For Parents, Grandparents And Siblings Over 18

For Parents, Grandparents And Siblings Over 18

Non-Profit
US Postage
PAID
Omaha, NE
#284
P.O. Box 540852, Omaha, NE 68154
[email protected]
May-Jun 2012
402-571-4011
[email protected]
facebook.com/tcfomaha
www.tcfomaha.org
Mission Statement: When a child dies, at any age, the family suffers intense pain and may feel hopeless and isolated.
The Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the death
of a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family.
Spanish/Español - page/pagina 4
Please send stories, poems or love gifts by
Address Service Requested
June 15, 2012
[email protected]
MEETING TIMES AND LOCATIONS
For parents, grandparents and siblings over 18
CALENDAR
May 3— Omaha Meeting & Avoca Meeting
May 10—Fremont Meeting
SUPPORT GROUP MEETING
7:00 p.m. — 1st Thursday of the month
New Cassel Retirement Center
900 N. 90th Street —Auditorium Level 2, Omaha
LUNCH
Noon—3rd Tuesday of the month at noon.
Tish’s Restaurant, 1115 S 35 Street, Council Bluffs
May 11,12, 13- Alan Pedersen Film Screening
May 15—Lunch at Tish’s
May 15 -Steering Committee Meeting
May 16– Reunion En Espanol
Jun 7 –Omaha Meeting & Avoca Meeting
Jun 14—Fremont Meeting
Jun 15—Newlsetter Cutoff for articles & love gifts
Jun 19—Lunch at Tish’s
Jun 20– Reunion En Espanol
REUNION EN ESPAŃOL
7:00 pm-3er miércoles de cada mes/3rd Wed. of every month
One World Community Health Center Conference Room
4920 S. 30th Street, Omaha
SAVE THE DATE
Jul 14— Omaha Walk to Remember at Lake Zorinsky
Sep 24—Annual Brick Dedication at Boys Town
Dec 9— Worldwide Candle Lighting
National Office: The Compassionate Friends P.O. Box 3696 Oakbrook IL 60522-3696 (877) 969-0010 www.compassionatefriends.org 1
Nebraska Regional Coordinator: Kelly Pelster [email protected] (402) 676-3670
Love Gifts ∙ Address Change ∙ Authorizations
Mail to: The Compassionate Friends , PO Box 540852, Omaha, NE 68154
Your Name_____________________________________________________________________________________
Address_______________________________________Email____________ _______________________________
City___________________________ State _______ Zip ______________ Phone _____________________
Credit Card No: ___________________________CVC ___________ EXP _________
Date _______________
DIRECT MY GIFT TOWARD:
Gift of $___________
□ Outreach –printing, postage, phone, web
□ Spanish Support □ Angel of Hope □ Memorial Programs
In Memory of___________________________________________________________
Message:______________________________________________________________
2012 AUTHORIZATION—initial each selection
Publish my child’s name/dates in the newsletter as long as I am on the mailing list ______
Add my child’s name to the 2012 Walk to Remember Banner in my absence ______
Use my child’s photo in the 12-9-2012 Worldwide Candle Lighting Slide Show ______
Newsletters and notices will be sent electronically unless paper is requested ______paper
______Unsubscribe
“Although sorrow is a daily companion, so is
love. Notice how love has changed you.
Notice how loving someone who is no longer
physically here continues to change you.
Keep your heart open to love and let it shine
through you. That gift is part of their legacy”
~ Ashley Davis Bush, author of
“Transcending Loss”
♥ Gifts of Love ♥
Our activities support the grief work of many
families. We also work to educate members of
our community about the grief process and
how they can support bereaved parents.
Please help us help others by making a LOVE
GIFT today. TCF is a 501c3 organization and
funded only by donations. Monetary gifts in
any amount are deeply appreciated and we
gratefully accept these gifts knowing our
children are warmly remembered. Chapter
expenses include printing, postage, library,
yellow pages, and memorial programs. We
have a new chapter brochure and are working
to increase the awareness of TCF in our
community.
