For Parents, Grandparents And Siblings Over 18
Transcripción
For Parents, Grandparents And Siblings Over 18
Non-Profit US Postage PAID Omaha, NE #284 P.O. Box 540852, Omaha, NE 68154 [email protected] May-Jun 2012 402-571-4011 [email protected] facebook.com/tcfomaha www.tcfomaha.org Mission Statement: When a child dies, at any age, the family suffers intense pain and may feel hopeless and isolated. The Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family. Spanish/Español - page/pagina 4 Please send stories, poems or love gifts by Address Service Requested June 15, 2012 [email protected] MEETING TIMES AND LOCATIONS For parents, grandparents and siblings over 18 CALENDAR May 3— Omaha Meeting & Avoca Meeting May 10—Fremont Meeting SUPPORT GROUP MEETING 7:00 p.m. — 1st Thursday of the month New Cassel Retirement Center 900 N. 90th Street —Auditorium Level 2, Omaha LUNCH Noon—3rd Tuesday of the month at noon. Tish’s Restaurant, 1115 S 35 Street, Council Bluffs May 11,12, 13- Alan Pedersen Film Screening May 15—Lunch at Tish’s May 15 -Steering Committee Meeting May 16– Reunion En Espanol Jun 7 –Omaha Meeting & Avoca Meeting Jun 14—Fremont Meeting Jun 15—Newlsetter Cutoff for articles & love gifts Jun 19—Lunch at Tish’s Jun 20– Reunion En Espanol REUNION EN ESPAŃOL 7:00 pm-3er miércoles de cada mes/3rd Wed. of every month One World Community Health Center Conference Room 4920 S. 30th Street, Omaha SAVE THE DATE Jul 14— Omaha Walk to Remember at Lake Zorinsky Sep 24—Annual Brick Dedication at Boys Town Dec 9— Worldwide Candle Lighting National Office: The Compassionate Friends P.O. Box 3696 Oakbrook IL 60522-3696 (877) 969-0010 www.compassionatefriends.org 1 Nebraska Regional Coordinator: Kelly Pelster [email protected] (402) 676-3670 Love Gifts ∙ Address Change ∙ Authorizations Mail to: The Compassionate Friends , PO Box 540852, Omaha, NE 68154 Your Name_____________________________________________________________________________________ Address_______________________________________Email____________ _______________________________ City___________________________ State _______ Zip ______________ Phone _____________________ Credit Card No: ___________________________CVC ___________ EXP _________ Date _______________ DIRECT MY GIFT TOWARD: Gift of $___________ □ Outreach –printing, postage, phone, web □ Spanish Support □ Angel of Hope □ Memorial Programs In Memory of___________________________________________________________ Message:______________________________________________________________ 2012 AUTHORIZATION—initial each selection Publish my child’s name/dates in the newsletter as long as I am on the mailing list ______ Add my child’s name to the 2012 Walk to Remember Banner in my absence ______ Use my child’s photo in the 12-9-2012 Worldwide Candle Lighting Slide Show ______ Newsletters and notices will be sent electronically unless paper is requested ______paper ______Unsubscribe “Although sorrow is a daily companion, so is love. Notice how love has changed you. Notice how loving someone who is no longer physically here continues to change you. Keep your heart open to love and let it shine through you. That gift is part of their legacy” ~ Ashley Davis Bush, author of “Transcending Loss” ♥ Gifts of Love ♥ Our activities support the grief work of many families. We also work to educate members of our community about the grief process and how they can support bereaved parents. Please help us help others by making a LOVE GIFT today. TCF is a 501c3 organization and funded only by donations. Monetary gifts in any amount are deeply appreciated and we gratefully accept these gifts knowing our children are warmly remembered. Chapter expenses include printing, postage, library, yellow pages, and memorial programs. We have a new chapter brochure and are working to increase the awareness of TCF in our community. THANK YOU New Cassel Retirement Center One World Community Health Center Child’s Name __________________________________________________________________________________ Birth Date __________________Death Date ______________________Your Relationship____________________ American Express Employee Giving/Gift Match United Way of the Midlands Ted E Bear Hollow SIGNATURE_REQUIRED_____________________________________________________DATE______________ Centering Corporation Love Gifts received 2/16/2012 through 4/15/2012 To protect the privacy