arthur Liebman, Kenneth W. Walker, and Myron Glanzer, Latin American University Students: A Six Nation Study (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1972), 142. 82 Gary Collins, Christian Counseling (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2007), 181. 83 Sanford, 73. 84 Mayo, 20-21. 90 and they were more likely to be presidents of student organizations. The researchers also found that ministers’ children aspired to higher degrees and careers that emphasized social responsibility and altruistic values.85 The best protection against stereotyping is to actually talk to PKs and get to know them, not as smaller images of the pastor-leaders but as teenagers who have their own lives. Distinctive #4: Handling Insider Information Living with pastors, PKs handle insider information about the church. On the positive side, they may enjoy being “in the know” about church people and activities; they may also value getting special insight into the heart and mind of their parents. The problem comes when they inevitably get too much information. Knowledge of the dark side of the church can breed bitterness and resentment even as PKs have to show up every Sunday morning with their “smiley face” mask in place. Advantage #4: Special Access to Information As they live with and, perhaps, begin to serve alongside their parents, PKs may enjoy being in the information loop, hearing first about plans and people in the church. They may also understand their family conversations as a special opportunity for ministry mentoring as they watch Christian leadership up close. In the Information Loop Clergy children sit at the dinner table and share life with their parents, the pastors. Whereas smaller children may relish the recognition and treats they get from church members, older adolescents may enjoy listening to conversation, sharing the trust and confidence of their parents. They may hear first about plans, events, and people in the 85 Lee, PK, 73-74. 91 church. Even when their parents break no confidences or poison them with the personal bitterness, PKs have an uncanny ability to get the inside scoop. Stevenson insists that PKs share unique experiences—like the information loop—that mark them for life and lead them to identify closely with each other. Watching Leaders up Close PKs are enrolled in the home school of Christian leadership and character. Salazar observes that PKs, like most children, watch the conduct and lifestyle of their parents closely, often secretly. Their imitation and observation shapes them into the men and women of God they will become.86 Franklin Graham also acknowledges that observing his father over the years, even when the two men seemed to be heading in different vocational directions, was an incredible education.87 Disadvantage #4: Too Much Information Insider information eventually leads to too much information, and PKs and their families face the daunting task of dealing effectively with the dark side of the church. Even when parents are careful about sharing information with their children, PKs are exposed to church conflict, human sinfulness, and personal rejection. Some may perceive a disconnect between the Sunday morning appearances and weekday character of church members. Church conflict is almost inevitable, and eventually the kids taste it. Church members may try to use the PK as a go-between to avoid talking directly to the pastor. In PK literature, deacons take on an almost sinister aura. One of the principal sources of PK pain is criticism by church people aimed at their parents. 86 Salazar, 138. 87 Graham, xi. 92 The Pain of Isolation PK life tends to erode trust between ministers’ kids and others in the church. Because of their insider knowledge of the private life of church members, PKs may feel a growing resentment about hypocrisy in the church. If the pastor represents a strong discipline figure in the congregation, some of the other youth may shun the PK as the pastor’s spy. Being a public figure, details of the PK’s personal life may be broadcast as everyone’s information; the public nature of PK life has even been compared to the experience of the children of presidents, who suffer from an extreme lack of privacy.88 Even leaders who should know better may share private information about the PK with others, and the broken confidence makes trust even harder. Many PKs admit they cannot trust anyone in the church. Sanford observes that this well-deserved lack of trust easily makes PKs cynical, sarcastic, and isolated. Without trust, there is no relationship. Without relationships, there is isolation. This isolation can cause depression, a common threat to PKs, or it can mold you into an observer. You stand by and watch, but are never in the middle of the action. Just watching. To be the observer is safer. Your imperfections don’t show. What they don’t know yet stays hidden. No chinks in your armor will show. No weaknesses will be exposed for someone, someday to use against you.89 Unfortunately, those who oppose the pastor’s leadership may use the family’s behavior as a weapon against him or her in church politics. Opponents may cite the biblical guideline that the church leader should “manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church” (1 Tim. 3:4-5)? In fact, some 88 Doug Wead, All the Presidents’ Children (New York, NY: Atria Books, 2003), 53. 89 Sanford, 54. 93 pastors even quote this text to force their children to obey and protect the family’s reputation and job. In times of church conflict, the PK learns that anything he or she says may be used against the family. In countries like Cuba, where pastoral families are subjected to a vote of confidence every two years, PKs quickly realize that their behavior and what they tell people could cost their parents the next election. Sanford says that in therapy, PKs worry that their behavior could theoretically ruin their parents’ ministry; in Latin America the danger is real and urgent.90 When others violate their trust too many times, PKs may learn to keep their mouth shut, locking up their feelings and protecting themselves from being burned again. Sanford observes, “Where there is no trust, there is no relationship, and where there is no relationship, there is isolation.”91 Many PKs live in this world of isolation. Wearing the “Happy Face” Mask In spite of knowing too much about the church, PKs have to keep showing up at church on Sunday mornings looking their best. The disconnect between feelings and behavior is often called the “PK face,” a happy mask worn for the benefit of others. The “happy face” may reflect a barrier to honest communication and may be a symptom of a greater problem: an unrealistic triumphalism, a kind of Christianity that rejects all negative emotions as sinful.92 Conflict avoidance provides only a temporary solution, and 90 Ibid., 57. 91 Ibid., 54. 92 Lee, PK, 55. 94 PKs need a safe setting that encourages honest communication and helps them deal with negative information.93 Ministry life unavoidably produces conflict and negative feelings. When church members criticize the pastor, the PKs feel it as a personal assault. Lacking the emotional maturity to process conflict, the PK may want to lash out at the apparent source of pain— perhaps an infamous deacon or a denominational authority figure.94 Mayo explains that when the conflict leads to the termination of the pastor’s tenure, the news rocks the PK’s world like a train wreck. Mayo encourages pastoral families to handle the negative event with love for the victim, grace for the offenders, and a sense of hope that God is still in control.95 PKs carefully observe how their parents respond in these crises and bitterness may creep into their hearts when they see it in their parents.96 Distinctive #5: The Fast Track to Ministry Leadership As pastors’ kids mature and develop their ministry gifts, their parents and other Christian leaders may offer them accelerated opportunities to step into ministry leadership roles. Unfortunately, the fast track may lead to premature ministry, vocational identity confusion, and the potential of the “Sons of Eli Syndrome,” young people with rotten character taking over the family “ministry business.” 93 Ibid., 61. 94 Ibid., 169. 95 Mayo, 131. 96 Phillips, 28. 95 Advantage #5: Early Leadership Opportunities Pastors’ kids who show unusual gifts and spiritual sensitivity may be placed on the fast track to ministry leadership. PKs grow up learning the mechanics of ministry and may develop substantial ministry gifts as they grow up in church and serve alongside their parents. The ministry parents and their church world network may, in turn, open doors for developing PKs to exercise ministry leadership. Developing Leadership Gifts When PKs list the benefits of growing up in a clergy family, they frequently point to the leadership value of the Christian formation they received in the home.97 The PK’s solid spiritual foundation can provide significant real-world advantages over the course of the PK’s life. One study showed that college-age PKs were four times more likely than the general population to possess six outstanding attributes. PKs tended to be people gatherers and natural leaders, confident in their ability to handle situations, optimistic and affectionate in their interaction with others, creative in the use of information and communication, mission-oriented in their approach to life, and decisive in their ability to bring closure to ambiguous situations.98 Since PKs often spend large amounts of time in the church building, they are frequently granted access to the church facilities, equipment, and ministries, and may develop significant ministry-related skills from a young age. Ariel Jimenez Saint, an 97 Douglas F. Campbell, “The Clergy Family in Canada: Focus on Adult PKs.” A paper read at the annual meeting of the Association for the Sociology of Religion, Washington, D.C., August 18-20, 1995. Toronto: Erindale College, University of Toronto, 1995. http://web.archive.org/web/20061007093506/ http://www.erin.utoronto.ca/~Hitachi/pks.htm (accessed August 23, 2011). 98 Hetzendorfer. 96 Argentine PK ministry leader, notes the “ironic predestination that we children of pastors have toward the microphone, the guitar, and the tambourine.”99 Douglas Campbell’s large survey of adult Canadian PKs revealed that 70% played one or more instruments, and a comparatively large number had chosen the fine arts as a career.100 Gladwell suggests that it takes ten thousand hours of practice to achieve world-class performance level in fields requiring complex skill.101 When PKs start practicing and exercising gifts from an early age, they have a significant head start toward mastering the skills most valued in the church. PKs enjoy enormous practical advantages because of their spiritual heritage and solid Christian upbringing. If PKs are given the same opportunities and freedoms as other Christian young people, the ministry leadership advantages of being a PK can far outweigh the disadvantages.102 Taking the Baton After PKs spend a lifetime in spiritual formation, developing gifts, participating in Christian culture, and mentoring by pastor-parents, it should come as no surprise when some of them feel drawn to prepare for ministry leadership. Others may begin to notice significant ministry gifts, and the PK’s local and church-wide relationship networks can provide early opportunities to actively participate in ministry. Many of these will find 99 Jimenez Saint, 3. 100 Campbell, “The Clergy Family,” 1995, no page number. 101 Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers: The Story of Success (New York, NY: Little, Brown, 2008), 35. 102 Lee, PK, 74. 97 their way into long-term vocational ministry. A study by Focus on the Family shows that 14% of ministers are themselves the child of a minister.103 While most people applaud the idea of giving a gifted and spiritually attuned young person an early opportunity to exercise his or her gifting, the idea of a pastor hiring one of his or her children proves somewhat more complicated. Americans are wary of the word “nepotism.” Hiring relatives smells vaguely of old-world aristocratic abuse or underworld corruption. Non-relative employees may anticipate the incompetence of the new hire. Adam Bellow points out that hiring family is neither un-American nor sinful, but it grows from the impulse to pass on the family’s spiritual and practical heritage to the next generation. He notes that typically an outsider has to prove his or her worth to the organization before acquiring a position. A leader’s relative may get his or her position based only on the leader’s say-so, but then must work diligently to demonstrate his or her value to the rest of the personnel.104 Pastors, like leaders in other fields, may hire their children if they feel reasonably sure that their gifting and character fit the leadership need in the church. The PK may get this opportunity at an earlier age than an outside hire, and the pastor’s offspring may not always have to pass through all the same training hoops as others. If the pastor is willing to train and mentor the new recruit, both of their names are on the line for diligent labor and positive results. 103 H. B. London, “The Health of a Pastor’s Family,” The Pastor’s Weekly Briefing Email 13, no. 29 (July 22, 2005): 1. 104 Adam Bellow, “In Praise of Nepotism,” The Atlantic Monthly 292, no. 1 (July-August 2003): 104. 98 Disadvantage #5: Premature Leadership The fast track to early ministry leadership includes the danger of premature leadership. Premature leadership may thrust the young PK into a vocational track that he or she may not understand or possess the emotional maturity to handle, producing an identity crisis. Another potential danger lies in the “Sons of Eli syndrome,” where the PK takes advantage of a ministry position with corrupt character for personal gain. Identity and Vocational Ministry Early success in ministry leadership may prematurely squeeze PKs into a narrow vocational track that they do not fully understand and lack the maturity to handle. PKs who want to prepare for ministry leadership face the “PK double bind.” Sanford notes that a “double bind” is a technical term to describe a situation where a person is faced with two conflicting messages. “Regardless of which one you heed, you disregard the other and lose.”105 Some people question the PK’s motivation for serving the Lord, suggesting—often sarcastically—that they just want to follow in their parents’ footsteps or go into the family business. When PKs want nothing to do with ministry leadership, though, others chide them for squandering their advantages and heritage, as if the family’s DNA was programmed for ministry. Franklin Graham faced this daunting double bind when, as an adult, he began to feel a call to evangelistic preaching. Since his birth, people had predicted and assumed he would be a preacher like his father Billy Graham; his famous adolescent rebellion had been an effort to break away from the impossible expectations of comparison. Franklin tells the story of the moment when evangelist John Wesley White began to sense 105 Sanford, 66. 99 Franklin’s call to preach and invited him to preach with him at a crusade. Franklin’s response reflects the dilemma of potential identity loss while pursuing vocational calling. “Evangelistic preaching … it’s what Daddy does. People will automatically compare me to him. I will never measure up in their eyes. I don’t need that hassle in my life!” John just smiled and shook his head. “No one has asked you to be Billy Graham,” John said. “Just be Franklin. You have a style of your own that’s unique—it’s different from you father’s. God has given you the gift of evangelism—you can’t ignore that.”106 Would to God that all minister’s children—even adult PKs—would have patient mentors like White to walk them through the minefield of vocational decision. Encouraging young PKs to commit to a once-for-all call to vocational ministry creates a risk of what James Marcia calls “identity foreclosure.” He posits that a mature identity is achieved only when an individual has experienced a crisis or thorough exploration before committing to an occupation or ideology.107 Young people in the state of identity foreclosure have not experienced a crisis, but they have made commitments to occupations and ideologies handed down to them, frequently by parents. They identify closely with their parents, often to the point of enmeshment, and exhibit a rigid and authoritarian spirituality.108 We want PKs to respond to the call of God to serve Him, without boxing that calling into narrow categories of pastor, missionary, or evangelist. We want them to fully explore their gifts and interests and serve the Lord as the men and women of God He made them. 106 Graham, 306. 107 James Marcia, “Identity in Adolescence,” in Handbook of Adolescent Psychology, ed. J. Adelson (New York, NY: Wiley & Sons, 1980), 161. 108 Gary K. Leak, “An Assessment of the Relationship between Identity Development, Faith Development, and Religious Commitment,” Identity: An International Journal of Theory and Research 9 (2009): 202-203. 100 The “Sons of Eli” Syndrome Occasionally, the most negligent kind of nepotism allows a gifted, but rotten, PK into church leadership. Like the biblical sons of Eli, the corrupt PK possesses the vocabulary and skills to make a positive contribution to the church, but also drags in poor ethics in areas like financial management or sexual behavior. Pastor parents may want to give them the benefit of the doubt in hiring them, hoping that parental love and supervision will change their ways. The stereotype of the smooth, but tricky pastors’ son has a basis in fact. McCown and Sharma found that adolescent PK boys demonstrated higher than average social competence and—simultaneously—higher than average behavior problems. In boys, these scales usually show inverse behavior.109 PKs have been trained to turn on the charm to keep people happy, but without personal spiritual integrity they may lose the fear of the Lord and become corrupt, milking the familiar church system for all it can give them. To be fair, every young associate pastor requires supervision and harbors the potential of ethical failure. However, when the offending associate is the pastor’s son or daughter, the congregation’s anger is sure to triangle back to the pastor who made the hiring decision and who failed in the task of supervision. When the rotten pastors’ kid is discovered, the pastoral tenure may be short. 110 Conclusion The literature about pastors’ children remains outdated and limited, especially in documenting the advantages of PK life. The existing writings do, in fact, support 109 McCown and Sharma, 38. 110 Lee and Balswick, Life in an Glass House: The Minister’s Family and the Local Congregation, 176. 101 HIMAD’s conceptual framework of five “PK distinctives,” the unique features of the world of adolescent PKs. These young people grow up with preacher parents, live in the local church spotlight, wear a VIP pass to the Christian world, handle insider information, and have open doors to ministry leadership. Each of these includes tangible blessings and often-painful challenges. All in all, the PK’s world is a “social ecology” comprised of his or her own personality and decisions, the dynamics of family life in the parsonage, and the ministry family’s relationship with the church and its individual members.111 The internal integrity of each of these three elements and healthy boundaries between them determine the quality of the PK’s day-to-day experience. When pastor-parents live in integrity at home and maintain clear boundaries with a healthy church, PKs enjoy many advantages. At home, they receive a unique spiritual formation and enjoy healthy parental modeling and support. In the local church, they get the opportunity to develop ministry and people skills and may enjoy a supportive social network. Parents and church leaders who actively insist that the pastor’s children receive “normal” treatment dramatically reduce the pain of unfair expectations. In the broader Christian world, PKs may participate in high quality Christian ministries, travel, and gain a broader worldview through the lens of the kingdom of God. As they mature and interact more deeply with their parents, they may enjoy personal mentoring; as they develop their gifts, they may find open doors to ministry leadership. Unclear boundaries between the PK, the ministry family, and the church produce stress and lie at the root of many of the principle PK problems. The definers and 111 Lee, PK, 16. This was the single most helpful insight I found in the available PK literature. 102 guardians of these boundaries are the pastor and his or her spouse. Pastors may cave in to church expectations, spoken or unspoken, to be on call twenty-four hours a day, leaving little time or emotional energy for the family. Without a proactive scheduling plan, pastoral families may get drawn into spending inordinate amounts of time in the church building. Pastors may unwittingly expose their children to congregational criticism and unfair expectations by using them in sermon illustrations and holding up their families as a model for everyone to imitate. Pastoral couples may poison their children with bitterness by dragging church problems into the dining room. Parents may violate pastorparent boundaries by prematurely hiring a talented but immature—or morally rotten— child, setting up both the young person and the pastor for failure. Two outside elements conspire to breathe oxygen and life into the closed PK ecology of me-family-church. The first is the grace of God, which pursues each of His people and offers his unconditional love and a second chance. The Lord sends the second: caring adults and understanding friends who come alongside the PK and walk with him or her through life in the stained glass jungle. PK camps, PK friends, and supportive adult advocates can come alongside PKs to love them, listen to them, and create spaces where PKs can “be normal” and connect with God for themselves. PK ministries and trusted adult friends can provide a pressure release valve that can make the difference between a PK exploding or finding the grace and sanity to keep going. Pastors’ kids make up an important link in the chain of God’s grace, the next generation of men and women of God. The literature offers insight into the advantages and disadvantages that caring leaders can use to help PKs become everything God created them to be. CHAPTER 4 DESCRIPTION OF FIELD PROJECT Introduction Chapter 3 discussed how the published literature about pastors’ kids (PKs), although scant, clearly confirmed the existence of identifiable PK advantages and disadvantages. This whole project proposes that the principle blessings and challenges in the life of the pastor’s kid cluster around five key distinctive realities: growing up with preacher-parents, living in the local church spotlight, connection with the broader church world, handling insider information, and negotiating the fast track to ministry. Chapter 4 now discusses a survey conducted to determine if these ideas proved true in the lives of diverse groups of PKs in retreats across Latin America. It will first describe the preparation of the study—including the development of a questionnaire and target sample, followed by the execution of the project—the administration of the questionnaire, and, finally, the results of the project, including its findings and the summary of those findings. Preparation of the Project The Costa Rican PK ministry, called “Children of Ministers of the Assemblies of God,” or HIMAD by its Spanish acronym, began in the year 2000 when my wife, Jennifer, and I arrived as missionaries. As time passed, the ministry’s leadership team began building a network of friendship with Assemblies of God leaders from several 103 104 countries who were either currently working with PKs or desiring to do so in the near future. By 2008, the list of countries included Costa Rica, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Mexico, Argentina, Cuba, Chile, and Panama. Ministry leaders from these countries began to invite one another to minister at retreats and send participants to encourage one another. As I attended many different PK events, I quickly found that the way leaders perceived the reality of PK life often dictated, for good or ill, the effectiveness of the ministry effort. I witnessed several PK events derailed by faulty assumptions. One speaker, assuming all PKs were rebellious and ungrateful, scolded the young people harshly, making a room full of enemies. Another speaker, feeling sorry for them as the mistreated victims of nasty church members, showered them with unwelcome pity. After a PK talent event laced with sarcastic church humor, mature observers grieved that the evening fueled the young peoples’ cynicism instead of offering God’s grace and a healthy perspective. Clearly, the more accurate the leaderships’ understanding about PKs, the more effective the ministry will be. With time, the body of information about PKs solidified. Since beginning the ministry in Costa Rica, I had collected all the PK literature I could find. Each year the campers filled out PK retreat evaluations, which the leadership team used to measure the effectiveness of the ministry.1 I began teaching workshops, both for young people and for their pastor-parents, about the unique world of PKs.2 The feedback I received from the workshops and camps served as a pilot project to establish a conceptual framework of corresponding pairs of PK advantages and 1 See Appendix B, “2008 PK Retreat Evaluation.” 