THANK YOU
New Cassel Retirement Center
One World Community Health Center
Child’s Name __________________________________________________________________________________
Birth Date __________________Death Date ______________________Your Relationship____________________
American Express Employee Giving/Gift Match
United Way of the Midlands
Ted E Bear Hollow
SIGNATURE_REQUIRED_____________________________________________________DATE______________
Centering Corporation
Love Gifts received 2/16/2012 through 4/15/2012
To protect the privacy of our members, this information has been removed from the public version of the newsletter.
Please subscribe for a complete copy.
[email protected]
“If I had a flower for every time I think of you, I could walk forever in my garden” ~ Claudia Grandi
2
Telling Your Story Again and
Again by psychologist Glen Davidson
"....Telling your story will be the most important thing for you to
do as a mourner, because in the very act of telling it you are
putting your life back together. By telling your story you will
discover that your facts change, not because the facts themselves
are changed but because your choice of what is important
changes. You may discover that your initial impressions of what
happened were incomplete or even inaccurate. The more
unexpected the death, the more likely it is that initial impressions
were wrong." (Understanding mourning (1984), p.13)
“ It is good and helpful to find a group where people can support
each other in handling their grief. This unburdens grieving partners
who prefer different coping strategies. It is also very important to
look for and rely on help from outside. According to Stephanie
Matthews-Simonton, mourning people can help themselves from
their own resources only to 25%, 20% of help comes from their
partner, and the other 55% comes from other resources.
May Meeting Creating Memorials - Bereaved Parents Tim & Janet
Todd will share their story of HOPE. Share memorials you have
created. Bring a page to add to the chapter’s book of memorials.
2012 Steering Committee
Greater Omaha Chapter
Leader: Kelly Kleckner-Silva Past Leader: Barb Schwede
Treasurer: Doug Hartmann
Corporate Gifts: Sandra Massie
Secretary/Angel of Hope: Kelly Pelster Librarian: JoAnn Smith
Meeting Facilitators: Joyce Schlosser and Kelly Kleckner-Silva
Newsletter Editor: Kate Spinks
Webmaster: Diana Ormandy
Outreach Coordinator: Kelly Pelster Outreach CB: Shirley Ashcraft
At Large: Beth Pribil, Peter Ormandy, Mary Jo Fike, Linda
Sorgenfrei
We have formed four committees: Your involvement in any
capacity is encouraged and appreciated. Steering committee
members will chair the committees.
1) Outreach — #1 priority. Awareness. Publicity. Can they find
us? Chairperson: Diana Ormandy
2) Meetings - help us take care of those who find us. In April we
had 56 who attended the support group meeting. A successful
meeting needs a balance of veterans and newly
Plant exchange (optional) - Bring a perennial plant from your
bereaved....they need to see a lot of HOPE when they come to
memory garden, attach something about your child/sibling to the
their first meeting! We need several small group facilitators,
plant.
library assistance, button makers, registration, greeters and
refreshment help once a month between 6 and 9 pm. The
programs will be planned in advance. An opening, discussion
June Meeting Mothers/Fathers Speak - discussion in separate
points and closing will be prepared for the small groups.
gender groups. Grieving fathers often handle their emotions so
Chairperson: JoAnn Smith
differently than mothers. Understanding and accepting each others
different ways of handling grief is so important to support each
3) Secondary support - Events - for the creative
other well. It often also helps to open the way for a renewed,
people....make your own schedule for short term commitments.
deeper relationship between grieving parents.
Chairperson for each event. Walk To Remember: Joyce
Schlosser. Brick Dedication: Doug Hartmann. Candle Lighting:
Barb Schwede.
I Celebrate by Patricia Oppenheim
I celebrate the dust that has grown between the cracks of my
shattered heart
I celebrate my brain, which had dulled the pictures of your tiny
arms wrapped around my neck
I celebrate the incessant busyness of my life, which has diverted
my obsessive, morose longing for you
I celebrate my friend, who has planted tulips in your honor on this
day for fifteen years
I celebrate my own strength, the depth of which I never fathomed
or tapped
I celebrate my need to be a mother to my son, who was equally
wounded
I celebrate the love of my husband, who was drowning in tears
next to me
4) Core Committee - Chapter finances, record-keeping and
direction from the national organization is handled by the
leaders, secretary, treasurer, Angel of Hope officer, and
Corporate Gifts. Chairperson: Kelly Kleckner-Silva.