of our members, this information has been removed from the public version of the newsletter. Please subscribe for a complete copy. [email protected] “If I had a flower for every time I think of you, I could walk forever in my garden” ~ Claudia Grandi 2 Telling Your Story Again and Again by psychologist Glen Davidson "....Telling your story will be the most important thing for you to do as a mourner, because in the very act of telling it you are putting your life back together. By telling your story you will discover that your facts change, not because the facts themselves are changed but because your choice of what is important changes. You may discover that your initial impressions of what happened were incomplete or even inaccurate. The more unexpected the death, the more likely it is that initial impressions were wrong." (Understanding mourning (1984), p.13) “ It is good and helpful to find a group where people can support each other in handling their grief. This unburdens grieving partners who prefer different coping strategies. It is also very important to look for and rely on help from outside. According to Stephanie Matthews-Simonton, mourning people can help themselves from their own resources only to 25%, 20% of help comes from their partner, and the other 55% comes from other resources. May Meeting Creating Memorials - Bereaved Parents Tim & Janet Todd will share their story of HOPE. Share memorials you have created. Bring a page to add to the chapter’s book of memorials. 2012 Steering Committee Greater Omaha Chapter Leader: Kelly Kleckner-Silva Past Leader: Barb Schwede Treasurer: Doug Hartmann Corporate Gifts: Sandra Massie Secretary/Angel of Hope: Kelly Pelster Librarian: JoAnn Smith Meeting Facilitators: Joyce Schlosser and Kelly Kleckner-Silva Newsletter Editor: Kate Spinks Webmaster: Diana Ormandy Outreach Coordinator: Kelly Pelster Outreach CB: Shirley Ashcraft At Large: Beth Pribil, Peter Ormandy, Mary Jo Fike, Linda Sorgenfrei We have formed four committees: Your involvement in any capacity is encouraged and appreciated. Steering committee members will chair the committees. 1) Outreach — #1 priority. Awareness. Publicity. Can they find us? Chairperson: Diana Ormandy 2) Meetings - help us take care of those who find us. In April we had 56 who attended the support group meeting. A successful meeting needs a balance of veterans and newly Plant exchange (optional) - Bring a perennial plant from your bereaved....they need to see a lot of HOPE when they come to memory garden, attach something about your child/sibling to the their first meeting! We need several small group facilitators, plant. library assistance, button makers, registration, greeters and refreshment help once a month between 6 and 9 pm. The programs will be planned in advance. An opening, discussion June Meeting Mothers/Fathers Speak - discussion in separate points and closing will be prepared for the small groups. gender groups. Grieving fathers often handle their emotions so Chairperson: JoAnn Smith differently than mothers. Understanding and accepting each others different ways of handling grief is so important to support each 3) Secondary support - Events - for the creative other well. It often also helps to open the way for a renewed, people....make your own schedule for short term commitments. deeper relationship between grieving parents. Chairperson for each event. Walk To Remember: Joyce Schlosser. Brick Dedication: Doug Hartmann. Candle Lighting: Barb Schwede. I Celebrate by Patricia Oppenheim I celebrate the dust that has grown between the cracks of my shattered heart I celebrate my brain, which had dulled the pictures of your tiny arms wrapped around my neck I celebrate the incessant busyness of my life, which has diverted my obsessive, morose longing for you I celebrate my friend, who has planted tulips in your honor on this day for fifteen years I celebrate my own strength, the depth of which I never fathomed or tapped I celebrate my need to be a mother to my son, who was equally wounded I celebrate the love of my husband, who was drowning in tears next to me 4) Core Committee - Chapter finances, record-keeping and direction from the national organization is handled by the leaders, secretary, treasurer, Angel of Hope officer, and Corporate Gifts. Chairperson: Kelly Kleckner-Silva. Meeting Structure by Joyce Schlosser, Facilitator, TCF