2 See Appendix A, “2007 Workshop for Ministers’ Kids.” 105 disadvantages. In April 2008, I compiled a chart identifying the most common disadvantages as the flip side of the advantages.3 The Costa Rican leadership team and I were invited to help the Cuban Assemblies of God hold their first PK retreat from July 9-11, 2008. This served as a unique moment to collect data that could help everyone interested in ministry to PKs; therefore, the team set out to write the questionnaire. Survey Sample The survey was originally written to study a sample of approximately 200 adolescent pastors’ children who planned to attend the July 2008 Cuban Assemblies of God PK retreat, with the possibility of using it at the 2009 Costa Rican retreat as well. The survey was written in standard Spanish that could be easily understood in multiple countries. The questions were based on the team’s experience with Costa Rican PKs and took into account some anticipated cultural and economic differences in Cuba. Because the Cuban retreat was promoted for youth from twelve to twenty-five years old, the questionnaire used simple vocabulary. The survey assumed that all participants would be able to read and would possess enough reflection skills to answer the questions. Participation guidelines at each of the six PK retreats required attendees to be children of parents in active ministry leadership. Although most PKs came from the Assemblies of God network, anecdotal evidence suggests that a few PKs came from independent churches and other denominations. Denominational affiliation information was not requested on the survey. Virtually all camp participants were children of 3 See Appendix C, “2008 Pilot Project Results: PK Privileges and Syndromes.” 106 Pentecostal ministers. Most of their parents would be pastors; other parents served in non-pastoral roles such as evangelists, home or foreign missionaries, Bible institute professors, and denominational officials. One demographic factor we knew we could anticipate among the PKs was that virtually all of them—providing they were single—would be living at home with their parents, even those in their mid-to late-twenties. The great majority of Latin American young adults reside at home until marriage, even university students. Most universities do not have dormitory space for the students and economic constraints do not allow the luxury of paying for lodging when a bed is available at home.4 Consequently, PKs in attendance would spend their entire adolescent identity formation under the watchful eye of the church. Many of the young people would be involved in active ministry leadership, yet some of the young adult children might be chafing under the same curfews and family rules as their thirteen-year-old siblings. As the Costa Rican team began the survey process, I was concerned that collecting all of the data at PK retreats would skew the data toward the experience of well-adjusted PKs and leave out the hurting ones. After all, the parents concerned enough to send their children to a retreat were probably more involved in the lives of their children than other parents. I also suspected that most hard-core rebellious PKs going through prodigal-child phases might not come to a retreat and would be underrepresented in the data. I feared that PKs from poor rural communities and the smallest churches would be under-represented because of the expense of getting the kids to the 4 University of Costa Rica, “Programa de Residencias” [Residence dormitory program], UCR Student Life Web Site, http://vra.ucr.ac.cr/vve.nsf/5c229904aaccc31d86256c370061be05/6e423ae7f f5504e186256c21000dd5f6?OpenDocument (accessed November 8, 2011). The University of Costa Rica has a student population of about 39,000 but dormitory space for less than 600, exclusively for the use of students from remote rural locations who win a full-tuition academic scholarship. 107 retreat. As much as we would have liked to harvest data from the widest sample of PKs possible, we had to be content with 607 PKs participated at the PK retreats. However, the demographic data actually collected from the surveys disproves all of these fears, as discussed in the findings section below. Survey Questionnaire The questionnaire set out to collect as much information as possible from the adolescent youth that would be at the Cuban PK retreat. I especially wanted to refine my understanding of PK advantages and disadvantages, as derived from the literature, my experience, and the pilot data I had already collected. The anonymous questionnaire began with demographic data: gender, age, country, size of city, size of church, number of children in family, and birth order position.5 It also asked for the level of education completed by the father, mother, and the PK, as well as any current studies, employment, number of times per week the PK attends church, and any church ministry in which the PK participates. The content portion of the survey was divided into two sections. The first section, a subjective response, asked PKs to name three advantages and three disadvantages of being a PK, leaving a couple of lines after each for brief responses. This section intentionally gave the young people an opportunity to name their personal top three likes and gripes before the objective questions suggested other answers. The objective section presented seventy-seven concrete statements a PK might make about his or her experience, to be answered on a five-point Likert scale. The responders were to check the box that best described how the statement applied to them: 5 See Appendix D, “Pastor’s Kid Survey.” 108 1-Never, 2-Sometimes, 3-Not sure, 4-Many times, and 5-Always. The statements were roughly evenly distributed between the five categories of PK advantages and disadvantages, plus several questions each about the PK’s family relationships and personal satisfaction. Execution of the Project The first survey was handed out on July 11, 2008, the last day of the first national PK retreat in Ciego de Avila, Cuba, after the final session, before lunch, and in the midst of some confusion about buses. Of the 200 PKs at the event, 108 surveys were completed. When the HIMAD team returned to Costa Rica I devised codes for the demographic information and began to organize the subjective advantage/disadvantage responses into groups of similar answers with their own codes. Once the data table was set up, I felt confident to collect more PK data. In November 2008, one of our staff members was invited to speak at a PK retreat for the Assemblies of God in Panama; he returned with seventy-nine surveys. The eighth national Costa Rica PK retreat in January 2009 yielded 116 more completed survey forms, followed by 187 collected from Argentina’s retreat in March. A PK leader from El Salvador sent seventeen more surveys from a regional gathering in May 2009. I led the Costa Rican team back to Cuba for the second annual Assemblies of God PK retreat in August 2009, where we collected 100 more surveys from PKs who had not attended the previous year’s retreat. All in all, HIMAD collected 607 surveys at six events in five countries. Table 1 identifies the location of the retreats and the number of participants who filled out the survey at each event. 109 Table 1. Countries and Dates of PK Retreats and Number of PKs Surveyed Country Dates # of PKs Surveyed Cuba July 9-11, 2008 108 Panama November 7-8, 2008 Costa Rica January 8-11, 2009 116 Argentina March 27-29, 2009 187 El Salvador May 2, 2009 Cuba August 4-6, 2009 79 17 Total responders 100 607 After each of these PK events, the HIMAD team carefully coded and recorded the answers from every survey sheet. The codes and distribution of these responses are discussed in the results section of this chapter. Results of the Project Demographics Gender. Of the 607 participants, 288, or 47.7%, were male and 316, or 52.3%, were female. Three surveys left the answer blank. Age. The ages of the participants ranged from ten to forty-two years of age. Five children fell into the category of age ten or eleven and two adult leaders, aged thirty-three and forty-two, filled out the survey. All of the rest of the participants were between the ages of twelve and twenty-nine. Table 2 shows the distribution of ages roughly by junior high (ten to fourteen years), high school (fifteen to eighteen years), college (nineteen to twenty-four), and single adult (twenty-five and older) ranges, although these education categories do not apply evenly in each country. Unfortunately, when the survey was printed for distribution to the 187 participants at the PK retreat in Argentina, the age line 110 was deleted, resulting in a loss of age information. In total, 199 respondents did not fill in age information, leaving age-related data for 408 participants. The age group distribution was probably not significantly affected. The average age was 17.7, and the median age was 17 years. Table 2. Age Ranges of Responders Age Range Number Percentage 10 to 14 107 26% 15 to 18 142 35% 19 to 24 128 31% 31 8% 25 and over * Note: Only 408 of the 607 survey participants filled out age information City Size. The survey allowed the young people to subjectively indicate if the place where they live is a rural area, a small town, a medium city, or a large city. Table 3 indicates their answers. Twenty-seven percent of the young people indicated that they live in rural areas or small towns, while 73% said they were from small or large cities (Table 3). These percentages correspond roughly to the urbanization rates of the general population.6 Table 3. City Size City Size Rural Small Town Medium City Large City 6 Total Responses of 576 65 90 248 173 Percentage 11% 16% 43% 30% See, for example, “Cuba,” The CIA World Factbook, https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/ the-world-factbook/geos/cu.html (accessed November 7, 2011). According to the CIA World Factbook, Cuba’s population is 75% urbanized, while Costa Rica’s is 64% and Argentina’s is 92%. 111 Church Size. The PKs were asked to indicate the size of the church they attend. They were not given any specific guidelines to differentiate between service attendance and formal membership, so these numbers are estimates, but if nothing else they indicate the PK’s perception of church size. Forty-five percent indicated they were from churches of 0-99 people, 25% from 100-199, 18% from 200-499, 5% from 500-999, and 6% indicated they were from churches of over 1,000 people (Table 4). Table 4. Church Size Church Size Total Responses of 569 256 Percentage 100-199 143 25% 200-499 103 18% 500-999 32 5% 1,000+ 35 6% 0-99 45% Other statistics. The PKs marked the number of children in their household; the average was 3.2 children per home. The average birth order of PK camp participants was 2.1. To the question: “How many times per week are you at the church?” the average response was 4.0, although many PKs were in church six or seven times per week. Fifty participants left the answer blank and one answered “once a month.” Although some blanks may have come from respondents who skipped the question, it is safe to surmise that some of them were not attending church at all. This confirmed our hope that some of the “prodigal” PKs who were not actively attending church came to the PK retreat anyway, dispelling any fears that this survey data is all from “perfect PKs.” 112 The questions about the education levels of both parents and PKs, as well as current employment of PKs were difficult to categorize neatly, as vocabulary varies from one country to the next. For example the word colegio for high school in Costa Rica means “college” in other countries, and the Cubans use the word primaria up to ninth grade, while most other countries use it for elementary school. One hundred eighty-six of the PKs were currently employed; 476 were students. In the space to report “your current ministry in the church” 469, or 77%, reported being involved in some kind of ministry in the local church. The most common ministry named was alabanza, musical praise and worship, with 303 PKs involved—a full 50%. The second most common response was jóvenes, youth, with 98 (16%); niños, children’s ministry, was third with 48 responses, 8%. Subjective Advantages and Disadvantages The PKs were given space to name “three advantages of being a PK” and “three disadvantages of being a PK.” The 607 survey respondents wrote down 1,378 advantages and 1,264 disadvantages, 9% more advantages than disadvantages. These were coded into 18 typical advantages (Table 5) and 26 typical disadvantages (Table 6). These codes were entered into the data table then ranked in a frequency table.7 7 See Appendix E, “PK Subjective Advantage and Disadvantage Clusters.” 113 Table 5. Subjective Answer Advantage Chart 1 Advantages Recognition Typical Answers People know you, give gifts, privileges 2 Blessing Being a PK is a blessing, my family is blessed 185 3 Ministry It develops, helps, opens doors for you in ministry 171 4 Family I have a godly family, proud of my family 149 5 Meet People Get to meet a lot of people, pastors, evangelists 123 6 Travel Go to Christian events, travel with parents, go places. 78 7 Attention Church People watch out for me, help, protect, take care 72 8 Information You hear about everything, know what is going to happen 68 9 Bible You learn about the Bible 57 10 PK Ministry I like to go to the activities and meet other PKs. 55 11 Access Access to the church facilities, music instruments, office. 57 12 Leadership You learn to be a leader, resolve conflicts. 39 13 Formation It is a formation/training process/school, people invest in me. 37 14 Trust People trust you, give you opportunities. 31 15 Prayer People pray for you. 26 16 Example I can be an example for others. 20 17 Church I get to be in church, to participate. 11 18 Economic The church takes care of our family economically. Total Advantages Listed # Used 190 9 1,378 114 Table 6. Subjective Answer Disadvantage Chart Disadvantage Typical Answers 1 2 3 Criticism Observation Perfection People criticize and judge you People are always watching you I always have to be perfect, cannot make mistakes. Your parents are busy and they never have time for 4 Time you. 5 Privacy No privacy or place to be alone. 6 Suffering Watching your parents suffer. You have to set the example, protect family 7 Example testimony. You cannot trust people or have friends in the 8 Distrust church. 9 Obligated I have to do things in church I do not want to do. 10 Rules The rules are different for me than for others. 11 Pressure I cannot take the pressure, have to do everything. 12 Rejection Other kids avoid me, kick me out of group. Moving to another town, losing friends during 13 Moving transition. 14 Responsibility You have too many responsibilities, no free time. I have no freedom, cannot do anything, rules are 15 Liberty unfair. Economic scarcity, we have no money, cannot buy 16 Scarcity anything. 17 Little Pastor People think you are the little pastor. 18 Identity I cannot be my own person, find my own identity. 19 Persecution Persecution in the community, school activities. 20 Unappreciated People do not appreciate or acknowledge my effort. Others are jealous, say I get unfair advantages, 21 Favoritism favoritism 22 No Rights Other peoples’ needs are more important than mine. 23 Elections Pastoral elections, getting voted on. 24 Spy People treat me like the pastor’s spy. Church people, especially deacons, are not what 25 Hypocrites they seem to be. 26 Church I have to be at church all the time. Total Disadvantages Listed #Used 253 181 123 98 69 64 49 48 43 42 38 37 36 30 28 27 22 18 14 12 9 7 6 5 4 1 1,264 115 It is helpful to realize that all of these responses were written by PKs who were asked to name their top three advantages and disadvantages. The fact that only nine PKs indicated that the church takes care of them economically should not be interpreted to mean that the rest do not value it. This item simply did not make anyone else’s top three. The five most common individual responses that stand out statistically on the subjective advantage list are: (1) (Special) Recognition, (2) (Family) Blessing, (3) (Open doors for) Ministry, (4) Godly Family, and (5) Meeting People (see Table 5). Four disadvantages stand out above the rest on Table 5: (1) Criticism (statistically far ahead of the rest), (2) Observation (the fishbowl), (3) Perfection (impossible expectations), and (4) Time (parents too busy for you). All of the subjective answers were clustered into five advantages and five disadvantages from our five PK Distinctives, reflected in Tables 7 and 8. The advantage cluster with the most total responses was “Spiritual Heritage,” while the runaway leader among the disadvantages was the “Fishbowl Syndrome.” Table 7. Advantage Clusters Advantage Cluster Spiritual Heritage Subjective Answer Codes Included 2 Blessing + 4 Family + 9 Bible # 391 Special Recognition 1 Recognition + 7 Attention + 11 Access +15 Prayer + 18 Economic 352 Access to Church World 5 Meet People + 6 Travel + 10 PK Ministry + 17 Church 269 Leadership Open Doors 3 Ministry + 14 Trust + 16 Example 222 Insider Information 8 Information + 12 Leadership + 13 Formation 144 116 Table 8. Disadvantage Clusters Disadvantage Cluster Fishbowl Syndrome Subjective Answer Codes Included 1 Criticism + 2 Observation + 5 Privacy + 19 Persecution # 517 Little Pastor Syndrome 3 Perfect + 7 Example + 15 Liberty + 17 Little Pastor + 18 Identity 240 Professional Church Family Syndrome 4 Time + 10 Rules + 13 Moving + 16 Scarcity + 22 No Rights + 23 Elections + 26 Church 217 Happy Face Syndrome 6 Suffering + 8 Distrust + 9 Obligated + 12 Rejection + 24 Spy + 25 Hypocrites 201 Premature Ministry Syndrome 11 Pressure + 14 Responsibility + 20 Unappreciated + 21 Favoritism 89 Objective Question Responses The survey included 77 objective questions to be answered on a 1 to 5 Likert scale. The answers for every question were entered into a data table.8 For ease of analysis, questions that were marked “1” or “2,” corresponding to “never” or “sometimes” (the word in Spanish would be interpreted closer to “seldom”), were considered a “No.” Questions marked 4 or 5, “many times” or “always” were considered a “Yes.” Questions left blank were coded as 3, “I do not know,” and were not counted as either a “Yes” or “No.” We then created a chart of all the questions in the order they appeared on the questionnaire, with their “Yes” percentage scores.9 We also generated a table that ranked the questions by the percentage of PKs that answered “Yes,” and a second table ranked by the percentage that answered “No.” 10 8 See Appendix F, “Objective Questions Organized by 5 Distinctives.” 9 See Appendix G, “Objective Questions Sorted by Question #.” 10 See Appendix H, “Objective Questions Sorted by ‘Yes’ Percentage” and Appendix I, “Objective Questions Sorted by ‘No’ Response.” 117 From the “Yes” table it is noteworthy that all of the top ten “Yes” questions are related to the spiritual and family heritage of the PK, and the confidence they feel serving God growing out of that heritage (Table 9). Table 9. Top Ten “Yes” Questions Question Number T:4, 5 Total Q11 Comment My parents have taught me the Bible since I was a child. Percentag e YES 572 607 94% Q12 My parents model for me the Christian life. 571 607 94% Q8 My parents are an example of how to live by faith. 565 607 93% Q4 I respect my parents as men and women of God. 560 607 92% Q6 My parents enjoy a strong and close marriage. 552 607 91% Q34 I feel proud of my parents as Christian leaders. 551 607 91% Q74 I feel that God has a purpose for my life. 542 607 89% Q73 I like to help people out when they need me. 537 607 88% Q5 I have a strong relationship with my parents. 529 607 87% Q16 My parents have helped me to develop my talents. 524 607 86% Comparing the Data to the “5 Distinctives” Theory The primary objective of this survey was to get the adolescent PKs’ firsthand description of the advantages and disadvantages they face and then compare it to the items in our theory of Five PK Distinctives. In this section, each of the advantages and disadvantages are held up to the light of the data for confirmation. Both the objective and subjective data will be used for each item. 118 PK Distinctive 1: Growing up with Preacher Parents PKs grow up in a family with preacher-parents with heavy influence from the church community. Advantage #1: Spiritual Heritage. The PK enjoys a great spiritual heritage, with exemplary parents, a thorough Christian upbringing, and a family blessing. Table 10 shows the objective questions related to Spiritual Heritage, and Table 11 shows the related subjective responses. This group of statements received the strongest affirmation in the survey. The “yes” percentages for these questions ranked highest of all of the advantages or disadvantages, and the subjective answer did as well. These answers provide strong support for the fact that PKs love their parents, cherish their spiritual heritage, value their Christian upbringing, and feel their family is blessed. The PKs had an interpretation problem with Q3, “I feel I have received a spiritual heritage from my parents.” The survey in Cuba 2008 was filled out immediately after a session in which the preacher told the PKs that they did NOT have a spiritual heritage, but that every one of them needed to make a personal spiritual commitment to the Lord. That group resoundingly answered “no” on Q3 and changed the results for that question, since in other countries the “yes” response for this question was higher. Table 10. Advantage #1 Objective Responses Question Number Comment Percentage Q11 My parents have taught me the Bible since I was a child. 