Meeting Structure
by Joyce Schlosser, Facilitator, TCF Omaha
As some of you are aware, the steering committee has opted to
structure and/or restructure our schedule for meeting
arrangements, to be more effective for reaching everyone’s
needs. We had previously started with the large group sharing,
then broken down to smaller groups with one being new members,
and closing in a large group standing in a circle. Sometimes
gathering in the closing large group format interrupted those
sharing particularly with the newer members.
I celebrate the three short years that you graced and enriched our
lives
Therefore, we are going to ask the small group leaders to do their
own closing. Everyone will attempt to close before nine o’clock.
But most of all I celebrate you—-overflowing with love, tenderness However, visiting and intermingling can surely continue with
consideration for the noise volume of others still sharing in the
and generosity. Happy 19th birthday, Elena
small group. We will try this for several months. Please indicate
(From We Need Not Walk Alone Spring 2012) Patricia is a child
to a member of the steering committee of your preference.
psychologist from Bellevue, Washington, who will forever be
Elena and Ian’s mother. She joined Compassionate Friends
Thank you for helping us to be effective and considerate.
soon after Elena died in 1996, at age three, from a brain tumor.
3
PAGINA EN ESPAÑOL/SPANISH PAGE
Libros – Las voces olvidadas - Pérdidas gestacionales tempranas
Las autoras de LAS VOCES OLVIDADAS son mujeres que abordan amplia y reflexivamente la experiencia de la pérdida de un bebé en
las primeras semanas de gestación con la determinación de sacar a la luz una realidad poco visible e inmersa en infinidad de tabúes.
Este libro da voz, espacio y tiempo a los bebés que sólo vivieron en el vientre materno; a las madres, que muchas veces acallaron el
duelo por el silencio social y cultural al que estas pérdidas han estado sometidas; y a los padres, que, aún hoy, casi nadie repara en
ellos. Fases del duelo, problemas de fertilidad, pérdidas de repetición, manejo del aborto, pechos llenos y brazos vacíos, siguientes
embarazos y partos... todo ello ha estado envuelto por el oscuro halo del miedo, la angustia, la soledad, la frustración, el aislamiento,
la negación y la desinformación que viven la mujer y su pareja ante la pérdida gestacional temprana.
Este libro habla de una muerte muy poco reconocida en nuestra sociedad: la de un bebé intraútero al inicio del embarazo o en
cualquier momento de la primera mitad de la gestación. Creemos que es necesario abordar este tema desde una amplia perspectiva:
desgranando conceptos y reflexiones desde lo femenino.
Si las pérdidas gestacionales no son tratadas, en general, como requieren los padres en duelo, lo son aún menos las de primera mitad
de embarazo, donde se agudiza la incomprensión y la falta de validación y de respeto.
LAS VOCES OLVIDADAS son las de estos bebés que vivieron sólo en el vientre materno, la voz de sus madres que acallaron el
duelo porque estaban de ‘demasiado poco’, sus bebés no ‘daban la talla para ser llorados’. Y la voz de sus padres que, aún hoy, nadie
repara en ellos.
El inicio del embarazo es el inicio de ilusiones, un proyecto que se corta cuando justo se ha sentido la emoción de la maternidad; el
shock de la noticia positiva versus el shock de la noticia negativa en un corto período de tiempo. La pérdida de la inocencia y el robo
para siempre de un embarazo feliz.
Las fases del duelo y las reglas de oro para transitarlo. Lo simbólico, lo espiritual, lo místico.
La soledad, el aislamiento y la desinformación que vive la mujer y su pareja ante la vivencia de la pérdida porque no existe lugar de
expresión ni escucha para una muerte no contemplada socialmente.
LAS VOCES OLVIDADAS pretende tratar a fondo un tema que la humanidad tiene pendiente desde hace siglos: que el olvido deje
paso a un interés verdadero; éste es nuestro objetivo y la labor que nos mueve.