Omaha As some of you are aware, the steering committee has opted to structure and/or restructure our schedule for meeting arrangements, to be more effective for reaching everyone’s needs. We had previously started with the large group sharing, then broken down to smaller groups with one being new members, and closing in a large group standing in a circle. Sometimes gathering in the closing large group format interrupted those sharing particularly with the newer members. I celebrate the three short years that you graced and enriched our lives Therefore, we are going to ask the small group leaders to do their own closing. Everyone will attempt to close before nine o’clock. But most of all I celebrate you—-overflowing with love, tenderness However, visiting and intermingling can surely continue with consideration for the noise volume of others still sharing in the and generosity. Happy 19th birthday, Elena small group. We will try this for several months. Please indicate (From We Need Not Walk Alone Spring 2012) Patricia is a child to a member of the steering committee of your preference. psychologist from Bellevue, Washington, who will forever be Elena and Ian’s mother. She joined Compassionate Friends Thank you for helping us to be effective and considerate. soon after Elena died in 1996, at age three, from a brain tumor. 3 PAGINA EN ESPAÑOL/SPANISH PAGE Libros – Las voces olvidadas - Pérdidas gestacionales tempranas Las autoras de LAS VOCES OLVIDADAS son mujeres que abordan amplia y reflexivamente la experiencia de la pérdida de un bebé en las primeras semanas de gestación con la determinación de sacar a la luz una realidad poco visible e inmersa en infinidad de tabúes. Este libro da voz, espacio y tiempo a los bebés que sólo vivieron en el vientre materno; a las madres, que muchas veces acallaron el duelo por el silencio social y cultural al que estas pérdidas han estado sometidas; y a los padres, que, aún hoy, casi nadie repara en ellos. Fases del duelo, problemas de fertilidad, pérdidas de repetición, manejo del aborto, pechos llenos y brazos vacíos, siguientes embarazos y partos... todo ello ha estado envuelto por el oscuro halo del miedo, la angustia, la soledad, la frustración, el aislamiento, la negación y la desinformación que viven la mujer y su pareja ante la pérdida gestacional temprana. Este libro habla de una muerte muy poco reconocida en nuestra sociedad: la de un bebé intraútero al inicio del embarazo o en cualquier momento de la primera mitad de la gestación. Creemos que es necesario abordar este tema desde una amplia perspectiva: desgranando conceptos y reflexiones desde lo femenino. Si las pérdidas gestacionales no son tratadas, en general, como requieren los padres en duelo, lo son aún menos las de primera mitad de embarazo, donde se agudiza la incomprensión y la falta de validación y de respeto. LAS VOCES OLVIDADAS son las de estos bebés que vivieron sólo en el vientre materno, la voz de sus madres que acallaron el duelo porque estaban de ‘demasiado poco’, sus bebés no ‘daban la talla para ser llorados’. Y la voz de sus padres que, aún hoy, nadie repara en ellos. El inicio del embarazo es el inicio de ilusiones, un proyecto que se corta cuando justo se ha sentido la emoción de la maternidad; el shock de la noticia positiva versus el shock de la noticia negativa en un corto período de tiempo. La pérdida de la inocencia y el robo para siempre de un embarazo feliz. Las fases del duelo y las reglas de oro para transitarlo. Lo simbólico, lo espiritual, lo místico. La soledad, el aislamiento y la desinformación que vive la mujer y su pareja ante la vivencia de la pérdida porque no existe lugar de expresión ni escucha para una muerte no contemplada socialmente. LAS VOCES OLVIDADAS pretende tratar a fondo un tema que la humanidad tiene pendiente desde hace siglos: que el olvido deje paso a un interés verdadero; éste es nuestro objetivo y la labor que nos mueve. Autor: Mónica Alvarez-M.