94% Q12 My parents are models of the Christian life for me. 94% Q8 My parents are an example of how to live by faith. 93% Q4 I respect my parents as a man and woman of God. 92% Q6 My parents enjoy a strong and close marriage. 91% 119 Q18 My house is a refuge where I feel safe. 84% Q35 My last name is a blessing. 82% Q3 I feel I have received a spiritual heritage from my parents. 79% Table 11. Spiritual Heritage Subjective Responses Spiritual Heritage Concept # of Responses #2 Blessing Being a PK is a blessing, my family is blessed 185 #4 Family I have a godly family, proud of my family 149 #9 Bible You learn about the Bible 57 Note: #1 Ranking on subjective responses. 391 Disadvantage #1: The “Professional Church Family” Syndrome. Growing up with preacher-parents means that church life spills over into family life. The PK’s “social ecology” includes messy boundary issues between the family and church, including little time with parents, frequent church activities, the challenges of parsonage life, economic struggles, and the pain of moving. 11 Table 12 shows the PK responses to the objective questions related to this disadvantage, and Table 13 shows the subjective responses. Table 12. Disadvantage #1 Objective Responses Question Number Comment Q23 The rules in my house are different than those of my friends. 83% Q69 My parents know how I am when I am with my friends. (17% No) 66% Q15 My parents know my best friends well. 65% Q28 I have to give up my bed when we have guests in the house. 56% Q21 We have at least one vacation time per year. 55% 11 Percentage Cameron Lee, PK: Helping Pastors’ Kids Through Their Identity Crisis (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1992), 17. 120 Q19 We have suffered for lack of economic support. 50% Q26 My parents give money in the offering that we needed at home. 46% Q70 The needs of others are more important than my needs. 40% Q59 I have lost friendships when we have had to leave churches. 39% Q24 My parents make time for others but not for me. 35% Q27 It makes me uncomfortable when church members invade our house. 34% Q20 My parents take days off without attending to anyone. 20% Table 13. Disadvantage #1 Subjective Responses Question Number Comment Number of Responses #4 Time Your parents are busy and they never have time for you. 98 #10 Rules The rules are different for me than for others. 42 #13 Moving Moving to another town, losing friends during transition 36 #16 Scarcity Economic scarcity, we have no money, cannot buy anything 27 #22 No Rights Other people’s needs are more important than mine. 7 #23 Elections Pastoral elections, getting voted on. 6 #26 Church I have to be at church all the time. 1 #3 Overall Ranking—disadvantages on subjective response 217 The literature suggests that PKs often feel hurt when their parents are so busy that they do not spend time with them.12 This survey supports that theory: “Your parents are too busy and they never have time for you” was the #4 disadvantage on the subjective list. Another complaint significantly present in the literature was that PKs feel frustrated at having to be at the church all the time; however, this hardly appeared on our survey. 12 Douglas F. Campbell, “Explorations of Parents’ Availability to their Children: Canadian Preachers’ Kids (PKs), Family Ministry 12, no. 4 (Winter 1998): 47. In this Canadian PK study, parental “availability” to their children proved a determining factor in their eventual adult religious commitment. 121 Only 1 PK out of 607 mentioned it in the top three disadvantages and, unfortunately, we did not write an objective question specifically about it. Considering the abundant references in the literature to clueless parents, I was surprised at how many PKs affirmed that their parents knew how they behaved around their friends (Q69, 66%) and knew their best friends well (Q15, 65%). When we wrote Q20 in Spanish, “My parents take days off without attending to anyone,” we meant that parents do not tend to church business on their day off. It appears that many of the PKs interpreted the question to mean, “My parents take days off when they do not talk to me,” skewing the data. PK Distinctive #2: Life in the Spotlight PKs grow up in the local church spotlight, enjoying the perks of special recognition and suffering under the gaze of life in the fishbowl. Advantage #2: Special Recognition. PKs enjoy the attention they receive because of the leadership of their parents. Special recognition was the #1 advantage that PKs named on the subjective portion of the survey. We suspected that many PKs would feel that their Pentecostal pastor-parents were avoided or considered strange in the community, but 81% affirmed “my parents are recognized as leaders in the community,” even in Cuba amidst communist persecution. Given that “Recognition” was the #1 answer (190 PKs listed it) on the subjective advantage chart, it is interesting to note that only 39% marked “yes” for Q30, “Sometimes I receive gifts or special recognition in the church.” Perhaps for the 39% of PKs who receive special recognition it is the top advantage and the rest simply do not feel the same glow of affirmation from the church. 122 Table 14. Advantage #2 Objective Responses Question Number Comment Q34 I feel proud of my parents as Christian leaders. 91% Q29 My parents are recognized as leaders in the community. 81% Q41 I am allowed to use the equipment in the church: instruments, etc. 75% Q30 Sometimes I receive gifts or special recognition in the church. 39% Percentage Table 15. Advantage #2 Subjective Responses Question Number Comment #1 Recognition People know you, give gifts, privileges #7 Attention Church People watch out for me, help, protect, take care 72 #15 Prayer People pray for you. 26 #18 Economic The church takes care of our family economically. Responses 190 9 Disadvantage #2: The Fishbowl Syndrome. PK life in the spotlight includes the disadvantage of the “fishbowl syndrome,” constant public observation that brings a lack of privacy, the withering effects of criticism, and a constant struggle against stereotypes. On the subjective answers, “Criticism” (“people criticize and judge you”) appeared 253 times and “Observation” (“people are always watching you”) was mentioned 181 times, making them the #1 and #2 top disadvantages on that scale. On the objective questions, however, the responses appear more nuanced. Seventy-one percent (Q40) report that their parents try to protect them from criticism. While 59% say their parents use them in sermon illustrations (Q39), a significant percentage, 30%, said “no.” While 41% overall answered “yes” to the statement, “I have suffered persecution in my studies because I am a PK,” only 65 out of 208 of the PKs in communist Cuba, 31%, answered “yes.” 123 Table 16. Disadvantage #2 Objective Responses – Fishbowl Syndrome Question Number Comment Q36 The people watch me because I am the pastor's kid. 83% Q40 My parents try to protect me from criticism. 71% Q50 The rules for me are different than they are for others. 66% Q38 The people observe and criticize my appearance. 65% Q54 The people in our church accept the way I dress. 65% Q39 My father uses me in sermon illustrations. (30% No) 59% Q66 I have gotten mad when forbidden things I do not think are bad. 50% Q37 I have suffered persecution in my studies because I am a PK. 41% Percentage Table 17. Disadvantage #2 Subjective Responses – Fishbowl Syndrome Question Number Comment Responses #1 Criticism People criticize and judge you 253 #2 Observation People are always watching you 181 #5 Privacy No privacy or place to be alone. 69 #19 Persecution Persecution, not allowed in some school activities. 14 PK Distinctive #3: Elite Membership in the Church World The PK’s family connections give him or her special access to the vast social network of the Christian world, but the VIP nametag also creates expectations of perfection from the “little pastor.” Advantage #3: Access to the Church World. The PK’s family connections provide access to a rich network of relationships and activities in the broader church world, and the data indicates that they clearly regard this as a major advantage (Q33, 85%). “Meeting people” was the #5 overall subjective advantage on the chart and traveling to 124 Christian events was clearly affirmed as a major plus. Overall, having PK friends to talk to was the #10 subjective advantage, and 77% said they have PK friends they can talk to (Q75). PKs value participating in PK events and making PK friends that can understand them. Table 18. Advantage #3 Objective Responses—Access to Church World Question Number Comment Percentage Q33 My family opens doors for me in the Christian world. 85% Q75 I have PK friends that I can talk to. 77% Q31 I get to meet special guests that come to our church. 75% Q32 I have been able to travel to special events with my family. 56% Table 19. Advantage #3 Subjective Responses—Access to Church World Advantage Comment Responses #5 Meet People Get to meet a lot of people, pastors, evangelists #6 Travel Go to Christian events, travel with parents, go places. 78 #10 PK Ministry I like to go to the activities and meet other PKs. 55 #17 Church I get to be in church, to participate. 11 123 Disadvantage #3: The Little Pastor Syndrome. The VIP access tag hanging around the neck of the PK may lead others to expect him or her to act like a little pastor. This means that PKs feel a need to live up to impossible standards of perfection, held up to a higher standard than their peers. Statements like “I always have to be perfect” and “I can never make mistakes” showed up as the #3 most common disadvantage on the subjective answers. 78% agreed that “people expect me to be the example for the other young people in my church. The 50% positive response to the statement “I feel guilty because I 125 ought to be better than I am” indicates that many PKs have internalized the high expectations of themselves. Table 20. Disadvantage #3 Objective Responses—Little Pastor Syndrome Question Number Comment Q51 People expect me to be the example for other young people in my church. 78% Q46 People expect me to be perfect. 72% Q45 People expect me to be the "little pastor" 71% Q44 They call on me to fill in whenever there is an emergency. 64% Q48 They say that I have to serve, because I am the pastor's kid. 59% Q72 I feel guilty because I ought to be better than I am. 51% Q53 I have freedom to make my own decisions. 31% Percentage Table 21. Disadvantage #3 Subjective Responses—Little Pastor Syndrome Disadvantage Comment Responses #3 Perfection I always have to be perfect, cannot make mistakes. 123 #7 Example Have to be the example for everyone, protect family testimony. 49 #15 Liberty I have no freedom, cannot do anything, rules are unfair 28 #17 Little Pastor People think you are the little pastor 22 #18 Identity I cannot be my own person, find my own identity 18 PK Distinctive #4: Insider Information. Living with pastors, PKs have access to insider information about the church. On the positive side, they may enjoy being “in the know” about church people and activities; they may also value getting special insight into the heart and mind of their parents. The problem comes when they inevitably get too much information and must manage the knowledge of the dark side of the church. 126 Advantage #4: Special Information. PKs may enjoy being in the information loop, hearing first about plans and people in the church. They may also understand their family conversations as a special opportunity for ministry mentoring as they watch Christian leadership up close. While the leadership mentoring aspects of the special information advantage were clearly affirmed, fewer PKs (61%) received private information about the church and even fewer (45%) heard private information about individuals in the church. Some ministry families establish and protect boundaries of how much private information they share with their children. Table 22. Advantage #4 Objective Responses—Special Information Question Number Comment Q60 I have learned to resolve conflicts by watching my parents. 77% Q61 I have learned about leadership through my parents. 75% Q55 My parents share private information about the church with me. 61% Q56 I hear information about the personal life of church members. 45% Percentage Table 23. Advantage #4 Subjective Responses—Special Information Advantage Comment Responses #8 Information You hear about everything, know what is going to happen 68 #12 Leadership You learn to be a leader, resolve conflicts. 39 #13 Formation It is a training process, a school, people invest in me. 37 Disadvantage #4: Too Much Information. Access to insider information eventually leads to too much information, which can lead to PK isolation in the church. 127 The PKs manifested, both in the subjective (Q57, 83%) and objective (#6 overall) responses, that watching their parents suffer under the criticism of church members is the most painful aspect of the “too much information” syndrome. Twenty-seven percent affirmed having watched their parents suffer at the hands of “the authorities” (Q58) which the survey intended to refer to the government, but at least one PK asked in the margin if church authorities counted. Rejection by other young people appears clearly in the data. Less than half of the PKs affirmed having someone either inside (Q63, 40%) or outside (Q64, 45%) the church with whom they could share their problems. In the subjective responses, many PKs groaned, “You cannot trust people or have friends in the church” (#8 Distrust), “Other kids kick me out of their group” (#12 Rejection), and more than a fourth said other people treated them “like the pastor’s spy” (#24 Spy, 29% on Q62). The literature often referred to PKs being forced to perform on Sunday mornings, doing tasks they did not want to do and putting on their “happy face” mask anyway. However, only 19% (Q67) agreed with the statement, “In church I have to pretend to be something I am not.” Table 24. Disadvantage #4 Objective Responses—Too Much Information Question Number Comment Q57 It hurts me when people criticize my parents. 83% Q64 I have someone outside the church with whom I can share my problems. 45% Q63 I have someone in the church with whom I can share my problems. 40% Q62 Other youth have treated me like the pastor’s spy. 29% Q58 My parents have suffered at the hands of the authorities. 27% Percentage 128 Q65 They make me do things in church that I do not want to do. 25% Q67 In church I have to pretend to be something I am not. 19% Q71 If people really knew me, they would reject me. 13% Table 25. Disadvantage #4 Subjective Responses—Too Much Information Disadvantage Comment Responses #6 Suffering Watching your parents suffer. 64 #8 Distrust You cannot trust people or have friends in the church. 48 #9 Obligated I have to do things in church I do not want to do. 43 #12 Rejection Other kids will not hang out with me; kick me out of group. 37 #24 Spy People treat me like the pastor's spy. 5 #25 Hypocrites Church people, esp. deacons, are not what they seem to be. 4 PK Distinctive #5: Fast Track to Ministry Leadership. As pastors’ kids develop their ministry gifts, their parents and other Christian leaders may open doors for ministry leadership. Unfortunately, the fast track may lead to premature ministry, vocational identity confusion, and the potential of the “Sons of Eli Syndrome,” young people with rotten character taking over the family “ministry business.”13 Advantage #5: Open Doors for Ministry. PKs may develop early talents and have open doors to enter ministry leadership at a young age. Since the PK sample included young adults, many were already leading in some way in the church. As reported in the 13 The “Sons of Eli Syndrome” syndrome is described in Chapter 3, referring to the worst kind of church nepotism: Pastors’ kids who have impressive ministry gifts, but whose character is deficient. When their sins become public the pastor who hired and covered for them often loses credibility and can be removed from leadership. Chapter 2 includes a case study about the sons of the priest Eli in 1 Samuel 2-3. It highlights that their cynicism and lack of respect for God led them to thorough corruption. 129 demographic responses, 469 (77%) reported being involved in some kind of ministry with the top three being worship music (50%), youth (16 %), and children’s ministry (8%). In the objective statements, an overwhelming majority affirm that their parents’ initiative (86%, Q16) and growing up in the church (79%, Q42) have helped them develop their talents, and that they are currently actively participating in ministry at church (75%, Q43). The #3 overall advantage mentioned in the subjective responses was “Ministry: being a PK develops, helps, and opens doors for you in ministry.” Many PKs take seriously the privilege and responsibility of being an example for the other youth to follow (53%, Q52, #16 Example), and that as a PK, people trust and give them opportunities (#14 Trust). Table 26. Advantage #5 Objective Responses – Open Doors for Ministry Question Number Comment Q16 My parents have helped me to develop my talents. 86% Q42 I have developed talents because I have grown up in the church. 79% Q43 I participate actively in ministry at the church. 75% Q52 The other young people follow my example. 53% Percentage Table 27. Advantage #5 Subjective Responses – Open Doors for Ministry Advantage Comment Responses #3 Ministry It develops, helps, opens doors for you in ministry #14 Trust People trust you, give you opportunities. 31 #16 Example I can be an example for others. 20 171 Disadvantage #5: Premature Leadership. The survey data sustains the theory that the PK’s early open doors for ministry leadership include the danger of premature 130 leadership. PKs may be leading beyond their emotional maturity to handle the responsibility (subjective #14 Responsibility), pressure (#11 Pressure), or lack of appreciation (#20 Unappreciated). Some resent church peoples’ accusations of favoritism or nepotism (Q47, 43%; #21 Favoritism). Other PKs acknowledge that they are serving while harboring habitual sin (Q68, 18%). A premature commitment to ministry as a vocational track—what James Marcia called “identity foreclosure”—may lead some PKs to feel stuck and forced to become something they do not want to be.14 Forty percent of the PKs reported feeling pressure “to become a pastor like my parents (Q49). Table 28. Disadvantage #5 Objective Responses—Premature Leadership Question Number Comment Q47 They complain that I only serve because I am the pastor’s kid. 43% Q49 I feel pressure to become a pastor like my parents. 40% Q68 I serve in the church even though I have habitual sin in my life. 18% Percentage Table 29. Disadvantage #5 Subjective Responses—Premature Leadership Disadvantage Comment #11 Pressure I cannot take the pressure; I have to do everything. 38 #14 Responsibility You have too many responsibilities, no free time. 30 #20 Unappreciated People do not appreciate or acknowledge my effort. 12 #21 Favoritism Others are jealous, say I get unfair advantages, favoritism. 14 Responses James Marcia, “Identity in Adolescence,” in Handbook of Adolescent Psychology, ed. J. Adelson, 159-187 (New York, NY: Wiley & Sons, 1980), 161. 