Autor: Mónica Alvarez-M.Àngels Claramunt-Laura G. Carrascosa-Cristina Silvente
Editor: Ob stare , Año: 2012 - Boletín de la Fundación Estrella Mailí -
Pagina de Facebook de Los Amigos Compasivos en Omaha
https://www.facebook.com/LosAmigosCompasivosOmaha
Si desean enviar material para el próximo
boletín, escriba a : [email protected]
“El duelo es un proceso de cambio básicamente y la muerte termina una vida pero no una relación. Ésta se modifica, de una relación
de presencia a una de ausencia, pero la desaparición de alguien a quien amamos no nos obliga a olvidarlo”.
~Amado Nervo -Los Amigos Compasivos/USA-
Hola. Quisiera contarle mi historia a alguien que sienta lo mismo que yo. Ya que no conozco a nadie que haya perdido un hijo y si
bien tengo el apoyo de muchos familiares y amigos, que al mismo tiempo también sufren, no sienten lo que yo. Mi hija Pilar, única
hija, falleció el 23 de enero de 2010, en pocos días se cumplirán 2 años. 2 años!! Todavía no puedo creer que no esté. Las dos
vivíamos solas. Su papá falleció en noviembre de 2007, estábamos divorciados, así que ni siquiera puedo consolarme pensando que
él siente lo mismo que yo. A Pilar le diagnosticaron un tumor cerebral 1 año antes de fallecer, por lo que el año siguiente fue una
pesadilla, entre tratamientos, pérdida de cabello, internaciones, etc. fue muy duro, ver cómo mi hija se iba apagando como una
lucecita poco a poco. Ella era una niña muy alegre, feliz, llena de vida, inteligente.... Yo he tratado de seguir adelante...trabajo, ahora
tengo pareja, pero es tan difícil, la extraño tanto. Vivía por ella. Estoy siendo un poco incoherente, lo sé, quizá sólo quiera
desahogarme, ya que siempre he sido muy controlada. Pero ahora tengo ganas de dormir y dormir.... son días difíciles. Quisiera
saber si hay alguien a quién le haya pasado lo mismo que a mí, perder a su único hijo y sola, a veces siento que mi dolor es tan
distinto al de otros padres.
Gracias por “escucharme”. Liliana -Boletín de la Fundación Estrella Mailí -
4
MEMORY CORNER
Book Reviews Do you have a book that you have read
from either the Compassionate Friend’s Library or elsewhere
that you would like to write a little something about?
FEATURING
Jason P. Ormandy, 28
Some of Jason’s Favorites:
Band(s) - This very
difficult caused he loved
so many different styles
of music; David Bowie,
DeVotchka, Guster,
Neutral Milk Hotel, Nick
Cave and the Bad
Seeds, Sufjan Stevens,
Wilco
Color(s) –Blue and Black
Vacation Spot(s) - Lake Winnipesaukee and Florida
Food(s) - Pizza and Hamburgers
Movie(s) - This is also very difficult, cause he loved so
many movies; Ghostbusters, Jaws, Kung Fu Hustle,
Little Miss Sunshine, Memento, Old Boy, Pulp Fiction,
Reservoir Dogs, The Wild Bunch
TV Show(s) – House, Breaking Bad and/or The Shield
Hobbies: Listening to Music, Playing Computer Games,
Watching Movies, Going to the Shooting Range
Jason loved being an Eagle Scout and having his 1st
degree black belt in Tang Soo Do. He also volunteered
for the Make a Wish Foundation.
by Peter & Diana & Andrea Ormandy, TCF Omaha
Member Events
Share what you are doing in memory of
your child—it will give hope to others.
Your Story could be here in the July-August issue.
Tools for finding hope along
the journey: How to tell your
story (www.Facebook.com/The Grief Toolbox)
There are many reasons to tell the story of someone’s life and
death. In the beginning we tell the story to get it out in the
open to hear ourselves say it and to try to comprehend what
has happened. This telling can be repetitive and somewhat
chaotic. We soon shift into wanting to share our story to relate
to others. We tell it to let others know that we understand their
own struggles. There is another way we can tell the story to
effect change, to bring a message to others. The following link
is the story of my son’s death from medical error. All of our
stories have the power to effect change. Even if just one person
makes a different choice that betters their life then we have
honored our loved ones life and death. When the time is right
shift your story from one of tragedy to one of education and
hope.
