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• $2.00 0 tCS y father died suddenly when I was 17, and I didn't shed a tear- at first. A couple of months shy of 40, he suffered an instantly fatal heart attack in the middle of the night. Our family passed the next 36 hours in an unreal state of shock; Dad's being gone was really incomprehensible to us. Two days after his death we went to the funeral home and saw this person who had been at the center of our lives propped stiffly in a casket. Flowers had already arrived, from the neighbors, from Dad's office. Then my mom motioned to me and pointed out the card on one large bouquet It was from my high school Latin class. At that moment, the tears nowed. As the phrase goes, I lost it. But maybe it would be more accurate to say 1 found it - the beginning of the grief I'd been skirting ever since this unbelievable loss occurred. If you spoke to a grief counselor, you'd probably find that my reaction was quite common. What I realized even at the time was that, somehow, healthy grieving mvolved other people. It wasn't just about me or the deceased ; it required expressions of love and solidarity from the living. And that's why jesus called burying the dead a work of mercy. We see this phenomenon in times of catastrophe. For this month's cover story, 1 interviewed Peter Burke, a St. Andrew parishioner and a funeral director who is part of the federal governments National Disaster Medical System. He helped identify remains and return them to families after the World Trade Center attack and in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. After those eventS, an entire nation participated in the grieving process; the efforts and prayers. of total strangers were, for relatives of the stricken, part of both the literal and emotional tasks of laying their loved ones to rest. Isn't it kind of mysterious? Especially in our American culture, which prizes individualism so highly? But the church has always unde rstood that true humanity involves community. We don't sin in isolation; we cannot fully worship alone; and grieving and praying for our dead is something (as Bishop Burbidge explains in his column this month) that we do not only with other living Christians, but with the saints in heaven. This month, when we celebrate All Saints Day and All Souls Day, is a good time to remember this essential truth: We need each otha Not only in our grieving, but in our rejoicing and in our many ordinary moments of simply living: We are a people in communion. Our burdens, our gifts- sharing these is part of what it means to be fully human. We don't publish NC Catholics in isolation, either. In the last few weeks, many of you have been contacted and asked how you feel about the magazine. Your responses to our survey will be important as we try to make NCC more interesting, inspiring and informative. Meanwhile, thanks for your letters. You can reach me at 715 Nazareth St., Raleigh, NC 27606 or [email protected]. ... The church has always understood that true humanity involves community. We don't sin in isolation; we cannot fully worship alone; and grieving and praying for our dead is something that we do not only with other living Christians, but with the saints in heaven. r - Richard Reece is the editor o£ NC Catholics. u:urg.:a: C.1H>ndar All S~mts (Holy Day of ObhgaUon) .'1¢, l Commcmor~tion of All the Fa1lhful Departed (All Souls) No11 2 Sl Martin de Porrcs, Rchg1aus Nry, :J Sl Charles Borramco, B 1 since you asked ••• 6 Dear NCC: "I believe the church teaches that 'extraordinary means' need not be used to prolong the life of a gravely ill person. But what are 'extraordinary means'? Does it differ from case to case? And who decides?" - Msgr. Srcve Worst~y theology 1 01 8 A step-by-step guide through the church's liturgies. - Etl:ahcrh Sotsburg voices in our church ~~::=:;::;;;iiiOiiii..., 1 0 We pray for our beloved dead ~~-~~-!!!~--., - Bishop Michael f Burbidge I 1 0 A caring presence - Msgr. Thomas ll:ldden 11 El misterio de Ia muerte - Padre F~rnando Torres 11 Understanding the "Day of the Dead" - Veronica t\lvarndo del obispo 19 Oremos por nuestros gueridos difuntos.- Obispo Micha~l r; Burbidge el hi spa no cat61ico Angeles en Ia familia Para las madres en estado de embarazo y sus hijos, el Proyecto Gabriel es un salvavidas. 16 - Rich R~~cc 18 ~: t ~ ~ el o pregunta "Creo que Ia Iglesia nos enseiia que no debemos usar 'medias extraordinarios' para prolongar Ia vida de una persona gravemente enferma. lQue son •medfos extraordlnarios'? Differen ellos de acuerdo al caso? y •.• l.Quien decide?" - ~hms~i\or 5 r~w. Worsley your marriage maHers 20 She says: his kids get more things than mine. He says: my kids don't get enough. What do they do? - Deb McCormack the parenting journey 21 Grieving parenthood - coping with the loss of a baby. - Dr. Carhic~n McGreal spiritual fitness 22 The death of grief - those who sow in tears will reap with joy. - Fr. Bill Ashbaugh parish profile 30 ~They love the church" St. Stanislaus, Castle Hayne - Rich Reece 4 The Dcd1cnbon cf the Lntcran Basdoca on Rome Nov 9 Sl Leo the Grcal Pope and Doctor Nov 10 : Sl MartJn of Tours, B1shop Nov 11 I Sl Albert the Grcal Boshop and Doctor Nov 15 ;;::!(~ Statement of Ownal'&hlp, Management. and Clrculatlllll UNITEDSDITES ·-..... ~ I'OsiliL'.s:nV~a. l o c a l news (All Perlodl~ls Publlc:allons Elcc;ept R~~quuter Publications) NC Cilthollcs _., Monl:hlr-eaci'Pt cambiMd J1w1 du•lnt -- S.pcomboo ''- 2006 J&n~~MYif•btv.ut' And j111y/ Augull Most Reverend Michael F. Burbidge PUBUSHER -·com-Frank Morock November 2008 • Vol. 2 ; Issue 9 Richard Reece EOITOIIIN CHIEF Holly Stringer ADVEA'TISING M.VUGEII Veronica Alvarado Msgr. Thomas Hadden Dana Lorellc William F Powers Fr. Fernando Torres Msgr. Steve Worsley COHTIIIBIITINQ WRrrEIIS 1rene Gonzalez TIIANSl.ATOR Denmark Photography Hutzler Photography COHTIIIBIITINQ PHOTOGRAPHERS FAITH Publishing Service Rev Dwight Ezor ASSOC~TEPUBUSHER Patrick M. O'Brien 71 S IQUtelh Slteel, ~leigh, Nonh CiltOIIIU 27606 New regional director hired ~ Catholic Charities Diocesan Director Kathleen Walsh a~ nounced that Stephanie Harrell, PLOSW, has been named regional director for Albemarte Catholic Charities. "Stephanie earned her master of social work degree from Norfolk State University," Walsh said. "She has rich experience, including work in family preservation, counseling, supervision of hospital social services and hospice social worker and comes to us immediately from her job as a vocational rehabilitation counselor!' Harrell and her family reside in Camden, NO and are actively involved in the Methodist Church. ------BI~hop Mlcllllel F. Burbidge, otonte or ~leigh. 715 N.IZ~Ielh Slleet, ~leigh. NC 27606 iMel'rlt. . . fllll .................., Rlcllllrd llet:c., Editor, otocese or ~leigh. 715 N.Jzareth Sllet:t, ~leigh. NC 27606 Fto~nk Motock. Director or communications, DloctM olll.llolgh, 11 s Nuortlh su. .~ ll.lltlgl!, NC 27&0& 11 C:S.WfPifllltlll..... .. ,.•ar,...._ ... ............... , ..... ........O!',..,........., ...... t!JM.,.. ...._.........,.... 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SENIOR ACCOUNT MANAGER Patrick Dally ART DIRECTOR/WEB MASTER Enomhcn Odigie Abby Wieber GRAPHIC DESIGNERS jillancjob SUBSCRIPIIONSJSECRI!T&RY Patricia Olh•cr SECRETARY Derek Mclot PROOFREADING Elizabeth Johnson Fr Bill Asnbaugh Cheval Brcggins Dr. Cathleen MCGreal CONTAIBIITING WRilERB Tom Gcnnara CONTAIIIIITING PHOTOGRAPHERS lnncrWorkings PRINT MANAGEMENT Give the gift of NCCatlwlics: Order a subscription today 919.821.9730 time director of faith formation at St. Peter, Greenville, went home to the Lord Sept. 20 following a long illness. Sister Mildred McClain, Sister of Charity, who worked in New Bem and Jacksonville, passed away Sept. 19. Sister Joan Coyne, I.H.M., formerty Sister Maria Pacis, passed away on Sept. 10. She served as teacher at Our Lady of Grace Elementary School in Greensboro from 1958 to 1962; St. Mary Elementary School in Goldsboro from 1962 to 1967; and St. Monica Elementary School in Raleigh from 1967 to 1970. She also served as a pastoral associate at St. Francis de Sales Parish in Lumberton from 1990 to 1991 and at Our Lady of Perpetual Help Parish in Rocky Mount from 1995 to 1998. Sister M. C&nice Riordan, I.H.M., who taught at St Paul 8ementary School in New Bern from 1959-1960, died Sept 13. St Margaret of Scotland ~ ov 16 __ ------ 1• .Mue iiMI IIII~ D. NCOthollcs ,. a..... ~ I ........OWia!M All Register~ Hounholds . ,....... ~ptemiN!r 2006 ~ ....... t i _... "'~ ,., ,..,... ..................... ... ._.. ..................... 70,000 70.000 67,128 68,075 ~ ........ ~ ,_. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . CI'I ,.., ....,.,..,.., (1) . . ,..,.. ,., ~_.. . . . .. . . ........ --..._ ...... ,. ..., ...... ... ~ ~, ................ 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IIDMIIalha! Md---.1.....,_,.. ... ~ . . . ....,_ . . .. ,....... .............. ~ ,.,.......M ~la ...... . . . . . . . . . . . , . . . . . . . ~. . . ctlf ~, St Gertrude, V1fg1n 'lo·' 16 St. Elizabeth of Hungary, Rel1g1ous Nl'l• 1 7 The Dcdlcallon of the Ba ' saint of the month Born: 1768 Died: Nov. 7, 1814 Feast Day: Nov. 7 (also Sept. 28 as one of the Martyrs of China) Claim to Fame: One of the "Martyrs of China," a large group of Chinese natives and European missionaries who died for their faith over a threecentury period, Peter Wu Gousheng was a lay catechist in the Szechuan region of China. He taught Christianity to more than 600 converts, including many visitors to the inn he operated. Ultle-known fact: Even before Peter Wu converted to Christianity when he was 28, he was known in tis community for his sense of justice, tis care of the poor and his enthusiastic and outspoken nature. When he embraced Catholicism, he approached his faith as enthusiasticslly as he did everything else in his life, throwing ~ his household idols and preaching to anyone who would listen. What made him a saint: Peter was baptized in 1796 and 'Pent the next 18 years teaching others about Christ. Even when new emperor who was unfriendly to Christianity took over as ruler of China, Peter Wu did not back down from teaching and preaching. When he was tort\nd, he refused to renounce his faith; instead, he encxxnged and inspired his fellow prisoners. He continued to proclaim tis belief in Jesus Christ even as he was martyred. Lowest/scariest moment: In 1813, Emperor Kia-Kin published a decree fOI'bidding Catholicism, but offered pardons to anyol'lB who would renounce the faith. Those who would not commit apostasy, however, INOUid be tortured and killed. Under this Jaw, Peter Wu was arrested and imprisoned on Apnl 3, 1814, and tortured repeatedly to persuade him to renounce Cmstianity. Instead of breaking his Ml, Peter Wu used his time in prison to lead prayer services for other prisoners. Best quote: "Be loyal to the Lord, and accept tis wiD~ How he died: One of the Martyrs of China, Peter Wu was condemned to death for refusing to step on a crucifix. He was executed by strangulation on Nov. 7, 1814.1n his dying words, he proclaimed, MHeaven, heaven, my true hornell see my heavenly mother and my guardian angel coming to take me home." Prayer: St. Peter \1\iJ, you held steadftuJt to your faith even though you knew that you would die for your beliefs. Help us to find T ie courage to boldly proclaim our commitment to Christ Jesus and ~ share his message with others as you did. Help us to generously support the work of missionaries who preach the Gospel in lands hostile to Christianity, so that more souls will be brought to God through his Son, Jesus Christ. Amen. -flk allelh}ClhnJ<Jn Lo que lo Destac6: Es uno de los "Martires de Ia China", un grupo grande de misioneros oriundos de Ia China y