9 131 Summary of Findings This survey of Latin American pastors’ kids offered PKs an opportunity to share the advantages and disadvantages of their PK experience with open subjective statements as well as responding to 77 objective questions. When asked to name three advantages and three disadvantages of PK life, they recorded 9% more advantages than disadvantages, 1,264 to 1,378. The survey data confirms the general hypothesis that the advantages and disadvantages of PK life are the opposite sides of five key realities that distinguish the PK’s life from that of other young people in the church and secular society. These PK distinctives are summarized and confirmed by the data as follows. PKs Grow up with Preacher-Parents This reality gives the PK the advantage of a unique spiritual heritage. The data shows that PKs are grateful for their exemplary parents, both in their church leadership as well as their personal example. The top ten objective statements that PKs most strongly agreed with all had to do with the example of their parents and the spiritual blessing they felt on their life. PKs understand the advantage of being raised with solid Christian principles and believe that their life has a purpose in the hands of God. This group is also convinced that the call of God on their parents’ life gives the entire family a spiritual blessing. Having preacher-parents brings the PK the disadvantage of growing up with the professional church family syndrome. By far, the greatest disadvantage identified by the PKs in the survey revolves around parents being extremely busy, although only 35% were willing to say that their parents took time for others, but not for them. Other PK 132 laments include having harsher household rules than their friends, having to move when changing church pastorates, and the lack of funds in the home. PKs Live in the Local Church Spotlight On the positive side, the spotlight gives the PK special recognition. Standing proudly beside their parents in front of a loving congregation, the PK is a small-time celebrity who enjoys knowing everyone, receives small perks, and is allowed to play the church instruments. The #1 single advantage that 190 of the PKs specifically named on the subjective portion of the survey was “Recognition,” being known, loved, and supported by the people in the church. The adulation of the church people in the spotlight bears a high price tag. The two most common disadvantages named on the survey were criticism and observation, both of which are functions of visibility. When pastors use their children in sermon illustrations, they increase their visibility, diminishing their privacy and increasing their exposure to criticism. The data suggests that the more visible the PK, the more exposed he or she is to criticism. PKs are Connected to the Best of the Church World PKs are highly connected to the best of the Church world outside the local congregation. The survey data demonstrates that PKs love the connections they enjoy with the broader church world, especially meeting Christian leaders, traveling to ministry events with their parents, and participating in PK ministry. “Meeting people” was the #5 overall top advantage named by the PKs in the subjective section. The PK’s close identification with the broader church world also means that PKs are expected to act like “little pastors.” The #3 overall biggest disadvantage named by 133 PKs is “I have to be perfect.” Other related laments include: “I have to be the example for everyone else to follow,” “I have no freedom,” “People think you are the little pastor,” and “I cannot be my own person.” PKs Have Access to Inside Information While this was the least popular of the five advantage clusters, more than threefourths of the PKs agreed that being close to their parents has provided a rich school where they can learn about leadership and conflict resolution. The dark side of having access to inside information is that eventually PKs have too much information. The PKs in the study almost universally suffer with their parents during church conflict and feel isolated when the other young people reject them, break their confidence, or try to use them to get information about their parents. PKs are on the Fast Track to Ministry Leadership The #3 overall advantage of being a PK on the survey was, “It develops you and opens doors for ministry.” Latin American PKs do not go off to college or move to a different city to “find their way in the world.” They pass through their adolescence and young adulthood at home and in the local church. Often, the pastor is eager to let his offspring cut their teeth serving the Lord. The disadvantage of the fast track to ministry is the pressure of premature ministry. PKs reported feeling too much pressure, having too much responsibility, and feeling unappreciated for what they do in the church. Some PKs reported being accused of receiving favoritism and unfair advantages. Forty percent felt pressure to become pastors like their parents, complicating the process of vocational identity. A small, but honest, minority also admitted to serving in the church while practicing habitual sin. In 134 extreme cases these can become like the sons of Eli, rotten characters in ministry leadership. Conclusion All in all, this study allowed 607 pastors’ kids from all around Latin America to describe their PK experience in specific detail. Some experiences were affirmed as nearly universal, such as valuing the family’s spiritual heritage (Table 11) and chafing under the criticism and constant observation of church members (Table 6, #1 and #2). Other experiences, while not shared by all, still fit into the overall profile of a “normal” PK, such as the eleven kids who loved being able to participate in every single church activity (Table 5, #17) and the 29% whom other kids had treated as the pastor’s spy (Table 24, Q62). When PKs, their preacher-parents, and PK ministry leaders take an objective look at the whole package of advantages and disadvantages in the PK experience, they may find new ways to build on the advantages and defuse the danger in the disadvantages. CHAPTER 5 PROJECT SUMMARY Chapter 5 reflects on the process and implications of this project. This summary includes: (1) an evaluation of the effectiveness and possible improvement of the project, (2) the implications of the project, (3) the project’s contribution to ministry, (4) recommendations for national church leadership, and (5) recommendations for future study. Evaluation of the Project This project assembles a portrait of the distinctive life experience of adolescent Latin American Pentecostal ministers’ kids, providing pastor-parents and PK ministry leaders a window into the perceived advantages and disadvantages of PK life. The following sections describe keys that made this survey effective and other key components of the project that needed improvement. Keys to Project Effectiveness First, this study benefitted from unusual face-to-face access to a large number of PKs. Because of my Costa Rican PK team’s relationships with an international network of PK ministries, I was able to collect data from 607 ministers’ kids at retreats in five countries. This is one of the largest data samples of any of the existing formal PK 135 136 surveys.1 The international scope of this project makes its findings relevant across the continent. Second, this project grew out of the praxis of ministry to adolescent PKs. As I described in chapter 3, most of the larger statistical PK studies to date have flowed from either sociologists or clinical counselors. The sociological studies typically asked adult PKs to identify elements of their childhood family life that affected their later adult religious involvement.2 The material written by counselors typically identifies the causes of adult PK psychological distress in ministry—family boundary problems, congregational expectations, and external factors, like moving and economic hardship.3 While any good material can inform a practitioner’s thinking, the conclusions produced by those studies typically point to the pastor as the problem and the therapy couch as the solution. At a retreat, however, leaders do not help PKs by blaming their parents or the congregation for messing up their life. Practicing PK ministry leaders must understand the good and bad in a PK’s life and offer a fresh perspective, hope, spiritual support, and friendship to help the PK keep going. Third, this project created a vehicle to systematically document the perceived advantages of PK life in addition to the disadvantages emphasized by the current PK 1 The two largest PK samples were in Douglas F. Campbell, “Explorations of Parents’ Availability to their Children: Canadian Preachers’ Kids (PKs),” Family Ministry 12 (Winter 1998): 47-57; and Carole Brousson Anderson, “The Experience of Growing Up in a Minister’s Home and the Religious Commitment of the Adult Child of the Minister,” Pastoral Psychology 46, no. 6 (1998): 393-411. Campbell surveyed 606 adult PKs, and Anderson’s sample numbered 487. The fact that our sample number of 607 was one more than Campbell’s was not planned. 2 Examples of sociological studies are Campbell and Anderson, also the two largest PK studies mentioned in the previous note. 3 Examples include Timothy L. Sanford, “I Have to Be Perfect” And Other Parsonage Heresies (Colorado Springs, CO: Llama Press, 1998). Cameron Lee, PK: Helping Pastors’ Kids Through Their Identity Crisis (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1992). 137 literature. None of the major existing PK studies attempted to catalog how pastors’ kids perceive the benefits of growing up in a clergy family. Although some of the books in the “pastoral parenting tips” genre recommend talking with PKs about the advantages, the nature of those benefits is not well documented.4 Fourth, the survey was able to generate both subjective and objective data from the PKs. The objective responses documented with concrete statistics the extent to which the PKs’ life experience matched the categories of the “5 PK Distinctives.” The subjective responses, on the other hand, allowed the PKs’ to respond freely when asked to name their “top three” advantages and disadvantages of PK life. Comparing the subjective and objective data permits the reader to differentiate between nearly universal PK sentiments and powerful experiences that are shared by only a minority. For example, the number one most popular subjective advantage, labeled “Recognition,” clustered answers similar to: “Everyone knows you; people give you gifts and special privileges.”5 By its #1 ranking alone, a reader may be led to think that all PKs get special recognition and gifts. Objective question #30, however, corrects the perception when only 39 percent of PKs agree to the statement, “Sometimes I receive gifts or special recognition in the church.” 6 More PKs chose to mention “special recognition” than any other “top three” response, but only 39 percent say they actually receive gifts and privileges. 4 Raul Guido Salazar, Dios Llamó a Mis Padres [God called my parents] (Buenos Aires, Argentina, 2009). 5 See Appendix E, “Subjective Advantage and Disadvantage Clusters.” 6 See Appendix F, “Objective Questions Organized by 5 Distinctives.” 138 Keys to Project Improvement The project collected a large amount of data from a substantial sample in order to better understand the life experience of Latin American pastors’ kids. A few changes in the process could have sharpened some of the outcomes. First, the denominational homogeneity of our sample—Latin American adolescent Pentecostal Pastors’ Kids—may limit its perspective. If the study had included PKs from other major Christian groups, such as Baptists or Presbyterians, some characteristics may have emerged as a result of Pentecostal culture. Second, the survey suffered a setback when it failed to collect age information for 199 participants. A misprint on the survey administered in Argentina led to age not being reported for 187 people, along with 12 from other countries who did not fill it out. Factoring by age group became somewhat less accurate than we had hoped. Third, several demographic categories defied a neat numbering system because of vocabulary differences, as explained in chapter 4. On the questions that requested the father and mother’s education level, it seemed that the PKs had difficulty choosing between our options. In some cases, vocabulary was the issue; in Costa Rica primaria refers to elementary school, grades 1-6, while in Cuba the same word is used up to ninth grade. In some countries the Bible schools have university status, so having to choose between Instituto Bíblico and Universidad would have been confusing. I had hoped to be able to factor in parental education level to determine PK satisfaction, but establishing meaningful categories was complicated. 139 Implications of the Project The information collected in this project is meant to cast light on the PK experience for the benefit of both PKs and their pastor-parents. Shortly after the data collection stopped, I assembled a presentation to explain the 5 PK advantage and disadvantage clusters to both of these groups.7 For pastors’ kids, both adults and adolescents, this project holds up a mirror to their own experience, giving them permission to talk about the blessings as well as the challenges of growing up in the parsonage. Some PKs have always tried to live up to the image of the perfect PK; the frank and well-documented discussion of PK disadvantages should help them take off their mask and acknowledge the pain. Others have earned the label from the opposite PK stereotype—“black sheep” or “rebel;” for these souls, an honest appraisal of PK advantages may take away some excuses to be angry. For the vast majority of PKs in the middle of these extremes—the basically happy ones who sometimes have bad days—this discussion should bring the relief of knowing they are normal. After all, the life of every child in every family with parents in any profession has its advantages and disadvantages. When pastors’ kids hold up their whole PK experience and compare it to the life of others, they can usually find reasons to be grateful. PKs should also benefit from this study, as it spurs potential PK ministry leaders into action. Young people who have the privilege of participating in PK ministries soon come to regard their friendships with others PKs as one of the primary benefits of having 7 See Appendix K, “Power Point Presentation.” 140 parents in ministry.8 Adult leaders at PK retreats often develop ongoing friendships with the young people and can speak into their lives in moments of decision. Pastors and their spouses may find numerous ways to apply this study to their family life. Parents may find some comfort in knowing their children fit within the broad range of “normal PKs,” but the study should confront them about the boundaries that they establish and defend between the church and the family. The literature suggests that the pastoral profession spills over into the minister’s family to a greater degree than most other professions, and PKs feel boundary violations through absentee parents, unfair observation, criticism, and impossible expectations.9 To a large degree, the pastors’ greatest family battle is fought with boundaries: leaving work concerns at the church, protecting days off, not exposing the family in illustrations, being fully engaged with the family when at home, and protecting the home from church intruders. This study provides a critical insight into the nature of conflict between PKs, their parents, and church members, with implications for all three. Cameron Lee and Jack Balswick explain that in such a three-member social ecosystem triangulation occurs when two parties who cannot resolve a conflict take it out on the third party.10 In the PK’s world, triangulation might mean that a church lady picks on the PK girl when, in fact, she has unresolved conflict with the pastor’s wife. A pastor might yell at the children to behave “because the church people are watching” instead of the more honest motivation of good behavior for the sake of etiquette or Christian values. Pastors and their spouses 8 Appendix F, “Objective Questions Organized by Five Distinctives.” 9 Cameron Lee, PK: Helping Pastors’ Kids Through Their Identity Crisis (Grand Rapids, MI Zondervan, 1992), 17; See Appendix E, “Subjective Advantage and Disadvantage Clusters.” 10 Cameron Lee and Jack Balswick, Life in a Glass House: The Minister’s Family in its Unique Social Context (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1989), 176. 141 may need to consider whether their children’s struggles with church members really reflect their own relationship or boundary problems with the church. This study also intends to prod pastoral couples to help their children make meaningful friendships with Christian adults outside of the local church. If the family does not have access to a PK ministry, often other ministers or friends can speak into their lives. When PKs can observe multiple models of people living healthy Christian life, they often make better decisions and can imagine themselves serving the Lord in creative ways. Contribution to Ministry This study intends to spur potential PK ministry leaders into action, developing personal relationships with PKs as well as organizing ongoing ministry efforts. Both the literature and the survey demonstrate the value of outside social networks in the PK’s life.11 When the pressures of overly busy parents, impossible expectations, criticism, and lack of privacy become unbearable, PKs need to breathe outside oxygen or they may release pressure in unhealthy ways. When ongoing PK ministries exist, the young people mention them as one of the great benefits of being a PK. Appendix B shows a portion of a Costa Rican PK retreat evaluation from 2008.12 We asked the young people what the PK ministry meant to them. The PKs answered by saying, “It is my support group,” “It is my most important group of friends,” “It is a place where I can get things off my chest,” “It’s a place where God speaks to me,” “For me, it is an oasis in the desert,” and “It is a place to develop my 11 Christian Smith, “Religious Participation and Network Closure Among American Adolescents,” Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion 42, no. 2 (2003): 259-260. 12 Appendix B, “2008 HIMAD PK Retreat Evaluation.” 142 ministry gifts.” Perhaps this material may contribute in other leaders feeling called to create pastors’ kids ministries for the PKs in their world. PKs have many privileges growing up in a godly pastoral family and church community, but they desperately need outside caring adults who will speak into their lives and create venues where they can make friends and meet with God. Recommendations for Denominational Leaders National and regional denominational leadership plays a critical role in developing effective ministry to pastors’ kids. In the early stages of reaching out to PKs, the events can be simple and inexpensive. Youth leaders can host a pullout session or workshop for PKs during a larger youth convention or retreat. Special ministry sessions for PKs may work during pastors’ retreats or business sessions, if the ministers bring their families with them. Leaders who love PKs can start meeting with them informally over food or in a private home. The first step toward developing an ongoing PK ministry lies in building a committed leadership team made up of PKs. Twelve years of experience in several countries has demonstrated that no matter how much others may care for PKs and want to help them, pastors’ kids often do not listen to outsiders as well as to one of their own kind. The best way to train and motivate such a team would be to expose them to a team already working effectively with PKs. When the Cuban Assemblies of God wanted to start their PK ministry, they asked Costa Rica’s ministry to bring a team to train them. The Costa Ricans trained the Cuban leaders, led the recreation times, shared testimonies, and preached messages intended to reach the PK’s heart. The Costa Rican ministry has invited PK ministry leaders from Mexico and Argentina to minister at annual retreats. 143 Passion for effective PK ministry is contagious and the cross-pollination of ideas motivates leadership from both countries. The biggest weapon in the PK ministry arsenal is the exclusive PK retreat. PKs need to leave their home and their parents’ church to be themselves without church people watching them. In their home church, PKs rarely feel free to worship, share what is on their heart, and let their guard down. Retreats provide time, activities, specialized ministry, and a unique group of friends so that the PK can lower his or her protective walls and have a personal experience with God. The annual PK retreat must eventually become part of a broader strategy to provide ongoing support for pastors’ kids. Existing PK ministries do this through a variety of strategies: periodic regional events, small group meetings with camp cabin leaders, social events, worship nights, online social communities, and newsletters. Young adult pastors’ kids often want to help the younger kids, but the organizational demands of a PK ministry require the support of denominational leaders. Camps require a highly committed leadership team and a strategy for financing the event, since many pastors struggle economically and may have multiple children in the ministry’s age range. The battle to organize PK ministry must be fought on two fronts: the pastors and the PKs. Denominational leaders must make family information available to PK leaders and promote the PK ministry to the pastors. Convincing the PKs to participate in a new ministry requires a critical mass of young leaders who can gain the respect of the teens. Further recommendations about the specific objectives of PK retreats can be found in Appendix L.13 13 Appendix L, “Recommendations to Pastors, PK Leaders, and PKs.” 144 Recommendations for Future Study Since its inception, this project has resulted in numerous fruitful conversations with ministers and their spouses and has helped start several new PK ministries. Like any significant study, it has also unearthed many constructive ideas for further study. First, the data from this study bears much more detailed analysis. Appendix M shows the results of a preliminary factor analysis of the objective data from the survey, and suggests a few typical “PK profiles” that emerge from the data.14 I called the first three factor clusters on that chart the “Confident PK with Good Parent Relationships,” “The Overexposed ‘Little Pastor’,” and “The PK with a Messed up Family.” Strong positive or negative responses to such key questions as, “My parents enjoy a strong and close marriage” and “I feel I can share anything with my parents” seem to correlate strongly with other positive or negative responses. The initial factor results for girls aged fourteen to twenty-one did not appear to differ significantly from the emerging profiles for all PKs. However, years of experience watching conflict between authoritarian fathers and their college-age daughters suggested that the data might vary for older girls. A factor analysis for the fifty-one girls in the eighteen to twenty-one year age range revealed that most fit into typical PK patterns, but one group seemed to be at open war with their parents, even while serving in the church. In the data, these girls insist that their parents do not know them or their friends. They deny receiving a spiritual heritage from their parents and resent the behavior expectations 14 Appendix M, “Factor Profiles for Survey Participants.” 145 of the congregation; they say that they are serving in the church in spite of habitual sin in their lives, and fear that the church people would reject them if they really knew them.15 These initial patterns emerging from the data require much more detailed manipulation. Filtering the PK data through such demographic information as country, age and sex of responder, education level of parents, size of church, and city size would likely lead to meaningful results. For example, the data seemed to show that in Costa Rica and Panama, which have a strong church culture of celebrity pastors, PKs reported more criticism and higher expectations. In Argentina and Cuba, where churches have a more limited culture of pastoral adulation, PKs reported fewer unfair expectations and less criticism. The data would have to be analyzed much farther to demonstrate causality in these situations. Second, doing the survey in other regions of the world, such as in the United States or Asia, could isolate culturally determined elements of the data. Perhaps in the United States, where young people can go off to college and develop their identity among peers, fewer PKs might feel the impact of the identity-foreclosing “little pastor syndrome” suffered by Latin American PKs who never leave home. The decades-old American church culture that expects pastors to take days off, go on family vacations, limit work hours, and take time for family, may have created an environment where PKs feel less abandoned by their pastor-parents. Third, collecting and systematically applying first-person PK anecdotes could expand the emotional impact of this study. Even though this survey collected both 15 Ibid., 5. See the section entitled, “Factor Profiles: Girls 18-21, factor profile #1.” 146 objective and brief subjective data, the PK ministry team did not interview PKs to collect their stories and specific examples. Fourth, a long-term correlation of ministers’ children actively involved in a PK ministry could evaluate the impact and effectiveness of the PK interventions. Such a study would need to track emerging-adult PKs, comparing those who had participated in ongoing PK ministries with those who had not. Social problems such as drug and alcohol abuse and relationship dysfunction might be compared with positive spiritual and vocational outcomes. Such a study might prove expensive and require an extensive organizational effort, but could prove valuable. Conclusion In the absence of the perfect PK study, I am grateful for the opportunity to have worked on this project and witnessed the positive responses of PKs and their parents when we discuss its findings together.16 This project began in chapter 1 by telling the story of how God brought my family into a time of great need for PKs in Costa Rica. The personal growth in the young people of the Costa Rican PK ministry, called HIMAD, and the ministry’s international expansion spurred this project into action. Chapter 2 delineated how, at a theological level, PK ministry aims to transmit a sincere and clearly defined faith to the next generation of the people of God, ministering God’s grace and fanning into flame the gifts that God has placed in every young person. The general literature review, in chapter 3, picks through the scant body of published PK writings to identify a set of very real advantages and disadvantages that reflect the positive and negative opposites of five distinctive features of PK life. The survey of 607 Latin 16 See Appendix K, “PK Sessions for Pastor-Parents” and Appendix K, “PowerPoint Presentation.” 