Àngels Claramunt-Laura G. Carrascosa-Cristina Silvente Editor: Ob stare , Año: 2012 - Boletín de la Fundación Estrella Mailí - Pagina de Facebook de Los Amigos Compasivos en Omaha https://www.facebook.com/LosAmigosCompasivosOmaha Si desean enviar material para el próximo boletín, escriba a : [email protected] “El duelo es un proceso de cambio básicamente y la muerte termina una vida pero no una relación. Ésta se modifica, de una relación de presencia a una de ausencia, pero la desaparición de alguien a quien amamos no nos obliga a olvidarlo”. ~Amado Nervo -Los Amigos Compasivos/USA- Hola. Quisiera contarle mi historia a alguien que sienta lo mismo que yo. Ya que no conozco a nadie que haya perdido un hijo y si bien tengo el apoyo de muchos familiares y amigos, que al mismo tiempo también sufren, no sienten lo que yo. Mi hija Pilar, única hija, falleció el 23 de enero de 2010, en pocos días se cumplirán 2 años. 2 años!! Todavía no puedo creer que no esté. Las dos vivíamos solas. Su papá falleció en noviembre de 2007, estábamos divorciados, así que ni siquiera puedo consolarme pensando que él siente lo mismo que yo. A Pilar le diagnosticaron un tumor cerebral 1 año antes de fallecer, por lo que el año siguiente fue una pesadilla, entre tratamientos, pérdida de cabello, internaciones, etc. fue muy duro, ver cómo mi hija se iba apagando como una lucecita poco a poco. Ella era una niña muy alegre, feliz, llena de vida, inteligente.... Yo he tratado de seguir adelante...trabajo, ahora tengo pareja, pero es tan difícil, la extraño tanto. Vivía por ella. Estoy siendo un poco incoherente, lo sé, quizá sólo quiera desahogarme, ya que siempre he sido muy controlada. Pero ahora tengo ganas de dormir y dormir.... son días difíciles. Quisiera saber si hay alguien a quién le haya pasado lo mismo que a mí, perder a su único hijo y sola, a veces siento que mi dolor es tan distinto al de otros padres. Gracias por “escucharme”. Liliana -Boletín de la Fundación Estrella Mailí - 4 MEMORY CORNER Book Reviews Do you have a book that you have read from either the Compassionate Friend’s Library or elsewhere that you would like to write a little something about? FEATURING Jason P. Ormandy, 28 Some of Jason’s Favorites: Band(s) - This very difficult caused he loved so many different styles of music; David Bowie, DeVotchka, Guster, Neutral Milk Hotel, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Sufjan Stevens, Wilco Color(s) –Blue and Black Vacation Spot(s) - Lake Winnipesaukee and Florida Food(s) - Pizza and Hamburgers Movie(s) - This is also very difficult, cause he loved so many movies; Ghostbusters, Jaws, Kung Fu Hustle, Little Miss Sunshine, Memento, Old Boy, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, The Wild Bunch TV Show(s) – House, Breaking Bad and/or The Shield Hobbies: Listening to Music, Playing Computer Games, Watching Movies, Going to the Shooting Range Jason loved being an Eagle Scout and having his 1st degree black belt in Tang Soo Do. He also volunteered for the Make a Wish Foundation. by Peter & Diana & Andrea Ormandy, TCF Omaha Member Events Share what you are doing in memory of your child—it will give hope to others. Your Story could be here in the July-August issue. Tools for finding hope along the journey: How to tell your story (www.Facebook.com/The Grief Toolbox) There are many reasons to tell the story of someone’s life and death. In the beginning we tell the story to get it out in the open to hear ourselves say it and to try to comprehend what has happened. This telling can be repetitive and somewhat chaotic. We soon shift into wanting to share our story to relate to others. We tell it to let others know that we understand their own struggles. There is another way we can tell the story to effect change, to bring a message to others. The following link is the story of my son’s death from medical error. All of our stories have the power to effect change. Even if just one person makes a different choice that betters their life then we have honored our loved ones life and death. When the time is right shift your story from one of tragedy to one of education and hope. March / April 2012 Noah’s Story: Please Listen By Tanya Lord, MPH, PhD Noah Lord Communication in healthcare—provider to patient, patient to provider, and provider to provider—is at the heart of improving quality and patient safety. This is the story of my son Noah, whose experience with the healthcare system 13 years ago inspired me to work toward making positive changes in hospital care. His story is interspersed below with my present-day commentary about what I now understand about how poor communication contributed to his death. I hope Noah’s story inspires patients, families, and providers to communicate as effectively as possible and helps other patients and families avoid harm. See complete story http://www.psqh.com/marchapril-2012/1197-noahs-story-please-listen.html Glen Lord serves on the national board of directors for TCF. Glen & Tanya are among the creators of The Grief Toolbox and are featured in Alan Pedersen’s new video. 