Europa que murieron por su fe durante un periodo de tres siglos, Peter Wu Gousheng fue un cate+ quista laico de Ia region Szechuan de Ia China. Le ensen6 el Cristianismo a mas de 600 conversos, incluyendo a muchos de los visitantes del hostel que el administraba. Hecho poco conocldo: Aim antes de que se convirtiera al Cristianismo cuando tenia 28 alios de edad, Pedro Ou, ya era conocido en su comunidad por su senlido de justicia, porque cuidaba de los pobres, y por su naturaleza entusiasta y franca. Cuando se entreg6 al Catolicismo, abraz6 su fe con el mismo entusiasmo con el que llevo a cabo lodes las cosas en su vida, deshaciendose de los idolos de su case y predicandoles a todaa las personas que estuvieran dispuestas a escucharlo. Lo que lo hlzo Santo: Pedro fue bautizado en el ano 179 6 y pas61os 18 aiios siguientes predicandoles a otras personas sobre Cristo. Aun cuando un nuevo emperador poco amistoso con el Cristianismo tom6 el poder en Ia China, Pedro Ou no dej6 de predicar y ensenar. Cuando Ia torturaron, ae neg6 a renunciar a su fe y a cambio alent6 e inspir6 a sus compaiieros encarcelados. Continuo proclamando que creia en Jesucristo aun cuando aufria el martfrio. Su momenta mas dHrcll: En el alia 1813, el Emperador Kia~Kin publico un decreta prohibiendo el Catolicismo, pero ofreciendoles perdonas a los que renunciaran a su fe. Aquellos que no cometieran apostasla serian, sin embargo, torturados y condenados a muerte. Aplicando esta ley, Pedro Ou fue arrestado el 3 de abril de 1914, fue encarcelado y torturado repetidas veces para tratar de que renegara del Cristianismo, pero en vez de dejar que Je quebrantaran Ia voluntad, Pedro Ou dedico suestadia en Ia prisi6n a dirigir servicios de oraci6n para los otros priaioneros. Su major etta: "Se leal al Senor y acepta au voluntad". Forma en Ia que mur16: Siendo uno de los Martires de Ia China, Pedro Ou fue condenado a muerte por negarse a pisar un crucifijo. Fue estrangulado el 7 de noviembre de 1914. Con sus ultlmas palabras proclamO: "I los cielos, los cielos, mi verdadero hogarl Veo a mi Madre celestial y a mi ilngel de Ia guards viniendo a buscarme para llevarme a case". Oracl6n: San Pedro Ou, hi te aferraste tenazmente a tu fa atin cuando sabias que motirias por tus creencias. Aylidanos a encontrar el coraje de proclamar con audacia nuestra entrega a Cristo Jesus y 8 compartir su tu. mensaje con los otros como lo hiciste Ay6d8nos a apoyar con generosiclad el trabajo de los misioneros que predican el Evangelio en tierras hostiles hacia el Cristianismo, para que mas afmas sean traidss 8 Dios a traves de Su Hijo Jesucrista. Amen. - &,tllo por TnmJii"'" liSA . since you asked . .. "I believe the church teaches that 'extraordinary means' need not be used to prolong the life of a gravely ill person. But what are 'extraordinary means'? Does it differ from case to case? And who decides?" hose are great questions! You are definitely onto something both useful and important. As one of my favorite teachers used to say, its our ability and our willingness to ask the right questions that help us find useful answers. As l consider your questions, two others come to mind: Who made us? Why did God make us? Regardless of whether you recognize these two questions, their answers were foundational to the teachings so beautifully articulated by Pope john Paulll in his encyclical Evangclium Vitae. For the believer, the answer to the first of these questions is that God made us. Indeed, God made us in his own image and likeness. This is why we hold all means" originally developed as human life to be sacred, regardless of age, gender, technical terms referring to ones intelligence, etc. For this reason, we never speak, as moral obligation. The determinasome do, of a time "when life has no more value. tion of whether a treatment was Rather we believe that human life is always of value, ordinary or extraordinary deas it is a reflection of divine love. pended on the impact the of the On the other hand , the answer to the second treatment. Thus, as you asked, the question reminds us that life on this earth is not our determination is "case specific." It eternal destiny. God made us so tlwt we might /mow, depends on the benefit a treatlove and serve him in this life and be lwppy witlt /tim ment offers to a patient relative fol'evcr in the next. Taken together, these to the burden the two teachings will help us with most treatment imposes ... The answer to of the · end of lifeMquestions we will on the patient, the second question encounter in bioethics. her family and the reminds us that life on community. Moral theologians, such as the Dothis earth is not our minican Francisco de Vitoria (1486As this concept eternal destiny. God 1546), have long taught that one is gained wider apmade us so that we requtred to employ only those means plication, confumight know, love and of preserving ones life for which the sion arose when burden is not too great. Pope Pius Xll serve h1m in this life people began continued this tradiuon in 1957, when and be happy with him using the term "orhe spoke of the requirement to usc "or- forever in the next. dinary" to refer to what was customdmary means" to preserve life and the correspondingly optional nature of "extraordinary ary or usual in medical practice, means.M rather than its original usage. Hence the terms ~ordmary" and "extraordinary Consequently they assumed that n specific procedures or technologies could be classed as ordinary or extraordinary. In an effort to reduce confusion, ethicists substituted the word ~proportionate• for "ordinary" when referring to means or treatments that were morally obligatory. Similarly they substituted the term ~d isproportionate~ for "extraordinary" when referring to treatments that were morally optional. Either way, the key moral consideration remained not whether the proposed treatment is customary or commonly employed, but rather the benefit offered and the burden imposed. Fol· lowing the position outlined by the Sacred Congregation the Faith in tts Declaration on Euthanasia ( 1980), the United States Conference of Bishops wrote in the Ethical and Religious Directives for Catholic Health Cart: Services (2001): "While every person is obliged to use ordinary means to preserve her health, no person should be obliged to submit to a health care procedure that the person has judged, with a free and informed conscience, not to provide a reasonable hope of benefit without imposing excessive risks and burdens on the patient, or excessive expense to family or community." 1321 Elsewhere in the same document we find, WA person has a moral obligation to usc ordinary or proportionate means of preserving his or her life. Proportionate means are those that in the judgment of the patient offe a reasonable hope of benefit an do not entail an excessive burden or impose excessive expense on the family or the community." [561 St Clement I Pope ~nd Martyr 1\.o, 23 St Colurrb~n Abbot '«~· 23 Blessed M g"el Agust n Pro Prest a"d M~rty' t.:o . 23 Thacksg.v."g D~7 I USA) N:" ' this month in You will notice thm it is the patient, who with a free and informed conscience, determines whether a specific treatment is morally required in his particular circumstance. H you are wondering who decides when the patient lacks the capacity to do so, or whether food and water can ever be considered extraordinary, you will find the same documents helpful. Both are readily accessible on the Internet. Or you can find these and other fabulous resources on the Web site of Catholic Health East, sponsor of St. joseph of the Pines, at www.che.org/ethics. history Notwithstanding the many developments that have occurred since I first studied medicine, the wisdom or the church continues to be enormously helpful in addressing these and many other ethical questions. Thanks for asking! G) Eileen, Grade 2 It's a place where you can be happy with God forever and ever. Where you can see Jesus, ask all your questions and have no more troubles. Helen, Grade 1 When God calls our name, He mises our soul and we get to go to heaven. You will always see the rest of your family. We get to be with our friends. Thomas, Grade 1 Heaven is whatever you want. God is happy. Sean, Grade 2 It is like when Jesus was down on earth. It's like right now. It looks like our home. Mirella, Grade 2 Dylan, Grade 1 Heaven is a good place to be because God can protect you from evil and you can fly. - Monsignor Worsley is Vice President of Mission & Ethics for St. joseph llcahhcarc In New llampshirc. lie earned his M.D. ut Duke University and an STlln ctlllcs at the t\ccaclcmia t\lfonslana in Rome. Send your questions to: "Since you asked ..." 715 Nazareth St., Raleigh, NO 27606 Or: [email protected] I will see all my cats that mn away and my goldfish that died. I think I will love heaven! ndrcw Dung·Lac. Pncst and h1s compan1ons. Mnrtrys Nov 24 . Sl Cathennc of Alexandna, Virg1n and Martyr Nov 25 Christ the K1ng Nov 26 St Andrew, Apostl" Nov 30 • he beginning of the Easter triduum, or three days, marks the end of Lent. It is not really three liturgies, it is one long liturgy, with some rest breaks. The triduum commences , with the Mass of the Lords Supper on Holy Thursday evening and ends after evening prayer on Easter Sunday. T Holy Thursday During the Mass of the l.Drds Supper, we remember Jesus' last meal with his disciples in a powerful way, re-enacting even the washing of feet. This symbolic gesture of servant-ministry is usually olfered by the priest to members of the congregation. Following the Mass, there is a silent eucharistic procession to a chapel of repose, where we remember the LDrds time in the Garden of Gethsemane, and we wait With htm in prnyer and adorntion. The doors of the tabernacle in the church stand open, so everyone can see that it is empty. The sanctuary lamp is extmguished. ,.._The ushers are nol just the men who~ led the money. They don't even have to be menl Ushers are ministers of hospital'rty in the church- ensuring that parishioners have 8 place to sit, helping those who are in distress, readying ~~~:::ore people at the doors- and yes, collecting the offering and often assisting in its presentation by members of the congrega~on. ~--~-=---~ NC Cathc~lcs 8 N11mnhcr 2006 Good Friday On Good Friday. there is no Mass anywhere in the universal church. We can participate in a variety of services by which we remember Jesus' suffenng and death on the cross. Churches offer the Stations of the Cross. the Liturgy of Good Friday, and sometimes a Tenebrac service. During the Good Friday liturgy, we listen to a dramatic reading of the Passion , venerate the cross with a touch or kiss, and receive Communion from reserved consecrated hosts. Agam, we depart in silence. If the parish has a "darkness" service, it is held at night. The seven last words of jesus are spoken, with a candle extinguished at each one. 1L is a powerful and moving experience of the need for the light. Easter Vigil The most beautiful Mass of the entire year occurs on Holy Saturday night, at the Easter Vigil. The Mass begins after dark with the blessing of new fire, the lighting of the paschal candle and a candlelit procession into the church. The The most beauti· Exul!ct, a history of salvation, ful Mass of the is chanted and we listen to entire year occurs readmgs from the Old and New on Holy Saturday Testaments that reflect that hisnight, at the Easter tory. There may be as many as Vigil. The Mass be- nine readings, followed by the gins after dark with first smgmg of the Gloria since the blessing of new the beginnmg of Lent. fire, the lighting of The Easter Vigil includes the the Paschal candle baptism, confirmation and first and a candlelit Commumon of catechumens procession into the who have been preparing for th1s