147 American PKs, documented in chapter 4, confirms and quantifies these advantages and disadvantages. First, PKs grow up with preacher-parents, which means PKs enjoy a rich spiritual heritage, but also that the church can dominate the family’s time and energy. Second, PKs live in the local church spotlight, which may bring a few perks of special recognition, but also includes incessant observation and constant criticism. Third, PKs’ family connections give them access to the best of the church world, which offers a vast social network of relationships and activities, but also brings demanding expectations to behave like “little pastors.” Fourth, PKs have access to insider information, allowing them to watch their parents up close as they lead and resolve conflict, but insider information can turn into too much information about the dark side of the church, producing cynicism and isolation. Last, PKs have access to the fast track to ministry leadership, often enjoying early opportunities to lead, but they may crash emotionally or ethically when they face the pressure of premature ministry. This study is meant to bring grace and hope to the PK, insight and admonition for pastor-parents, and purposeful motivation for leaders are wanting to work with PKs. May this work do its part to raise up the next generation of God’s servants in Latin America and around the world. APPENDIX A 2007 WORKSHOP FOR MINISTERS’ KIDS Oasis de Esperanza National Youth Leaders Retreat January 28-30, 2008 Jon Dahlager Opener: Costa Rican HIMAD (Ministers’ Kids) ministry documentary/camp video. Icebreaker activity: Good news, Bad news. Two chairs placed in front of the room, one with big happy face “thumbs up” sign and the other with a big angry face “thumbs down” sign. Each person in the room, time permitting, comes to the front, introduces him/herself and sits in each chair for 15 seconds, telling something great and something difficult about being a PK – Pastor’s/Preacher’s/Minister’s Kid. (Purpose: give permission to talk about the good stuff as well as the hard stuff) Initial Disclaimers Working Definition of an PK = Child of a pastor/preacher/minister, who has lived a significant portion of his or her life in a ministry family, and whose family life rotates around the church. We will use PK as the generic abbreviation for pastor’s/preacher’s/minister’s kid. Missionary kids share much of the PK experience, but are just as influenced by cross-cultural issues, which are best handled in a different workshop. It takes one to know one. Our experience shows that ministry to PKs almost always works best when speakers and group leaders are healthy ministers’ kids that can help others along the same path. Others can love and serve PKs, but in this ministry there is no substitute for firsthand experience and personal stories speak louder than 1,000 sermons. Every PK is different. Even in the same family, with the same parents and in the same church, two kids can react in completely opposite ways to the same situations. We believe this is good, because God created each person unique, and we do not expect any PK to measure up to anyone else’s life, although we do want every PK to become what God meant them to be. Each church also has its own personality, and each family’s relationship with the church is unique. Not every observation we make may apply to you. These are no hard and fast rules, but observable patterns. Let the Lord speak to you with what rings true in your life. What is a “normal” PK? These observations are meant to apply to reasonably healthy ministry families that love the Lord and feel called to serve Him with a good conscience. The issues change significantly with PKs that suffer emotional, physical or sexual abuse in their family or church, or whose parents’ lives show a drastic disconnect from sincere Christian faith and ethics. 148 149 Special Advantages of the PK 1. Is raised in a healthy Christian family, and not in a home broken by issues like divorce or alcoholism. 2. Grows up learning about the Lord, the Bible, prayer, and Christian life. 3. Enjoys a heritage of spiritual blessing, sometimes with several generations of ministers in the family tree. 4. Has access to church facilities: music, computers, etc. 5. Is trusted with ministry responsibilities, often more readily than his/her peers. 6. Tends to develop outstanding abilities in music, drama, leadership, art, sports, academics, etc. 7. Learns leadership skills by watching parents: people management, conflict resolution, creativity, optimism. 8. Receives special presents or recognitions from the church, for birthday/Christmas/pastor appreciation events. 9. Gets to rub shoulders with special guests and Christian leaders that come to the church. 10. Sometimes gets to travel to Christian conventions and camp or on ministry trips with parents. 11. Some get to participate in special ministries for PKs, such as HIMAD. Disadvantages of the PK 1. Lives in a fishbowl, where every move is watched by church members (and used in sermon illustrations). 2. Fears that any bad behavior can wreck the family’s ministry. 3. Wears the label of “pastor’s kid” wherever he/she goes, and has it used against him/her. 4. Lacks privacy and personal space, especially if the parsonage is near the church. 5. Has to share his or her parents with everybody else, and often at the most inconvenient times. 6. Is expected to know everything, a veritable walking Bible concordance. 7. Feels that he/she has to be perfect, an ideal Christian example and a model for other young people. 8. Knows that he/she is not perfect, producing perfectionism or rebellion (or both). 9. Learns to be an actor, doing what needs to be done at the moment, like it or not. 10. Learns to suppress personal needs and rights in favor of “the ministry.” 11. Suffers the tyranny of the “shoulds”—feeling he/she should be better, but never living up to the ideal. 12. Is stunted in normal adolescent independence process, especially older girls. 13. Feels that there is nowhere where he/she can “be myself” without being scrutinized. 14. Gets caught in the “double bind”: I’m criticized if I rebel, and second-guessed if I behave. 15. Knows the dark side of church life, which produces sarcasm and cynicism. 16. Is deeply hurt by personal criticism against parents, even more than against him or herself. 17. Feels rejected by other youth in the church; the pastor’s spy, different. 18. Learns not to trust anyone in the church. 150 19. Struggles to connect with the Lord at Dad and Mom’s church. Worship and prayer are clouded by other issues. 20. But in Latin America, it is culturally not acceptable to attend another church. 21. Suspects that God, parents, and everyone else is disappointed with him/her. 22. Economic needs can be extreme, and a roadblock to wanting to develop personal ministry. 23. A personal call to ministry is complicated by prophecies, church expectations, and family heritage. Ministry values at PK events ! Fun breaks the ice. We use recreation and music to lower defenses and open PKs to the Holy Spirit. ! Friendship brings fresh air. Encourage ongoing relationships with other PKs, who can “be normal” together. ! Worship connects with God. We create a safe environment where PKs can worship, pray, and hear from God. ! Grace soothes perfectionism. Minister the grace of God as an antidote to the perfection demanded the PK. ! Testimonies flatten excuses. Share personal stories to model healthy Christian life to PKs. ! God calls everyone. Carve out time for PKs to hear and understand their own life calling from God. ! Mentors show the way. When PKs mentor each other, they raise up the next generation of God’s servants. ! Ministry together changes the World. PKs serving in a network together can change the world. Personal Challenges for each PK 1. Admit that ministry family life has advantages AND disadvantages. It is ok to talk about both realities. 2. Recognize that I do not have to be perfect, that I do not now it all, and that it is all right to ask for help. 3. Learn to know and serve God on my own apart from my family’s name and reputation. 4. Look for fellow PK travelers on the journey of life; allow friends to come in past the external perfect shell. 5. Find mentors that can serve as outside pressure release valves when things get weird at home and church. 6. Find ways to develop personal independence without damaging my family. 7. Break the tyranny of the “shoulds.” Learn to serve the Lord and others out of love, not obligation. 8. Grow in forgiveness and grace, for myself as well as for those who have hurt me and my family. 9. Strive for holiness and excellence in ministry opportunities; never coast on my charisma or status as PK. 10. Find my own voice and my own personal calling from God. 151 Personal Reflection Questions • Do I really relieve that God knows the deepest parts of my soul and still really loves me? • What are the PK gifts and challenges in my life? • What are the parts of my life that I wish were different? Why? • Is there any part of my life that need the grace and forgiveness of God? • If I were not a PK, would I be a Christian? Would I be serving the Lord? Why? • Do I struggle to trust people and make deep friendships? Why? • Do I know another PK with whom I could develop a closer friendship? • What is God’s call that I am feeling for my own life? What am I doing with that calling? Bibliography I Have to be Perfect: and other parsonage heresies, by Timothy Sanford, psychologist and PK. He studies the lies, the “warped records,” that mess up the adult PK as a result of his life in a ministry family. Jon Dahlager Director, ministerio HIMAD, Hijos de Ministros Acercándose a Dios APPENDIX B 2008 HIMAD PK RETREAT EVALUATION These are some of the responses given by PKs at the end of the 2008 Costa Rican retreat, January 3-6, 2008. They were compiled and used for staff debriefing afterward, and served as a powerful reminder of why we do what we do at these retreats. The numbers indicate the number of times that answer was repeated. Can you share something you received from God at this camp? • 22 Confirmation of my Calling/ministry/purpose • 19 A Transformation, a change (The camp’s theme was Transformed) • 17 New strength, motivation, weapons to keep on going • 16 God spoke to me, gave me an answer for a question • 14 The presence/touch of God, the anointing of the Holy Spirit, I met with God. • 12 The Love/forgiveness/strength/hope/faithfulness/peace of God • 11 A lot of blessing. • 10 I was confronted to make decisions, a new commitment • 7 Restoration/healing/emotional freedom from hurts • 5 Friendships • 4 Finding my identity in God • 3 Something personal • It was my first time here and I had such a neat experience with God here. I loved feeling understood and supported ! • My family went through a desert this last year…God was always there, but a lot of things happened that really battered my personal life…but even then God never abandoned us. I came to this camp needing God to touch, heal, and clean out my life, and He did. I can freely say that I had a transformation. • God changed my life, filled my heart with dreams and desires, and I want to keep on going to prepare to help at camps, too. You missionaries changed my way of thinking; thank you for helping my family with our house repairs. Please pray for me because I want to go out into the mission field. • God spoke to my heart. He told me that He was waiting; He has a task for me and He has always been with me in the loneliest times. I was able to feel that presence again and I got a lot of thing off my chest that I dragged in with me. • I came to camp ready to receive from God. Lately, I have been drifting a bit from God and have not had the same communion with Him. But I think this camp helped me get back to my place, where I belong. God moved spectaularly and I am going home all filled up with Him! • I learned that transformation can hurt. • This camp was like a first date with God, finding my first love again. 152 153 What does the HIMAD PK ministry represent in your life? • 29 It is my support/help/motivation/encouragement group • 18 It is a great/total/super/huge blessing. • 13 My friends, a place for friendship • 11 A huge part of my life, of my person, of my identity • 9 A very important ministry for my life • 9 A place where I can get things off my chest, I’m understood, I can be me. • 6 It is my family. • 5 An oasis in the desert, a refuge, free air, refreshment • 4 A place for restoration, a new beginning • 3 Happiness, fun • 3 An opportunity to serve, to develop ministry gifts • 2 They correct us through the teachings • 2 A great generation of servants/of impact • 2 The best/only reason to keep on being a PK. • 2 A guide to show us the way forward. • A place to meet with God and to meet other PKs. • It is a miracle • I am proud to be part of this ministry. • It was what raised up my own ministry. • It opened my eyes to the value of being a PK. I never valued it before. • People who pray for me and are concerned that I seek God more each day. • A chain of blessing and inspiration. • A great privilege, companions in arms, a work team committed to serve God. • These are my friends and people that I know I can call in moments of anguish. I love this ministry. • It is a big part of my life because here I find people that are just like me. • Jon is my pastor. APPENDIX C 2008 PILOT PROJECT RESULTS: PK PRIVILEGES AND SYNDROMES Written April 30, 2008, this chart summarizes the findings of the PK Pilot Project in workshops and PK Retreats in the first months of 2008. It was the first document spelling out PK privileges and syndromes. It was discussed with the Costa Rican PK ministry (HIMAD) leadership team in anticipation of the Cuban PK retreat in July 2008 and formed the philosophical base for the PK survey. Special Privileges The Family • Parents are people of God, not alcoholics. • Learn about God, the Bible and faith. • Heritage of spiritual blessing. • They are proud of their parents, their leadership and the fact that people need and respect them. The Last Name • Special recognition: PKs are recognized by their family connections. • Get special gifts. • Get to go to PK events. VIP Access • They have to be in church anyway, so their parents give them total access. • Facilities, instruments, computer equipment. • They learn about everything. Develop special talents. • Develop creativity, are used to serving. 154 Syndromes “Alien Family” • Have to share their parents with everybody. • Boundary problems in the family, strange schedules, sharing family time with others. The Fishbowl • Can’t get away from being identified by their last name. • Pastors want to be transparent before the people; their children have to live with it. • Constant observation and criticism. • Lack of privacy in their personal life. The “Little Pastor” • Because they are in the church, serving and developing special talents, people have expectations of perfection. • They have to have perfect Christian character, without doubts or immaturity. • Cannot make mistakes. • Should want to grow up to be a pastor. 155 Information • They learn all about the church at home. • Conflict resolution, leadership. • Sometimes they get classified information. Ministry • They are given leadership and special trust—sometimes without having to go through the same process as others. The Mask • They learn about the dark side of the church, the pain, the stabs in the back. • May be called “the pastor’s spy.” • The other young people treat them differently. • The PK’s private life is public information. • Learn to keep quiet, to not trust anyone. The Scoundrel • PK serving in church, but does not fear God. • Church becomes a game, a family business. Becomes shameless. Superhero (the guilt-ridden adult PK) • Expectations have always been different. Now the PK believes it: “I should be perfect.” Knows he or she is not perfect. APPENDIX D PASTOR’S KID SURVEY Sex (Mark with an X) ! Male ! Female Age: ______ Country where you live:___________________ City/Town where you live: ! Rural ! Small Town ! Medium City ! Big City Number of Members in your Church: ! 0-99 ! 100-199 ! 200-499 ! 500-999 ! 1000+ Number of Children in your Family: ______________ Your position in the birth order: ! Oldest ! Youngest ! Only ! Other # Level of education completed by your father: ! Primary ! Secondary ! University ! Bible College ! Other. Which?__________________ 156 157 Level of education completed by your mother: ! Primary ! Secondary ! University ! Bible College ! Other. Which?__________________ Level of education that you have completed: ! Primary ! Secondary ! University ! Bible College ! Other. Which?__________________ Current Studies, Grade, and Major: __________________________________ Current Employment: ______________________________________________ Your Current Ministry in the Church: ________________________________ Times per week that you are at Church________________________________ Name three advantages of being a pastor’s kid: 1. 2. 3. Name three disadvantages of being a pastor’s kid: 1. 2. 3. 158 For each question, Respond by marking with an X. Your answers are confidential. I feel good about my relationship 1 with God. I feel that my life and ministry are a 2 blessing for others. I feel that I have received a spiritual 3 heritage from my parents. I respect my parents as men and 4 women of God. I have a strong relationship with my 5 parents. My parents enjoy a strong and close 6 marriage My family has a regular devotional 7 time together. My parents are an example of how to 8 live the faith. My family has fewer problems than 9 my friends’ families. I feel I can share anything with my 10 parents. My parents have taught me the Bible 11 since I was a child. My parents model for me the 12 Christian life. My parents make time to spend with 13 me. My parents understand my world: 14 sports, activities, etc. My parents know my best friends 15 well. My parents have helped me develop 16 my talents. I can talk openly about sexuality 17 with my parents. My house is a refuge for me where I 18 feel safe. We have suffered for lack of 19 economic support. My parents take days of rest without 20 attending to anyone. We have at least one vacation time 21 per year. Never Sometimes Not Sure Many Times Always 159 My family makes time to create 22 special memories. The rules of my house are different 23 than those of my friends. Sometimes my parents meet the 24 needs of others but not mine. The church meets our economic 25 needs. My parents give money we need in 26 the offering. It makes me uncomfortable when 27 church members invade our house. I have to give up my bed when we 28 have guests in the house. My parents are recognized as leaders 29 in the community. Sometimes I receive gifts or special 30 recognition in the church. I am responsible to get acquainted 31 and share with special guests. I have been able to travel to special 32 events with the family. My family opens doors for me in the 33 Christian world. I feel proud of my parents as 34 Christian leaders. 35 My last name is a blessing. The people watch me because I am 36 the pastor’s kid. I have suffered persecution in my 37 studies because I am a pastor’s kid. The people observe and criticize my 38 appearance. My father uses me in sermon 39 illustrations. My parents try to protect me from 40 criticism. I am allowed to use church 41 equipment: instruments, etc. I have developed talents because I 42 have grown up in the church. I participate actively in ministry at 43 the church. They call on me to fill in whenever 44 there is an emergency. 160 There are people who think I should 45 be the “little pastor” There are people who think I should 46 be perfect. They complain that I only serve 47 because I am the pastor’s kid. They say that I have to serve, 48 because I am the pastor’s kid. I feel pressured to be a pastor like 49 my parents. The rules for me are different than 50 they are for others. People expect me to be the example 51 for the other kids at church. The other young people follow my 52 example. I have freedom to make my own 53 decisions. The people in our church accept the 54 way I dress. My parents share private information 55 about the church with me. I hear information about the personal 56 life of church members. It hurts me when people criticize my 57 parents. My parents have suffered at the 58 hands of the authorities. I have lost friendships when we have 59 had to leave churches. I have learned to resolve conflicts by 60 watching my parents. I have learned about leadership 61 through my parents. Other youth have treated me like my 62 parents’ spy. I have someone at church with 63 whom I can share my problems. I have someone outside of church 64 with whom I can share my problems. They make me do things in the 65 church that I don’t want to do. I’ve gotten mad when forbidden to 66 do things that aren’t bad. In church I have to pretend to be 67 something I am not. 161 I serve in the church even though I 68 have habitual sin in my life. My parents know how I am with my 69 friends. The needs of others are more 70 important than my needs. If people really knew me, they would 71 reject me. I feel guilty because I ought to be 72 better than I am. I like to help people out when they 73 need me. I feel that God has a purpose for my 74 life. I get to spend time with friends who 75 are pastor’s kids. I have had one or more siblings away 76 from God. I have had times when I have been 77 away from God. APPENDIX E SUBJECTIVE ADVANTAGE AND DISADVANTAGE CLUSTERS Advantage Clusters Spiritual Heritage Special Recognition Access to Church World Leadership Opportunities Insider Information Codes 1 RC 2 BD Advantages Recognition Blessing 3 MN Ministry 4 FA Family 5 CO Meet People 6 VJ Travel 7 AT Attention 8 IF 9 BI Information Bible 10 HM PK Ministry 11 AX Access 12 LD Leadership 2 Blessing + 4 Family + 9 Bible 1 Recognition + 7 Attention + 11 Access + 15 Prayer + 18 Economic 5 Meet People + 6 Travel + 10 PK Ministry + 17 Church 3 Ministry + 14 Trust + 16 Example 8 Information + 12 Leadership + 13 Formation People know you, give gifts, privileges Being a PK is a blessing, my family is blessed It develops, helps, opens doors for you in ministry I have a godly family, proud of my family Get to meet a lot of people, pastors, evangelists Go to Christian events, travel with parents, go places. Church People watch out for me, help, protect, take care You hear about everything, know what is going to happen You learn about the Bible I like to go to the activities and meet other PKs. Access to the church facilities, music instruments, office. You learn to be a leader, resolve conflicts. 