March / April 2012
Noah’s Story: Please Listen
By Tanya Lord, MPH, PhD
Noah Lord
Communication in healthcare—provider to patient, patient to provider, and provider to provider—is at the heart of
improving quality and patient safety. This is the story of my son Noah, whose experience with the healthcare system 13 years ago
inspired me to work toward making positive changes in hospital care. His story is interspersed below with my present-day commentary
about what I now understand about how poor communication contributed to his death. I hope Noah’s story inspires patients, families,
and providers to communicate as effectively as possible and helps other patients and families avoid harm.
See complete story http://www.psqh.com/marchapril-2012/1197-noahs-story-please-listen.html
Glen Lord serves on
the national board of directors for TCF. Glen & Tanya are among the creators of The Grief Toolbox and are featured in Alan Pedersen’s
new video.
5
Omaha dates
ALAN PEDERSEN’S newest song “LOVE LIVES ON”
Omaha is on Alan’s busy tour schedule again. Alan always says he loves our chapter.
Pssst.....it’s because his Mom lives here! We like that. Join Alan for dinner and a movie.
In 2011, Alan and Denise and Angels Across the USA traveled from sea to shining sea with the Angel trailer, playing their music, and
speaking of hope to be found on the grief journey for thousands of people at nearly 100 events. They were on board when The Grief
Toolbox was founded. The Grief Toolbox offers tools for finding hope along this journey, from authors, speakers and artists who have
been down this road, and want to give back. Find out more www.facebook.com/grieftoolbox or www.thegrieftoolbox.com.
www.facebook.com/angelsacrosstheusa or www.angelsacrosstheusa.com. “Walking Through Grief” was the brainchild of Alan & Denise.
6
2012 Nebraska Remembers Banner
Come to write on the names of your children, grandchildren, brothers or sisters who have gone too soon. Members from our chapter will
carry the banner in the July 22 National Walk to Remember in Costa Mesa, California, and it will be displayed at chapter events all year.
Send the authorization by July 7 (Page 2 in this newsletter) if you cannot be present at any TCF function to write your child’s name.
Omaha Walk to Remember
Lake Zorinsky Shelter 5
Saturday, July 14, at 8:30 a.m.
We welcome everyone to join hands and hearts
in remembering all children who have died too soon.
ALL PARTICIPANTS MUST SIGN A LIABILITY WAIVER BEFORE THE WALK .
Remember a Child, Support Omaha TCF in the
"Friends Asking Friends®" Virtual Walk Fundraiser
www.tcfwalktoremember.org
In the left column — Click Visitors
Join our team—TCF Omaha
Online donation: 65% local/35% national.
If you would like 100% of your gift to stay in the local
chapter, send it directly to TCF Omaha.
Honor the memory of your child, sibling, or grandchild and support the work of The Compassionate Friends.
By participating in the seventh "Friends Asking Friends®" virtual walk fundraiser, you can help to guarantee TCF will always be there.
Join our team, and ask for pledges and donations from friends, relatives, and businesses that you frequent.
We ask for your help so that no one need walk this difficult grief journey alone!
7
If you would like your child included here,
submit the authorization form on page 2.
Birthdays & Anniversaries
To protect the privacy of our members,
this information has been removed from
the public version of the newsletter.
Please subscribe for a complete copy.
[email protected]
♥ Our Children Remembered ♥
In the days ahead, especially remember these children and their
families…on the day of their birth and on the anniversary of their
death.
If your child has a birthday this month, bring a photo or memorabilia
for the birthday table, and a treat to share at the meeting, and help
each other discover comforting and creative ways to prepare for and
handle milestone events. Share things that you have learned that
have made these times easier for you, or at least tolerable. Whether
we like it or not, these milestones will come, and preparing for them
can be a gift we give ourselves.
"A Pair of Shoes"
author unknown
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly
shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I
wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some
days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take
another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks
wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell
in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not
theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful
my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly
understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once
you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize
that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are
many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache
daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how
to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
Some have
worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they
think
about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to
wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a
stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to
face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever
walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
Submitted by Diana Ormandy, Jason’s Mom, TCF Omaha
Co-editors for this issue:
Kelly Pelster, Diana Ormandy, Kelly Kleckner-Silva
8