day for months. We welcome church. them into our community and ~ elebratc their presence among us. Although the Easter Vigil can be quite long, it is truly wonh spending the time - n is a rich experience of the resurrection of the Lord. And for the first time since Ash Wednesday. we sing Alleluia! By Elizabctlt Solsburg I llfustrations by Bob Patten ..,.. The bishop carries a tall hooked staff called a aosler. In the Western church, it is shaped like a shepherd's crook to symbolize the bishop's role as the shepherd of his flock. Crosiers dating from as early as the fourth century have been found in catacombs. By the Council ofToledo in 633, the crosier is mentioned as a liturgical implement w ha t 's t he s eason? What is Advent? .... Advent Is the beginning of the church's year-occurring not In January, but during the four weeks prior to Christmas. ADvent begins on the Sunday closest to Nov. 30, the Feast of Sl Artdrew. We prepare for the coming of Christ in joyful anticipation. In the earliest days of the church, Advent lasted six weeks, until St Gregory 1he Grea~ of calendar fame, fixed the season at four weeks and composed prayers and antiphons to celebrate it. The liturgical color for Advent is pu!ple. • Tabernacle: The tabernacle Is the repository In which the consecrated hosts are r& served for distribution to the sick or other needs of the community. It is prominently displayed in the church, separated from the main altar by architecture, fighting or design. In many churches, it is in a separate chapel where it is still visible in the body of the church. When the Blessed Sacrament is present, a sanctuary lamp bums near it. People often sit or kneel in adoration in front of the tabernacle; the appropriate gesture when approaching or passing in front of it is genuflection. T s the church contemplates, celebrates and commemorates our beloved dead in the month of November, I would like to highlight the way we, the living, join in praying for the dead ;:::;;;r.;;;;:;;,;;;;...a~n:-:d~i;n: u=nion with the saints every time we celebrate the holy Eucharist. Perhaps the most obvious way we do this is in the great eucharistic prayer. Consider the fifth-century Roman canon, also known as the first eucharistic prayer in our current sacramentary. In the traditional teaching of the church, we referred to the church on earth as the "church militant,n the saints in heaven as the "church triumphant," and those in purgatory as the "church suffering." In the Roman canon, we pray for all three. In the early part of the Roman canon, the priest says, "Remember, Lord, your people, especially those for whom we now pray, N. and N." The rubric in the prayer indicates that this prayer is a commemoration of the living and the priest may pause at this point in the prayer to remember specific people (and it miqht be presumed that all gathered with the priest may silently do the same). Together we Later in the prayer, the priest says, pray for all "Remember, Lord, those who have died who have and have gone before us marked with the died: "Eternal sign of faith, especially those for whom rest grant unto we now pray, N. and N ~ Again the rubric them, 0 Lord, invites silence so that the priest (and asand let perpet- sembly) may commend the dead to the ual light shme Lord. Finally, the prayer prayed by the upon them:' priest mentions by name a wide range of saints whom he asks to be in union with us, as we offer God this great prayer of thanksgiving which brings to us the miracle of our eucharistic Lord in consecrated bread and wine. In this great eucharistic prayer we see an example of the people of God, in an earlier age called the church militant, praying for the church suffering and in union with the church triumphant. All constitute the Communion of saints and are especially important for us to remember in the month of November. Together we pray for all who have died: "Eternal rest grant unto them, 0 Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them~ I - Most Rc,·c,-.,nd llllch~d F. Burbidge Is b is hop NC CDdmltu 10 Nc>vcrnbcr 2006 or IU.Iclgh 1 ecently in Raleigh we read of the abduction and murder of a loving mother and grandmother who was a faithful Christian. The deed was allegedly done by a sex predator with a prior conviction for sexual assault. There was an outpouring of concern and help for the family from friends, church members and co-workers. This type of response is typical of North Carolinians. People are present and helpful when such a tragedy strikes a family. It also happens when there is a natural death. I witnessed this in my youth in the African-American com· munity. The wreath on a door was the call for neighbors and friends to gather and take care of the needs of the bereaved family. The children teamed from the parents and grandparents to reach out to their peers when their parents or grandparents died. When my own mother died, the Sisters, Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, who staffed St. Monica School which I attended, brought my class over to our house to gat~ er at my mother's coffin and pray for her and the family. The~ also brought over those in the school who were Girt Scouts, f since my mother ran the St. Monica troop. It was the custom in those days to wake the women of the family in the parlor of the family home. Often, as in my mother's case, the funeral service was also held at the home. Those who came sat inside the house, on the porch or in the yard. There was never any effort to shield the children from the reality of death. Godparents would come and talk to the children; playmates and friends would come around just to be with you. When my mother died, my two closest friends, James Rogers and Doug FatTar, were there for me. My mother died just before my birthday, so James' mother gave me a birthday party at the Rogers home, three doors down the street. The care of these friends did not end with the burial. In ensuing years, these same people were always there. limes and culture have changed, but we who call Christ Lord and belong to the community of faith must keep a caring and responsive presence for others. One of the works of mercy is to bury the desd. Attending a funeral is a work of mercy. During September, we read from the Epistle of James. His message was loud and clear and practical: Faith is shown, and must be shown, in works. - lllsgr. Thom~s I' IIBddcn S ince I began to work in Hispanic ministry, I do not how many times people have called me to ask about "Mexican customs and traditions!' However, there is a particular one that makes priests, parish staff and non-Mexican-born Hispanics especially curious: the celebration of Dia de los Muertos. Perhaps because in our current culture death is considered as something "bad" or 11Sad"- even "scary," - one may fail to see the real origins of this celebration. urante el mes de noviembre recordamos a todos los santos y a nuestros difuntos, por los que oramos para acercarlos a Ia Misericordia Divina. Tambien damos gracias por Ia vida y meditamos en el misterio de Ia muerte que forma parte de nuestra existencia. /Que mlsterlo enclernJs muerte••• l Eres misterio porque eres principia y fin, porque nacemos contigo y terminamas en tu campania, aunque siempre estes a nuestro /ado. Eres misterio porque unes a los que estaban dispersos y separas a los que estaban juntos. Porque despiertas a los indiferentes y haces que hasta el mas realists cierre sus ojos ante tu presencia. In Mesoamerican cultures, death Eres misterio porque acabas con Ia vida humans, pero eres el was not just an end to everything, paso a Ia vida divina, porque eres fin y eres comienzo, porque but an important event in the entire eres oscuridad y eres luz, porque en tu realidad estala verdad del {(.fe cycle of each person. Each cuihombre, de Ia vida, del pasado y del futuro. \..\..,re celebmted in different ways. In ....:...::..=:!:=:::=~~~=.1 Eres misterio porque eres el sueno de los que no viven, el Mexico, in the Aztec culture, such celebrations dated roughly consue/o de los que no aceptan, Ia realidad de los que estamos, el from 1800 B.C. In the Aztec calendar, which consisted of enemigo de los cobardes, el camino para los creyentes y e/ reme18 months, the ninth and tenth months were dedicated to dio para los cansados. celebrate the day of the death of children and adults, respecEres misteria porque eres esperanza para el cristiano, porque lively. The belief was that there were three places where eras Iumbra/ para el encuentro definitivo con el Senor y el carnienpeople would go, depending on their life state when they zo del descanso en Ia luz y Ia paz de Ia etemidad. died, not because they were "good" or "bad~ Eres misterio porque invades Ia vida de los hombres y de las One place was called Mictlan, the place for those who mujeres, de los ricos y de los pobres, de los que sufren y de los were not destined to be "gods." Probably this is why the a/egres, de aquellos que son necesarios Spanish missionaries translated this term as "purgatory." para los suyos y de aquel/os solitarios y vagabundos. This place consisted of nine levels that the dead person had to journey before arriving at the eternal repose called Eres misterio porque rompes con Ia Obsidians de los Muertos, something similar to heaven. rutina, con Ia angustia y con e/ sueno, Therefore, the family and friends would bury the dead with despertando esperanzas, interrogantes food, liquor, even a dog, to help them on their journey to y hasta deseos de tenerle para the ninth level. Another place was called Paradise of Tlaloc. encontramos con aquellos que tti 1 Tlaloc was the God of the rain. Those who drowned went nos arrebatas. ' directly to this place. The third place was called CihuatlamPor esto y mucho mas eres pa or Mocihuaquetzque, also known as heaven and the misterio, porque eres y no eres, place of the sun. Warriors who died fighting and women estas y no te vemos, vives y no who died in labor went to this place. existes. Porque te vemos solo It has been stated that Catholic culture among indigenous cuando cerranJos los ojos a peoples was formed from Spanish Catholic culture and Meeste mundo, porque luchamos ~american religiosity, and that this may have given rise to El cuando ya nos has vencido, ~ia de los Muertos. There are many ways to celebrate this porque nos tienes en tus manos tradition, but the foundation of this celebration is the basic desde el ayer hasta manana. belief that the souls of our dead return from heaven to be Porque sun despues de estas with family and friends spiritually at least once a year. palabras no descubro tu misterio. - Vcronlc:t Alvan~do Is Dlt~!clor or Ulspantc Ministry ror the Diocese or Raleigh - P~drc Fernando Torres cover story I 1 ! I 'd toyed with the idea for a year or two. l knew it was good work, but l wasn't sure about the time commitment," Burke says. "But I joined in june or july of 2001." He shakes his head and smiles wryly. "l couldn't have timed that much better." The World Trade Center fell in September. Then on Nov. 12 a jet crashed in Queens and Burke got the call to head for New York. "l had joined too late for the programs summer training session," he recalls, "sol was going with people I'd never met to do something I'd never done. When we pulled up to the New York City Medical Examiners office- it was 5 a.m. - l was about as frightened as I'd ever been." Burkes job was to prepare tissue samples for DNA determination, and when his team had processed the crash victims they were assigned to identifying remains from the World Trade Center. 