162 391 352 269 222 144 190 185 171 149 123 78 72 68 57 55 57 39 163 13 14 15 16 17 FO CF OR EJ IG 18 EC Formation Trust Prayer Example Church Economic Disadvantage Clusters Fishbowl Syndrome Little Pastor Syndrome Professional Church Family Syndrome Too Much Information Premature Ministry Codes 1 CT 2 OB Disadvantages Criticism Observation 3 PF Perfection 4 TI 5 PV 6 SU Time Privacy Suffering 7 EJ Example 8 DE Distrust 9 OG Obligated 10 RE Rules It is a training process, a school, people invest in me. 37 People trust you, give you opportunities. 31 People pray for you. 26 I can be an example for others. 20 I get to be in church, to participate. 11 The church takes care of our family economically. 9 Total Advantages Listed 1378 1 Criticism + 2 Observation + 5 Privacy + 19 Persecution 3 Perfect + 7 Example + 15 Liberty + 17 Little Pastor + 18 Identity 517 4 Time + 10 Rules + 13 Moving + 16 Scarcity + 22 NoRights + 23 Elections + 26 Church 6 Suffering + 8 Distrust + 9 Obligated + 12 Rejection + 24 Spy + 25 Hypocrites 217 11 Pressure + 14 Responsibility + 20 Unappreciated + 21 Favoritism People criticize and judge you People are always watching you I always have to be perfect, cannot make mistakes. Your parents are busy and they never have time for you. No privacy or place to be alone. Watching your parents suffer. Have to be the example for everyone, protect family testimony. You can’t trust people or have friends in the church. I have to do things in church I don’t want to do. The rules are different for me than for others. 240 201 89 253 181 123 98 69 64 49 48 43 42 164 I can’t take the pressure, have to do everything. 38 Other kids don’t want to hang out with 12 RZ Rejection me, kick me out of group. 37 Moving to another town, losing friends 13 MU Moving during transition 36 You have too many responsibilities, no 14 RS Responsibility free time. 30 I have no freedom, can’t do anything, 15 LI Liberty rules are unfair 28 Economic scarcity, we have no money, 16 EZ Scarcity can’t buy anything 27 17 PA LittlePastor People think you are the little pastor 22 I cannot be my own person, find my 18 ID Identity own identity 18 Persecution in community, some school 19 PS Persecution activities. 14 People don’t appreciate or acknowledge 20 DI Unappreciated my effort. 12 Others are jealous, say I have unfair 21 CL Favoritism advantages, I get favoritism. 9 Other people’s needs are more important 22 DM NoRights than mine. 7 23 EL Elections Pastoral elections, getting voted on. 6 24 EP Spy People treat me like the pastor’s spy. 5 Church people, esp. deacons, aren’t 25 HP Hypocrites what they seem to be. 4 26 IG Church I have to be at church all the time. 1 Total Disadvantages Listed 1264 11 PR Pressure APPENDIX F OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS ORGANIZED BY FIVE DISTINCTIVES By Positive Responses #1a 11 12 8 4 6 18 35 3 #1b 23 69 28 21 19 26 70 59 24 27 20 Spiritual Heritage My parents have taught me the Bible since I was a child. My parents are models of the Christian life for me. My parents are an example of how to live by faith. I respect my parents as a man and woman of God. My parents enjoy a strong and close marriage. My house is a refuge where I feel safe. My last name is a blessing. I feel that I have received a spiritual heritage from my parents. % 94% 94% 93% 92% 91% 84% 82% Professional Church Family Syndrome (boundaries) The rules in my house are different than those of my friends. My parents know how I am when I am with my friends. I have to give up my bed when we have guests in the house. We have at least one vacation time per year. We have suffered for lack of economic support. My parents give money in the offering that we needed at home. The needs of others are more important than my needs. I have lost friendships when we have had to leave churches. My parents make time for others but not for me. It make me uncomfortable when church members invade our house. My parents take days off without attending to anyone. % 83% 66% 56% 55% 50% 165 79% 46% 40% 39% 35% 34% 20% 166 #2a 34 29 41 30 #2b 36 40 50 38 54 39 66 37 #3a 33 75 31 32 #3b: 51 46 45 44 48 72 53 Special Recognition I feel proud of my parents as Christian leaders. My parents are recognized as leaders in the community. I am allowed to use the equipment in the church: instruments, etc. Sometimes I receive gifts or special recognition in the church. % 91% 81% The Fishbowl Syndrome (criticism/lack of privacy) The people watch me because I am the pastor’s kid. My parents try to protect me from criticism. The rules for me are different than they are for others. The people observe and criticize my appearance. The people in our church accept the way I dress. My father uses me as an example in his sermons. I have gotten mad when I’m forbidden to do things that I don’t think are bad. I have suffered persecution in my studies because I am a pastor’s kid. % 83% 71% 66% 65% 65% 59% Access to the Church World My family opens doors for me in the Christian world. I have PK friends that I can talk to. I get to meet and spend time with special guests that come to our church. I have been able to travel to special events with my family. % 85% 77% The Little Pastor Syndrome (expectations/example) People expect me to be the example for other young people in my church. People expect me to be perfect. People expect me to be the “little pastor” They call on me to fill in whenever there is an emergency. They say that I have to serve, because I am the PK. I feel guilty because I ought to be better than I am. I have freedom to make my own decisions. % 75% 39% 50% 41% 75% 56% 78% 72% 71% 64% 59% 51% 31% 167 #4a 60 61 55 56 #4b 57 64 63 62 58 65 67 71 #5a 16 42 43 52 Special Information/Formation I have learned to resolve conflicts by watching my parents. I have learned about leadership through my parents. My parents share private information about the church with me. I hear information about the personal life of different members of the church. % 77% 75% 61% 45% Too Much Information It hurts me when people criticize my parents. I have someone outside of the church with whom I can share my problems. I have someone in the church with whom I can share my problems. Other youth have treated me like the pastor’s spy. My parents have suffered at the hands of the authorities. They make me do things in church that I don’t want to do. In church I have to pretend to be something I am not. If people really knew me, they would reject me. % 83% Open Ministry Doors My parents have helped me to develop my talents. I have developed talents because I have grown up in the church. I participate actively in ministry at the church. The other young people follow my example. % 86% 45% 40% 29% 27% 25% 19% 13% 79% 75% 53% 168 #5b 47 49 68 Premature Ministry They complain that I only serve because I am the pastor’s kid. I feel pressure to become a pastor like my parents. I serve in the church even though I have habitual sin in my life. 43% 40% 18% General Information 74 73 1 2 77 Personal Satisfaction I feel that God has a purpose for my life. I like to help people out when they need me. I feel good about my relationship with God. I feel that my life and ministry are a blessing for others. I have had times when I have been separated from God. % 89% 88% 85% 72% 23% 5 9 13 15 14 10 17 22 76 Family Relationships I have a strong relationship with my parents. My family has fewer problems than my friends’ families. My parents take time to talk with me. My parents know my best friends well. My parents understand my world: sports, activities, etc. I feel that I can share anything with my parents. I can talk openly about sexuality with my parents. My family makes time to create special memories. I have had one or more siblings separated from God. % 87% 81% 68% 65% 64% 58% 53% 39% 23% APPENDIX G OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS SORTED BY QUESTION NUMBER 1 I feel good about my relationship with God. 2 I feel that my life and ministry are a blessing for others. I feel that I have received a spiritual heritage from my 3 parents. 4 I respect my parents as men and women of God. 5 I have a strong relationship with my parents. 6 My parents enjoy a strong and close marriage. 7 My family has a regular devotional time together. 8 My parents are an example of how to live by faith. My family has fewer problems than my friends’ 9 families. 10 I feel that I can share anything with my parents. 11 My parents have taught me the Bible since I was a child. 12 My parents model for me the Christian life. 13 My parents take time to talk with me. 14 My parents understand my world: sports, activities, etc. 15 My parents know my best friends well. 16 My parents have helped me to develop my talents. 17 I can talk openly about sexuality with my parents. 18 My house is a refuge where I feel safe. 19 We have suffered for lack of economic support. 20 My parents take days off without attending to anyone. 21 We have at least one vacation time per year. 22 My family makes time to create special memories. The rules in my house are different than those of my 23 friends. 24 My parents make time for others but not for me. 25 The church meets our economic needs. My parents give money in the offering that we needed at 26 home. I get uncomfortable with church members who invade 27 our house. 169 T: 4,5 Total 515 607 439 607 % YES 85% 72% 481 560 529 552 323 565 607 607 607 607 607 607 79% 92% 87% 91% 53% 93% 492 353 572 571 413 391 393 524 320 509 306 121 332 238 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 81% 58% 94% 94% 68% 64% 65% 86% 53% 84% 50% 20% 55% 39% 502 214 211 607 607 607 83% 35% 35% 278 607 46% 205 607 34% 170 I have to give up my bed when we have guests in the 28 house. 29 My parents are recognized as leaders in the community. Sometimes I receive gifts or special recognition in the 30 church. I get to meet and spend time with special guests that 31 come to our church. I have been able to travel to special events with my 32 family. 33 My family opens doors for me in the Christian world. 34 I feel proud of my parents as Christian leaders. 35 My last name is a blessing. 36 The people watch me because I am the pastor’s kid. I have suffered persecution in my studies because I am a 37 pastor’s kid. 38 The people observe and criticize my appearance. 39 My father uses me as an example in his sermons. 40 My parents try to protect me from criticism. I am allowed to use the equipment in the church: 41 instruments, etc. I have developed talents because I have grown up in the 42 church. 43 I participate actively in ministry at the church. They call on me to fill in whenever there is an 44 emergency. 45 People expect me to be the “little pastor” 46 People expect me to be perfect. They complain that I only serve because I am the 47 pastor’s kid. They say that I have to serve, because I am the pastor’s 48 kid. 49 I feel pressure to become a pastor like my parents. 50 The rules for me are different than they are for others. People expect me to be the example for other young 51 people in my church. 52 The other young people follow my example. 53 I have freedom to make my own decisions. 54 The people in our church accept the way I dress. My parents share private information about the church 55 with me. I hear information about the personal life of different 56 members of the church. 57 It hurts me when people criticize my parents. 58 My parents have suffered at the hands of the authorities. 337 491 607 607 56% 81% 238 607 39% 456 607 75% 341 514 551 498 502 607 607 607 607 607 56% 85% 91% 82% 83% 250 397 361 433 607 607 607 607 41% 65% 59% 71% 453 607 75% 477 453 607 607 79% 75% 386 432 435 607 607 607 64% 71% 72% 258 607 43% 358 243 403 607 607 607 59% 40% 66% 473 324 359 394 607 607 606 607 78% 53% 59% 65% 373 607 61% 271 506 161 607 607 607 45% 83% 27% 171 I have lost friendships when we have had to leave 59 churches. I have learned to resolve conflicts by watching my 60 parents. 61 I have learned about leadership through my parents. 62 Other youth have treated me like the pastor’s spy. I have someone in the church with whom I can share my 63 problems. I have someone outside of the church with whom I can 64 share my problems. They make me do things in church that I don’t want to 65 do. I have gotten mad when I’m forbidden to do things that I 66 don’t think are bad. 67 In church I have to pretend to be something I am not. I serve in the church even though I have habitual sin in 68 my life. 69 My parents know how I am when I am with my friends. 70 The needs of others are more important than my needs. 71 If people really knew me, they would reject me. 72 I feel guilty because I ought to be better than I am. 73 I like to help people out when they need me. 74 I feel that God has a purpose for my life. 75 I have PK friends that I can talk to. 76 I have had one or more siblings separated from God. 77 I have had times when I have been separated from God. 239 607 39% 469 454 178 607 607 607 77% 75% 29% 240 607 40% 276 607 45% 149 607 25% 302 114 607 607 50% 19% 107 400 240 81 309 537 542 468 142 138 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 18% 66% 40% 13% 51% 88% 89% 77% 23% 23% APPENDIX H OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS SORTED BY “YES” PERCENTAGE 11 12 8 4 6 34 74 73 5 16 1 33 18 57 23 36 35 9 29 3 42 51 60 75 My parents have taught me the Bible since I was a child. My parents model for me the Christian life. My parents are an example of how to live by faith. I respect my parents as men and women of God. My parents enjoy a strong and close marriage. I feel proud of my parents as Christian leaders. I feel that God has a purpose for my life. I like to help people out when they need me. I have a strong relationship with my parents. My parents have helped me to develop my talents. I feel good about my relationship with God. My family opens doors for me in the Christian world. My house is a refuge where I feel safe. It hurts me when people criticize my parents. The rules in my house are different than those of my friends. The people watch me because I am the pastor’s kid. My last name is a blessing. My family has fewer problems than my friends’ families. My parents are recognized as leaders in the community. I feel that I have received a spiritual heritage from my parents. I have developed talents because I have grown up in the church. People expect me to be the example for other young people in my church. I have learned to resolve conflicts by watching my parents. I have PK friends that I can talk to. 172 T: 4,5 Total % YES 572 571 565 560 552 551 542 537 529 524 515 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 94% 94% 93% 92% 91% 91% 89% 88% 87% 86% 85% 514 509 506 607 607 607 85% 84% 83% 502 502 498 607 607 607 83% 83% 82% 492 607 81% 491 607 81% 481 607 79% 477 607 79% 473 607 78% 469 468 607 607 77% 77% 173 I get to meet and spend time with special guests that 31 come to our church. 61 I have learned about leadership through my parents. I am allowed to use the equipment in the church: 41 instruments, etc. 43 I participate actively in ministry at the church. I feel that my life and ministry are a blessing for 2 others. 46 People expect me to be perfect. 40 My parents try to protect me from criticism. 45 People expect me to be the “little pastor” 13 My parents take time to talk with me. The rules for me are different than they are for 50 others. My parents know how I am when I am with my 69 friends. 38 The people observe and criticize my appearance. 54 The people in our church accept the way I dress. 15 My parents know my best friends well. My parents understand my world: sports, activities, 14 etc. They call on me to fill in whenever there is an 44 emergency. My parents share private information about the 55 church with me. 39 My father uses me in sermon illustrations. 53 I have freedom to make my own decisions. They say that I have to serve, because I am the 48 pastor’s kid. 10 I feel that I can share anything with my parents. I have been able to travel to special events with my 32 family. I have to give up my bed when we have guests in 28 the house. 21 We have at least one vacation time per year. 52 The other young people follow my example. 7 My family has a regular devotional time together. 17 I can talk openly about sexuality with my parents. 72 I feel guilty because I ought to be better than I am. 19 We have suffered for lack of economic support. I have gotten mad when I’m forbidden to do things 66 that I don’t think are bad. My parents give money in the offering that we 26 needed at home. 456 454 607 607 75% 75% 453 453 607 607 75% 75% 439 435 433 432 413 607 607 607 607 607 72% 72% 71% 71% 68% 403 607 66% 400 397 394 393 607 607 607 607 66% 65% 65% 65% 391 607 64% 386 607 64% 373 361 359 607 607 606 61% 59% 59% 358 353 607 607 59% 58% 341 607 56% 337 332 324 323 320 309 306 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 56% 55% 53% 53% 53% 51% 50% 302 607 50% 278 607 46% 174 I have someone outside of the church with whom I 64 can share my problems. I hear information about the personal life of 56 different members of the church. They complain that I only serve because I am the 47 pastor’s kid. I have suffered persecution in my studies because I 37 am a pastor’s kid. 49 I feel pressure to become a pastor like my parents. I have someone in the church with whom I can 63 share my problems. The needs of others are more important than my 70 needs. I have lost friendships when we have had to leave 59 churches. 22 My family makes time to create special memories. Sometimes I receive gifts or special recognition in 30 the church. 24 My parents make time for others but not for me. 25 The church meets our economic needs. I get uncomfortable with church members who 27 invade our house. 62 Other youth have treated me like the pastor’s spy. My parents have suffered at the hands of the 58 authorities. They make me do things in church that I don’t want 65 to do. I have had one or more siblings separated from 76 God. I have had times when I have been separated from 77 God. My parents take days off without attending to 20 anyone. In church I have to pretend to be something I am 67 not. I serve in the church even though I have habitual sin 68 in my life. 71 If people really knew me, they would reject me. 276 607 45% 271 607 45% 258 607 43% 250 243 607 607 41% 40% 240 607 40% 240 607 40% 239 238 607 607 39% 39% 238 214 211 607 607 607 39% 35% 35% 205 178 607 607 34% 29% 161 607 27% 149 607 25% 142 607 23% 138 607 23% 121 607 20% 114 607 19% 107 81 607 607 18% 13% APPENDIX I OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS SORTED BY “NO” RESPONSE 20 My parents take days off without attending to anyone. 67 In church I have to pretend to be something I am not. I serve in the church even though I have habitual sin in 68 my life. 76 I have had one or more siblings separated from God. They make me do things in church that I don’t want to 65 do. 77 I have had times when I have been separated from God. 24 My parents make time for others but not for me. Sometimes I receive gifts or special recognition in the 30 church. 62 Other youth have treated me like the pastor’s spy. I have someone in the church with whom I can share my 63 problems. 58 My parents have suffered at the hands of the authorities. 25 The church meets our economic needs. I have lost friendships when we have had to leave 59 churches. I have suffered persecution in my studies because I am a 37 pastor’s kid. 71 If people really knew me, they would reject me. I get uncomfortable with church members who invade 27 our house. I hear information about the personal life of different 56 members of the church. 49 I feel pressure to become a pastor like my parents. 19 We have suffered for lack of economic support. I have someone outside of the church with whom I can 64 share my problems. 7 My family has a regular devotional time together. 22 My family makes time to create special memories. 21 We have at least one vacation time per year. 175 T: % 1,2 Total NO 428 607 71% 427 607 70% 424 397 607 70% 607 65% 392 391 332 607 65% 607 64% 607 55% 324 313 607 53% 607 52% 306 296 292 607 50% 607 49% 607 48% 288 607 47% 287 286 607 47% 607 47% 284 607 47% 278 269 268 607 46% 607 44% 607 44% 265 254 244 237 607 607 607 607 44% 42% 40% 39% 176 I have to give up my bed when we have guests in the 28 house. 70 The needs of others are more important than my needs. I have gotten mad when I’m forbidden to do things that I 66 don’t think are bad. I have been able to travel to special events with my 32 family. They complain that I only serve because I am the pastor’s 47 kid. 17 I can talk openly about sexuality with my parents. 10 I feel that I can share anything with my parents. 72 I feel guilty because I ought to be better than I am. My parents give money in the offering that we needed at 26 home. 53 I have freedom to make my own decisions. 39 My father uses me in sermon illustrations. My parents share private information about the church 55 with me. They call on me to fill in whenever there is an 44 emergency. 13 My parents take time to talk with me. 14 My parents understand my world: sports, activities, etc. They say that I have to serve, because I am the pastor’s 48 kid. 52 The other young people follow my example. 38 The people observe and criticize my appearance. 50 The rules for me are different than they are for others. 15 My parents know my best friends well. I get to meet and spend time with special guests that 31 come to our church. 54 The people in our church accept the way I dress. 69 My parents know how I am when I am with my friends. 43 I participate actively in ministry at the church. 75 I have PK friends that I can talk to. 2 I feel that my life and ministry are a blessing for others. I am allowed to use the equipment in the church: 41 instruments, etc. 46 People expect me to be perfect. 61 I have learned about leadership through my parents. 45 People expect me to be the “little pastor” I have learned to resolve conflicts by watching my 60 parents. 1 I feel good about my relationship with God. 235 235 607 39% 607 39% 234 607 39% 227 607 37% 223 219 214 211 607 607 607 607 188 187 185 607 31% 606 31% 607 30% 174 607 29% 164 160 150 607 27% 607 26% 607 25% 146 141 133 127 123 607 607 607 607 607 24% 23% 22% 21% 20% 109 108 104 102 92 89 607 607 607 607 607 607 18% 18% 17% 17% 15% 15% 88 79 75 71 607 607 607 607 14% 13% 12% 12% 70 69 607 12% 607 11% 37% 36% 35% 35% 177 40 My parents try to protect me from criticism. 18 My house is a refuge where I feel safe. 5 I have a strong relationship with my parents. I feel that I have received a spiritual heritage from my 3 parents. I have developed talents because I have grown up in the 42 church. 9 My family has fewer problems than my friends’ families. The rules in my house are different than those of my 23 friends. 16 My parents have helped me to develop my talents. People expect me to be the example for other young 51 people in my church. 36 The people watch me because I am the pastor’s kid. 29 My parents are recognized as leaders in the community. 57 It hurts me when people criticize my parents. 33 My family opens doors for me in the Christian world. 6 My parents enjoy a strong and close marriage. 4 I respect my parents as men and women of God. 35 My last name is a blessing. 73 I like to help people out when they need me. 11 My parents have taught me the Bible since I was a child. 