5 Omaha dates ALAN PEDERSEN’S newest song “LOVE LIVES ON” Omaha is on Alan’s busy tour schedule again. Alan always says he loves our chapter. Pssst.....it’s because his Mom lives here! We like that. Join Alan for dinner and a movie. In 2011, Alan and Denise and Angels Across the USA traveled from sea to shining sea with the Angel trailer, playing their music, and speaking of hope to be found on the grief journey for thousands of people at nearly 100 events. They were on board when The Grief Toolbox was founded. The Grief Toolbox offers tools for finding hope along this journey, from authors, speakers and artists who have been down this road, and want to give back. Find out more www.facebook.com/grieftoolbox or www.thegrieftoolbox.com. www.facebook.com/angelsacrosstheusa or www.angelsacrosstheusa.com. “Walking Through Grief” was the brainchild of Alan & Denise. 6 2012 Nebraska Remembers Banner Come to write on the names of your children, grandchildren, brothers or sisters who have gone too soon. Members from our chapter will carry the banner in the July 22 National Walk to Remember in Costa Mesa, California, and it will be displayed at chapter events all year. Send the authorization by July 7 (Page 2 in this newsletter) if you cannot be present at any TCF function to write your child’s name. Omaha Walk to Remember Lake Zorinsky Shelter 5 Saturday, July 14, at 8:30 a.m. We welcome everyone to join hands and hearts in remembering all children who have died too soon. ALL PARTICIPANTS MUST SIGN A LIABILITY WAIVER BEFORE THE WALK . Remember a Child, Support Omaha TCF in the "Friends Asking Friends®" Virtual Walk Fundraiser www.tcfwalktoremember.org In the left column — Click Visitors Join our team—TCF Omaha Online donation: 65% local/35% national. If you would like 100% of your gift to stay in the local chapter, send it directly to TCF Omaha. Honor the memory of your child, sibling, or grandchild and support the work of The Compassionate Friends. By participating in the seventh "Friends Asking Friends®" virtual walk fundraiser, you can help to guarantee TCF will always be there. Join our team, and ask for pledges and donations from friends, relatives, and businesses that you frequent. We ask for your help so that no one need walk this difficult grief journey alone! 7 If you would like your child included here, submit the authorization form on page 2. Birthdays & Anniversaries To protect the privacy of our members, this information has been removed from the public version of the newsletter. Please subscribe for a complete copy. [email protected] ♥ Our Children Remembered ♥ In the days ahead, especially remember these children and their families…on the day of their birth and on the anniversary of their death. If your child has a birthday this month, bring a photo or memorabilia for the birthday table, and a treat to share at the meeting, and help each other discover comforting and creative ways to prepare for and handle milestone events. Share things that you have learned that have made these times easier for you, or at least tolerable. Whether we like it or not, these milestones will come, and preparing for them can be a gift we give ourselves. "A Pair of Shoes" author unknown I am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. Uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes. Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them. I get funny looks wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy. I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs. They never talk about my shoes. To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable. To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can never take them off. I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world. Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much. Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt. No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything. They have made me who I am. I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child. Submitted by Diana Ormandy, Jason’s Mom, TCF Omaha Co-editors for this issue: Kelly Pelster, Diana Ormandy, Kelly Kleckner-Silva 8