'There was a great sense of duty among the people working there," Burke recalls. NC Catlwlics Over the next few years, Burke was called to other disaster sites. In 2002, the remains of more than 200 discarded bodies were uncovered at a crematory in rural Georgia. Burke was unable to make that trip, but in 2005 he went to Florida, which was battered by eight hurricanes in one season. Then there was Katrina. Burke was summoned to Mississippi. "The NOMS employs a task-farce concept," Burke explains. Teams from various regions are summoned to deal with different sectors in the disaster area. Once on site, the teams, through their commanders, are under the direction of local authorities. "We were on alert Aug. 28," Burke remembers. storm hit on the 29th. We stayed at a military base near Hattiesburg, and we arrived in the dark. The next morning we drove to Gulfport. l won't forget the first sight of the damage. It was like another planet, completely obliterated . You saw two-story buildings where the storm surge had completely taken the first floor and left the second floor standing on naked support beams; empty ground where "I won't forget beach bungalows had been." the first sight In a parking of the damlot outside a dis- age. It was like abled hospital, another planet, the team set up completely a "family sysobliterated." terns center," a place where people could report missing family members, and where urban search and rescue teams would bring remains to Burke and others to be identified and embalmed. "We hadn't thought about where we would sleep," Burke recalls. "Some of us 14 Novcmha 2006 J Why the church Reveres the human body I j (··I slept in cars, others on wooden slabs that would be used eventually to support the bodies of victims.~ 1c.:ould The interactions w1th families be hearHending. Burke saw anger, shock "and a sense of complete helplessness. I'll never forget one family who lost five members. I don't know if they were ever found. The last I followed up, they were still missing." Of the more than 200 victims who were recovered in their sector, Burkes team identified all but two. W hatdraws someone into a profession where encounters with grief and violent death are routine? Burke smiles like it's a question he's heard often, but can't quite answer in words. "I was nine years old when my grandfather died," he says, and I remember talking with the director at the funeral home. When I was older, I worked art-time as an apprentice, went 1 o mortuary school and got my , license in 1979." He has always loved funeral work: "I think it was something about the traditions, the ceremony. The Catholic "Thia is the body once washed in Baptism, anointed with the oil of salvation, and ied with the Bread of Wfe. This is the body whose hands clothed the1poor and embraced the sorrowing. Indeed, the human body ia 80 inextricably associated with the human person that it is hard to think of a human person apart from hia or her body. Thus, the Church's reverence and care for the body grows out of a reverence and concern for the penson whom the Church now commends to the care of God." - OnJer of Christian Funerals, Appendlll II 0 997) funeral service, with the incense loses a child," he says, "its impossible to forget." So how can God let and music, is beautiful and truly comforting. Funeral direction bad things happen to good people? also gives you an opportunity to As a believing Catholic who sees help people at a moment thats calamities firsthand, what is Burke's really, at that moment, the worst answer to the age-old question? thing that can happen to them. It He pauses before answeralmost seems selfish, but there is ing. "Now," he says, "I wonder satisfaction in helpwhy they haven't The Catholic funeral happened to me. ing people through service, with the that time." When I was young, incense and music, Funeral work this was always is beautiful and truly stuff that happened takes a serious comforting. toll on family life, to 'other people.' though, and Burke, originally from Now I know tragedy can strike New Jersey, moved with his wife to anyone. I'm constantly warning Connecticut and worked for years my own children to watch out for IBM. Today he is a part-time di· for this or that, look what could happen. rector at Apex Funeral Home, and also works as an Associate Director "At the same time, I believe for Finance in the University Hous- God doesn't let us suffer burdens we can't handle. I know that ing Department at NC State. At St. Andrew, he served eight years on sounds like a cliche, but what the Pastoral Council, two as chmrI've seen makes me believe it's man, is a Eucharistic Minister and true. Meanwhile, it's beyond my chair of the lectoring program, and understanding. ln my work, I think, 'Maybe these people dtdn't is heavtly involved in the Colum~ barium Committee. Even when die in vain. Maybe somethmg he is not working \vith a disaster good can come of it. And maybe team, Burke's work brings him face I can be a part of that.' My assignment is to comfort when I can, to to face with tragedy on a regular help people through this.~ ~ basis. "Especially when a family el hispano Catolico Galveston-Houston, Texas, cuando un pastor decidio poner un letrero a\ frente de su iglesia ofreciendo ayudar a cualquicr mujcr que cstuvicra atravesando una crisis en su embarazo. AI ali.o, 60 •glesias, catcHcas y de otras denominaciones, panicipaban en este proyecto. Hoy en dia, el proyecto tiene capitulos en todos los Estados Unidos. Para establecer el Proyecto Gabriel en su parroquia el pastor debe dar primero el permiso. Despues de diseiiar y presentar un plan, se buscan los voluntarios parroquiales que sc llaman "Angeles Gabriel", quienes reciben formacion en los principios provida, en comunicaci6n efectiva y en recursos. La mujer que solicita ayuda de este proyecto pucdc practicar cualquier religion o tam bien no ser practicante. A ella se le asignara un Angel que sea de su area. El Angel pucde buscar apoyo financiero, medico 0 conseguir casas necesarias, dependiendo de los recursos que tenga Ia parroquia. Muchas madres embarazadas necesitan ropa de mater- • nidad y para recicn nacidos, asientos para el carro, cunas, formula, etc. Los Angeles pucden organizar una lluvia de regalos para hebe en Ia parroquia. El proyecto busca adcmas tratar las necesidades espirituales y emociona\es que las madres en embarazo ticncn. Durante cl entrenamiento que reciben los Ange6mo es un angel? Kerry S. cree saberlo. les, se les dice lo siguiente: ULa parte mas importantc Hace diez anos yo era madre soltera. Tenia un del Proyecto Gabriel noes ser psiquiatra, analista o nino pequefto y estaba en el septimo mes de trabajadora social. Lo que ustedes hacen se parece a lo embarazo. !•E] padre del nino me dijo que se que harlan por una sobrina o una vecina. Es simpleconmigo, pero no crei que su compromiso fuera mente estar alii para elias: llevarlas a almorzar, orar con ella y por su hebe, llamarla cada scmana, llevarla a las para toda Ia vida asi que le dije que no. Se fue inmediatacitas mcdicas u ofreccrsc a cuidar cl be be. En pocas mente. El estres que se genera alrededor de esta situaci6n palabras, ser una hermana, una ayuda y una amiga!' me caus6 complicaciones en el embarazo y termine tenienAI escuchar Ia historia de Keny, sc entiendc do que guardar cama. Estaba sola aqui, sin familia. Llame claramente Ia importancm de esc cuidado. Casi una a Ia parroquia de St. Michael en Cary. No podia conducir decada despues, a esta joven madre todavia se le salen para ir al doctor, no podia salir a comprar los comestibles, las lagrimas al recordar que sentfa en csos momentos sobre su embarazo: ''Era una situacion en Ia que asi que pedi ayuda. Fue muy dificil, pero senti que tenia yo no tenia cabida en mi familia y cstas mujeres me que hacerlo por mis hijos." dejaron sentir su amor: alguicn estaba feliz por mis El telefono de Keny son6 a\ dia ran para poder llevar su embarazo niftos y por mi. Elias me hicieron sentir que habia siguiente. Un angel Ia estaba llaman- a tcrmino y criar los hijos en un tornado Ia decision correcta de quedarme con mis do. Sc llamaba Catherine Baron. ambiente sana. Otro angel era Ter- hijos." En ese entonces, Catherine era ry Sed ito. Juntas, crearfan despues Que alguicn cstaba feliz . .. Esto es lo que mas en su parroquia un capitulo de Ia una de las pocas mujcres en St. impacta al escuchar las expericncias de los Angeles Michael que voluntariamcnte se organizacion Proyecto Gabriel. Gabriel y de los que han ayudado en esos momenhabia ofrecido a ayudar a madres El Proyecto Gabriel comenz6 tos. La mayorfa de nosotros estamos acostumbrados solteras, en lo que elias neccsita~ a pcnsar que un nacimiento es una bendici6n, algo haec 25 mios en Ia Diocesis de Por Rich Reece I Fotos de Denmark Photography "Creo que Ia Iglesia nos enseiia que no debemos usar 'medios extraordinarios' para prolongar Ia vida de una persona gravemente enferma. l.Que son 'm~ usual en Ia pnictica medica, en vez del uso que se le dio originalmente. Como consccuencia, se asumi6 que los procedimientos o tecnologfas cspeclficas podr!an clasificarse como ordmarios o extraordinarios. Para reductr Ia confusion, los moralistas comenzaron a usar Ia palabra "proporcionado" en vez de ~ordinaria~ al refemse a los medios o los tratamientos que cran moralmente obligatorios. De igual manera se cambia cl tcrmino "extraordtnario" que se rcferia a los tratamiemos que eran moralmente dios extraordinarios'? l.Difieren ellos de acuerdo al caso? y ... l.Quien decide?" i on preguntas extraordinarias! Usted definitivamente pregunta algo que es titil e importante. Como dec!a uno de mis maestros favorites: nuestra habilidad y volumad de hacer las preguntas correctas son las que nos ayudan a encomrar las respuestas utiles. Mientras pienso en sus pregumas otras dos me vienen a Ia mente: tQuicn nos hizo? tPor que nos hizo Dios? Indiferentememe de si usted reconoce estas dos pregumas, las respuestas fueron fundamemales para las ensei'lanzas que el Papa Juan Pablo II hermosameme enunciara en su endclica Evangelium Vitae. Para el creyeme, Ia respucsta a Ia primcra preguma cs que Dios nos hizo. Verdaderamente Dios nos hizo a su imagen y semcjanza. Esta es Ia razon por Ia cual sostenemos que toda vida humana debe ser sagrada sin imponar Ia edad, el genera, Ia inteligencia, etc. Por esta raz6n nunca decimos, como lo hacen algunos, que hay un momenta en el que ~Ia vida no tiene ya valor". Nosotros por el contrario creemos que Ia vida humana siempre tiene valor, porque es un reflejo del amor divino. Por otro lado Ia respucsta a Ia scgunda pregunta nos recucrda que Ia vida sobre csta tierra no es nuestro destino etemo. Dios nos ltizo para que lo JJO- ... Ia vida sobre esta tierra no es nuestro destino eterno. Oios nos hizo para que lo podamos conocer, amar y servir en esta vida y ser felices con e/ po~ ~iempre en Ia proxima. I damos conocer. amary scrvir en csta vida y scrfcliccs con cl por sicmprc en Ia proxima. S1 jumamos estas dos ensenanzas nos ayudar.in con Ia mayorla de las preguntas sobre c1 "fin de Ia vida" que encontramos en bioetica. Los te6logos moralistas, como por eJemplo cl dominico Francisco de Vitoria (1486-1546), nos han enseflado desde haec mucho tiempo que para prescrvar Ia vida uno debe emplear unicameme aquellos medios cuya carga no sea exccsiva. El Papa Pfo XII continuo csta tradici6n en 1957 al 1C.