8 My parents are an example of how to live by faith. 12 My parents model for me the Christian life. 74 I feel that God has a purpose for my life. 34 I feel proud of my parents as Christian leaders. 65 61 59 607 11% 607 10% 607 10% 52 607 9% 51 49 607 607 8% 8% 48 46 607 607 8% 8% 45 44 38 38 37 35 32 26 24 20 16 14 14 11 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 607 7% 7% 6% 6% 6% 6% 5% 4% 4% 3% 3% 2% 2% 2% APPENDIX J PK SESSIONS FOR PASTOR-PARENTS NOTE: This is a session for that I have taught for the last three years since the first Cuba PK retreat. It unpacks the 5 advantages and disadvantages of PKs, and at the end it applies the key lessons to pastors as well as those who want to help PKs. Breaking the Ice • 2 Chair Exercise: Sit 15 seconds in each chair and tell about 1 advantage and 1 disadvantage of being a minister’s kid. • The word AND is important: we have permission to talk about the good and the bad. The Survey • Purpose: understand how PKs perceive both the advantages and challenges of their PK life, in order to build PK ministry around both. • Survey of 607 Pastors’ Kids (PKs) at retreats in 4 countries in Latin America: Costa Rica, Cuba, Argentina, Panama. • We said “name 3 advantages and 3 disadvantages of being a PK,” asked 77 objective questions, and crunched their answers. • Result: 5 PK Reality Clusters - PK Advantages and their dark side, the 5 PK Syndromes. 5 PK DISTINCTIVES: THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES THAT GO TOGETHER 1. At Home with Preacher-Parents Advantage: Spiritual Heritage • • • • Christian upbringing. Bible, prayer, Christian values. Exemplary Parents. Loving family, less dysfunction, spiritual example. Blessed Family. Obeying God’s call brings blessing. I feel blessed with a rich Spiritual Heritage. 178 179 Disadvantage: The “Professional Church Family” Syndrome • • • • Schedule: Family life is dominated by church events. Time: Parents’ time & energy is consumed by church. Family-Church Boundary Stressors: Moving. Church elections. Financial strain. Intrusion by church members. Key Problem: Boundary Issues between church and family. 2. Life in the Spotlight Advantage: Special Recognition • Celebrity: A lot of people know me in the church and community. • Perks: I get special gifts, free food, use of church equipment. • Support network: Church people look out for me, help me, pray for me. Disadvantage: The “Fishbowl Syndrome” • Always watched. In church & community. “People watch me and offer an opinion about everything: my clothes, friends, grades, attitudes, hair, vocabulary, my crushes, if I raise my hands.” • I feel exposed when My parents use me in illustrations. • Sometimes PKs suffer outright persecution in anti-Christian cultural settings. • The stereotype problem. “PK as Saint or Rebel.” • People know my name and family, but don’t know ME. • Key problem: PKs widely observed by not known individually. 3: Elite Membership in the Church World Advantage: VIP Access to the Church World • Parents’ connections give broad access to the Christian world. • Get to meet people: pastors, evangelists, missionaries, artists. • Get to travel with my parents in ministry. • Connected with church world: camps, music, arts, clothing, institutions, education • Get to go to PK events. Disadvantage: The “Little Pastor Syndrome” • “I have to be perfect!” Have to know all the Bible, be mature, a role model. I could ruin my parents’ ministry. I have to be the example for the church kids. • Double Standard. Rules are different for PK than for other kids. • Identity struggle: Finding own identity, calling, direction in shadow of parents and church. “Little preacher” predictions & prophecies make it harder. • Double bind: Motivation questioned for serving or not serving in the church. • Key Problem: With elite membership come Unrealistic Expectations. 180 4: Insider Information Advantage: Special Information • Great education. Get to hear parents’ heart, vision, plans, conflict resolution up close. • Information loop: I hear about everything happening in the church • Church Mechanics: PKs can get a realistic insight into how the church functions. Disadvantage: The “Smiley-Face Syndrome” • Too much Information. PKs know the dark side of the church. • The Pain of Rejection. Parents suffer, rejected by peers, confidence betrayed. They learn they cannot trust anyone. • Wearing the Happy Face Mask. PK has to go to church with “church face” on. • Key problem: Cynicism, becoming calloused, leading 2 lives. 5: Fast-Track to Ministry Leadership Advantage: Open Doors for Leadership • Open Doors: Being a PK develops, helps, opens doors for you in ministry. • Trust: People know you & want you to succeed. They trust you (and parents’ supervision) with opportunities. • Coaching: Parents want to help shape ministry skills. • PKs often develop outstanding gifts. Want to serve the Lord & make life count. Disadvantage #5: Premature Ministry Syndrome • The Nepotism problem. Nurturing calling vs. “hiring relatives.” PK must overcome jealousy and suspicion with character and diligence. • Case study: the Sons of Eli (1 Sam. 2) • PKs with immature or rotten character may be trusted with responsibility. • Poor Supervision: Parents think they can change them, cover up for them. • Key problem: Leadership with rotten or immature character. CORE VALUES when working with Ministers’ Kids • Leaving home lowers expectations. • Recreation removes the protective mask. • Friendship makes the pressure bearable. • Worship & prayer connects with God. • Sharing in groups brings grace and healing. • Personal testimonies take away excuses. • God calls everyone to serve Him to serve with his/her unique gifts. • Let’s do life and serve God together! 181 Challenges for Ministers with their Children 1. Try to not expose them unnecessarily, as in sermon illustrations. Protect their personal privacy. 2. Protect them from expectations of perfection, from yourself and from church members. 3. Help them establish their own identity. Don’t freak out with their independence experiments. 4. Take time to understand their world and be part of it: music, sports, friends, studies, hobbies. 5. When there are church conflicts, help them to understand without poisoning them with your own bitterness 6. Help them develop deep friendships outside the local church, like with other PKs and godly adults. 7. Invest in their gifts, such as music, sports, academics, language, and arts. 8. Model grace. Keep loving them when they make mistakes. 9. Intentionally protect the boundaries of your time. Turn off the devices sometimes. Protect your days off, vacations. Your family needs you. If you lose them, you lose. Reflection Questions for Pastor-Parents: 1. How can we help our kids value and build on their spiritual heritage? _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ 2. In what ways might our kids feel victimized by our ministry schedules? _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ 3. What can we do to give the family our full attention when at home? _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ 4. Who are the friends—both young people and adult—who really know and value your child personally? How can you help them develop friendships like these? _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ 5. Do your kids ever feel like they have to be perfect? Where do those expectations come from? How can you help? _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ 182 6. How can you help your PK to develop a sincere faith, and not a cynical attitude about the church and God? _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ Other Personal Reflection _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ APPENDIX K POWERPOINT PRESENTATION Breaking the Ice Assemblies of God Ministers䇻 Kids • 2 Chair Exercise: Sit 15 seconds in each chair and tell about 1 advantage and 1 disadvantage of being a minister’s kid. • The word AND is important: we have permission to talk about the good and the bad!and no one is going to tell on you. Raising up the next generation of God䇻s servants The Survey PK Reality #1: • Survey of 607 Pastors䇻 Kids (PKs) at retreats in 4 countries in Latin America: Costa Rica, Cuba, Argentina, Panama. • We said 䇾name 3 advantages and 3 disadvantages of being a PK䇿 and crunched their answers. • Result: 5 Clusters of PK Advantages and their matching 5 PK Syndromes. At Home with Preacher-Parents 183 184 Advantage #1: Spiritual Heritage • Christian upbringing. Bible, prayer, values. • Exemplary Parents. Loving family, less dysfunction, spiritual example. • Blessed Family. Obeying God’s call. • I feel blessed with a rich Spiritual Heritage. Disadvantage #1: “Professional Church Family” Syndrome • Schedule: Family life is dominated by church events. • Time: My Parents' time & energy is consumed by church. • Family stressors: Moving. Church elections. Financial strain. Intrusion by church members. Lack of planning. • Key Problem: Boundary Issues between church and family. Advantage #2: Special Recognition PK Reality #2: Life in the Spotlight • Celebrity: A lot of people know me in the church and community. • Perks: I get special gifts, free food, or privileges in the building. Use church equipment. • Support network: Church people watch out for me, help me, protect me, pray for me. Disadvantage #2: The Fishbowl Syndrome • Always watched. In church & community, • “People watch me and offer an opinion about everything: my clothes, friends, grades, attitudes, hair, vocabulary, my crushes, if I raise my hands.” • My parents expose me in illustrations. • Sometimes outright persecution. • The stereotype problem. “PK as Saint or Rebel.” • People know my name and family, but not ME. • Key problem: Lack of Privacy. PK Reality #3: Elite Membership in the Church World 185 Advantage #3: VIP Access to the Church World • I get to meet people: pastors, evangelists, missionaries, artists. • Get to travel with my parents in ministry. • Connected with church world: camps, music, arts, clothing, institutions, education • Get to go to PK events. Disadvantage #3: The “Little Pastor” Syndrome • “I have to be perfect!” Have to know all the Bible, be mature, a role model. • Double Standard. Rules are different for PK. • Identity struggle: Finding own identity, calling, direction in shadow of parents & church. • Double bind: Motivation questioned for serving or not serving in the church. • Key Problem: With elite membership come Unrealistic Expectations. Advantage #4: Special Information PK Reality #4: Insider Information • Great education. Get to hear parents’ heart, vision, plans, conflict resolution up close. • Information loop: I hear about everything happening in the church • Church Mechanics: PKs can get a realistic insight into how the church functions. Disadvantage #4: The Smiley-Face Syndrome • Too much Information. PKs know the dark side of the church. • The Pain of Rejection. Parents suffer, rejected by peers, confidence betrayed. They learn they cannot trust anyone. • Wearing the Happy Face Mask. PK has to go to church with “church face” on. • Key problem: Cynicism, becoming calloused, leading 2 lives. PK Reality #5: Fast-Track to Ministry Leadership 186 Disadvantage #5: Advantage #5: Premature Ministry Syndrome Fast Track to Ministry • The Nepotism problem. Nurturing calling vs. “hiring relatives.” PK must overcome jealousy and suspicion with character and diligence. • Case study: the Sons of Eli (1 Sam. 2) • PKs with immature or rotten character may be trusted with responsibility. • Poor Supervision: Parents think they can change them, cover up for them. • Key problem: Leadership with rotten or immature character. • Open Doors: Being a PK develops, helps, opens doors for you in ministry. • Trust: People know you & want you to succeed. They trust you (and parents’ supervision) with opportunities. • Coaching: Parents want to help shape ministry skills. • PKs often develop outstanding gifts.Want to serve the Lord (even if disliking the church) Core Values when working with Ministers’ Kids Challenges for Pastors with their Children (1) Leaving home lowers expectations. Recreation removes the protective mask. Friendship makes the pressure bearable. Worship & prayer connects with God. Sharing in groups brings grace and healing. Personal testimonies take away excuses. God calls everyone uniquely to serve Him. Let’s do life and serve God together! • Try to not expose them unnecessarily, as in sermon illustrations. Protect their personal privacy. • Protect them from expectations of perfection, from yourself and from church members. • Help them establish their own identity. Don’t freak out with their independence experiments. • Take time to understand their world and be part of it: music, sports, friends, studies, hobbies. Challenges for Pastors with their Children (2) Challenges for Pastors with their Children (3) • When there are church conflicts, help them to understand without poisoning them with your own bitterness. • Help them develop deep friendships outside the local church (like other PKs) and with godly adults. • Invest in their gifts, such as music, sports, academics, language, and arts. • Model grace. Keep loving them when they make mistakes. • Intentionally protect the boundaries of your time. Turn off the devices sometimes. • Take time for family vacations when possible. Protect your days off. Your family needs you. If you lose them, you lose. • • • • • • • • ! APPENDIX L RECOMMENDATIONS FOR PASTORS, PK LEADERS, AND PKS Application to Pastoral Families I have taught this material in sessions for pastoral families for the past three years, both in Latin America and in the United States. One of the main benefits of this Advantage/Disadvantage approach lies in the balance of blessings and challenges. Almost all material written about or for PKs emphasizes the dysfunction and emotional problems that affect PKs, underestimating the privileges and long-term benefits. The advantages bring hope to pastoral families. The disadvantages carry stern warnings. One beautiful message that shines through this data is that the vast majority of PKs love and respect their parents, cherish their Christian upbringing, and love it when you help them feel connected to the Christian world and develop their gifts. Based on the data acquired in this project, pastor-parents are encouraged to implement some basic concepts, as see in Table 30. Table 30. Recommendations for Pastor-Parents 1 2 3 Intentionally protect the boundaries of your time. When you are home, be fully present. Protect your days off, vacations. Your family needs you. Take time to understand their world and be part of it: music, sports, friends, hobbies. Try to not expose your children unnecessarily in front of the congregation, as in sermon illustrations. Protect their personal privacy. Protect them from impossible expectations of perfection, from yourself, from church members, and from themselves. 187 188 4 Help them establish their own identity. Don’t freak out with their independence experiments. 5 When there are church conflicts, help them to understand without poisoning them with your own bitterness. Help them develop deep friendships outside the local church, like with other PKs and godly adults. 6 7 Invest in their gifts, such as music, sports, academics, language, and arts. 8 Model grace. Keep loving them when they make mistakes. Application to PK Ministry Leaders Both the literature and the survey demonstrate the value of outside social networks in the PK’s life. When the pressures of overly busy parents, impossible expectations, criticism, and lack of privacy become unbearable, PKs need to breathe outside oxygen or they may release pressure in unhealthy ways. When ongoing PK ministries exist, the young people mention them as one of the great benefits of being a PK. Appendix B shows a portion of a Costa Rican PK retreat evaluation from 2008. We asked the young people what the PK ministry—not just the one-time camp, but the ongoing ministry—meant to them. The PKs said that the PK ministry was …: “My support group;” “My main group of friends;” “A place where I can get things off my chest;” “A place where God speaks to me;” “An oasis in the desert;” and “A place to develop my ministry gifts.” PKs have many privileges growing up in a godly pastoral family and church community, but they desperately need outside caring adults to speak into their lives and create outside venues where they can make friends and meet with God. Table 30 offers eight recommendations for PK leaders wanting to help these amazing young people. 189 Table 31. Recommendations for PK Ministry Leaders 1. Leaving home provides fresh air. Help PKs get away from the messy mixed-up life of church and family pressures to breathe fresh air. 2. Recreation removes the protective mask. New PKs are often heavily protected at events. Genuine fun and teamwork tear down the walls and let God in. 3. Friendship makes the pressure bearable. True friendship with leaders and fellow PKs is a major goal of any PK ministry. Provide avenues of ongoing connection. 4. Worship and prayer connects with God. PKs often struggle to worship freely and meet God at the home church. You can create settings for them to meet God. 5. Sharing in groups brings grace and healing. Create small-group settings where the leaders listen and let the PKs vent, then laugh and share grace. 6. Personal testimonies take away excuses. PKs who feel sorry for themselves are stripped of excuses when a peer tells of God’s faithfulness. 7. God calls everyone to serve Him to serve with his/her unique gifts. Help PKs explore their gifts without forcing them to be copies of their parents. 8. Let’s do life and serve God together! Connect with the leaders of other PK ministries—it makes life and ministry much more fun. Application to Pastors’ Kids I hope and pray that this material will speak most directly to the heart of the PK, to whom I wish to speak directly in this section. This survey harvested some of the life experience of 607 PKs in five countries, some of whom have certainly shared many of the same experiences you have lived through. Certainly they are all Pentecostal pastors’ kids in Latin America, so perhaps their experience varies somewhat from yours in economy, church style, or national culture. Our experience over the past few years, however, leads us to believe that almost every PK has struggled with anger about their parents’ treatment, disappointment with 190 the church, and impossible expectations of themselves. If right now it is not possible for us to sit and talk personally, let me offer the following recommendations (Table 30). Table 32. Recommendations to Pastors’ Kids 1. You are not alone. Whatever your experiences as a PK, be assured that thousands of other PKs have passed through the same valleys and mountaintops. 2. Count you blessings. As you read about these PK blessings, ask the Lord to help you believe them and cherish the advantages your unique life has offered you. 3. Acknowledge the difficulties. You have permission to talk about the good AND the bad of PK life. It’s ok to sometimes wish your parents did other work. 4. Forgive your parents. They have made mistakes, but don’t let the devil win by driving you and them apart. Pray for them and support them as much as you can. 5. You don’t have to become a pastor. God wired you with amazing gifts and potential. Use the raw material he gave you and serve Him with all your heart. 6. Find a PK ministry, or at least PK friends. When you hang out with other PKs with similar experiences making an effort to follow the Lord, everybody wins. 7. Cultivate a godly friendship with a safe adult. When you are about to make a stupid mistake and can’t talk to your parents, talk to them. 8. Accept God’s grace for yourself. God is reaching out to you just as you are. You don’t have to be perfect nor beat yourself up for past mistakes. He is waiting. APPENDIX M FACTOR PROFILES FOR SURVEY PARTICIPANTS FACTOR PROFILES: ALL AGES Factor Profile #1: The Confident PK w/ good parent relationships * Pattern: Strong relationship and trust with parents, clear conscience, parents protect boundaries, feel, does not feel guilty or manipulated by church expectations. -.626 65 They make me do things in church that I don’t want to do. (negative) .625 10 I feel that I can share anything with my parents. .622 5 I have a strong relationship with my parents. .608 3 I feel that I have received a spiritual heritage from my parents. -.595 71 If people really knew me, they would reject me. (negative) -.584 24 My parents make time for others but not for me. (negative) .577 15 My parents know my best friends well. -.570 67 In church I have to pretend to be something I am not. (negative) .566 18 My house is a refuge where I feel safe. .563 13 My parents take time to talk with me. .545 54 The people in our church accept the way I dress. .536 34 I feel proud of my parents as Christian leaders. -.524 72 I feel guilty because I ought to be better than I am. (negative) -.522 48 They say that I have to serve, because I am the pastor’s kid. (negative) .521 2 I feel that my life and ministry are a blessing for others. Factor Profile #2: The Overexposed “Little Pastor” * Pattern: highly visible in church, gets too much information, feels criticized. .562 62 Other youth have treated me like the pastor’s spy. .473 39 My father uses me as an example in his sermons. .472 49 I feel pressure to become a pastor like my parents. .471 68 I serve in the church even though I have habitual sin in my life. .458 38 The people observe and criticize my appearance. .441 40 My parents try to protect me from criticism. .441 52 The other young people follow my example. .437 44 They call on me to fill in whenever there is an emergency. .436 60 I have learned to resolve conflicts by watching my parents. .429 56 I hear information about the personal life of different members of the church. 191 192 Factor Profile #3: The PK with a Messed Up Family * Pattern: low opinion of parents’ marriage, rejects their example, does not feel safe at home. Still has talents, likes to serve & help people. -.575 6 My parents enjoy a strong and close marriage. (negative) .542 20 My parents take days off without attending to anyone. (prob. Including me) -.528 12 My parents model for me the Christian life. (negative) .450 75 I have PK friends that I can talk to. .445 73 I like to help people out when they need me. -.443 16 My parents have helped me to develop my talents. (negative) -.429 9 My family has fewer problems than my friends’ families. (negative) .413 74 I feel that God has a purpose for my life. .404 42 I have developed talents because I have grown up in the church. -.394 18 My house is a refuge where I feel safe. (negative) Factor Profile #4: The Family with Boundary Problems w/ Church * Pattern: Do not see spiritual life lived out at home, upset by arbitrary rules. .498 61 I have learned about leadership through my parents. -.416 8 My parents are an example of how to live by faith. (negative) -.408 7 My family has a regular devotional time together. (negative) .390 19 We have suffered for lack of economic support. -.386 29 My parents are recognized as leaders in the community. (negative) .368 66 I have gotten mad when I’m forbidden to do things that I don’t think are bad. .358 27 I get uncomfortable with church members who invade our house. .351 41 I am allowed to use the equipment in the church: instruments, etc. -.342 21 We have at least one vacation time per year. (negative) -.333 71 If people really knew me, they would reject me. (negative) Factor Profile #5: The Tight Family with Clear Boundaries * Pattern: Parents don’t talk about church at home, use PK in illustrations, feels connected to church world. .488 57 It hurts me when people criticize my parents. -.467 55 My parents share private information about the church with me. (negative) -.417 56 I hear information about the personal life of members of the church. (negative) .407 33 My family opens doors for me in the Christian world. -.406 39 My father uses me as an example in his sermons. (negative) -.404 30 Sometimes I receive gifts or special recognition in the church. (negative) -.369 54 The people in our church accept the way I dress. (negative) .366 46 People expect me to be perfect. .343 11 My parents have taught me the Bible since I was a child. .323 2 I feel that my life and ministry are a blessing for others. 