•h~" NC 18 M•«•~• 20C6 hablar sabre los requisites para usar ~ med1os ordinanos" para prescrvar Ia vida y Ia opci6n correspondlente natural de ~medios extraordinarios". En su origen, los medias ordinanos o cxtraordinarios fueron tcrmmos tecnicos que se referfan a Ia obligacion moral de uno mismo. La determinacion si cl tratamiemo era ordinaria o extraordinario dependia del impacto del tratamiento. Por lo tanto de acucrdo a su pregunta, Ia dcterminac16n es especilica para cada caso. Depende del bencliclo que eltratamiento le ofrezca al pacicnte y sc relaciona con Ia carga que e1 tratamiento imponga al pacicnte, a su familia y a Ia comunidad. AI ganar el concepto una aplicacion mas amplia, naci6 Ia confusion cuando Ia geme comenzo a usar eltermino "ordinaria'' para rcferirsc a los que era comtin o opcionales y sc comenzo a usar cl tcrmino '"desproporc10nado~. De cualquicr forma, Ia consideraci6n moral imponante prevalcnte no fue si Ia propucsta al tratamtcnto es Ia acostumbrada o comunmcntc utilizada, sino el bencficio que ofrece y Ia carga que impone. La Confercncia de Obispos de los Estados Unidos, siguiendo Ia posicion que nos seflala Ia Sagrada Congregacion para Ia Doctrina de Ia Fe en su Declaracion sobre Ia Eutanasia(l980) • escribc lo siguicmc en Ethical and Religious Directives for Catholic Health Care Services (2001): "Mtcntras toda persona csta obligada a usar mcdios ordinaries para preservar su salud, ninguna persona csta obligada a somcter a un procedimiento medico que Ia persona haya juzgado de manera librc y concientc que no ofrece un beneficia csperanzador sin imponer ricsgos y cargas excesivas al paciemc o I imponcr gastos excesivamente pcsados a Ia familia o a Ia comunidad.~ 1321 En otra pane del mismo documento encontramos lo siguicnte: "La persona tienc Ia obligaci6n moral de usar medios ordinaries o proporcionados para preservar su vida. Proporcionados son los que a juicio del paciente ofrccen Ia esperanza de un benelicio razonable y no impone una carga o gastos excesivos a Ia familia o a Ia colectividad."]56] Usted notara que es el paciente quien con con ciencia libre c informada determina si moralmente se nccesita de un tratamiento determinado en su circunstancia panicular. Si ustcd se pregunta quien decide en cl caso que cl paciente esta incapacitado para decid!r, o que el alimento y el agua puedan considerarse extraordinarios, encontrara Ia respuesta en los mismos documentos. Los dos cst:in disponiblcs en cl Internet. Tambien los puede encomrar junto a otros recursos fabulosos en Ia pagina Web de Catholic Health East, patrocinado por St. joseph of the Pines Health System , en WW\V.che.orglethics. No obstante los muchos desarrollos que han ( 1tcurrido desde que estudic medicina, Ia sabidurla ~e Ia Iglesia continua siendo enormememe util al tratar estas y muchas otras preguntas cticas. jGracias por preguntar! J - Mon..,r\or Worsky cs d VIC~prcsilknlc de MisiOn y t 11c:J tic S1. joseph llcahhau·c ~n New llampshirc. Obutvo su 1111111> de M~tliclna en Duke Univcrsily y cl STL en tllca e11 Ia ,\ cademia Alfcmsiana ~~~ Rurrua. Director of Christian Formation Vibrant urban parish of 1000+ families seeks a full-time Director of Christian Formation. Located In the heart of Columbia, SC close to USC and blocks from the state capnot. The successful candidate will lead pre-kindergarten through high school program, sacramental prep, adult program, coordinate RCIA and oversee the youth ministry program. The Ideal candidate will have a maste(s In religious studies, pastoral ministry or related fleld and min. of three years experience as a catecheticalleader. Salary commensurate with experience and education. Send resume to: Sl Petets Catholic Church Attn: Search Committee PO Box 1896 ientras Ia Iglesia recuerda, celebra y conmemora a nuestros queridos difuntos el primero de noviembre, me gustaria resaltar Ia forma como nosotros los que estamos vivos, nos unimos en oraci6n junto con los santos, cada vez que celebramos Ia Santa Eucaristia. Talvez Ia manera mas obvia de hacer esto es durante Ia Plegaria Eucaristica. Recuerden el Canon romano del Siglo V que tambien se conoce como Ia Plegaria Eucaristica I en nuestro Misal Romano actual. La enseiianza tradicional de Ia Iglesia se refiere a Ia Iglesia en Ia tierra como Ia Iglesia Militante, a los santos en el cielo como Ia Iglesia Triunfante y a los que estan en el purgatorio como Ia Iglesia purgante. En el Canon romano oramos por los tres. AI comienzo del Canon romano, el sacerdote dice: ~Acuerdate tambien, Seiior, de tus hijos N y N." La rubrica en Ia plegaria indica que esta plegaria es una conmemoraci6n de los vivos y el sacerdote puede en este punto de Ia plegaria recordar ciertas personas especifica· mente (se presume que todos los alii reunidos con el sacerdote, hagan los mismo en silencio}. Mas adelante en Ia plegaria el sacerdote dice: wAcuerdate Senor, de tus hijos N y N que nos han precedido con el signo de Ia fe y duermen ya el sueno de Ia paz." Otra vez Ia rubrics invita al silencio para que el sacerdote y Ia asamblea puedan encomendar los difuntos al Seiior. Finalmente, el sacerdote nombra en Ia plegaria a un numero de santos a quienes les pide se unan en compaiiia, mientras ofrecemos esta plegaria de acci6n de gracias y nos trae el milagro de nuestro Seiior Eucaristico en el pan y en el vino consagrados. En esta gran Plegaria Eucaristica vemos un ejemplo del Pueblo , de Dios, antes llamada Ia Iglesia Militante, orando por Ia Iglesia Purgante y en union con Ia Iglesia Triunfante. Todos constituyen Ia Comuni6n de los Santos y es especialmente importante recorderlos en el mes de noviembre. Juntos oremos por todos los que han muerto: "A ellos, Senor, y a cuantos descansan en Cristo, concedeles ellugar del consuelo, de Ia luz y de Ia paz~ Columbia, SC 29202 Ofe-ma'l: [email protected] - ExecltnUslmo Srl'lor Michael r: Burbidge, Obispo ~~~ Raleigh married for two years. They were both married before and each has children from the previous marriage. she says he says his kids get my kids more things don't get enougl1 than mine Jill says: My daughters, who arc 11 and 13, live with us, except when they visit their father every other weekend. Steves two kids live with their mother and come here on alternate weekends - the same weekends my kids arc here. Steve spoils his children rotten - you'd think they were guests. They never clean their rooms or help out. But my children have regular chores and Steve expects them to be done. Also, even though he pays child suppon, Steve buys his boys anything they want when they're here. My children arc feeling resentful that they're not treated equally, and I guess I am too. Steve says: My two boys, who arc ll and 10, don't get to spend time with me as much as I'd like. Their mother has custody. So, when I do get to sec them, I don't want to spend my time nagging them about cleaning or chores. And why shouldn't I spend a little on fun gifts for them? I wam them to see me as a generous parent. ji\15 kids are with us all the time - they should have more chores, they live here. I'm sure my kids do chores at their mother's house. And, we spend a lot on day-to-day expenses for jill':s children; she seems to be forgetting that. expert says The counselor says: Blended families always require special concern and care by the marital couple. When you think of all the family members that are thrown into the mix of relationships, it can seem overwhelming. I know I staned to feel overwhelmed when I heardjills and Steve's story. I am sure they feel that at times it seems hopeless. So where to begin? The basis of all relationships .~ parenting r· is communication. The best commumcation stans when we are not m the middle of a crisis. The couple should begin talking calmly about their hopes and dreams for their children. Chances are high that those goals arc similar: good educations, good jobs, loving families. After agreeing on goals, they should talk about how to ach1eve them. Discussion topics should include discipline, house· hold rules, chores for fam1ly members, fun activities, allowances, etc. Make determinations for the children who live in the household and for those who hve there on weekends. Communicating the rules and consistency are critical for Steve and jill. Its not so much what you say, but how you say it. jill and Steve really need to agree on fi.~ues and not allow the children ~~ drive a wedge between them. Regarding the issue of kids bemg treated fairly, this is always tricky. Again the best way to handle this is to be very open and honest as parents. What seems fair to all? What are the fears of the non-custodial parent? Realistically, does spending more money on kids ensure their love? We know that is not the case. Kids need to feel valued and loved. Money has little to do with those feelings. Spending time with kids is most valued by them. That works for all kids of all sizes. Blended families arc very common in our communities.. They take very special parents who arc even w1!ling to try to make these families work. laying the groundwork before the mamage begins can help the transition go more smoothly. Counseling IS often necessary as parents try to !l'ake the difficult decisions for their families. Please know that the Catholic Charities agencies stand ready to suppon families through this process. - Deb McCormack When offering con· solation, remember that the parents are mourning this baby, a unique Individual loved by God from conception. JOu rn ey he twilight glow of light in the hospital room was dim, but I could see the ink drawing on the bed sheet. Throughout the night, the heart-shaped form captured my attention, despite my efforts to ignore its presence. A physician, frustrated by the lack of paper at his ready disposal, had drawn the shape of my uterus on the sheet while explaining why we had lost our first baby. Instead of the typical shape, there was a small division of tissue. As our baby grew, the placenta detached at this division. The prognosis for future pregnancies was not good. The heart beside me represented heartbreak. T Empty time - responses in solitude It is normal to be at a loss when deciding how to fill the time that would have been spent caring for your baby. Dr. Andreas Teuber of Brandeis University writes that Mary Shelley may have written Frankenstein while grieving the death of her 11-day-old daughter. A dream recorded in Shelley's journal foreshadowed plot lines in the tale of horror she penned: "Dream that my little baby came to life again - that it had only been cold and that we rubbed it before the fire and it lived~ Researdt conducted by James Pennebaker shows that writing about one's emotions can be effective in coping, showing a beneficial impact in immune system functioning. Empty time - sharing with others Thirty years ago, Sister Jane Marie Lamb, OSF, founded Share (www.nationalshareolfoce.coml to meet the needs of those experiencing miscarriage or infant death. Parents help one another heal; the group engages in supportive outreach. Members promoted hospital policies to place symbols outside rooms alerting staff to the loss. Share advocated a halt to the flow of advertisements for infant products mailed to the homes of bereaved parents. Sister Jane Marie's book, Bittersweet ... Hellogoodbye, helps parents explore ways to say goodbye through rituals. Bring your anguish to the Lord All our human emotions are appropriate to share in prayer, including anger. "In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the Lord~ She was so distraught that Eli first attributed her behavior to drunkenness instead of anguish. Eventually, the desire of Hannah's heart was fulfilled and she conceived. ·she named him Samuel (heard of God), saying, 'Because I asked the Lord for him: (1 Samuel 1·10, 20) When offering consolation, remember that the parents are mourning this baby, a unique individual loved by God from conception. Usten with compassion and offer support as parents mourn the child that cannot nestle in their arms and grieve the anticipated milestones that will never be experienced. - Dr, Ca1hlecn McGreal er silent tears fell down her cheeks. She had lost her child in early pregnancy a few months ago, and she was trying to be strong. She had come into the church that Sunday morning to celebrate the death and resurrection of jesus Christ, but in the pew in front of her, she saw a mother holding a newborn child. She could not hold back the tears. H She looked up aL the cross. jesus was there in his agony and it seemed to her that he was looking at her. She too was sharing in his suffering. If she could somehow let go and surrender this to the Father, she knew Gods loving hand would wipe the tears from her eyes. She understood that Jesus knows the pain of grief. When he came to the tomb of his friend, lazarus, Scripture records simply that "Jesus wept.~ \John 11 J~) He wept in grief, even though he knew that in a few moments he would bring lazarus back to physical hfc and restore him to his family. By his tears, jesus showed us that grief is not a sign of a lack of faith or trust in God. It is a normal part of what it means to be human. It is a sign that we love. But how do we deal with it? If you are going through grief, be patient with yourself. Acknowledge it. Accept it Tum over the pain and hun to God the Father. jesus turned to his heavenly Father and "offered prayers and supplications with loud cries and tears to the one who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence." (1-kb 5 7-9) jesus teaches us how to go through grief. We accept it and I surrender ourselves in trust to the loving care of God our Father. God is doing a work in us through the grief. Indeed, like Christ, we are being ~made perfectn by what we are suffering. There will be resurrecuon - through death to life! Through sorrow and pain to :~cceptance and pe:~cc. From tears of sorrow to tears ofjoy. God hears the cry of our heans and sees the tears that we shed. "My wanderings you have noted; are not my tears stored Helping people through grief. in your vial, recorded in your book?" Today, Jesus continues to minister to us through (l's56H) lt was a custom in Jesus' day his body, the church. I have seen so many people to store the tears one shed in a jar or grieve deeply and witnessed the church or family or vial, called a "tear jar." It was a way . network of friends be the "hand of God" that wipes of "letting go" by expressing the pain the tears from sorrow-filled eyes. A person who is and loss of a loved one and turning bereft needs support and love. Love heals us all. to God in the hope God would see. Imagine God collecting your tears! Don't try to rush things. We need to remember that each person experiences loss uniquely. Some people are affected more profoundly than others. There is no "time table" for finishing grief. Be patient and help the bereaved ..,. During Menaomrethe month of Remember, 0 November, as we most gracious remember those who have died Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who and those who ned to your protection, implored your help or sought are grieving, pray your intercession was left unaided. Inspired \vith this these prayers 1 confidence, I Oy to you, 0 virgin of virgins, my mother. each day: To you l come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. 0 Mother of the Word incarnate, despise not my peti1 tions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen. NC Carh~tlics 22 Nm·cmb<r 2006 - - - -'-1. Salve Regina- Hail holy Queen, Mother of mercy, our life, our sweetness, and our hope. To thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve. To thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears. Tum then, most gracious Advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us. And after this our exile show unto us the blessed fruit of thy womb, jesus. 0 clement, 0 loving, 0 sweet Virgin Mary. P1 ay for us, 0 Holy Motllcr of God. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Cluist. Amen. Be a good listener. Don't be afraid of tears. Sometimes we want to jump in and try to make things all better by offering advice, or pointing out the positive. Remember that working through grief takes time. When we tell someone to "let go" and "get over it" and "move on," we can hinder the process. Be present. Being a good listener enables someone else to move on. He or she knows that someone cares. Let the tears flow. Tears can help the person express and release the sorrow within them. Encourage attendance at a bereavement support group. to speak to me about it. We went together to her grave and he asked me to kneel down with him to say a prayer. We did. There were many tears. He wanted to know if it was OK that he still spoke to her from time to time inside his heart, or even out loud. He was worried that he was doing something wrong. He thought getting over his grief meant he had to forget her. I assured him he was doing nothing wrong, and suggested that he give himself some time each day to pray to the Lord for her and to speak with her in his own heart. She was alivel As Jesus said, "God is a God of the living, not of the dead I" She is still joined to him and the whole church in Christ. That is what we mean when we pray "I believe in he communion of the saints." He aid so and was grateful for this help in working through his grief. Healing does not mean forgetting, but remembering with hope and trust in our hearts. The loss of loved ones can be so devastating that a person may not know where to turn or what to do. Many churches have bereavement support groups to help. Two people shared with me how God helped them find healing and much more through such a group. They had both lost their spouses and it seemed as if their lives too had come to an end. It was hard for them to function. "Letting go" seemed impossible. The one spouse recognized this by her difficulty in moving her deceased husband's shoes. She just could not do it for a long time. But each one knew God wanted them to live and said, "I have come that you might have life in abundance." The local church bereavement support group gave them a place where they could come together and openly talk about what was going on inside. It was comforting to know that others understood and that they were not going crazy. They were able to work through their grief with the prayer and the help of their supportive community. While sorrow and grief are not completely dispelled, the pain becomes more bearable when a person feels loved and supported. For these two people, an even more wonderful thing happened. In time, they discovered they loved each other and were married. They were able to let go of their emotional pain and say "yes" to the new life that was right before them. Pray for those in grief. We all experience little losses and disappointments frequently, and at times we must mourn the death of loved ones. In the beautiful prayer and hymn called Salve Regina, we pray "Hail Holy Queen ... to thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears." Mary is often hailed as Our Lady of Sorrows. She knows how sorrow can literally pierce the human heart. She endured the brutal crucifixion of her own beloved son before her eyes. Mary can bring comfort and help as only a mother can. Pray the Salve Regina and the Memorare for anyone going through grief. Like all things on this earth, grief will have its own end. Mother Teresa had a beautiful saying as she helped many people die with dignity and love. "Never have so much sorrow that you forget the joy of the resurrection I" As we help others through grief, may God help us always to carry the hope of the resurrection in our hearts. "The Lord is close to the brollcnltcartcd; and tltosc wlto arc a115hccl in spirit l1e saves." (Ps 34:19) - Fr. Bill Ashbaugh n F1iclay, Nov. 3, Bishop Burbidge will inaugurate a series of First F1iday Vocations Holy Hours in the Diocese of Raleigh. The evening will begin with music and the Sacrament of Reconciliation, followed by a traditional Holy Hour with a Gospel reading and a homily by the bishop, and a pe1iod of silent prayer before the Blessed Sacrament. Music and fellowship will follow the Holy Hour; with a showing of "Fishers of Men," a video produced by the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops on discerning p1iestly vocations. NCC spohe with Bishop Burbidge, Diocesan Director of Vocations Msg1: Michael Clay, and Brad Wathins, an art teacher at Cardinal Gibbons High School and the coordinator of the Vocations Holy Hour series. (Picttwcs by Dcnmarlz Photography) NCC: What was the Impetus behind establish· Ing this series of events? BB: In the crucial area of increasing vocations to the priesthood and religious life, we know that we cannot rely solely on our own elfons. We must place our needs in front of the Blessed Sacrament and ask Our Lord Jesus to inspire our young men and women to consider and pursue a call to priesthood and religious life. BW: A difference in this program is that its not just for those seeking to discern vocations. We encourage all to attend and pray; first of all, to discern their own vocations, but then to provide a ministry of prayer for others seeking to discern their own callings. And we thought that Friday night was a time when older high school youth and young adults would be free and open to an alternative to the usual Friday night activities. MC: We did Holy Hours for vocations years ago, about eight times a year, and they were geared primarily for potential candidates for the priesthood and religious life. This approach will have a wider focus, emphasizing the need for all persons to pray for vocations. NCC: What do you see as the most Important factors In increasing religious vocations? MC: First, prayer, by the diocese at large, and deliber- ate elfons at prayer in the parishes. Second, we need to motivate priests to promote vocations, to enthusiastically endorse the life they've embraced. We're hoping for a "new dawn" of encouragement from our clergy. 6 l oc al NCC: In your experience, what ''tips" a young person toward pursuing a religious vocation? MC: Someone took the risk of engaging them in a discussion about vocation and encouraging them. Many were also inspired by a priest or religious who gave heroic witness to the value of this life. People with outstanding convictions. Another important factor is that people have been praying for them, even though they haven't known it, behind the scenes. I know of a grandmother who prayed lO years for her grandson to be a priest. Recently 1got a letter from his mother saying he was beginning the process. 88: The church teaches that all vocations are gifts from God. But not all are the same. We need to teach 8W: The U.S. Conference of Cathoand proclaim what is unique about lie Bishops did a study that indicated the priesthood, about religious life. that 70 to 80 percent of priests, , as I tell young people, even if before they pursued the life, had isn't calling you to been asked by a priest to this life, that doesn't mean The church consider it. Yet only 30 your responsibility is teaches that all percem had themselves ended. He may be calling vocations are invtted anyone. one of your peers, and gifts from God. your support and encour- But not all are 88: Something I saw so agement are crucial. the same. We often in the seminary was need to teach successful men who had NCC: Has the diocese and proclaim everything they were told set any vocations what is unique they should get: material goals in terms of about the priest· comfon, status and so numbers? hood, about on. But what they had religious life. wasn't enough. Some88: No, but we want thing was missing. They an upward trend. And we have weren't fulfilled, and they came to every reason to be hopeful. see Gods plan for them. MC: In comparison to dioceses like ours, we've done well. For lO years we've averaged two priests per year while the average is one per year. So we have some good momentum. My hope is that in five to six years we'll have three to four per ~ 1'\ear. The vocations are here. So 1 tlUJ!any Latino men, for example, would begin training today. But they're prevented by their legal status or they are sole providers for their extended families. MC: Theres a difference between "Are you happyr and "Are you fulfilled?" And its imponantto think about that. There are lots of ways to be happy, but the fulfillmcm you experience in the priesthood and religious life is just incredible. 