193 FACTOR PROFILES: BOYS 14-21 Factor Profile #1: Happy, Secure, Well-behaved “Little Pastor” Boy * Pattern: Feels strongly about healthy family, never strayed from the church, wellbehaved and people expect him to keep it up. .915 9 My family has fewer problems than my friends’ families. -.898 77 I have had times when I have been separated from God. (negative) .890 6 My parents enjoy a strong and close marriage. .866 18 My house is a refuge where I feel safe. .829 16 My parents have helped me to develop my talents. .798 61 I have learned about leadership through my parents. .747 46 People expect me to be perfect. .729 45 People expect me to be the “little pastor” -.645 20 My parents take days off without attending to anyone. (negative) .612 48 They say that I have to serve, because I am the pastor’s kid. Factor Profile #2: Poor, Persecuted, but Happy PK Boy * Pattern: Lives in a situation with tight finances, persecuted for faith, but feels strong relationship with parents, meets outside guests, and has support of a trusted friend in the church. .773 19 We have suffered for lack of economic support. .750 31 I get to meet and spend time with special guests that come to our church. .730 28 I have to give up my bed when we have guests in the house. .728 37 I have suffered persecution in my studies because I am a pastor’s kid. .690 43 I participate actively in ministry at the church. .671 40 My parents try to protect me from criticism. -.659 35 My last name is a blessing. (negative, for persecution, perhaps?) .631 11 My parents have taught me the Bible since I was a child. .626 13 My parents take time to talk with me. .626 63 I have someone in the church with whom I can share my problems. Factor Profile #3: Boy with Negative Spirit and Family with Boundary Problems .782 66 I have gotten mad when I’m forbidden to do things that I don’t think are bad. .773 19 We have suffered for lack of economic support. .730 28 I have to give up my bed when we have guests in the house. .728 37 I have suffered persecution in my studies because I am a pastor’s kid. .680 49 I feel pressure to become a pastor like my parents. .653 26 My parents give money in the offering that we needed at home. -.593 3 I feel that I have received a spiritual heritage from my parents. (negative) .575 58 My parents have suffered at the hands of the authorities. (church authority?) .573 70 The needs of others are more important than my needs. .546 27 I get uncomfortable with church members who invade our house. 194 Factor Profile #4: Sociable and connected to PK Ministry * Pattern: Connected with PK ministry, has friends in church, popular, but sometimes has to wear the happy face mask when all is not well. .743 75 I have PK friends that I can talk to. .654 64 I have someone outside of the church with whom I can share my problems. .605 30 Sometimes I receive gifts or special recognition in the church. .574 67 In church I have to pretend to be something I am not. .559 65 They make me do things in church that I don’t want to do. -.522 33 My family opens doors for me in the Christian world. (negative) -.484 27 I get uncomfortable with church members who invade our house. (negative) -.455 40 My parents try to protect me from criticism. (negative) -.452 58 My parents have suffered at the hands of the authorities. (negative) .446 8 My parents are an example of how to live by faith. Factor Profile #5: My Parents Don’t Know Me * People expect me to be an example to others, but my parents have no idea who my best friends are or how I am when with them. -.626 15 My parents know my best friends well. (negative) .592 51 People expect me to be the example for other young people in my church. .572 73 I like to help people out when they need me. -.553 69 My parents know how I am when I am with my friends. (negative) .531 3 I feel that I have received a spiritual heritage from my parents. -.517 39 My father uses me as an example in his sermons. (negative) -.497 59 I have lost friendships when we have had to leave churches. (negative) .482 2 I feel that my life and ministry are a blessing for others. .471 29 My parents are recognized as leaders in the community. -.435 55 My parents share private information about the church with me. (negative) Factor Profile #6: Good Communication, but Spiritual Desertion in the Home -.656 24 My parents make time for others but not for me. (negative) .632 53 I have freedom to make my own decisions. .591 60 I have learned to resolve conflicts by watching my parents. .590 54 The people in our church accept the way I dress. .527 69 My parents know how I am when I am with my friends. -.473 38 The people observe and criticize my appearance. (negative) -.452 29 My parents are recognized as leaders in the community. (negative) .418 76 I have had one or more siblings separated from God. -.403 50 The rules for me are different than they are for others. (negative) .397 72 I feel guilty because I ought to be better than I am. 195 FACTOR PROFILES: GIRLS 14-21 Factor Profile #1: Strong Parent Relationship & Clear Boundaries * Pattern: Strong relationship with parents, never strayed from the Lord, feels accepted and loved by people in church, no guilt, feels protected and safe by clear family boundaries. -.802 65 They make me do things in church that I don’t want to do. (negative) -.731 24 My parents make time for others but not for me. (negative) -.717 77 I have had times when I have been separated from God. (negative) .717 5 I have a strong relationship with my parents. .708 31 I get to meet and spend time with special guests that come to our church. -.697 71 If people really knew me, they would reject me. (negative) .697 3 I feel that I have received a spiritual heritage from my parents. .679 54 The people in our church accept the way I dress. .674 34 I feel proud of my parents as Christian leaders. .656 18 My house is a refuge where I feel safe. Factor Profile #2: Isolated “Little Pastor” Girl * Pattern: tightly connected to parents, but no other PK friends, and feels guilty and stressed at having to be the example for everyone else to follow. .707 5 I have a strong relationship with my parents. -.620 75 I have PK friends that I can talk to. (negative) .603 8 My parents are an example of how to live by faith. .555 12 My parents model for me the Christian life. .536 40 My parents try to protect me from criticism. .512 50 The rules for me are different than they are for others. .503 21 We have at least one vacation time per year. .495 71 If people really knew me, they would reject me. .472 48 They say that I have to serve, because I am the pastor’s kid. .461 72 I feel guilty because I ought to be better than I am. Factor Profile #3: Good Family Boundaries and Communication, but still criticism .677 57 It hurts me when people criticize my parents. -.651 56 I hear information about the personal life of different members of the church. -.651 47 They complain that I only serve because I am the pastor’s kid. (negative) -.575 55 My parents share private information about the church with me. (negative) .514 14 My parents understand my world: sports, activities, etc. .504 23 The rules in my house are different than those of my friends. .442 51 People expect me to be the example for other young people in my church. -.462 70 The needs of others are more important than my needs. (negative) -.428 68 I serve in the church even though I have habitual sin in my life. (negative) .433 33 My family opens doors for me in the Christian world. 196 Factor Profile #4: “Little Pastor” girl involved in ministry, but no family Spiritual Life .616 45 People expect me to be the “little pastor” .553 43 I participate actively in ministry at the church. .544 73 I like to help people out when they need me. .528 42 I have developed talents because I have grown up in the church. .532 28 I have to give up my bed when we have guests in the house. -.492 7 My family has a regular devotional time together. .466 49 I feel pressure to become a pastor like my parents. .465 66 I have gotten mad when I’m forbidden to do things that I don’t think are bad. .451 62 Other youth have treated me like the pastor’s spy. .445 74 I feel that God has a purpose for my life. Factor Profile #5: PK isolated because of family moves. .589 29 My parents are recognized as leaders in the community. .559 59 I have lost friendships when we have had to leave churches. -.511 64 I have someone outside of the church with whom I can share my problems. .476 26 My parents give money in the offering that we needed at home. .472 58 My parents have suffered at the hands of the authorities. -.448 34 I feel proud of my parents as Christian leaders. .421 68 I serve in the church even though I have habitual sin in my life. .381 7 My family has a regular devotional time together. .365 2 I feel that my life and ministry are a blessing for others. -.353 69 My parents know how I am when I am with my friends. Factor Profile #6: Feeling the Family Heritage & Weirdness .545 74 I feel that God has a purpose for my life. -.484 16 My parents have helped me to develop my talents. (negative) .469 22 My family makes time to create special memories. .423 11 My parents have taught me the Bible since I was a child. -.411 44 They call on me to fill in whenever there is an emergency. (negative) -.394 4 I respect my parents as men and women of God. (negative) .369 50 The rules for me are different than they are for others. .367 20 My parents take days off without attending to anyone. .358 9 My family has fewer problems than my friends’ families. .355 23 The rules in my house are different than those of my friends. 197 FACTOR PROFILES: GIRLS 18-21 Factor Profile #1: Forced to serve in Church while at Open War with Parents * Pattern: STRONG correlations. Parents don’t know them in their private life. Is serving in church under pressure, but experimenting with “habitual sin” and worrying about being discovered. -.970 15 My parents know my best friends well. (negative) -.964 3 I feel that I have received a spiritual heritage from my parents. (negative) .957 47 They complain that I only serve because I am the pastor’s kid. .947 49 I feel pressure to become a pastor like my parents. .943 65 They make me do things in church that I don’t want to do. .937 48 They say that I have to serve, because I am the pastor’s kid. -.938 61 I have learned about leadership through my parents. (negative) .914 62 Other youth have treated me like the pastor’s spy. .908 68 I serve in the church even though I have habitual sin in my life. .908 71 If people really knew me, they would reject me. Factor Profile #2: Good Communication & Boundaries in Family * Pattern: Feels proud and close to parents, wants to follow their example, feels safe at home, open relationship with parents, does not feel manipulated .922 34 I feel proud of my parents as Christian leaders. .868 31 I get to meet and spend time with special guests that come to our church. .850 6 My parents enjoy a strong and close marriage. .848 8 My parents are an example of how to live by faith. -.819 58 My parents have suffered at the hands of the authorities. (negative) .806 18 My house is a refuge where I feel safe. .800 10 I feel that I can share anything with my parents. .786 12 My parents model for me the Christian life. -.756 24 My parents make time for others but not for me. (negative) .755 14 My parents understand my world: sports, activities, etc. Factor Profile #3 The “Little Pastor” Daughter .955 45 People expect me to be the “little pastor” .887 60 I have learned to resolve conflicts by watching my parents. -.831 67 In church I have to pretend to be something I am not. (negative) .831 43 I participate actively in ministry at the church. .810 41 I am allowed to use the equipment in the church: instruments, etc. .810 57 It hurts me when people criticize my parents. .810 74 I feel that God has a purpose for my life. .810 73 I like to help people out when they need me. .734 23 The rules in my house are different than those of my friends. .734 44 They call on me to fill in whenever there is an emergency. 198 Factor Profile #4: Neglected PK -.780 29 My parents are recognized as leaders in the community. (negative) .739 70 The needs of others are more important than my needs. (negative) -.708 37 I have suffered persecution in my studies because I am a pastor’s kid. (negative) -.710 7 My family has a regular devotional time together. (negative) .696 55 My parents share private information about the church with me. -.686 1 I feel good about my relationship with God. (negative) .640 9 My family has fewer problems than my friends’ families. -.626 28 I have to give up my bed when we have guests in the house. (negative) .611 46 People expect me to be perfect. .611 76 I have had one or more siblings separated from God. Factor Profile #5: Some Family Coherence Problems -.789 22 My family makes time to create special memories. (negative) .786 69 My parents know how I am when I am with my friends. .669 37 I have suffered persecution in my studies because I am a pastor’s kid. .636 63 I have someone in the church with whom I can share my problems. -.654 32 I have been able to travel to special events with my family. (negative) -.572 59 I have lost friendships when we have had to leave churches. (negative) .560 40 My parents try to protect me from criticism. .538 18 My house is a refuge where I feel safe. -.526 9 My family has fewer problems than my friends’ families. (negative). 507 66 I have gotten mad when I’m forbidden to do things that I don’t think are bad. Factor Profile #6: Money focused .783 25 The church meets our economic needs. -.772 19 We have suffered for lack of economic support. (negative) .700 21 We have at least one vacation time per year. -.663 17 I can talk openly about sexuality with my parents. (negative) -.602 46 People expect me to be perfect. (negative) -.602 76 I have had one or more siblings separated from God. (negative) .594 26 My parents give money in the offering that we needed at home. .577 64 I have someone outside of the church with whom I can share my problems. -.478 70 The needs of others are more important than my needs. (negative) -.467 77 I have had times when I have been separated from God. (negative) APPENDIX N OBJECTIVE QUESTIONS FULL RESULTS Never 0.3% Sometimes 11.0% 1 I feel good about my relationship with God. I feel that my life and ministry are a 2 blessing for others. 2.0% 12.7% I feel that I have received a spiritual 3 heritage from my parents. 2.6% 5.9% I respect my parents as men and women of 4 God. 0.3% 4.9% I have a strong relationship with my 5 parents. 0.5% 9.2% My parents enjoy a strong and close 6 marriage 2.5% 3.3% My family has a regular devotional time 7 together. 9.9% 32.0% My parents are an example of how to live 8 by faith. 0.3% 2.3% My family has fewer problems than my 9 friends’ families. 3.1% 4.9% 10 I feel I can share anything with my parents. 7.6% 27.7% My parents have taught me the Bible since I 11 was a child. 0.8% 2.5% 12 My parents model for me the Christian life. 0.2% 2.1% 13 My parents make time to spend with me. 1.5% 24.9% My parents understand my world: sports, 14 activities, etc. 3.8% 20.9% 15 My parents know my best friends well. 4.9% 15.3% My parents have helped me develop my 16 talents. 1.3% 6.3% I can talk openly about sexuality with my 17 parents. 15.3% 20.8% My house is a refuge for me where I feel 18 safe. 1.6% 8.4% We have suffered for lack of economic 19 support. 13.5% 30.6% My parents take days of rest without 20 attending to anyone. 37.9% 32.6% 199 Not Sure 3.8% Many Times 42.7% Always 42.2% 13.0% 43.3% 29.0% 12.2% 26.4% 52.9% 2.5% 19.3% 73.0% 3.1% 29.8% 57.3% 3.3% 15.2% 75.8% 4.9% 31.6% 21.6% 4.3% 17.0% 76.1% 10.9% 6.6% 25.5% 29.8% 55.5% 28.3% 2.5% 3.8% 5.6% 10.7% 19.9% 39.9% 83.5% 74.1% 71.8% 10.9% 15.0% 32.8% 29.7% 31.6% 35.1% 6.1% 23.6% 62.8% 11.2% 21.1% 31.6% 6.1% 22.1% 61.8% 5.4% 44.5% 5.9% 9.6% 11.7% 8.2% 200 21 We have at least one vacation time per year. My family makes time to create special 22 memories. The rules of my house are different than 23 those of my friends. Sometimes my parents meet the needs of 24 others but not mine. 25 The church meets our economic needs. My parents give money we need in the 26 offering. It makes me uncomfortable when church 27 members invade our house. I have to give up my bed when we have 28 guests in the house. My parents are recognized as leaders in the 29 community. Sometimes I receive gifts or special 30 recognition in the church. I am responsible to get acquainted and 31 share with special guests. I have been able to travel to special events 32 with the family. My family opens doors for me in the 33 Christian world. I feel proud of my parents as Christian 34 leaders. 35 My last name is a blessing. The people watch me because I am the 36 pastor’s kid. I have suffered persecution in my studies 37 because I am a pastor’s kid. The people observe and criticize my 38 appearance. 39 My father uses me in sermon illustrations. 40 My parents try to protect me from criticism. I am allowed to use church equipment: 41 instruments, etc. I have developed talents because I have 42 grown up in the church. I participate actively in ministry at the 43 church. They call on me to fill in whenever there is 44 an emergency. There are people who think I should be the 45 “little pastor” 9.4% 29.7% 6.3% 16.6% 38.1% 15.0% 25.2% 20.6% 25.5% 13.7% 1.6% 6.3% 9.4% 35.6% 47.1% 19.8% 18.3% 34.9% 29.8% 10.0% 17.1% 28.8% 21.7% 6.4% 13.0% 17.1% 13.8% 23.2% 25.7% 20.1% 19.3% 27.5% 19.4% 22.2% 11.5% 16.5% 22.2% 5.8% 26.4% 29.2% 0.8% 5.4% 12.9% 22.6% 58.3% 14.8% 38.6% 7.4% 28.5% 10.7% 2.8% 15.2% 6.9% 43.7% 31.5% 8.6% 28.8% 6.4% 34.3% 21.9% 1.8% 4.3% 9.2% 24.9% 59.8% 0.3% 0.7% 1.5% 3.6% 7.4% 13.7% 12.2% 14.8% 78.6% 67.2% 2.1% 5.1% 10.0% 18.1% 64.6% 27.0% 20.3% 11.5% 24.2% 17.0% 4.8% 7.6% 2.1% 17.1% 22.9% 8.6% 12.7% 10.0% 18.0% 34.4% 37.1% 28.3% 31.0% 22.4% 43.0% 5.4% 9.1% 10.9% 22.7% 51.9% 3.0% 5.4% 13.0% 27.0% 51.6% 4.6% 12.2% 8.6% 23.6% 51.1% 7.6% 19.4% 9.4% 29.3% 34.3% 4.8% 6.9% 17.1% 28.7% 42.5% 201 46 People think I am supposed to be perfect. They complain that I only serve because I 47 am the pastor’s kid. They say that I have to serve, because I am 48 the pastor’s kid. I feel pressured to be a pastor like my 49 parents. The rules for me are different than they are 50 for others. People expect me to be the example for the 51 other kids at church. The other young people follow my 52 example. 53 I have freedom to make my own decisions. The people in our church accept the way I 54 dress. My parents share private information about 55 the church with me. I hear information about the personal life of 56 church members. It hurts me when people criticize my 57 parents. My parents have suffered at the hands of 58 the authorities. I have lost friendships when we have had to 59 leave churches. I have learned to resolve conflicts by 60 watching my parents. I have learned about leadership through my 61 parents. Other youth have treated me like my 62 parents’ spy. I have someone at church with whom I can 63 share my problems. I have someone outside of church with 64 whom I can share my problems. They make me do things in the church that I 65 don’t want to do. I’ve gotten mad when forbidden to do 66 things that aren’t bad. In church I have to pretend to be something 67 I am not. I serve in the church even though I have 68 habitual sin in my life. My parents know how I am with my 69 friends. 4.3% 8.7% 15.3% 31.0% 40.7% 21.4% 15.3% 20.8% 24.9% 17.6% 11.0% 13.0% 17.0% 30.8% 28.2% 25.7% 18.6% 15.7% 24.7% 15.3% 7.9% 13.0% 12.7% 30.3% 36.1% 2.0% 5.4% 14.7% 26.2% 51.7% 6.1% 6.8% 17.1% 24.1% 23.4% 9.9% 37.6% 33.9% 15.8% 25.2% 4.6% 13.2% 17.3% 29.5% 35.4% 7.2% 21.4% 9.9% 36.9% 24.5% 15.0% 30.8% 9.6% 27.2% 17.5% 2.3% 4.0% 10.4% 10.9% 72.5% 33.4% 15.3% 24.7% 14.5% 12.0% 36.6% 10.9% 13.2% 20.1% 19.3% 2.6% 8.9% 11.2% 50.1% 27.2% 3.8% 8.6% 12.9% 38.7% 36.1% 35.7% 15.8% 19.1% 19.4% 9.9% 23.4% 27.0% 10.0% 20.3% 19.3% 20.9% 22.7% 10.9% 20.8% 24.7% 32.9% 31.6% 10.9% 17.8% 6.8% 12.9% 25.7% 11.7% 34.1% 15.7% 46.1% 24.2% 10.9% 14.2% 4.6% 45.3% 24.5% 12.5% 11.5% 6.1% 5.6% 11.5% 17.0% 24.7% 41.2% 202 The needs of others are more important 70 than my needs. If people really knew me, they would reject 71 me. I feel guilty because I ought to be better 72 than I am. I like to help people out when they need 73 me. 74 I feel that God has a purpose for my life. I get to spend time with friends who are 75 pastor’s kids. I have had one or more siblings away from 76 God. I have had times when I have been away 77 from God. 17.1% 21.6% 21.7% 28.8% 10.7% 34.1% 13.0% 39.5% 8.2% 5.1% 14.5% 20.3% 14.3% 29.3% 21.6% 1.0% 0.5% 3.0% 1.8% 7.6% 8.4% 23.2% 13.2% 65.2% 76.1% 2.5% 12.7% 7.7% 28.5% 48.6% 53.9% 11.5% 11.2% 13.3% 10.0% 42.0% 22.4% 12.9% 16.3% 6.4% SOURCES CONSULTED Biblical-Theological Sources Alexander, T. Desmond, and Brian S. Rosner. New Dictionary of Biblical Theology. Electronic ed. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2001. Alexander, T. Desmond, and David Baker. Dictionary of the Old Testament: Pentateuch. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2003. Archer, Gleason Leonard. A Survey of Old Testament Introduction. 3rd. ed. 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Bellow, Adam. “In Praise of Nepotism.” The Atlantic Monthly 292, no. 1 (July/August 2003): 98-105. Bunge, Marcia J. “Biblical and Theological Perspectives on Children, Parents, and ‘Best Practices’ for Faith Formation: Resources for Child, Youth, and Family Ministry Today.” Dialog: A Journal of Theology 47, no. 4 (Winter 2008): 348-360. Campbell, Douglas F. “Exploration of Parents’ Availability to Their Children: Canadian Preachers’ Kids (PKs).” Family Ministry 12, no. 4 (1998): 47-57. ———. “The Clergy Family in Canada: Focus on Adult PK’s.” A paper read at the annual meeting of the Association for the Sociology of Religion, Washington, D.C., August 18-20, 1995. Clark, Chap. Hurt: Inside the World of Today’s Teenagers. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Academic, 2004. Cloud, Henry. Boundaries: When To Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1992. Collins, Gary. Christian Counseling. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2007. 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