88: And you see that fulfillment in so many priests and religious. These people are heroes in our midst. They radiate a spiritual joy that leaves you in awe. I n ews Catholic Charities case manager honored ..,. Soleir Gordon Schaefer, a bilingual case manager at Catholic Charities' Piedmont office, was one of several people honored Oct. 26 by Univision 40 as part of the broadcasting company's commitment to the local Hispanic community and in celebration of Hispanic Heritage Month. "Each year we recognize outstanding Hispanic leaders in our local community,n a spokesperson for Univision explained. "Soleir has been selected as an 'Orgullo de Nuestra Comunidad' (Pride of our Community).n Catholic high school opens in New Bern ... On Aug. 14, the New Bern Chamber of Commerce conducted the official ribbon cutting at Christ the King Catholic High School. More than 100 were in attendance. Officiating was Chamber Chairman Chuck Dale. Among those in attendance were Mayor and Mrs. Tom Bayliss; St. Paul's Pastor Emeritus Msgr. James Jones and Pastor Fr. Ernest Ruede. School began on Monday Aug. 28. For more information about Christ the King, call 252.514.0085 or visit www.ckchs.org rom the days of slavery, through the long era of segre.gation and int~ modem tlmes, unassummg but strong women have preserved the tiny flame of Catholicism in the African-American Catholic communities of North Carolina. Until the later years of the 20th century, the majority of African-American Catholics worshipped in segregated churches. Paradoxically, it was when these separate parishes and schools were closed that a crisis occurred. Having their own communities disbanded, and all too aware of the coolness if not open hostility of the whites, African-Americans drifted away from the church. However, in every town, When Catholic school is at home ·~ a few courageous women, the depth of their faith t's 2 p.m. on a fall Thursday, still overcoming their fears, led the valiant few who made a little while before yellow school the difficult transition to worshipping in the "white buses will lumber homeward on church." Three such women can represent the many city streets. But for the kids occupywho provided such leadership. F I r In Wilmington, when St. Thomas Church was closed in 1968, Margaret Hamilton established herself as a valued member of the Catholic community at St. Mary Church. Similarly, in Raleigh, when the black church of St. Monica closed in 1973, Bertha Coleman transferred to St. joseph Church and joined the choir. Finally, in Wilson, a city in the tobacco growing region, when St. Alphonsus Church was dosed in 1987, Bessie Richardson led the small band of African-Americans who transferred to St. Therese Church at the other end of town. Bessie Richardson (18982002) is especially noteworthy. "Miss Bessie" was the matriarch of the Wilson black community and a woman known to everyone. Her Catholic roots went back to the early years of the 20th century when fewer than one percent of white North Carolinians were Catholic and an even smaller amount of blacks were Catholic. Recalling priests riding horses looking for Catholics, she said, "I don't guess they found 10 in the whole county." Richardson especially remembered St. Alphonsus, the black church to which she belonged from its founding in 1942. Until the day it closed, she walked to church every Sunday. Years later she recalled, "It didn't feel like a long walk; I was praying all the way." - William F. rowers ing the rows of lanes at the bowling alley, the day's lessons of spelling and Latin and geometry have given way to creating screen names for their bowling identities and helping the younger children fasten their ever-fashionable bowling shoes. ;-- Herein lie two of the benefits to home-schooling, an option becoming more feasible and popular in Catholic circles every year: The potential for shorter school days (your day is done when your work is done), and a fostering of natural interaction among all age groups, since grade distinctions are much less evident in group settings. The North Carolina Department of Non-Public Education recorded nearly 65,000 students as home schooled last year. Of these, 43,461 attended home-schools classified as "religious~ In the Raleigh/Cary area, 88 families - with 234 students - are members of TORCH (Traditions of Roman Catholic Homes), a national support A wheelbarrow race at the September kickoff picnic for TORCH families. network that promotes homeschooling among Catholic families. They converge frequently at parks and churches for social, academic and spiritual activities. But 20 years ago, the face of home schooling looked nothing like the large groups of today. According to state statistics, in 1986 just 809 students were home-schooled. Catholic homeschooling numbers were equally low. In 1991 , just three families in the capital area stepped up as home-schooling pioneers. Three years later, at a meeting at St. Raphael Church in Raleigh, 26 families formed what would later become the local chapter of TORCH. Two years ago the group grew so large that out of f(&ecessity it expanded into sepa\(.te Raleigh and Cary TORCH chapters, among whose members are families from places like Greenville and Benson. One of the earliest Catholic home-schooling mothers was Lynn Kovacs. She began in 1986 in New York when her oldest was entering eighth grade. Despite the large number of Catholics in their area, their family was one of only two that had made the decision to home-school. There were no Catholic curricula at the time, either. While Catholic families today have their choice of Catholic materials from several outlets, the Kovacs started with religious-based curricula that were Protestant. Then her family moved to Raleigh, where Protestant home-schooling families outnumbered Catholic ~f."Lsmilies eight to one, a ratio that :~ill stands. This spring, Kovacs "retired" from home-schooling as her youngest daughter headed to St. Thomas More Academy in ~ Raleigh. "With the numbers come greater support," said Kovacs, reflecting on the difference 20 years has made in home-schooling. "People have begun to see the value in it, and to see how families are very much involved in their parishes, in volunteering. It's much more accepted:' TORCH is part of that acceptance. "It's a support group," said Debbie Tomasko, co•leader of the Cary chapter and a fiveyear veteran of home-schooling. Among the TORCH activities are those both Catholic and secular: First Friday Mass and breakfast, May crowning and All Saints Day parties, but also an annual spelling bee, a science fair and trips to the art museum. The middle grades have their own book club, the older students meet for a basic apologetics course, and two co•ops instruct students in specialized subjects like Latin and biology. And then there are the purely social geHogethers, like the weekly afternoon at the park and a night out for adults ("Where we talk about school . . . or not school," said Tomasko). Home-schooling, say parents, allows them to tailor a curriculum to each student's strengths Vis1t www.DioceseofRaleigh.org www.NCCatholics.org and weaknesses while heeding the church's call to be the primary educators of their children. Some choose homeschooling because, exhausted by eight-hour school days followed by homework plus whatever activities pepper the calendar that night, they want to refocus on the importance of the family. For Sabrena Goldman and her five children, the extra time together has meant more chances to attend daily Mass, as well as the opportunity to travel on pilgrimages and to the ordination of a family friend. It has also meant the freedom of creativity: On a recent Friday, the children used their free time to create a play about third-century martyrs. Abby Steele finds that creativity is one of the blessings of home-schooling her two sons. "If you're learning something and you hit a tangent, it opens a door that we didn't plan," she said. These doors- both planned and unplanned- have led to Roman parties, trips to the Shakespeare Festival in High Point and re-enacting battles at Gettysburg in full regalia. TORCH's numbers are growing every year, with some families joining before their children reach school age. To them and others considering home-schooling, besides attending the yearly information night, Sue Tracey gives this advice: "Be not afraid, and jump right in." When Lynn Kovacs jumped in 20 years ago, she worried a little about her oldest son, who was less than thrilled about being home-schooled. Now, that son and his wife are members of TORCH and home-school their three children. "They're second-generation home-school," said Kovacs. "You didn't see that 20 years ago." - Dana lor~n~ things to do Encounter WHh Christ Young Adult Retreat, Nov. 3~ 5 at Short Journey Center in Smithfield. Contact Salina Kohut at 919.35 7.55 72 or [email protected]. Youth Ministers Support Gath· erlng (YMSG), Nov. 9, 10 a.m. Sl Stanislaus Polish Festival, Castle Hayne - 2 p.m. at Holy Infant, Durham. This program provides a number of opportunities for adults who work with youth to gather for support, networking and development. Each gathering will include: prayer, community building and networking, and professional development. Typically, costs for these events will be travel and food. Contact Mike Hagarty, 919.821.9770 or hagarty@ raldioc.org. Saturday Nov. 4, 11 a.m. - 5 p.m. Polish food, live mu~ sic featuring the Polka Plus Band, children's entertainment, raffles, live and silent auctions, craft sale, beer tent, ample free parking. St. Bernadette Women's Guild Annual Holiday Bazaar and Tea Room, Nov. 10, 10 a.m. • 6 p.m. Ordination to the Transitional Dlaconate, Saturday, Nov. 4, 10 a.m., St. Michael Church in Cary. Curslllo Ultreya in Fayetteville, Nov. 4, 7 p.m. in the conference suite of St. Patrick School on Marlborough Drive, next to St. Patrick Church. Come and relive yourfourth day, bring a friend, be a friend for Christl DeColoresl St. Catherine of Siena in Wake Forest is proud to present their 1 6th Annual Harvest Day Festival. Enjoy a day of fun for the whole family! Midway games, fun rides, great food, rock wall, entertainment, raffle, silent auction, Great Chili Cook-off, 30 + crafters and much morel The festival is Saturday, Nov. 4 from 10 a.m. - 11 p.m. For more information and directions, please e·mail Mary Beth at [email protected] or go online at www.stcathsiena.org. and Nov. 11 , 10 a.m .. - 4 p.m. Hundreds of handcrafted items perfect for holiday giving will be available, including personal· ized ornaments. Enjoy delicious homemade soups, sandwiches, and desserts in our Tea Room. The church is located at 1005 Wilbon Rd. in Fuquay Varina. Search for Christian Maturity, The Franciscan School is currently accepting applications for grades K-8 for the 2007-2008 school year. For information regarding admissions and a tour of the school, please contact Debbie Braga, director of mission, 847.8205- ext 256 or www.franciscanschool.org. FIRST FRIDAY VOCATIONS HOLY HOUR November 3rd, 2006 Sacred Heart Cathedral Join Bishop Burbidge in praying for vocations to the priesthood in the Diocese of Raleigh. Music & Confessions- 7:30pm Holy Hour- 8:00pm Music and reception to follow. I I NC Gi!llul~• 28 N11vcmbcr 2006 Nov. 10-1 2 at Short Journey Cen· ter, Smithfield, is a weekend retreat for 1 1th and 1 2th grade youth. Activities encourage self-discovery and reflection on relationships with others and with God. This is a peerled retreat as the Search "team" is made up of other teens. These past Searchers model leadership, faith sharing, and ministry with their peers. Adults in youth ministry also attend and participate in Search. Searches usually fill up quickly, so sign up for the earliest date possible to ensure yourself a space. Cost: $90 youth/adults. Other dates: December 8-10, 2006; March 9-1 1, 2007; April 13·15, 2007. Contact Mike Hagarty, 919.821.9770 or [email protected]. Sabado Noviembre 11, 2006: Sexto Congreso Carismatlco de Sanacl6n, en el auditorio del Jordan Matthews High School, 910 East Cardinal St., Siler City, NC 8:00AM· 6:00PM. Gulas Espirituales: Padre Patrick Keane, Vicario de los Hispanos de Ia Di6cesis de Raleigh y Padre Edgar Sepulveda, Posada Guadalu· pana. Admisi6n: $10.00 incluye comida. Para mas informacion llama a: Joel Enrique Gonzalez al 919.548.1279 Lay Eccleslal Ministers' Annl· versary Mass, Nov. 11, 11 a.m. at Sacred Heart Cathedral. A Mass to acknowledge and celebrate those lay employees who have ministered in this diocese for 5, 10, 15 or 20 years and more, and for all lay ecclesial ministers to renew their dedication to their profession. l ocal news Journey to Uganda ....,. Apex resident Ed Collupy first visited Uganda four years ago with several Catholics from the diocese. The group was accompanied by Msgr. Michael Shugrue. On his return from his most recent trip, Collupy wrote about Uganda for the Apex 1 Herald. Following are excerpts from his article: "To say life is difficult in Uganda would be an understatement. Knowing what to expect from television and magazines is only a glimpse. Having your feet on the ground and standing in a fishing village at the foot of Lake Victoria where missionaries landed more than 100 years ago, I began to realize that there is more to the story than I had experienced four years ago. Hand-made wooden boats, with buckets to bale water, bringing in fresh tilapia; another transportin lumber and men; a return trip in the leaking vessel that has now become a water taxi - these scenes truly put you in Uganda. "Uganda's infrastructure African Ancestry Men's Retreat, Nov. 17-19 at Avila Retreat Center, Durham. This retreat for males 19 years and older will address male spirituality and relationships, encouraging males to take leadership roles in educating, and motivating them in their lives and ministry. Retreat leader: Deacon Art Miller, Archdiocese of Hartford, Conn. Cost: $1 00 includes housing and meals. Contact Wilena McPhatter, 252.243.7592 or [email protected]. Priesthood Discernment Group, November 18, 9 a.m. -1 p.m. at the Doggett Center, Raleigh. The Priesthood Discernment Group provides a comfortable and safe place to discuss your thoughts and feelings about a possible call to the priesthood. The group discusses issues central to the call within the context of prayer and mutual support. If you think this group may be for you, please call Fr. Alex at 919.833.9668 or e-mail him at [email protected]. Encountering God In the Word ·for Small Groups, Nov. 18, 1-4 p.m. at Doggett Center at Aquinas House (NCSU). Fr. Jude Siciliano, O.P. will offer participants a method for facilitating a vital encounter with the Word of God. This is the second session of a five-session course. The sessions are in English and Spanish. To register, e-mail register@raldioc. org with contact info, or by regular - roads, electricity and water - become experiences all unto themselves. Roads are plagued with ruts you avoid by moving into a lane of oncoming traffic. Brownouts are commonplace. "Water Is Ufe, a Ugandan-based business I've come to know, says it all as I stand amongst the work crew and villagers about to pump clean water from a newly constructed well provided by a Cary-based nonprofit organization called Share the Blessings (www.share-the-blessings. org). Jerry cans, 10-liter plastic containers, are standard household items. Children and women are the common water gatherers, often walking a mile or more three times a day to collect dirty water from a mud hole. The water will need to be boiled throughout the rest of the day for cooking, drinking and personal hygiene. The joy the people of these villages share with you as you hand pump clean water into their jerry can is rewarding, no matter how limited progress there has been in total. "Education is important to Ugandans - it is their hope for the future of their country. Smiling kids in uniforms walking to and from a school that could be a mile away is not uncommon. So are boarding schools often run by religious organizations and student tuition supported by people thousands of miles away. In Nakasongala, I revisited a primary and secondary school where you could see the ~mall steps of progress: science and computer labs and a new roof n the girl's dormitory; the strong and lively signing; music on Ugandan made drums and a wooden xylophone and traditional Ugandan dances performed with enthusiasm beyond what I've come to expect at U.S. school events. "Uganda is a religious country, with Catholics, Protestants and tjt·Vis1t www.DioceseofRaleigh.org I www.NCcatholics.org mail: Registrar, 715 Nazareth St., Raleigh, NC 27606. Evangelization and Catechesls Leadership Retreat, Jan. 8- 10 at Trinity Center in Salter Path. Jeanne Hunt, author of Holy Bells and Wonderful Smells, will facilitate. For information, contact Unda Bedo at [email protected]. Challenge is a Friday-Saturday over· night retreat for grades 6-8. The retreat focuses on community building, self-as· teem, Scripture, and relationships with friends, family, and Jesus. We will be offering this retreat at multiple s~es Feb. 5-6, 2007. Cost: $30 youth/adults. Contact Mike Hagarty, 919.821.9770 or [email protected]. Muslims each representing about a third of the population. In the Catholic faith, Uganda is blessed with young men entering the priesthood. This year in the Kampala Archdiocese, 1 1 were ordained at a five- hour liturgy celebrated by Cardinal Emmanuel Wamala. The cardinal took time to acknowledge the exchange he has been part of with the U.S. church. Two of the new priests were trained in Los Angeles; two others were supported in their studies by North Carolinians. In Uganda, being ordained into the priesthood is a cause for great celebration, a bigger event than a wedding or a milestone birthday. "Uganda holds a special place in my life and heart. It is home to people I have come to know and love. I feel their struggle, know their hope and believe that together we can make a difference. My host, Fr. Emmanuel Katongole, co-director of the Center for Reconciliation at Duke Divinity School, sums it up best when he refers to a Rwandan proverb, 'Unless you hear the mouth eating, you cannot hear the mouth crying:" gun, and the building was dedicated by Bishop Gossman on Dec. 13, 1998. Today, St. Stanislaus T his month, thousands of visitors from Nonh Carolina ....__ __."' and neighboring states will head for the little town of Castle Hayne, near Wilmington, to attend the Polish Festival at St. Stanislaus Catholic Church. Although the festival is in only its ninth year, St. Stans Polish heritage runs deep. The Catholic community there began with three Polish immigrant families who arrived in 1907 to stan vegetable farms. Those founding families, and many of their descendants, rest today in a small cemetery on the parish grounds. At first, Mass was celebrated in their homes by a priest who traveled from St. Mary in Wilmington. By 1916, though, with help from a development company and the Catholic Extension Society, the now 18 families in the community had acquired land and a church. St. Stanislaus remained a mission of St. Mary until 1933, when it became a parish, under the care (by 1935) of the Conventual Franciscan Friars of lmmacuNC c~rrudlcs 30 NO\'Cmbcr 2006 "We've outgrown the r:>arish hall [built in 1982] and our office building, so replacing those will be one of our challenges. But our people will make it happen. They love the church:' ~ late Conception Province. Over the next three decades, the Franciscans and their Sisters from Syracuse, NY, cared for Sl. Stanislaus, bringing a rectory, parish hall, convent and school, and, in 1951, an Army chapel from Camp Davis in Holly Ridge, wh1ch Bishop Vincent Waters dedicated as the new church. The school closed in 1962, but Franciscan friars would continue as pastors for many years. Meanwhile Castle Hayne, and St. Stans , continued to grow as retirees and new businesses discovered the Wilmington area. By the mid'90s,the old church building was clearly inadequate. The building couldn't even be sold, so it was donated to the local fire department for a trainmg exercise. In 1997, then-pastor Father Douglas Reed held two services: one as articles were removed from the church and another before the church was burned. Construction of a new church had already be- community of 300 families. ~They arc a blessing to me," says Father Ryszard Kolodziej, a native of Poland and pastor since 1999, ~mcredibly generous with their time, talent and treasure.'' He especially emphasizes the contributions of the Ladies Guild and of St. Stan's older members. More than 200 parishioners. he! p with the fest iva~ for example. They have organized Bible study groups, two choirs, many potlucks, picnics and service projects, often in cooperation with other Christian churches. "We have lots of opportunities to meet with each other,· the pastor explains. One parishioner, a transplant from the Northeast, cites the closeness of the St. Stan:S community as one of its best characteristics. Alt~ough the "They are a Wilmmgton ~rea blessing to has a reputauon as a me ... incredmagnet for retire_es, ibly generous a look at the pansh with their d1rectory shows that time talent St. Stan:S is also 3 and treasure:' young community, with many children involved in parish activities and events. "We've outgrown the parish hall [built in 1982] and our office building," Father Ryszard says, "so replacin those will be one of our challenges. But our people will make it happen. They love the church." ~ I 0 - Rich Reece VISII www.OioceseofRaleigh.org 1www.NCCatholics.org RetiFed. Nat retiring. Sara, Frances and Marge each have their own idea of wellness. Sara likes tai chi. Frances is a walker. Marge prefers crossword puzzles and an occasional massage. AU three love sharing dreams, memories and laughs. Living here will make them feel good. Because here, wellness is a way of life. at M A R Y F E l D A Continuing Care Retirement Community www.PennybymAtMaryfield.com (336) 886-4103 or (866) 627-9343 1315 Greensboro Rd, High Point, NC 27260 Sponsored by the Sisters of the Poor Servants of the Mother of God NPfNCC Well# I 8/ratt- has traditionally been the busiest season of the year for giving as people review their finances and take steps to complete the gifts they intend to make before year's end. The Catholic Church has many giving opportunities for your year end giving. If you would like to make a gift or want infonnation on gift types please check the appropriate box below and Debbie Rossi will follow up with you. Outright Gifts Planned Gifts 0 Cash 0 Stock (please send stock transfer instructions) 0 Real Estate 0 0 0 0 0 Bequest (please send legal ..-:~a=·• Charitable Gift Annuity Charitable Remainder Life Insurance Policy IRAs and Retirement Plans Name --------------------~----------~--------~~~ Address --------------------------------------------~~ City________________________ State____~ Telephone Email ----------------~~ Please mail to: Debbie Rossi, Diocese of Raleigh, 715 Nazareth St., Raleigh, NC 27606 Email: rossira}r!lliti2&{Q[g Telephone: (919) 821-9721 www.daoc~::sec>tra NCCatholics 715 Nazareth St. Ralctgh. NC 27606 Onlll\t: www.Dioceseo1Ralelgh,o111 www.NCCalhoUcs.org